


Outstanding

by The_roseknight23



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Action, Adventure, Angst, Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance, sexual content to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 92,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9126052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_roseknight23/pseuds/The_roseknight23
Summary: Initiate Emery Gilmore had left the Police station without a word, two months later she comes back hoping that Danse wont be too mad at her. But she had a good reason right? Yeah, finding the man who killed her husband and kidnapped her baby were by her standards a damn good reason.Story of Sole Survivor Emery Gilmore and her adventure in the Commonwealth. Won't start off from the beginning i swear. Just after the death of Kellogg.





	1. Reckless Behavior

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I want to welcome you all! Sorry for the crappy ass summary. I wasnt sure what to say since this story, at least part one, is mostly about canon events with a little creative changes made to it. This is also a DanseXsole story, and i plan on adding a few things once we get past Blind Betrayal because i didnt like a few things. So spoiler warning if you havent played it yet...but i think everyone already has. Also this is mostly focus on Minutemen and Brotherhood plot lines. 
> 
> So part one, is mostly about canon events, and part two will be more original idea orient so i hope everyone can bare with me. I also do plan on putting far harbor in here somewhere since i love how it makes you question a few things. That and the island itself is fill with so many creative ideas to write about that i cant turn it down.
> 
> So more additional warnings: there might be minor mentions of rape. I'm not sure yet, but I'm just putting it out there now. I also do plan on adding a few sex scenes, as a way to train myself to write them. 
> 
> So without further ado i give you Outstanding;

He was dead.

He was dead, Kellogg the bastard who took my son was finally dead, and killed by my own hands.

I felt a whirl of emotions rush through me as I rode the elevator to the roof, using the wall as support. I felt sick, tired, confused and had a hollow feeling take root in my stomach. I let out a breath and closed my eyes. That fight had taken a lot out of me, more than I could have given. I had almost died.

If Nick hadn’t been there I would have been left as nothing more than a smoldering pile of ash, to be swept up by Kellogg’s synths. My back slumped against the wall and I sank down to my knees, my legs lacking the strength to keep me upright. I saw in the corner of my eye that Nick had taken a step closer to me, I was grateful that he didn’t hover. “You okay there kid?” He asked, his yellow electronic eyes looked me over.

When I had first met Nick Valentine I had been daunted by those piercing hawk like eyes. Now though, now I thought they fit him rather well and he would look strange without them. “Yeah Nick, I’m fine. I’m just having some trouble telling my legs that.” I joked. It was all to often now for me to make light of a bad situation. But hey, it was better than having that harsh reality slap you in the face. “I just need a minute.”

Nick smirked and lit a cigarette, filling the tiny elevator with a puffs of smoke. I hated that musky smell, yet after that fight I wasn’t about to tell Nick to put it out. He deserved it. He also didn’t have to come with me into that mess, but he wanted to and for that I was truly grateful. “Take all the time ya need Kid.”

We rode the rest of the way up in a comfortable silence. I slowly rose up when I heard the familiar ping letting us know we reached the top and final floor.

The doors slid open, venting out the elevator with a rush of air. I happily breathed in the heavy air of the outside. Sure it was mixed with radiation and smog, but up here the air was a bit cleaner. I closed my eyes and step out letting the cool autumn night air blow through my hair. And cool down my burning cheeks.

“Would you look at that.” Nick whistled which caught my attention. Curious I turned and stared wide eye and slacked jaw at the massive ship in the sky. What’s a dirigible doing out here, and how is it even operational? I wondered shocked. Whose was it even, friend or foe?

Nick must have seen the confusion play out on my face, “It’s a brotherhood ship, THE Brotherhood of Steel ship.” He said with a edge to his voice. “It cant be good if they’re suddenly showing to the party.”

Stunned I turned my gaze back to the massive illuminated ship. It was certainly impressive to say the least. Especially during this fallout hell of a wasteland. I didn’t think there would be any chance of any plane or ship to be airborne. Yet here was my proof and I was dumbfounded. The giant aircraft suddenly released what looked to be helicopters, yet they weren’t like any I ever seen before. They had two propellers on both sides of the wings not one in the middle. It kind of looked like if a small plane and a helicopter had a child. At least a dozen either flew around the dirigible while others were released from what seemed to be a docking port, and scattered themselves across the night sky, more than likely over the Commonwealth.

Suddenly a commanding, authoritative voice boomed all around me, knocking me out of my stupor. “People of the Commonwealth,” It stated, his voice whoever it was spoke firmly, without a hint of softness. I’d hate to meet that guy in person, he sounded grumpy. “Do not interfere our intentions are peaceful we are The Brotherhood of Steel.”

I heard Nick scoff next me, but he said nothing as the looming ship flew overhead. So the brotherhood finally decided to show up. Haylen must have gotten that transmitter doodad working. I mused as I sat down at the side of the building letting my legs dangle over the edge. Nick took a seat next to me while taking a drag from his cigarette. I saw his yellow eye look at me from the corner of my vision, “So, gonna meet up with that boyfriend of yours?” He asked, a puff of smoke filtering out of his mouth. “Been a while since you’ve seen him.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I said flatly, trying to ignore the creeping of a blush that danced on my cheeks. He was of course talking about Paladin Danse. The legendary brotherhood solider-as Rhys so eloquently phrased it-who I had stumbled into a few months ago. I had been scavenging in downtown Cambridge looking for odds and ends to get the generator up and running in Sanctuary. I hadn’t visited Cambridge since the bombs had dropped so I had no idea what to expect. I had been digging through a pile of discarded junk when I had heard gun fire.

When I followed the sound I had noticed a pack of ferals scattering around a well-fortified police station, with two figures guarding the entrance. One was wearing a set of armor like the one I had found at the Museum of Freedom, yet it looked in much better condition than mine. At first I had been tempted to turn back and forget what I saw. But that was only a passing thought. I knew deep down in my gut that I needed to help, even if I couldn’t offer much. Back then I couldn't do much in a fight, which was why I had tried to avoid it as best as I could.

I had been rewarded with a gun in my face.

Thankfully the Paladin had understood that I wasn’t a hostile. Then one thing led to another after that.  I had been convinced to travel to Arckject with the Paladin to acquire a deep range transmitter thing, then led on a scavenger hunt for more “old world junk” as I had phrased it. Then I became an exterminator of ferals. And after all that I went on a hunt to find what happened to the missing recon squad.

That had been one crazy long month. But I couldn’t say that I didn’t enjoy myself. Well I didn’t like the while going into underground tunnels to kill ferals in close knit areas.

No I enjoyed the company, with the exception of Rhys. That guy could take a long hike into a vat of radiation for all I cared. I had instantly bonded with Hayley,, she was so sweet that it was hard not to become friends with her. One night the two of us had stayed up all hours of the night just talking with one another. We had been caught when Danse had switched out guard duty with Rhys. We ended up having to clean the whole gun closest.

Then there was Paladin Danse. At first I hated the big looming tin can-well hates a strong word-. He was too by the books, to rough around the edges. That and his lectures! The man could talk for hours! I would get one almost anytime I did something he didn’t approve of, which happened a lot. Like at Arckjet,. I had maybe been a little too reckless and almost got the two of us killed my throwing my grenade a little too far and blowing up a crate which contained oil, which had thus exploded sending a shower of burning oil to the ground like rain. But that could have happened to anyone, right?

We had butted heads on several occasions, mostly during his training sessions. After my little stunt he had personally stepped in as my trainer. I had fought with him, that I didn’t need his constant watch on me, that I didn’t need him waiting for me to mess up so he could lecture me on my erratic behavior. But I found that that wasn’t the reason why he had wanted to train me. He wanted to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt out there, or worse hurt someone else.

After that confession I had begun to take notice to a few things. Gradually we stopped yelling at one another, and it was replaced by light jokes and comfortable conversations. We both became kinder to one another, where I was learning to be a bit like him, and he was learning to go with the flow. Not too soon after we both fell into a rhythm where he would shoot and I had his back, and vice versa. To me I was beginning to feel like I belonged at his side, and I liked it.

And soon enough I began to notice even more. Something else that both excited me and terrified me. I was beginning to feel something more for the big tin man.

I didn’t even notice until it crept up on me. The more time I spent with him,, the more I actually saw the real Danse. Not Paladin Danse, but Danse. The other side of him,, not the senior officer whose very voice commanded respect with every word. But I saw the other sides to him. I saw his kind, caring and devoted side. I saw the fierce determination to keep people safe. The drive he felt to make the world a safer place. I also saw his naïve side. It warmed my heart to watch him go from this imposing towering figure with sharp edges, to a softer, more at ease man who would blush at a complement towards his looks, or a playful jest of suggesting to kiss on the cheek. He had opened up to me, shown me the guilt he felt at losing his teammate, the burden he alone thought he had to wear.

At first I thought he showed this other side to everyone, until I realized he would only drop-albeit some-of his guard around me.

It made my heart beat madly in my chest and emotions swell within me. Emotions I had not felt in a long time.

It also made me want to run.

Which was why I had left, well it was one of the reasons why I had left the Cambridge police station. I thought maybe sometime apart would jog me to my senses, would help me forget the way he made me feel with just a laugh, or a glance, or a smile. That and I needed to remember my purpose. Danse was a distraction. And I needed to remember I was out here to find my son, and the bastards that took him. I found one, but now I was stuck.

And I was beginning to miss Danse.

I let out a sigh before rummaging around in my bag for bandages. The buffout and Med-x I had taken before the fight was slowly  wear off, allowing the pain to flood to my sense, and remind me the state my body was in. I was against the use of chems, but I knew that my fight would be a close one, and I didn’t want the pain of my injuries to distract me. I could feel the cut on the side of my face all too easily now. I glanced at Nick and gave him a pleading look, “Hey Nick,” I said slowly, “Think you could give me a hand?”

Nicked rolled his shoulder and put out his cigarette. “No problem Kid.”

We both fell into a busy silence while Nick tended to my head, and I worked on my other wounds. No doubt I would get a lecture from Danse if he had been here.

I felt a pang of longing strike my chest like a white knife.

A sigh of frustration past my lips and I looked down at my calloused hands. I couldn’t forget him, no matter how hard I tried burying my feelings. Nick’s voice drifted to my ears, knocking me out of my trance. “All patched up there. “ He said dropping the left over bandages in my lap. “I’m no expert, but I think that gash is gonna scar.”

“Maybe it’ll add to my street credit. “My non existent one.

Nick only shook hi head, “Kid-“ He had stated to say before a cracking sound burst from my Pitboy. Not long after, Danse’s gruff voice crackled to life, calling all brotherhood of steel members back to the police station. Hearing his voice again made my breath hitch and blood to rush to my ears. I didn’t realized how much I missed it.

Nick gave me a side ways look. “You gonna head back there?”

I nodded my head slowly, still absorbed with Danse’s voice, and trying to picture his face in my mind.

Nick let out a laugh and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. It was the physical touch that brought me back to reality. “You gonna tell him how you feel?” He asked.

I shook my head, “How’d you know?”

Nick raised a mechanical eyebrow and fished out another cigarette. “I’m a detective kid.” He laughed, “That and the way you had talked about him on the way here gave me a wild guess.”

“I guess I’m that obvious huh?”

“Maybe.” He said pulling out his lighter and lighting the tobacco. “Probably not to him thought. From what you’ve told me about him, seems to me that he’s the oblivious social awkward type of guy.”

“Definitely.” I grinned.

“Well seems to me you got two options.” He said after he blew a puff of smoke out. “You can either tell him and get on with your life, you won't be able till you do. Cause kid, I can tell, you got it real bad.”

I really did. I mused, “What’s the other option.”

“You don’t.” He said plainly, his gaze leering out into the distance. “And it stays buried within you until it turns to heartache and regret.”

From his tone and the far off look in his eyes, something told me that he knew that feeling first hand. I had been tempted to push further, but something told me to drop it. It wasn’t the time. Though it made me wonder. Could synths really feel love? Or were they programmed to feel love? It seemed like Nick genuinely could. Which went against everything Danse had taught me. Maybe, just maybe synths could feel and were more human than led to believe.

But that was a topic for a different time. I got up slowly, feeling my stiff and sore muscles screaming in protest. “I think I might just take your advice Nick.”

Nick chuckled as he rose from his spot, “You might want to be honest about a few other things first.” He saw the side ways look I gave him and sighed, “About you being the General of the Minutemen and being a human ice cube for the last two hundred years.”

Right…I hadn’t told Danse that much. He only knew the minimum, that I was a vault dweller-which was technically true-and on occasion worked with the minutemen. I hadn’t divulged in any more than that. I didn’t even know if he would believe me, and if by some strange moment he did, would he hate me? Would he think I was part of the reason the world went to shit? I could live with unrequited affection, I couldn’t live with him hating me.

But Nick was right, I had to tell him, maybe not all at once. Wouldn’t want to overwhelm the guy and have him run for the hills. “Well.” I said as I glanced towards the giant ship, now only a speck in the distance. “I better get going.”

“Your heading there now.” He asked and I could hear concern underneath that Boston cop accent. “I think you better take a rest there kid, I don’t think your up for a long walk.”

“Pfft, I’ll be fine Nick.” I shrugged, “But thanks for caring.” I added with sincerity.

Nick gave me a smile, “I’d go with ya kid, but the brotherhood and I don’t exactly see eye to eye. But I’ll stop in Sanctuary and send Dogmeat after you if we don't hear from ya.”

“Thanks Nick,” I wouldn’t even ask him to, I knew Danse would shoot on sight. No questions asked. “I know Nick, and don’t worry, I don’t plan on engaging in any gun fights on the road.” I wasn’t in any condition for a fight, nor did I have the supplies to last in one. I had used up most of my ammo on the synths and had used up most of my medical supplies. All I had left was buffout and medicine-x I had salvaged from the place, and I didn’t plan on using that unless I needed it. Which I hoped I wouldn’t. It was fine with me, I rather like sneaking my way past hostiles, and I had gotten a lot better at the art of sneaking. No longer did I trip over my own two feet at least not as often as I used too.. “I’ll send word to Diamond city once I get there.”

“See that you do.” He said with a tip of his hat. “I’d hate to come looking for you to only find a corpse..”

* * *

It was a long track back to the Cambridge police station and I had left not to long after my departure from Nick that night, now it was a little after five am. I glanced down at my pitboy, I was almost there. Thank god, I could feel my limbs screeching with every step I took. I felt disoriented and sick all at once, from not sleeping or eating for the last twenty four hours.

I had decided to just go without stopping. I didn’t want to waste time, even though I didn’t have a time limit. I just wanted to get there. It wouldn’t end well if I had pulled up camp and been attacked in the night. With my limited supply of ammo and no stimpacks, I wouldn’t make it. It wasn’t a very sensible decision, but I couldn’t see any other course of action. As for the no food part I didn’t have time to stock up in Diamond City before I had chased down Kellogg.

I knew I would be in for a lecture when I got there, and Danse saw my sorry looking mug. “You need to be properly nourished before walking into the unknown.” I mimicked doing a very poor Danse impression. My voice just wasn’t deep enough, “A good solider always is prepared.” That and I lacked his wide vocabulary.

I shook my head, yeah I really wasn’t in any type of mood for a lecture. All I wanted was to clean up the dried blood on my face, sink my teeth into a Salisbury steak and sleep for the next couple of days.

But that wasn’t going to happen. I could only guess that they’d probably be sending me on another grunt mission to either search for lost tech or clear out some old abandoned subway station.

Oh joy….

The light was coming up from the east now, a tinge of paler grey on the horizon, it was enough to keep me from stumbling as I crept behind the old run down buildings in Cambridge. Drowsy though I was I had continued to sneak my way though the mostly abandoned city. Occasionally stopping and hiding to avoid a group of roaming ferals, or the small raider party that walked the streets searching for someone to beat on. They must have a base near by I thought. Idiots, who would be stupid enough to have a base near the brotherhoods?

Well they’d be in for a rude awakening if they ever tried to attack the place.

After what seemed like a lifetime the police station came into view. There were more people there than I was used to seeing. The whole entrance way was littered with brotherhood soldiers all in different types of standard armor, and power armor.

I made my way towards the entrance, I was dimly aware of the slight throbbing behind my eyes and the light headed feeling that floated in my mind as a hazy fog. I was too focus on the person in front of me to care about the pain I felt. He looked the same as when I had left. I smiled as I walked towards him. “Danse,” I rasped out, hearing my voice it sounded as if it was miles away.

He turned towards me, and I saw his eyes widened. Heh, surprised to see me huh? My vision then began to blur, but I thought I saw him draw closer to me.

I shook my hear violently to clear it, but my vision only got worse, and as he drew close I felt myself stagger backwards. My field of vision contracted to a single black dot then disappeared completely. I felt dizzy as the world rushed below me. I didn’t even realized I had fallen till my head hit the payment. I would have cried out, but I slowly fell into the black void that over took my vision.

 


	2. Knight Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so this is just a pre chapter for the ones to come. Establishing a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Cornelia_16, Schatz and guest. Thank you for leaving Kudos I really appreciate it so here's a shout out!
> 
> I had planned to post the chapter later in the week but i got impatient. When i have a chapter typed I normally want to post it right away without editing. And after i had done my editing, i wanted to get more of chapter three written, guess that didnt work out as planned. 
> 
> Also i wanted to add here, I'm looking for a beta to prof read my chapters, and to bounce ideas off of. I had tried looking on tumblr and ff but got no hit's back. So if any of you are interested let me know.

I can’t say that I lost consciousness, but I certainly wasn’t aware of myself, nor my surroundings for some time. I “woke” if that’s the word for it when I heard a door creak opened followed by the shuffling of metal and booted footsteps around me. Hushed voices drifted to my ears, lulling me out of whatever state I had been in. They were unmistakably familiar, yet I couldn’t place a name, my mind still hazy from being unconscious.  Though my back faced them, I could detect three separate voices.

“Permission to speak freely sir?” Said a gruff voice before the door slide shut. He must have been following behind the other two. I knew the voice. Rhys. I bit back a groan. He probably wanted to discuss my resent reappearance, no doubt he had thrown a party when I left. I had hoped to avoid him when I got here, guess that was too much to ask for.

The second voice let out a short impatient sigh, I recognized his instantly. “Permission granted knight.” Paladin Danse said, I could recognize the annoyed tone he gave Rhys, but it was paired with another emotion I couldn’t quite place, concern, worry?

“Why are we allowing Gilmore back?” Rhys said practically demanding. How’d I know it be about me? Call me psychic. “She’s not Brotherhood material sir. She’s too hot headed, impulsive, immature, irresponsible and reckless. She nearly got you killed on the last few missions you’ve been on with her! That and her condition now only proves it! She’s a danger to not only herself but to others.”

“Rhys!” I heard the third hiss. Haylen. Had to be Haylen. “You can’t just talk bad about her! Especially with her being in the same room!”

He was beginning to sound like a broken record, “I’ve already stated it to her face.” He said flatly. “Sir, I’m merely expressing a concern. She is a danger to everyone around her, and she doesn’t even care!”

“That’s not true!” Haylen said raising her voice, “She does care! If she didn’t she wouldn’t have talked Brandis into coming back nor would she have helped me track down all that tech or-or even to stop and helped us with the ferals.”

“She should have just kept on walking.” Rhys snapped, “We’d be better off without-“

Danse cut in after that, his voice stern and commanding. “Enough.” And just like fell into a military silence as their commanding officer spoke. It surprised me how cold his voice sounded-I bet it surprised Rhys too- “Knight, it is not your place to judge, especially so harshly. Gilmore is my recruit, there for I will see to her. And Haylen, I appreciate your concern on the matter but you need not go any further. Now, you two are dismissed.”

I heard both issues a yes sir before the sound of their feet shuffled away and the door opened and closed behind them. Not too long after did I hear Danse let out a breath. He didn’t leave with them? His heavy power armor footsteps drew closer.

It was quiet for some time after that, though in the halls I could barely hear armor feet and muffled voices. I never thought the police station could be filled with so much activity. I was beginning to grow restless-and bored-with the silence, but before I could “wake” Danse spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper. He sounded so strained, so tired, but why? What happened while I was gone? “What the hell happened Emery…”

The use of my first name sent my emotions into a spiral, I was certain that if I wasn’t lying down, I’d be dizzy again. He never used my first name, hell I didn’t think he knew it. I had been so used to either hearing, initiate or my maiden name, that it was nice to hear him use _my_ name. It also made me want to hear him say it again.

I let out a groan effectively startling him. I heard his metal footsteps scuff away. Whether he was sitting or standing I wasn’t sure. I opened one eye slowly, testing how my head reacted to the flood of lights. Not well for the moment I did, spots floated into my vision. I let out a real grown this time and smothered my face into the pillow. “Gilmore?” He asked sternly. I let out another groan, back to the last name, lovely.

“Turn off the lights and I’ll wake up.” I said my voice muffled by the pillow.

He huffed but didn’t argue. I could hear footsteps then the click of the light switch, I gingerly rolled back over opening my eyes. He was standing above me now, and boy did the guy scream ‘ _I’m so fucking pissed at you.’_ “Good morning to you too.” I sniped, hoping to relax that stony expression.

Danse had only stared back, his eyes sharp. No, I deflated. Humor wouldn’t get me out of this one. But when did it ever when faced with Danse in his full on Paladin mode. “Report.” He said in a tone that matched his hardened expression.

“Uh…” Crap. I had been so focused on actually getting here that I hadn’t even considered what to say to him. He probably thought I was off gallivanting for the Brotherhood instead of saving and building settlements for the minutemen. And playing detective with Nick. I tried to find my voice, sure I could say I would tell Danse everything, but when the time finally came to it, I was too much of a coward to say it.  “Did you want the low down of what I was doing these past two months or why I look like I went through the shredder?

“Both.” He said crossing his arms.

Lovely…”Well, I’ve been out clearing a few places of ghouls.” Wasn’t a total lie, a lot of settlements had been plagued by ferals.

His expression hadn’t softened, in fact it seemed to do the exact opposite. “For the last two months?” He asked incredulous. “You just up and leave out of the blue one day, with no mention that you’re leaving. Then you don’t show up at all, making us all think you either ran for it, or died out there, then you come back and you say you’ve spent that time killing ferals?” He glared.

I couldn’t blame him for being angry with me. I had run away, I didn’t even tell anyone where I was going or if I’d even be back. He no doubt felt betrayed, like I walked out on him. Guilt chipped away at my shoulders and I had to hide my gaze from him, to hide my shame. “I’m sorry, I left like that…I didn’t-I hadn’t planned on being gone for that long…I just…” I said slowly then with a much firmer tone I added, “-I had something I needed to do.”

His voice softened a fraction, “Alright, I won’t press it any further.” He said. I looked back at him, why was he being so lenient? Not that I was complaining, but I thought he’d keep asking… “Now why are you in this condition?”

Oh, that was it. He was more concern about the current situation, he wouldn’t drop what I did, but he was more focused on the injuries. That had to be it. “I ran into a small group of synths who weren’t to please to see me.” I admitted, it wasn’t too far from the truth. They _weren’t_ too happy to see me. “I uh, barely got away. For a bag of bolts, they’re pretty tough fighters. “

His expression darkened again, though I could still see a look of concern flash through his eyes. “A synth did that.” He asked using his chin to point at the gash on the side of my face.

Subconsciously I raised a hand to it. The bandages felt wet to touch. Must have opened up. “I fell, guess I scarped it against a rock or something.” Or when Kellogg had grabbed my head and bashed it repeatedly against the side of a desk. Must have scraped against a sharp edge. I hadn’t paid too much attention to the details to busy fighting to break free.

“You’re lying” He said flatly.

I stared at him, the disbelief must have shown on my face for he added. “I’ve gotten better at reading you Gilmore. Well good enough to know when you lie.” He said. “Your nose crinkles in the slightest way, each time you lie.”

Damn, I didn’t even know that about myself. If it had been a different situation I would have been flattered that he took notice to the things I did. Now though, now I bit back groan of irritation. He continued though cutting off any response I might have had. “Now, do you want to inform me of the real reason you in this condition, or can I guess. “

 _The truth will come out eventually._ Fuck the guy who came up with that crappy line. I let out a defeated sigh and tried to focus on anything that wasn’t him. “Gilmore, “He said softly, his tone making me jump. “If it’s hard to talk about….you don’t need to tell me.”

A small smile broke out on my face. I was touched by his words. I had grown accustomed to people poking into my business, or pushing me into confessing I was pre-war. It wasn’t a topic I wanted to discuss so freely. I already felt like an outsider in this new world, I didn’t want people to stare at the _pre-war relic_ too. I was grateful, but I couldn’t resist the surge of guilt that rushed through me. He told me the burden he felt over the loss of his team. Couldn’t I tell him at least some of my past? He had a right to know. I had to start being completely honest with him. Nick was right about that part at least. I took a breath and gathered that courage everyone thought I had.  “Danse.” I breathed looking up under my eye lashes. “I spent most of those two months trying to track down the man who kidnapped my baby. My friend had a lead and we jumped on it.”

To my considerable surprise I heard his breath hitch. Probably shocked that I was a mother. I had Shaun when I was nineteen. I was shocked too. I had no idea if that was too young in this period of time. But by his initial reaction, maybe it was. When he said nothing I continued, “His name was Kellogg, he’s probably mentioned somewhere in the Brotherhood database. He worked for the Institute, a trained lap dog really. “I said, looking down at my hands, feeling that all too familiar feeling of disconnect take over whenever I told the story.  It had taken me some time to be able to tell the story without bursting into tears, “He shot my husband point blank and took my son from his arms.” I watched and couldn’t do a damn thing. Couldn’t save Nate or Shaun. I though bitterly, feeling the wounds I had fought so hard to heal open.  “Took me a while to track him down, my friend Nick helped. He said he didn’t want me to finish it without him. Together the two of us rushed in. We weren’t prepared for the army of synths that protected the bastard. When we finally got to the bastard, he said I was too late, a few years too late. That he handed over my son to the institute. After that, I pretty much lost it. But thanks to Nick I didn’t end up as ash on the floor to be swept up by the Synths.”

I spared a quick glance at him, his features twisted in a jumble of emotion. Concern, confusion, sympathy, fear? His next question surprised me though, “You were married? I mean not that-that was rude, I’m sorry.” He said as his shoulders scrunch up with awkwardness.

“It’s alright Danse. “ I said as I placed my hand on his knee. He tensed at the touch but relaxed slightly. I gave him a smile. “Most people are.” The old bats in my neighborhood had a field day when they met me. Young mother and a wife? Jealous old crones.

“I’m sorry, is a bit inadequate.” He said slowly looking away, “I’m not the best person to talk to about these kinds of things. Need advice on the best way to kill a super mutant I can give you…”

I felt myself chuckle, even when he didn’t try, he could make me smile. “It’s okay Danse. “ I said. “Coming from you, it helps.”

“Gilmore.” He said, I looked back at him, and our eyes locked. I could see that fierce drive of dedication blaze within them. The same look he’d give when talking about anything Brotherhood related. Now he was giving it to me. My breath caught in my throat, I was afraid that if I let it go it would sober the moment. “I promise, I will help you in any way I can. “

 _‘My word is my bond, and my bond is steel.’_ His words echoed in my mind. I let the breath go. Suddenly with that lost breath, I felt lighter. I believed him. Just by his tone, I knew he would.

I swatted at my eyes to try and cover the tears that stubbornly welled in my eyes. He gave me smirk, if he noticed my tears he didn’t say. “You just have to trust me.” He said, a warmth filling his tone. “Let me in once in a while.”

A chuckle escaped my lips, “That works both ways big guy.” I said, “I’m here if you need it.”

That had caught him guard. His whole body tense, and he gave me a look that screamed uncomfortable. “I-I” He tried to say before he regained his composure. He cleared his throat, a blush tinging his ears. “I appreciate it, but I’m your commanding officer, I shouldn’t-“

“Danse, you’re also my friend, “I urged. I didn’t want the stress of rank to interfere with whatever kind of friendship we had. That and he needed to be called out for being the hypocrite that he was. “You can’t say you want me to open up to you, without opening up yourself.”

He gave me a hesitant look, I thought for sure he was going to dismiss me and give some bullshit excuse. Like how he’s my commanding officer not my pal. But he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and shook his head.  “Fine, but on two conditions.”

“What?” This couldn’t be good.

“I expect honesty from you, so no dodging questions and no more white lies.”

I had planned on doing that already, but I guess it was more of an incentive now. “What’s the other?” I asked narrowing my eyes.

“To try and take better care of yourself.” He said, concern lacing his features. “When you collapsed like that I-we thought you were dead.” He continued his voice low.

I looked him over, unsure of what I heard before he tried-and failed-to cover it up. Could he-no. He was just expressing concern for a teammate and friend. Not because he had any sort of feelings for me. I’m just over thinking it. If there was anything I claimed to know about Danse, it was that he he was married to his work. _There's brotherhood, then there's everything else. No in between..._ “I cant’t guarantee that I won’t get injured again. “I said slowly ignoring the pointed look he was giving me. He should know me by now, I’m a klutz. “But I’ll try to dodge bullets better.”

“Gilmore.” He growled.

“Fine! I’ll ignore the irrational side of my brain once in a while.” I rolled my eyes, what did the guy want me to create a shield that stopped bullets.

“Outstanding.” He smiled, “Now I want you to get some rest, I’ll see if I can find you something to eat.”

I offered him a small nod, before he ducked out of the room, leaving me with a lot to think about. He wanted honesty, so did, I but could I tell him everything? He seemed so shocked that I had been married and had a son. How would he react to me being a human Popsicle for the last two hundred or so years? When the time comes though, I won’t hold back. I thought. If he wanted to be let in, than I’ll let him.

It scared me in a way. To let him in like that. On the one hand, I was glad that I found someone like Danse. Even though I was unsure of what my feelings for him really meant, I was glad at least to have him as a friend. I hadn't had this kind of friendship since Nate, and I thought I wouldn’t again.

Brining up Nate was like a stab to the chest.

Realization hit me like a gust of wind. My breath caught in my throat and I grasped for breath. Nate wasn't even buried yet and here I was falling for another man. Fuck! Nate hadn't even been dead for more than a year!

What kind of horrible person was I?

Tears of anger welled in my eyes as my heart ached. And what kind of mother was I to be thinking about a relationship when my baby was still missing? I had to put a cap on my feelings for Danse. For now we would just have to remain as friends. It has to stay this way. I ordered myself. I cannot think of him as anything more!

I knew this was gonna be easier said than done.

* * *

 

The rest of the evening had proved to be less uneventful compare to earlier. I had closed my eyes for a while once Danse had left. I didn’t really sleep though, it was one of those naps where you’re aware of your thoughts yet not your surroundings.

Danse had returned lulling me out of my nap. He came back with razor grain bread and a can of Pork n’ beans. Normally I’d take a pass at anything that's as old as I was, but when the smell hit my senses it made me realize just how hungry I actually was.

It tasted like metal and radiation, but it warmed my stomach and kept the vertigo at bay. Polishing off the can, I placed it down and glanced at Danse. “So, what's up with the swarm if steel around the place?”

His head turned back to me, having previously been staring out the window. “I take it you missed the giant airship that docked at the air base.” He said with a smirk.

“How could I not.” I said. “I’m more surprised that there's a working dirigible here in the wasteland.”

He gave me a look and raised his eyebrow, “Dirigible?” Wait, Mr. Vocabulary didn’t know the word Dirigible?

“The giant airship. That's what they’re called.” At least that’s what their called in my time.

He shook his head, “I’ve never heard anyone call the Prydwen that before.”

“Pryd-what?” Now it was my turn to look confuse. “That the name of the ship?”

His gaze returned back to the window, a soft prideful expression graced his features, “Yes, she is the pride of the Brotherhood.” He said, “It had taken us years to get her up and running.”

He must have forgotten about the word. Good, didn’t want to explain prewar things yet. “Well it is impressive, that and those helicopters.”

He gave me another look, “Helicopters?” Guess that term didn’t exist anymore.

“Those mini airships.” What the fuck was I supposed to call them, metal flying birds?

“You mean vertibirds.” He said slowly, narrowing his eyes. “I think you might have hit the ground harder than I thought.”

My hand felt the bump on the side of my head, golf ball sized. “No.” I answered. “I just never heard the right word for them. You know being in a vault can do that to you.” Wasn't again a total lie. I bet a lot of Vault dwellers didn’t know their names.

“I sometimes forget you were raised in a vault.” He said as he rubbed his chin. “Most of the vault dwellers I’ve ever encountered never had your kind of attitude.”

I rolled my shoulders and flashed him a cheeky grin, “Guess that makes me one of a kind.”

His neck turned red and his shoulders stiffened, but he nodded at me. I barely heard him whisper, “You are.”

I felt my own cheeks burn, but I quickly looked away. Stop! I ordered myself. I can’t have these feelings. To ease his awkwardness and to change the topic. I said, “So now that command is here,” Keep it formal for now. “What are our order sir?”

His blush vanished instantly. Still ridged, but not embarrassed, he reassumed his composure and slipped into his all too familiar military tone. Good I smiled. “We needed to regroup for reassignment.I also was issued new orders. I am to take you up to the Prydwen to meet Elder Maxon. “

My smiled vanished instantly, suddenly the food in my stomach felt like a ball of iron. This was it. The moment that I had to make up my mind. If I wanted to officially join the Brotherhood. I hadn’t really thought too much on the topic. I had heard so many bad things out on my journey through the common wealth, but I never knew what to believe really. I knew I was part of the Minutemen, and I always would be. But what harm could there be in finding out if what they said is true and the Brotherhood is just full of bigots. I had to see for myself.

Danse was watching me now, concern wrought his features. Could he sense my hesitation? His look only confirmed my suspicions. I felt my heart tighten in guilt. I may not stand by a lot of the Brotherhood beliefs, but if all Brotherhood members had the heart and dedication that Danse had, than I knew what I had to do. I would still help the Minutemen, I wouldn’t betray them like that, but I could do both couldn’t I? “Alright lead the way.”

* * *

 

Well, that wasn't what I was expecting. But truth be told, I didn’t really know what to expect. I had thought that Maxon wanted to get a good look at the “grubby Vault dweller’ as Rhys had taken up to calling me. I was shocked to stay the least when the guy had promoted me to knight, even more so when I was given a new set of power armor. After that, he ordered me to meet everyone and get a good feel of the ship.

My first impression of the elder was, well stiff. He looked like he hadn’t cracked a smile in over, well twenty years. It was also surprising to know the guy was my age. With his looks and sour disposition I had pegged him to be around Danse’s age. But then again I didn’t know Danse’s age. He was impressive though, from what I heard about him. Yet for all his abilities I had to wonder, how much of him, was still him? How much was left of his personality after the sacrifices he’s made towards his ambition. Maybe beneath all that gruff, grumpy shell, was a person that fit more his age. Who knows, he was still a stiff shirt person to me.

If I thought Maxon was a grump, boy was I in for a surprise.

I had stopped off to see Proctor Quinlan first, and instantly regretted it. Not only did the good doctor look like one of those pinched face mad scientist villains from the movies, he had a stick wedge so far up his ass it was in competition with the one up Kells. I had tried making a joke about some of the other types of documents I had in my possession but his face had scrunched up to the point where I thought it would disappear entirely. So the good doctor didn’t have a sense of humor, noted. Though I did give the doctor one point. It wasn't a saving grace or anything, but it was enough to make me think he was better than Captain Kells. The good doctor had a love for cars, and anyone who loved cats, got a plus in my book. I could totally picture the guy behind his desk petting the cat with an evil scowl on his face.

It was so weird that the ship was filled with them. I would have thought it be filled with dogs. Getting off topic…

Next was Knight-Captain Cade, there wasn't much to say about the guy other than he seemed like a pretty cool guy who actually seemed to care about his patients. He even offered to show me some of the proper basic to field medicine, given that I knew absolutely nothing about medicine, just what I knew from biology class.

After that was Proctor Ingram, who I surprisingly liked. She had a sense of humor and she knew a lot about building and modding things. I’d have to exchange notes with her one day.

Then there was Teagan. Something was crooked about that guy…My instincts told me he was up to something. I’d let it go for the time being. Curiosity killed the cat and all that jazz.

Now I found myself roaming the halls of the Prydwen searching for Danse. I had tried looking for his quarters, but I ended up getting hopelessly lost. “Shit.” I muttered to myself as I looked around at unfamiliar settings. There really ought to have maps posted around here, or arrows pointing to locations or something.

I had turned around and almost tripped over the small person who had snuck up behind me. Instead of falling forward as gravity intended, I pulled myself back and landed on my ass with an ungraceful thud.

“Are you lost?” Asked the young scribe, her blonde braids poking out of her hood. “You look lost.” Her eyes wild with curiosity.

I had almost forgotten that the ship was also home to the Brotherhood’s children. I had wondered why they would bring their children along, but I could understand wanting to keep them close. “Uh…yeah.” I trailed off, while dusting myself off. “But what are you doing down here?”

The little squire beamed brightly at me, flashing me her missing two front teeth with a wide smile. “I’m playing capture the Paladin.” She said, “Do you know where Paladin Danse is?”

Capture the Paladin? Must be the Brotherhood equivalent of Hide and go seek.  “No I haven’t seem him. But I am looking for him.” I said, “Maybe you could help me find him?”

The little girl squealed with delight and not a moment after did she grab my hand and drag me off. “By the way, what's your name?”

The young squire dropped my hand and whirled to face me. While doing the Brotherhood salute she said, “Squire Morgan Jones, ma’am.”

They really started them off young. I’m glad it wasn't all work and no play. Even in the wasteland kids needed to have some amount of fun. “Pleasure to meet you Morgan.” I smiled, “My name is-“

“Emery Gilmore! You’re the new Knight that’s being sponsored by Paladin Danse!” Morgan beamed, “You’re really lucky! Paladin Danse never sponsors anyone! When I grow up I want to be trained by him.”

I didn’t know that part. I mean Maxon had hinted that Danse rarely sponsored anyone. “I bet you will one day.” It was cute that Danse had a little fan. “And uh, pretend you didn’t hear me say that word, ‘kay?”

She gave me a curious look as she took my hand again, “Why? I’ve heard much worse.”

Somehow that didn’t surprise me.

After what seemed like hours-probably because it was-we finally found him. The sneaky bastard thought he was being clever by standing in front of his power armor station, pretending it was empty. I taken a hunch thinking, ‘no he wouldn’t be that clever’ but I had been proven wrong. When I had looked inside the visor I heard a sharp intake of breath, and the hiding paladin took a step back away from me.

“I thought it was an excellent idea.” He said taking off his helmet and setting it down on his workbench. “I also didn’t expect you to join Gilmore.”

“Well I finished my meet and greet so I-“

“Found you Paladin Danse!” Morgan squealed as she launched herself onto his leg.

Danse’s reaction surprised me. He chuckled-no it wasn't that-picked up Morgan and placed the giggling child on his shoulder. “Outstanding Squire Jones!” He said. “Now why don’t we go find the others and let them know you found me?”

“Sir, yes sir!”

I watched the exchanged with a warm feeling fluttering in my chest. For all his gruff, steel like exterior, it was heartwarming to see him let go of his rank. To stop being Paladin Danse, and just be Danse. It was also touching to see he had a soft spot for kids. I didn’t peg him to play with kids, not when there was work to be done. A smile broke out of my face.

He must have felt me staring, for he turned back to me a blush creeping up his neck. He gave me a sheepish look before he diverted his eyes ahead of him. “Are you coming Gilmore?” He asked briskly.

My smile only grew as I caught up with them, “Of course sir.”

* * *

 

Danse and I had found the other squires in the mess hall, huddling together. More than likely trying to formulate a battle plan to ‘Capture the Paladin’. When we entered, the squire’s heads poked up and then the next second we were surrounded in a flurry of young curious adolescences, “That was the best game yet!” One of the older scribes said.

“How did jones know where to find you?” Said another.

Instead of getting overwhelmed like I was, by the bombardment of questions, Danse just placed little Morgan down and addressed the group, “A good Paladin never reveals his strategy to the other side.” He smirked.

Morgan looked up at him with huge eyes, “Could we do another round Paladin Danse.” She asked.

With those big puppy dog eyes, I’d have said yes in a heartbeat, but Danse ever the unbreakable rock, stayed firm, unfazed by the guilty looks. “Negative.” He said, straightening his posture. “The new Knight and I have some business to attend to.”

I almost groaned in disappointment with the young squires. Back to work. Danse gave me a look, probably thinking I was groaning with them. “You all have work that needs to be attended too.” He said, his voice stern. Back to Paladin Danse. “I’ve kept you from it long enough.”

Most of them nodded in agreement. While being ushered by the older squires. Unitedly they said, “Thank you Paladin Danse.” Danse gave a farewell nod, then turned back to me. “Follow me Knight.” And his military tone returned.

We walked in a brisk silence as we made our way towards the sleeping quarters, or at least I assumed they were what with all the beds, then labeled rooms around us. We entered one of the rooms and I knew instantly it had to be Danse’s. The desk was cluttered with weapon scrap, scrap metals, and tools, an organized mess. I wasn't surprised to see odd bits of power armor laying around. What did surprise me though were the different prewar books on one of the small shelves near his bed. They ranged from poetry to short stories, history to philosophies, and even fiction books.

“I wanted to speak somewhere privately.” He said breaking me away from my thoughts. “I hope this isn't, well awkward. I knew we wouldn’t be bothered in here.” He avoided my eye, most likely he was the one who was uncomfortable.

I suppressed my urge to giggle at his sudden shyness. “This is fine.” I said, “But why did you want to speak to me privately?” I was boggled at the idea. He had sounded so formal in the mess hall that I had assumed he wanted to discuss something mission related, or scold me on something I had done. Couldn’t think of anything other than the joke I tried on Quinlan. This was different though and I couldn’t fight back my curiosity on the matter.

He still wouldn’t look at me, instead his eyes focused on his work bench. He lost out a frustrated sigh and said, “Would it be possible to speak, off the record?” He didn’t have that strict military tone to his voice, instead it was replaced by a tone that seemed, hesitant and nervous. “You had said I could tell you anything. I’d like to take you up on that.”

“Off the record?” I echoed. That was weird. That had to be the cause for his awkwardness. Whatever he wanted to discuss could not be easy for him to say. It also wasn't like him to ask personal things. “Alright…”

He cleared his throat and looked away from the workbench. Still his eyes refused to look at me, and I couldn’t quite help feeling that I was the cause for his rigidness. He shifted his posture before he said, “This is difficult for me to talk about. I’m horrible at these types of things, so if you could bear with me.” Danse stared intently at his books now, fighting with himself, then finally he looked at me. “When you were first placed under my sponsorship, I had some serious reservations about it.” I had a feeling he did. I mean we both practically hated each other. And I wasn’t-still not-military material. Nate was enough for that department. Someone had to be the carefree type. “Despite all that, this has turned out to be a rewarding experience…for both of us. At this point, honestly I don’t feel like there’s anything else I could teach you about being a Brotherhood solider that you don’t already know. It’s apparent from you attitude and your actions that you intend to keep those ideals close to you heart.”

I felt myself frown. He had said this before, not with all the same words, back at the police station before I left. But this time he seemed much more awkward and unease. There was more to this than there appeared. “Thank you.” I said slowly, “But I don’t think you wanted to tell me all that in private, what's the real reason big guy?”

His eyes trailed down to his feet, and he shifted his weight to the other side. “Is it that obvious?” He muttered. “I’ve never been good at this sort of thing. Let me start from the beginning. I grew up alone in the Capital Wasteland. Spent most of my childhood picking through the ruins and selling scrap.” That must be why he didn’t really mind when I did it. “When I was a bit older, and had a few caps to my name, I moved into Rivet City to open a junk stand. While I was there, I met a guy named Cutler. We got along pretty well, watched each other's backs and kept each other out of trouble. When the Brotherhood came through on a recruiting run, we felt like it was the best way out of our nowhere lives, so we joined up.”

“Rivet City?” Must be post war, ‘cause I never heard of it.

“It was a settlement built inside the remains of a beached aircraft carrier. One of the safest places to live in the Capital Wasteland, until the Brotherhood arrived. It was the perfect location for me to try my hand at being a merchant.”

I bit back a chuckle, The Great Paladin Danse wanted to be a merchant? Oh if only Rhys knew! “I have a hard time picturing you as anything other than a Paladin.”

That seemed to be the magic words to release his awkwardness. His eyes snapped back to mine, and he smirked at me. “Clearly I found my calling.” He laughed. “Anyway, about a year after we were posted to the Prydwen, Cutler vanished on a scouting op. It took some convincing, but I was able to persuade my CO to let me assemble a squad and search for him. It took almost three weeks, but we tracked his team down to a super mutant hive. Those wretched abominations had slaughtered everyone but Cutler. He should have been so lucky.” The finality of his tone unsettled me, but not as much as his haunted gaze. It worried me, I knew he still carried the guilt of losing his teammates with him, but to also carry something like this? My heart ached for him. I wanted to reach out to him, but I reigned in the urge. Now was the time to listen, not act. He continued, his features changed suddenly. He looked as though he had aged within that moment. And his eyes looked so foreign to me. No longer did they hold that spark of determination, but instead they were hollow, and so defeated with guilt it was as if I was looking at a stranger. Oh Danse… “The mutant bastards used their FEV to change him into one of their own kind. He wasn't Cutler anymore. I had to…it was my duty to…put him down.”

The pain in his voice cut me deep like a white hot blade. His very posture screamed suffering, and his face was so wrought with agony that my heart ached to see him that way. I knew that pain all to well. The pain of losing someone, to be so utterly useless that you couldn’t save someone you held dear to you. I knew it was a different kind of love, but the pain of losing them all the same. I didn’t know what to say to him. Anything that came to mind didn’t feel right. Millions of sentences danced on my tongue yet I said, “You did the right thing.” And instantly regretted them. Was it really the right thing? I didn’t know. What would I have done if faced with that situation? I don’t know…

Danse’s tone was sharp, a scowl escaping his features, “It’s what I was taught, I don’t know if it was right.” He spat.

It was silent after that, I didn’t know how to respond to that. Here he was questioning his very judgement and battling his own torment and morals. What could you say that would help? I knew nothing anyone could have said would have helped me when I lost Nate. After a moment Danse let out a long breath and rubbed his neck. He looked exhausted, I hadn’t noticed the dark purple tinge under his eyes before. Had they always been there? Has he even been sleeping? Concern and worry tickled their way up my spine, but before I could bring the matter up, Danse spoke first, “Ever since Cutler died, I’ve seen other soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest…hell even downright heroic. But I’d never considered any of them to be a good friend, a friend like Cutler was…until now.” He looked me back in the eye and I felt my breath catch in my throat. He gave me a small smile, though his eyes still held that haunted look. “It’s a good feeling, but it frightens me all the same. Having a bond with someone, then losing them…it changes you. I don’t want to go through that again.”

I knew how that felt. After Nate…I well, I had gotten so I used to having him around that I would look behind me expecting to see him, but no. It was a horrible feeling losing someone close to you. I didn’t want to go through that again either, but that was life. You make friends and they always have the possibility of leaving or dying. You just had to take those chances because it would be worse if you were alone.

I was stunned by his words, shocked. I never thought he would confess something like that to me. It both flattered me and warmed my heart, yet gave me a feeling of such guilt that it ruined whatever jovial feeling it gave me. Here he was being honest with me yet I couldn’t do the same? He was watching me now, with such anxious eyes, wondering if he said something wrong. Honesty, I breathed. “It would never be that way with me…I care about you too much to let that happen.” It was what I felt, and I didn’t want to hide that from him. I knew I could never act on my feelings for him, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t tell him I didn’t want to lose him. I had hoped he’d be able to find comfort with those words. That and I needed him to know I wasn’t going anywhere this time, I wouldn’t run like a coward.

He stared at me, his eyes wide as saucers. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but whatever he had planned to say, the words had died in his throat. His neck flushed and he cleared his throat a couple of times before he said, “I…I didn’t know you felt that strongly about our…well about us. I’m sorry if I seem…confused. You’ve certainly given me something to think about.”

You and me both. I had wanted to say, but against better judgement I held it back. “I just thought you deserved to know how I felt.” He eventually said. “If you feel that I’ve overstepped my bounds, than I completely understand. Whatever the case maybe, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to listen.”

A genuine smile broke out on my lips, “Your fine Danse. More than fine.” I said shaking my head, I drew closer which caught him off guard. I wasn’t surprised that he tensed when I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad you told me. And well, I feel honored that you think that way about me.”

Once again he seemed for a lost for words. So to spare him further embarrassment I let go of his shoulder, my hand dropping down to my side. “I was actually hoping to confess something as well.”

His expression slackened an inch, though he still looked flushed, “Oh and what’s that Gilmore?”

I gave him a groan and rolled my eyes, “First things first, if were such good friends, just call me Emery.”

He shook his head dismissively, “Negative, that would be inappropriate-“

“Okay,“ I said cutting him off, “How about you only call me by my first name whenever if its just the two of us. Any other time you can stick to code, how about that compromise?”

“I-“ He started but then closed his mouth, “Deal.”

I smiled. “Good, now back to business. “I said as I leaned against the wall. “I wanted to stop over to Diamond City real quick, you see my friend, the one who helped me track down and kill Kellogg. He was concerned about my well being before I left. I wanted to check in with him. That and see if he’s gotten any leeway with the case.” I opted out of telling Danse about what Nick was. After our tender moment, I didn’t want an argument to spoil it. “Would it be alright if I just popped over there?”

Danse raised an eyebrow, “You’re asking this time.” Oh a shot at me, well deserved but still a shot none the less.

“Okay, I already apologized for just up and leaving like that, could we please drop?” I asked with a mocked begging tone.

He smirked and crossed his arms over his metal chest plate, “Negative.” Smug bastard, “But you can go.”

“Really?” I thought there’d be more kicking and screaming involved.

“On one condition.”

I instantly flattened, him and his conditions. Was it ever gonna be easy with him, “What?” I said plainly.

“I’m coming with you.” He said with a certain level of satisfaction in his voice.

No, he couldn’t come. I initially thought. He’d see Nick and would shoot him on sight, no questions asked. But if I told him no, than not only would he get suspicious, but I’d be throwing everything he said to me back in his face.

God dammit.

“Why?” I asked.

He gave me a confused look then shook it off, “Because, you’re still injured, and it would be unwise for you to travel all the way to Diamond City without someone watching your back.” He said, “That and I would like to thank your ‘ _friend’_ for making sure you came back in one piece.”

I didn’t like the way he said friend. It was as if he was insinuating something. Did he suspec

That and the idea of him thanking Nick made me want to laugh my guts out. Hell would freeze over if Danse ever said those words to him. Granted Danse didn’t know Nick was a synth, but maybe-and I’m going out on a far far limb here-maybe just maybe he wouldn’t shoot nick on sight.

And if he tried, than well, I wouldn’t let him.

“Alright, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter was kind of short, i think the next chapter is going to be a bit longer. Speaking of the next chapter I have it the beginning part written, and the rest planned out. I had planned on just having them get to diamond city, but then i thought where would the fun be in that. So i threw in a mission that i actually just did in game. And if you guys have any mission in particular that you wanna see just tell me. I'm always looking for more stuff to do in game, and to write about. So please just drop a comment on what you wanna see.
> 
> Also if any of you are on tumblr, look me up. My name there is the-roseknight, so original i know(voice drips with sarcasm) when it comes to names of any type I suck at it. It was some stroke of luck that my pickyness for names didn't ruin Emery. I normally post fan art and stuff.


	3. Of Trial and Tribulations

We left the Prydwen early the next morning, right before dawn. We couldn’t request a Vertibird drop because this wasn’t an official Brotherhood mission, which meant we were walking.  I had wanted to leave the night before but Danse had put an end to my argument by simply stating that I was too injured to do anything more. I hadn’t wanted to admit Danse was right, but a good nights rest did help, and thanks to the stimpack Cade gave me, my injuries were no longer an issue. Thankfully the one on the side of my face healed up nicely, Cade said it wouldn’t scar, so thank go for the miracle of stimpacks.

Even though Danse knew I was all healed up, he still wanted to avoid most of Cambridge, “Your still injured whether you feel your injuries or not.”   He said with a tone of finality that I couldn’t argue. So we had to go the longer way, which meant more walking, and sleeping on the cold hair ground. Fan-Fucking-Tastic. We opted to take the main road around Cambridge. I thought for sure the road would be filled with Raider check points or the occasional Super Mutant hunting party. Turns out though it was mostly abandoned, minus the ragstag and other wasteland creatures.

“Looks like Rain.” I heard Danse say, waking from my thoughts.

I set my gaze towards the sky. Sure enough, the clouds that loomed over head were heavy and dark as they began to knit together. Every so often a spark would strike between them, lightening up the darkening clouds with a bright white light. I quickly glanced down at my pipboy, hoping to find a settlement nearby. The last thing I wanted was damp clothing.

I groaned the nearest spot was-

“We can make it to the Police station before it rains.” Danse said as if reading my mind. He threw a look over his shoulder noticing my scowl, “Unless of course you’d like to keep walking.”

I shot him a glare and walked past him, emphasizing my stomping as I brushed past him. “Let’s go.” I grumbled.

* * *

 

It hadn’t taken us long to get to the police station, especially with the back route I had found on my first trip here. We avoided most of the hostiles in the area having to fight only a few feral along the way. We managed to make it to the police station just before the stormed picked up in strength. My clothes only getting slightly damped by the time we reached the door.

I had been grateful to get out of the rain, though I wish we could have gone someplace else.

Rhys had greeted us in the doorway. He had been all too eager to catch up with Danse and inform him of his accomplishment on clearing out his latest feral hot spot. I on the other hand got a greeting so brisk I swear I got a cold from it. “Nice to see you too Rhys, “I grumbled as I walked past him.

I made my way over to one of the sleeping bags by the main desk and placed my pack down with a loud thud thus effectively interrupted Rhys. He sent me a darkened glare before returning his attention back to Danse, “Sir, if you don’t mind my asking, but where are you and Initiate Gilmore heading?”

Danse gave him a sharp look, “It’s Knight Gilmore now.” He said and I could distinctly hear a note of pride in his usual military tone. Rhys’s head snapped back towards me with a look of utter bewilderment that I couldn’t help conceal the grin that slithered on my face. Suck it Rhys! “And we are off to Diamond City to pick up a few of Knight Gilmore’s things.” Guess he didn’t want to tell Rhys the real reason.

Rhys’s jaw clenched tightly, obviously trying to contain his anger, so he wouldn’t look bad in front of his ‘hero’. “I see.” He said through clenched teeth. Danse, oblivious as ever didn’t seem to notice the anger that seethed out of Rhys. “Well since your heading that easy, I was wondering if you could investigate this location I heard about.”

Danse’s interest peaked while mine plummeted. He probably had another feral invested underground that needed clearing out. It was always Ferals with that guy, go clear this subway out, or go clear this building out. I felt as if he knew I hated those mission and would purposely give them to me just to spite me. Well now that I’m a Knight and am the same rank as him, he cant order me around anymore. Oh I cant wait to rub it in.

Suddenly staying here wasn’t that bad of an idea anymore.

Rhys must have seen the smile on my face for he sent me a glare, with which I returned by sticking my tongue out. Unfortunately Danse decided to pay attention to that and sent me a warning glare before he returned his attention back to the pinched faced Knight. Why was it that only I ever get the warning, how come Rhys never gets the third degree? “And where is that Knight?” Danse asked.

“Well its called Cambridge Polymer Labs. I believe it was used to do research before the great War. I don’t know that much about it, other than it might be a useful spot to uncover tech.”

Wait.. I heard of that plane, I think Nate had a friend that worked there. Oh what was his name, William, or Willard…I couldn’t remember. I never met the guy, but Nate had talked a lot about him.  Nate and all the newspaper had said they were working on something important down there. “The lab had a contract with the military before the war.” I said before I thought it over.

Both men turned and gave me a look. Rhys was the first to speak, his voice dripping with suspicious and malice, “And how would you know that, _knight._ ” He spat.

Shit, me and my big mouth. “I read it in.an old newspaper I found. “I said, I even had the clipping and about a dozen more of them back in Sanctuary. The paper had came out a week before the bombs, and I had remember Nate who had been so proud of his friend, he had scurried around Boston and Cambridge to get as many of the newspapers as possible. He had planned to tape them all to Will’s wall to surprise him. “I think they were working on a new piece of equipment for the military.” He didn’t know what it was exactly. Will didn’t divulge that much information to Nate, and Nate couldn’t press. It was all very secretive.

Rhys didn’t seem to buy it, but Danse had turned back to him before he could question me further. “Alright we’ll investigate.”

Rhys saluted him, “Thank you sir, “ He gave me one final glare before he ducked out of the main room.

I let out a sigh and stood up, “So, when do we leave?” I asked with a tone of hesitation. I didn’t want to get off track, but I knew this would be important for not only the Brotherhood, but for Danse as well. Whatever those scientist were cooking up could help the Brotherhood, so I guess it was worth the pit stop for.

Danse glanced back outside, with a sigh he turned back to me, “Bet your regretting not wearing your power armor.” He said with a smug tone.

Danse had insisted that I wear the big metal suit on our journey to Diamond City, but I hadn’t the open mind to listen. I wasn’t a fan of the giant metal suits, too hulking, too heavy and I couldn’t properly sneak or move in one. How Danse managed to walk around with the finesse he had while in one of those I would never know. Must be years upon years of practice. “They may keep you from getting wet “ I said shaking my head, “But with all that rain, don’t you think it’ll rust faster?”

He gave me a pointed look and I couldn’t stop the giggle that rose to my lips, “If we want to make it to Diamond city and back before the end of the week we’ll have to leave now.” Fantastic. I mentally grumbled. “Gear up, we’ll depart in five minutes.”

* * *

 

I was fucking soaked by the time we made it to the Polymer Lab. My shoes and soaks were wet and my clothes were completely drenched, the vault suit I wore clutch to my body very uncomfortably and the weight of it pulled down on my shoulders. I had tried everything to keep my soaking wet hair in its pony tail and out of my face, but my efforts were in vain, no matter what I tried it just kept coming lose, so I eventually gave up and kept it down.

I was the textbook definition of grumpy while Danse was practically glowing. He was nice and dry thanks to his armor and his stupid looking BOS hood. I shot him a look, “I think I see a bit of rust on you armor.”

His eyebrows knitted together, “It wouldn’t rust that quickly.” He retorted.

I grumbled a reply and pushed the doors open, dust rushed to greet us as the door swung open. I covered my mouth and walked in. The main room laid in horrible disarray, the wasteland having already contaminated it. From what was left of the tattered pieces of marble and furniture that this foyer used to be something grand. Though now, there were holes in the wall, the front desk laid in shambles, and all surfaces had a thick blanket of dust and plaster covering them.

I hadn’t realized I had been staring until a robot had flown into my field of vision, thus startling me enough that I lost my footing and fell into Danse. He caught me of course, but that didn't do anything for my ego. My cheeks burned as he helped me stand up right, I hastily turned away from him to hide my flushed face. “Welcome to Cambridge Polymer Labs.”. It was a Miss Nanny named molly who had greeted us, “Employment opportunities await in the field of scientific research. Shall we begin your application now?”

I guess somebody hadnt given her the memo that the world ended,, “Sure, why not.”

Danse grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. He narrowed his eyes at me, “What are you doing?” He said with an exasperated tone. “Were here to look for tech, not play pretend with robots.”

“Well what better way to find tech than to have her show it to us. “I said,, “Not to mention the fact that this Miss Nanny robot is still alive after two hundred years of scavengers, mutants and other nastily things trying to get in, I’d bet we’d waste bullets trying to take her down.”

“You mean ‘it’. It’s a machine, not a person.” He drawled out. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, hopefully that would be the worse of what he could say when he met Nick. Doubtfully but one could hope right, “And fine, if your certain I’ll trust your judgment.”

Now that was surprising. But I didn’t question it further, didn’t want to press my luck or anything. “Lets begin the interview, due to increased demands for staff in all fields, we have condensed the employment testing accordingly. Question one, do you possess previous experience with Polymer synathsis.”

Polymer what now? Okay maybe this wasn’t a brilliant idea after all. “Uh, sounds like you need us regardless, so why don’t you throw us where you need it.”

“Calculating test results, “Molly replied, “I am pleased to offer you both jobs as research assistants!”

To save myself from any further scrutiny from Danse, we had told Molly to just show us where we needed to go. As we walked towards the lab I spared a glanced towards Danse, who did not look happy. His whole face twisted into what looked like a permanent scowl. I would have made some smart ass remark about it, if I had not seen the blue hue that colored underneath his eyes. They looked worse than when I had seen them the night before. He hasn't been sleeping, or at least not well. I felt a pang of concern at the thought. I have to make sure he gets some rest at some point today. No one, not even the invincible Danse could go long without a decent amount of sleep.

I wondered though, we had slept aboard the Prydwen last night, and while most of the places aboard the ship weren't the quietest, he had a whole room to himself to block out the traffic and voices of the ship. So noise couldn’t be a factor. And it’s not like he had guard duty last night, I would have been assigned to it with him. So if it wasn’t those factors, than what was it? I’d have to ask him before my worry confused me. I glanced towards Molly who waited for us at the end of the corridor. Best to wait until it was only the two of us. I’d get more out of him that way, he was getting a bit better at talking about things that were work related.

When we reached the Miss Nanny bot, she said in a pleasant tone as if she was smiling, “Now we do ask that you leave all personal effects locked up in our locker room, and if you would please wear these, “She said as she handed us both lab coats. “I’ll be waiting for you at the end of the hall, please join me when you are ready.”  Molly left not a moment after leaving me with the looming, very annoyed metal man.

“I am _not_ leaving my power armor and weapons here.” He said defiantly. “Who knows what’s lurking behind those doors.”

“Research equipment.”

His eyes narrowed at me, the dark circles only adding to his venomous glare. Okay, let’s try to not piss of the big guy today. “What’s gonna happen to it.” I added, “Especially if we take the core with us. We’ll just bring our small guns. We don’t want to piss off the robot now do we?”

“Machines cant feel emotions.” He snapped. Boy was he a short fuse when he didn’t get his beauty rest. “And for the record, I don’t like this.” Despite his grumbling, he had turned towards the locker room, “I also think that this is a terrible idea. “

“Noted,” I rolled my eyes and followed after him into the locker room. It wasn’t in the best of shape, but it didn’t look nearly as bad as the other rooms we had past. Thankfully a row of lockers were still upright, giving us some privacy as we changed. I heard the hiss of his armor as the locks disengaged, and the gears opened. You know, for all the time we’ve spent together I have never once seen him out of his armor. He wore that thing as if it were a second skin. Even at the police station he refused to get out of it for fear of an unforeseen attack. I felt my pulse quicken all the while thinking how much of a freak I was about being excited to finally see him

out of his armor. I hastily threw on my lab clothes, not bothering to button up the coat and called over to him, once I got his confirmation did I step out.

It took everything in me to not gawk at him. He was tall even without the suit. The suit had him at seven foot, without out it, I assumed he had to be six two. He still towered over my modest five foot eight stature. His height wasn’t the only thing that caught my attention. He was well built, the fabric of his lab coat pulled taut over the strong muscles. He left the flaps open, likely because he couldn’t button them over his chest. He even removed that dumb BOS hood, revealing thick black hair underneath. I would have thought he’d have it buzzed cut, but no it looked full and wavy and not messed up by the hood.

God, I wanted to run my fingers through it-

And were gonna end that train of thought right there. I thought as I tried to ease the heavy beating of my heart. He drew closer to me, sending and urge to back away, suddenly started by the closeness of him without his armor. I fought back my urge and stood my ground, “Is something the matter Gilmore?”

“Uh, yeah, “ I drawled out, geez, him out of his power armor was enough to bring me to a drooling brainless slob. I wonder what he’d looked like underneath the fabric-

Bad! Bad Emery no! “I mean yeah, it’s just that I always assumed that you and that power armor were glued together. Never thought you’d actually had skin underneath all that steel.” Smooth…

Danse looked to be battling his own discomfort, he gave a quick glance in my direction before his eyes found his rifle which he had left propped up against the locked. “I’m still bringing my rifle with me.” And the subject was changed, thank god.

 “Of course,” I nodded. Come on get a grip over your perverted thoughts Emery! “I plan on only  bringing my pistols in there, my sniper wouldn’t be of much good in close quarters anyway.”

He raised an eyebrow and glanced back towards me, “Since when do you know how to use a sniper rifle solider?”

“Since a month ago when I found one.” I smirked, “I think I prefer using them actually.” That and they were great for sneaking. All I had to do was get in a good spot and then bam!

He only nodded his head, a faint hue of pint still shaded his cheeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if my blush was darker than that. Gee this was starting off just dandy.

* * *

 

“So in hindsight, maybe this wasn’t the best idea.” I said as we left the cleaning room. The damn robot had sealed us in here, expecting us to finish a project that some of the greatest prewar minds couldn’t accomplish. Stupid mandatory overtime…this Elwood guy had to be freaking out of his mind to issue something like that.

And then, right when I thought being locked in a deserted laboratory wasn’t bad enough, the damn freaking robot fills the room with radiation! Even if it was for a short time, it was still enough to burn whatever skin that was exposed. I could practically feel the anger seethe out of Danse as we made our way out of the cleaning room, “You think?” He growled out. “This was a horrible plan!”

“Oh don’t be such a Debbie downer. I’m sure between the two of us, we can get this project done and be out of here by dinner!”

Danse brought a hand up to his forehead and began to rub his brows together, as if he was fighting off a headache, “Fine, but stick close, we still have no idea what’s out there.” He said his tone rigid. “If we run into any hostiles, let me handle the bulk of it.”

I watched him moved ahead of me to take point. Even after all this time he didn’t think I could handle myself. It’s been two months, did he really think I didn’t improve at all? I held my tongue from arguing with him, the big guy was already on edge enough, he didn’t need me arguing with him.

We ducked into the next room which looked as run down as the rest of the place. It was dark except for one light that shown over a fancy set of computers and monitors. The room itself was in shambles, pieces of wall and broken beakers littered the floor and surfaces, wires and ceiling fixtures hung long, almost hitting Danse as we walked in. A lone terminal sat on a desk that was covered with scattered lab equipment. “Maybe it has what we need to get out of here.” I wondered out loud. Without waiting for Danse’s answer I sat myself down and began to click through the files, silently thanking whoever that the terminal hadn’t been locked. My hacking skills were a far cry from Nick’s.

It had belonged to an Ericka Elwod-Woolum, wasn’t that the directors name. So the crazed director locked his wife in too.

They had been working on a type of power armor for the military, more specifically to convert ionizing radiation to electrical energy, to harvest compact energy. So basically whenever you took a trip through any type of radiation it would give your power core a jump start. “So I think the Brotherhood would find this useful after all.” I said to Danse who had leaned over me to look over my shoulder. I felt my cheeks burn but looked away ignoring the fact that we were so close, and he wasn’t in his armor. I could still feel the heat from his body as I played with the keys of the terminal. “S-so maybe this isn’t a total flop after all.”

“Total flop?”

“I mean, not a total waste of time.” I said. I knew people still tried to use pre-war lingo Preston tried-and failed-numerous times. Always cracked me up, kind of like my own person inside joke. Thankfully there was Nick who could share the laugh with me. Poor Preston…”If we can finish what they’ve started, we could bring it back and reproduce it somehow.”

“Outstanding,” He smiled. “But according to this researchers notes, it would seem they had a hard time figuring out what was going wrong. “

“Well, nothing a little good o’ fashion digging cant fix. And anway she says they almost got it done.” I said as I skimmed through the paragraphs, “If we can get our hands on these materials and any other notes, than we can just follow the directions they left behind.”

“Its always easier said than done.” He sighed.

“But that’s what makes it interesting. “I grinned, “Come on lets go look around for the materials.”

“You and I have a different definition of the word interesting.” He grumbled out.

I flashed him a smile then glanced back down at the terminal and browsed through the files a while longer. Danse had long since stood up, straightening himself as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. I could tell he was growing restless, but there could be more on this terminal that could help us.

So according to Ericka, they needed a substance labeled U-238, but hadn’t been able to obtain it thanks to Wilfred. Wilfred, that was his name, well at least I remembered the Will part. “It looks like Will locked himself up with sample 611, also locking another Researcher up with the U-238 in the Isotope room. So we just need to find the rooms with those samples and put them into that terminal over there. Sound simple enough.”

“Those normally turn out to be the harder missions.” He said pessimistically. “Let just hope we can find another way past those locked doors.”

I could pick locks, but not terminal or electronic doors.

We made our way to the door when my ears picked up on an ominous scrapping sound in the hall outside. The sound slow and drawn out, like feet dragging against the floor. The possibilities of what it could be rushed through my head in a blur. “Ferals,” Danse said his voice low, but it was enough to break me from my reverie. “Who knows how many are out there.”

“It’s just ferals.” I said as I checked the magazine of my 10mm. Full, good. “It’s not like a deathclaw or a Super Mutant horde are out there. What’s a couple of ferals?”

He let out a snort as he lifted his chin up,“You wont be saying that if there’s a glowing one solider.” Shit, I forgot there could be a possible glowing one out there. They were nasty and something I didn’t want to encounter. I would have enough Radaway and rad-x if we had the unfortunate luck to cross paths with one, but still, I’d like it if we didn’t. Danse took his laser rifle off his shoulder, “You cover my right, I’ll do the same for your left.”

“Roger, I’ll get the door.” The doors swung open alerting the ferals that wondered the room that there was “food” coming in. We made short work of them as they all zoned in on us. Thankfully no glowing one. “All clear,” I said as my eyes scanned the room. This hallway was the worst yet, and that water smelled horrible. Moldy and musky in the worst combination, and probably fermented for god knows how long.

Danse gave the room one final sweep, his eyes darting all around the hall. He lowered his weapon which gave me the all clear to follow suit. “Affirmative,” He said briskly. “Though I don’t doubt there are more in the other rooms. Stay on guard.”

I nodded and glanced around. There were several rooms to search, would be a lot to cover, and even though we knew which samples we needed, we didn’t know exactly where they were or if they had been displaced by the ghouls. “Instead of wasting time…” I said hesitantly, he wouldn’t like the idea I knew. But we didn’t have the time to spare, not if we wanted to get out of here and back on the road before morning.  “We should split up, we’ll cover more ground that way.”

His body tensed, and his grip tightened on his rifle. He stared at me, his eyes seemed to pierce right through me. I felt a shiver creep up my spin, and a voice whisper to back down, but I stayed firm, “Are you insane?” He said realizing I wasn’t serious, “We have no idea how many hostiles are littering this place.”

 I rolled my eyes, “Like I said, it’s just ferals. And they’re weak ones too.” I glimpsed down at the dead rotting mass near my feet. They were thinner than any of the other ferals I had ever come across, probably because they were trapped in here, just like us with nothing to feed on.

My body gave an involuntary shudder, we needed to get out of here before we ended up with no food or water. We had ration but not enough for a month. All the more reason to separate. “We’ll be able to find the samples faster and get out of here that much quicker.” I urged, “Isn’t it worth the risk? And anyway we’ll be within ear shot of one another, so if anything should happen one of us well scream bloody murder and the other will come running.”

His lips pressed into a thin line, “Fine, “He said reluctantly. “ But we check back in in thirty minutes, and signal me if you need help.”

I gave him a nasty look, “And why do you think I’ll need to signal?” I said placing my hands on my hips, “Maybe you might need my help.”

“Because, “He said quipped, “You’re the one who always gets into trouble. Or manages to get injured somehow.”

I couldn’t suppress the surge of anger rise to my chest at his casual barb, “Well, we’ll just have to see then!” I snapped, I knew it was only a halfhearted joke on my abilities but it did have some truth behind it. I turned on my heels and headed up the stairs. My rational side told me to calm down. But I couldn’t, for some reason, whether it was my stubborn pride or the fact that Danse had poked fun at a sore topic, I couldn’t cool the anger I felt over the matter. I knew I wasn’t much of a fighter, but that didn’t mean I needed constant reminders from everyone, especially from Danse who just yesterday said he trusted me. If I always found trouble and got injured like he said, than why even put up with me? Why sponsor me?

 _‘I see potential in you…’_ His words echoed in my head and slowly my anger deflated and I was left with a sense of regret wash over me for how I had snapped at him like that. I could have handled his joke better. I’d have to say something to him later, there was work to be done and I didn’t want to linger.

I looked around my surroundings with a sense of anxiety. Danse’s warning finally sinking in. Who knows what else is in this shit hole. While I had finally gotten used to seeing feral ghouls I still hadn’t gotten past the sounds they make. Those moans and the ear piercing screeches they would use right before they charged at you with they would give off right before they charged with inhuman like speed. Still gave me the chills.

I was slowly adjusting to the horrors that the wasteland threw at me, though many things still shocked and horrified me. Deathclaws, now those were things I’d never get used to. They were just the right combination of scary intelligent and belligerent, that just hearing the word sent shivers down my spin. I had only ever encountered one and barely survived it.

The sound of human like gurgling brought me out of my train of thought. Quickly I pressed against the wall nearest the door where I heard the sound coming from. I knew I could handle ferals, but Danse’s threat of a glowing one sent my nerves on fire. They were meaner than any ghoul I’ve ever faced before. I didn’t want to encounter one, especially up close.

I stayed pressed against the wall for seemed like ages, holding my breath and trying to hear though the noise of my pounding heart. I was being silly, I told myself, it’s only a feral. At last I inched toward the door, my pistol held firmly in my hand. I jumped into the room right as a feral began to stand up after sensing my presence. Two shots had been enough to keep it from getting back up. A laugh bubbled its way up my throat. I was being foolish. I had to get a grip. I could handle ferals, its nothing I haven’t faced before.

I had to shake this feeling off before Danse saw me, his words might have been told as a joke, but that didn’t mean he didn’t at least think some of it was true. I had to show him I could handle myself alone out here.

The room was a storage room, beakers and microscopes, cans and a few coffee mugs were left on the shelf. Plenty of materials to salvage but no samples. I made a mental note to come back here later when we weren't locked in. I exited the small room and looked around the main part of the room, which had a few desk and broken monitors on them. One desk in particular stood out to me, I peered over the broken down terminal to see a skeleton wearing sunglasses was perched at it. I drew a closer look revealing a cup next to a bottle of rat posing and a container next to a suicide note, but unfortunately it wasn’t the sample we needed.

I picked up the note carefully, the paper was worn with age and even the slightlest of moments could brush off the ink, or tear the edges. Apparently Ericka and the others had tried to crawl through the vents and try to reach Will in the other room. But Will had set up some sort of defense to stop whoever tried to get in there.

 I glanced back down at the Skelton whose name had been Tom. I felt a ping of pity as I placed the note back down. They had been so close to finishing the project, so close to getting out, but then it all fell apart. What they all must have gone through right before they all died. Tom had taken his life unsure of what the radiation was doing him. Maybe if he had know he would have survived it, maybe he wouldn’t have taken his life. But these people didn’t know or understand ghoulification. And Ericka died up there in the vents, before she got a chance to see her husband again.

I let out a deep sigh and looked towards the hole in the ceiling, so they could use the vents to get into the room with the password in it. Hopefully the turrets Will had hacked into weren't operational. I casted a glance towards the exit, should I tell Danse I wondered. It wasn’t the thirty minute mark, and I still had fifteen more minutes. I could get he password and be back in ten. As long as I didn’t run into any trouble along the way. God I hope there weren't any ferals up there. The thought of crawling into one of them was enough twist my insides.

I climbed my way up and through the vents, going at a cautious speed. The vent was littered with gaps and I didn’t want to fall through one just to get trapped within another room.

I turned the corner and froze, a skeleton in a dress dangled above a hole in the vent. That must be Ericka, I thought as my heart fell. I pushed aside my feelings of pity. That must be the room  Will had locked himself in. I thought trying to busy my mind, I couldn’t dwell on the past, I had to move forward.

I carefully shimmied my way past Ericka’s skeleton, gingerly moving around it so I wouldn’t knock it down. As soon as I pushed myself off the edge, I heard that all too familiar gurgle sound, oh fuck me.

I landed, but not on solid ground, instead I landed right on the ghoul below me. I screamed as its rotted hands swiped at me. I vaguely heard Danse shouting for me, but I was too busy pushing the ghoul off.  I finally broke free and blasted the ghoul point blank, again it didn’t take much. I panted and tried to examine my back, I could feel the burn of scratch marks but I couldn’t see them. I’d have to have Danse inspect them-Danse! I speedily scrambled my way off the ground and pressed myself to the window, sure enough he was out in the atrium, shouting for me. I couldn’t barely hear him through the glass, and if I could barely hear him, he probably wouldn’t be able to hear me.

My eyes hastily scanned the room, I ran over to the terminal to quickly inspect it. It belonged to will, I glanced down at the ghoul and felt a pang of guilt. That must have been Will at one point. I pinched my eyes shut, I had killed one of Nate’s friends. I tried to fight off the remorse and revulsion that rushed over me. What would Nate think? How would he react to his friends fate?

No, now is not the time for those thoughts. I quickly browsed the files, but what laid outside the terminal drew my focus entirely. Sitting next to the terminal was sample 611 and a small holographic labeled Isotope room. Bingo!

I didn’t browsed the rest of the files, I didn’t have time, I could still hear Danse yell for me, his voice growing with concern. I glanced back out the window, I could see Danse making his way upstairs in search for me. My irritation spiked remembering our previous conversation. I was the first to scream out, just like he said. Jesus fuckin-I hated being the damsel in distress. Even though I had gotten out of trouble by myself, it wouldn’t matter to Danse in the slightest, he would still think I had managed to get myself into trouble.

I paused right before the door, my eyes hovering over the old fashion laser trip beam that was rigged to the door. I stared at it for a moment in disbelief, how the hell did Will rig this thing, and how the hell has it lasted this long?

Disabling was a snap and I soon found myself on the other side of the door. I carefully picked my way back over to the safer side of the walkway just as danse ran out of the first room on the top floor. He saw me instantly and a look of wild concern and surprise glazed over his features, but then were concealed when his faced pinched with anger. “Where were you? And what was that scream about?” He hissed when he made his way over to me.

“Oh, I landed on a ghoul,” I said nonchalantly rolling my shoulders. “I’m fine, I also found the sample we needed and the password to the Isotope room.” I finished with a wide grin.

He opened his mouth to say something then promptly closed it. “Good.” Was all he ended up saying before he walked down the stairs.

I watched him for a moment while shifting my weight from one foot to the other. While I was still frustrated and angry at him, I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Sure he thought I couldn’t really handle myself, but he was worried about me, “Danse,” I said as I caught up with him. “Thank you for worrying, it really was nothing, just took me by surprise when the floor suddenly moved beneath me.”

He gave me a small nod before he rubbed the back of his neck. “I heard you scream and I-“ He looked down to the ground, “I’m glad your alright soilder.” He said gruffly.

“How about we go and get those last samples and get the hell outta here?” I said trying to lighten the mood.

He lifted his head up and gave me a small grin, “Affirmative.” He then picked up a item off the ground and handed it to me. “I found this sample, along with a hazmat suit. I believe it’s one of the ones we need.”

“Good work there big guy.” I said, “One down, one to go. We’ll be outta here in no time.”

He took both samples from me and we headed back to the terminal to unlock the Isotope room. “Now be prepared.” He cautioned as I turned on the terminal. “Who knows what behind those doors.”

“Overly cautious today aren't you.” I joked trying to ease my own anxiousness. I still had no idea why I was so on edge. Maybe because Danse was. “ I had read a terminal saying how Will had locked one of the other researchers in the Isotope room. So its probably a feral or a skeleton.”

Danse eyed me dubiously, “Why do you keep referring back to this Will as if you know him?”

“Uh…” Why was he so perceptible at the worst times? “I had a friend named Will once.” That must have been the worst lie I had ever told. Danse didn’t seem to buy it, but I didn’t give him anymore time to think about it for I had punched in the password, “I’m in.”

“Outstanding.” He said thought I could still detect a hint of annoyance in his tone. I bit my lip and turned back to the terminal. I really needed to learn to watch what I say, especially around him That or I needed to tell him that big secret of mine…. “Can you unlock the doors?”

“Yes, but once I do, it says an alarm will sound, it could draw out whatever else is lurking in the lab.” I said as my eyes scanned over the warning message.

“Let’s get in there.”

* * *

 

Damn that siren was loud. I thought as we made our way back towards the Isotope room. However right when we were about to enter, a sound crackled from my Pipboy. “Rads.” Danse said,It wasn’t a whole lot, but I’m sure it would be worse if we got closer.

A green glow from behind Danse drew my attention. I quickly crouched below and shuffled past him, he hissed out, “Solider, what are you doing?” But I ignored him. I peered over the glass as silently as possible in case my suspicions were correct.

Sure enough, a glowing one was wandering around in the isotope room, unbothered by the wail of the siren.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I slumped against the wall. Fucking fantastic, of course there was a stupid freaking glowing one in here.

That must be Mary. A small part of my mind observed.

Danse finally saw the glow, realization washed over his face. “The hazmat suit wont fit you.” I said knowing he had planned to go in there, “And your not going in there without some form of protection against the radiation.” No way was I about to let him take in a unhealthy amount of rads just cause I didn’t want to kill the robot.

He narrowed his eyes at me, “And just what are you suggesting?” He said his tone sharp. “You cant possibly go in there.”

“And why not?” I challenged, “That hazmat suit will fir me just fine.

“Because you aren't equipped with a heavy weapon, all you have is a 10mm and that wont be enough to take down a glowing one.” He said his back stiff with stress. “That and you don’t the experience against one, not like I do.”

“I’ve fought one before!” I threw back. I had been several feet away and had been sniping the walking glow stick. “And you cant go in there, that room is leaking with radiation.”

“Than I’ll just have to be quick-”

“Danse that doesn't make any sense. Just let me go, the hazmat suit will fit me just fine.” I argued. God he could be so damn stubborn. “I bet if it was anyone else you would let them go! “

He shot me a glare, “I am your Senior Officer, I will make the call on who goes in there. And I’m going.”

I felt a vein in my neck twitch, “Not out here your not! Were not on an official Brotherhood mission.” I said coldly as I snatched the hazmat suit away from him. “Right now were teammates and as your teammate I’m telling your right now that I’m not about to let you walk in that rad soaked room without any protection! The suit fits me, so I’m going in whether you want me to or not.”

I quickly slipped into the horrid color suit as if it was a second skin, all while avoiding Danse. I knew he would be pissed with my tone but I didn’t care. How dare he try and play the senior officer card?I thought we were getting closer? He said as much last night?

He didn’t say anything as I finished zipping up the jumpsuit. I stole a look at him, his posture was stiff and the muscles in his jaw were rigid. He was glaring at the wall but I could tell he wanted to use that look on me. I shook my head feeling my own frustration boil. “Watch my back from the door.” I said as I turned away.

I could hear the breath he let out before he reloaded his rifle, “Affirmative.” He said with an abrasive tone. I knew we’d probably have a discussion about they way I had spoken to him, but I didn’t care. He needed to see how pig headed he was being.

“Its just one fucking ghoul anyway.” I said with a shrug of my shoulders. I’ve faced plenty of feral ghouls before, this one wasn’t any different.

* * *

 

Its just one fucking ghoul I repeated as I crept into the room. I could hear my pipboy going nuts as I drew closer to the center of the room. I stepped into the pool of water as silently as I could. Danse’s gaze bore into my back as I made my way to a nearby shelf. I wanted to turn around and reassure him that I was fine, but I had to keep my focus on the glowing one to my right. Thankfully its back was turned to me giving me time to hide behind a shelf before it turned around, hollow empty eyes staring at the spot I had been in.

I casted a glance over to the door where Danse was watching from the window, his brow furrowed. I gave him a thumbs up, he returned it with a glare, the lines of his brow increased. His eyes shifted back to the glowing one then back to me, silently warning me to keep my sights on him.

Don't have to tell me that, I tried to convey with a shake of my head. He returned it with an exasperated breath.

I turned my focus back towards the glowing one who had begun to walk in front of the shelf I was hiding behind, it slowly walked while dragging its feet in an eerie fashion. The scraping of decayed flesh against floor echoed in my ears. As it walked past  it let out a chill sending moan.

I hadn’t realized I had been holding my breath until the ghoul had reached the far left wall. How's my chance, I cautiously edged away from my hiding spot and was out in the open. I threw a look to my left, its green glowing back faced me. I could see every creepy detail on its flesh. Shadows were casted in the shape of its rob bones. I suppressed a shudder and pushed onward.My objective laid neatly on the shelf in front. It was smaller than the other samples.

Now just have to pick it up and we can-

A guttural feral shriek broke my concentration. My hand instinctually went to my holstered pistol as a cold sweat trickle led down my forehead, I had turned wide eye in time to see the glowing one crouched down low, about to charge. I had mere seconds before it would jump me. I hastily grabbed the sample and withdrew my pistol in time to duck out of the way as the glowing one threw itself at me.

I rolled away from the mass of limbs and jumped to my feet. The sudden flow of adrenaline steadied my hand as my instincts took over. I took a firm grip over my pistol as well as the sample and delivered two quick shots to the walking night light’s knees. It let out an inhuman howl as it crumbled into a heap. Its howls of pain cried out as I emptied my magazine into its chest.

It still wouldn’t die. Another pump of adrenaline coursed threw me as if I had been hooked up to an IV of the stuff. I could feel my anger and frustration overwhelm the fear I felt. In two quick strides I stood in front of the feral. I didn’t know where this sudden fury boiled from, whether it stemmed from my anger towards Danse, or from my own frustration towards myself, I was unsure. But in that moment all I felt was an uncontrollable amount of fury as I bludgeoned the feral with the handle of my gun.. It’s head hit the floor with a satisfying thud.

I quickly reloaded my pistol as the feral picked itself up, it hissed as the bullets fell from the entry sites. It raised its head just as I raised my gun. It’s black soulless eyes bore into mine as I shot it point blank. It’s head exploding sending a shower of putrid irradiated blood and bits of decaying brain and flesh into the sky and all over the hazmat suit I was wearing.

I was dimly aware of Danse’s presence in the room as all my fury and adrenaline flood out of my body. Without the constant flow of adrenaline, my limbs felt heavy as my breaths came out in heaves. Danse stood beside me now, and I could feel the ghost of that fury spike up. I gave him a glare as I pushed him to the door. He could have stopped me if he wanted to simply by standing still. But he allowed it for some reason. Once we were both out of the field of radiation, I threw off the helmet and tossed it haphazardly to the ground. My hair clung  to my face and neck but I didn’t care. “Why the hell did you go in there!” I yelled louder than I had intended. A dim part of me cautioned that I shouldn’t be yelling at my commanding officer as if he were a child, but in that moment my anger lapsed my better judgment. Why’d he have to brave the radiation just to try and help me when I didn’t need it drove me mad. Didn’t he trust me even in the slightest?

He returned  my seething glare with a icy one of his own. He straightened to his full height towering over me. He kept a level tone despite his angered expression, “You had engaged a hostile and needed my help.”

He was intimidating, if I wasn’t as furious as I was I might have backed down. I’m sure if anyone else was in my position they’d back down, or they wouldn’t even be in this situation in the first place. “I handled that just fine!” I hissed out. “You didn’t need to go in there!”

“It didn’t look that way where I was standing.” He threw back.

That did nothing but fuel my fury, “Danse you cant always control every situation you go against.” I said with an abrasive tone, “You try but you cant!”

 “I though you said you believed in my, or was that lol just in the moment crap!” He said he trusted me, he said he thought of me as a friend and someone he trusted. Why were we now all of sudden back to commanding officer and knight?

His eyes seemed to have pierced through me he glared as if I had become invisible to him or he couldn’t bare to even look at me. I felt my knees tremble under his stare, but I didn’t back down. My own anger keeping me going at this point. “I don’t regret my decision.” He said in a firm tone. “I would do it again.”

We were almost nose to nose by this time, Danse was flushed with frustration and I felt the blood rising to my own face. “Well I do,” I said bluntly. “You could have and you might have sucked up to much radiation! And you know whose fault it would have been? Mine!! Because I am a screw up and people get hurt because of me!” That was the underline cause for this whole thing. I was furious with him, for him not trusting me and putting himself in danger, though I knew, at least the more rational part of me knew that it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help but be worried about his teammates and friends. He didn’t want to lose someone he was closed to again, and I was that person. I couldn’t hold onto my anger towards him after that. No I realized that I was furious with myself. I was frustrated that I I couldn’t show him that I’d be alright, that I couldn’t see past my anger and realize he was only concerned about me, not that he thought I couldn’t handle myself.

I was suddenly feeling drained both after my encounter with the glowing one and after our argument. I didn’t want to fight any more I didn’t have the eagerly to keep it up, “look, lets just get these samples back to the lab and get out of here.”

 I turned around and began walking back towards the main lab room. I heard his footfalls behind me yet he remained quiet as I unzipped the suit and threw it in a garbage can. Don't think I could get anymore use out of it. I sat the samples down in their designated spots and sat off to work.

According to the terminal, the coating would take a few hours. For it to set in and be at optimal proficiency. “Why don’t  you get some sleep.” I said, “The armor wont be done for a while, and I doubt there are any hostile left in the-“

“I’m fine.” He said cutting me off,

I pinched the bridge of my nose, I didn’t want another round of us arguing with each other, but I knew he needed sleep even if he claimed he didn’t. The dark circles under his eyes were proof of that,. “Danse, please.” I urged. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and if there are any hostile than I’ll wake you up before engaging I promise.”

Come on big guy meet me half way.

He gave me a sharrp look as if he were about to protest but he relented, giving out a frustrated sigh, and shrugged off his undersized lab coat and turned into into a makeshift pillow. He laid down his ack facing me.  Guess he didn’t want another argument either. Hopefully we both would cool off by the time he woke up.

I watched him for a while to make sure he did fall asleep. Sure enough after a few minutes his breathing slowed. At least we wouldn’t argue for a while. I thought as I stared back at the monitor, two percent done.

Well, we weren't getting outta here tonight.

* * *

 

The rhythmic clicking of keys drifted to his ears and it was accompanied by the low humming of a high pitches voice.. Soft steady and peaceful. It was faint and calm and he enjoyed listening to it. He heard the sound of water distantly in the background, louder and louder it grew until it became a rush of waves upon sand. The sound of a vertibirds propellers roared above him. He heard someone call out to move forward.

He ran, his heart pounding in his chest as he pushed open the metal doors and was engulfed in darkness-

-air was thick with salt and rancid scent of decaying flesh. Musky scent of stagnated water mixed in.

A scream echoed around him and he felt a sense of urgency swell within him. He ran faster and faster, footfalls falling in tuned with the screaming.

The darkness around him melted and dead bodies and piles of bones, flesh and blood grew around him. The scream grew louder as a figure appeared before him. One side was larger, more grotesque than the other more human side. His heart thundered against his chest as the creature turned. Holotapes dug into the monster neck. His eyes gazed down at him, pleading as tears ran down the more human looking face., “Help me Danse.” The monster cried.

Frozen unable to move or reach out, he could only watch as the monster engulfed the humanity of his friend, until nothing but an abomination remainder. Its features knurled into a sneer as it let out wails of inhuman laughter.

It charged

He panicked.

Gun fire and a monstrous scream of pain.

“CUTLER!”

* * *

 

Danse awoke with a start. Where was he? His mind raced. He rose a hand up to brush back his hair as he tried to slow his breathing. At one he recognized it. The quickening of his heartbeat, the uneasy flow of his breathing, the cold chill that raced down his spine. Breath he ordered as he squeezed his eyes closed. Steady, not here not now.

He took one deep breath and slowly he eased his heartbeat, as his breaths slowed. Calm down, not here not now. He chanted over and over as if the words were a magic spell. His mind gained control over his frantic emotions. Not here, not now, not in front of-

His eyes snapped open, alertness flooding through him and a whole different type of anxiousness settled within him.

Where was Gilmore?

He stood up quickly and rushed to the door, it whirled open and a smell that burned his eyes rushed to greet him. The air around him was thick with the burning scent of rotten flesh.

A sense of dread filled him and he tried to block out the images of his nightmare.

Gilmore had promised she’d wake him if anything were to happen. He would have been furious with her, if he wasn’t so anxious.

Upstairs he could see thick black smoke coming from the room Gilmore found the password in.

He took the stairs four by four, he picked up speed before he vaulted over the missing piece of floor, his feet slamming against the tile as he crouched to absorb the shock. He gripped his rifle and drew it to his chest. The scent was stronger now, the fumes burned his lungs with each breath he took. He reached the door in a few quick strides. It was propped open by two heavy chairs allowing the air to filter out. Thoughts were chasing themselves though Danse’s mind. Why was there a fire did Gilmore Light the up a ghoul and herself? His feat was mounting now. What awaited him when he entered the room.

He closed his eyes, and braced himself. Silently hoping he wouldn’t find her sprawled out. He couldn’t,-it couldn’t end that way. Not after the argument they had, not before he had the chance to-

Pushing all of his thoughts aside he entered the room, gun at the ready to find Gilmore standing  in front of a pile of burning dead ferals. She’s alright, he thought at once, the trepidation flowing out of him only to be replaced by confusion. “Gilmore?” He said cautiously.

She stood stock-still for a moment as if she was a criminal caught in the act. But after a moment, she shook herself slightly, her hands moved to her face, She turned around, “Your awake.” She spoke calmly but all color had faded from her face.

He felt his heart clench at the sight, “What’s wrong?” He asked his voice revealing the concern he felt.

That had caught her off guard, the look of surprise graced her features as she turned away from him. “It’s nothing, I-“ She stopped herself and had looked back down at the pyre, reminding Danse his reason for coming here.

He closed the distance between them and noticed how Gilmore shied away from him. Concern gripped him once more. She had always been the one to reach out, not afraid of how close she was with the person. Was she still that angry with him?. “What's going on?” He pressed with a much firmer tone, “Why are you burning these bodies?”

She looked up at him and he could see her fumbling for words. “I couldn’t bury them…I didn’t know how else to-I thought, “She looked away from him, and let out a deep sigh, “I thought maybe I should cremate them, a funeral of sorts since they never got one.”

“But why?” She had killed ferals before, sure she had been hesitant at first, but she grew accustomed to it. He had seen the fear some vault dwellers had at seeing a feral for the first time, but this wasn’t fear she was feeling. It looked like remorse?

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. Danse had never seen her like this, so vulnerable looking. She always held herself so confidently, with a spark that burned in her eyes. He felt his heart sink at the sight. She spoke again, “Its different when you put a name to the body.” She then looked back down at the fire, “They’ve been trapped here for so long, not to mention that most of them didn’t just die, but had been mutated into something else. Can you imagine what that must had been like, to change into something and not know why or how? These people didn’t know what ghouls were, they didn’t have them back before the war. Could you imagine what they must have felt when they saw their reflection for the first time, or when slowly they lost their minds and turned feral? I just though I could finally let them be at peace or something.”

“They are just ferals.”

She turned back to him sharply, the fire in her eyes had returned, blazing with an anger that surprised him. “They were once people!” She snapped, “They had lives and families once! Sure it’s easy to think that before they have a name!” Why did she care so much, these ferals had been long since being human. They were nothing more than mere husk of their former selves.

He glanced down at the burning pile and felt something, remorse? But why? The Brotherhood taught him that ferals needed to be exterminated because they weren't human, because they couldn’t be reasoned with. Why feel remorse when you kill something that's not even human.

Because it had once been human, he realized. They had been people once, just like Gilmore said. They had been able to think and feel things. Had friends and family that care about them, before the radiation had mutated them into something less than human.

Like Cutler…

Danse let out a sigh and looked back down at Gilmore who still glared at him, her eyes seemed to pierced right into him, making him shift his weight uncomfortably. He didn’t know why she had this effect on him, how she could get him to feel things he never thought he could. Especially towards ferals. “Your right…” He said slowly surprising himself with his own words..

She stared at him, the glare fading from her face. She looked away from him and back down to the fire, the bodies had slowly turned to ash. Danse was surprised they had burned that quickly, but then again they didn’t have much to them, just rotten flesh and bone.

Like the piles where he had found Cutler.

He took in a sharp breath. Think of another topic, think of anything other than Cutler. Anything…

Like the argument he had with Gilmore.

His stomach twisted at the memory and a sense of regret gripped him, “Gilmore-“

“I better go  and get an extinguisher before the fire gets out of control.” She cut in. She turned to leave without another glance towards him.

He deflated, she was still mad at him Didn’t she-couldn’t she see he had only stepped in in order to protect her. She was under his charge, and if she had died in front of him like the others, he would never forgive himself.

But the way she had yelled at him was another matter entirely.

If it had been anyone else he’d have them shipped back to the Prydwen and assigned to some mundane chore like cleaning the entire airship top to bottom, or keeping the sand off of the airbase. If she had challenged Maxon or Kells with that attitude she’d have been demoted so fast her head would spin.

He wasn't sure why he had been so lenient with her? Was it because of their new found friendship?

That must be it.

Gilmore returned with a solemn air around her. She didn’t take her eyes off the fire when she administered the foam. The fire was smothered instantly, leaving only an oozing foam and ash mixture on the floor.

They stood there in an uncomfortable silence. He felt his brows furrowed. He hated this! Hated the silence and tension. She was his partner, could she understand that he had wanted to keep her safe? _‘And do you know whose fault it would have been mine!’_ Her words echoed in his mind, ‘ _Because I am a screw up and people get hurt because of me!’_

Did she really believe that?

He felt his heart drop down to his stomach in realization. Of course she did, between Knight Rhys’s constant reminders and his actions-however justified they were-today were enough to make her think that way. He had to set things straight.  “Gilmore I-“

“Look.” She interrupted, looking back at him, “I know your not going to forgive me for my actions earlier, I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but you need to understand that I didn’t want you risking yourself for me.”

He stared at her stunned. She shouldn’t be concern with his safety. He told himself immediately. He was her commanding officer he was- but the more he thought about it the more his line of thinking didn’t make sense. He was her commanding officer, and it was his duty to ensure her safety, but they were also friends. He wouldn’t deny that they had become closer since they first met. He had been honest when he said she was as close to him as Cutler had been. But at the same time, couldn’t she see that that was why he wanted to keep her safe. He even in a way told her he couldn’t lose someone close like that again.

Before he could even think of what to reply with, she jumped in taking full advantage of his silence, “I just need you to know that even if I’m probably the most reckless, jumpy, non military type of charge you ever had, I can handle the situation I’m in-most of the time. And I need you to know I have your back too.” She paused, “I need you to trust me like you said you do.”

“Gilmore I do trust you I-“ He stopped when she turned to him.

She raised her head so she could look him in the eye. Slowly she smiled, it wasn’t one of her normal wide expressive smiles, it was much smaller and sadder than she’d normally give. It made him feel something he couldn’t quite place, concern? Worry? Disappointment? “I’m sorry Danse, for everything, the lies, the running away-which I know you still haven’t forgiven me for.” She said as she eyed him down the ghost of her fire peaking out. “And for my actions today, if we had just dismantled Molly than we wouldn’t be in this mess. And for the way I shouted at you, it was disrespectful.”

He stared at her for a moment, processing her words. He felt confusion build in his mind, not at her. But towards himself. As her senior officer, it was his duty to put her back in line. To address her behavior today, it was boarder line insubordinate.But she was right, they weren't out here on official Brotherhood orders, they were just teammates, and friends.

“Danse,” She called out waking him from his thoughts, “You okay there bug guy?” The use of his nickname brought a smile to his face.

“I’m fine Gilmore, I just…”He trailed off trying to find the words. He didn’t want to sat anything that would cause her to bottle up and distance herself from him, yet he had to be her Ensor officer.

Oh, what a thin line he walked.

“Gilmore, I’m sorry for my actions today as well. While I may have thought they were validated, you proved to me that they were unnecessary.” He said, slowly he began to feel that all to familiar creepy sense of nervousness and embarrassment pool in his chest whenever he dealt with situations such as these. Before he met Gilmore he’d never have these types of conversations. Not even with Cutler. It was unfamiliar territory and he didn’t like being unprepared for it. “I’m sorry that I made it seem like I didn’t trust you, that I left you with the wrong impression. I need to realize that you can handle yourself…I just don’t want to see anyone under my care get injured.”

She let out a small laugh which caused his stomach to do flips. “I’ll forgive you but on one condition big guy.”

Somehow he believed she already did without the use of her ‘condition’, yet he’d play along. “And what's that?”

“Use my first name like you said you’d would.”

Why she wanted him to was a mystery to him. “I’ll try.” He said slowly his cheeks burning. Why did she have this effect over him? He’d call people by their first name before. Why was she so different?

She flashed him one of her big grins that at once settled his discomfort, but made him feel confused at the same time. Why did he feel that way and for that matter what as it that he even felt? He had never felt quite like this before. He had been comfortable around Cutler so it wasn’t because she was his friend…so what was it?

“Good,” She said, her tone normal and calm, “Now why don’t we head back and check on the armor, before I left it said it was eighty-five percent done”

“Affirmative.” While he still felt that some anxiety over the confusing friendship he had with her, it was nice to know that they were hood with one another.

They had walked back to the main lab with a comfortable silence over them. They had reached the stairs when Gilmore-Emery, he corrected himself, looked over her shoulder towards him. He saw concern flash through her face before she asked, “Did you get any sleep?” Even though she concealed the concern on her face with a smile, her tone told him otherwise.

He frowned, his sleeping habits were a topic he did not like to discuss with anyone, not even her. When Cade had approached him on the topic he had tried to brush him off. Reluctantly he was forced to tell Cade, after the doctor had practically threatened to go to Maxon if he didn’t speak to him about it. Cade had recommending he be removed from active duty, but Danse had put an end to that line of thought instantly. He was fine, he just didn’t sleep well, what person did in this nightmarish wasteland. And he had been able to sleep better, until four months ago when he lost most of his squad…

But this brought on a whole new problem.  She couldn’t know anything about his dreams.. He couldn’t look weak in her eyes. No one could. He brought a hand up to his neck to rub it. “Yes, thank you.”

She raised an eyebrow and for a moment Danse feared she had been about to press the matter further. Instead though, she shook her head and kept walking, leaving him to wonder if she suspected anything. He needed to be more careful, he couldn’t give anything away.

* * *

 

When they had reached the lab, they had been alerted to a bing noise form the main terminal. “Good, it’s done.” Emery sighed out as she bent over to read the terminal, “Geez that took all night, I never thought it be done.”

“All night?” He repeated, “How long did you let me sleep for?”

She turned her head towards him, “Well you looked like you reeaally needed some sleep so I…” She trailed off suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Eight hours.”

Eight hours? “You should have woken me up!” He said sternly.

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, but then shook her head, “Maybe, “She said causally with a shrug of her shoulder, “But like I said you looked like you needed it, and I think you could use some more too.”

Danse’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. He realized this and closed it abruptly, coughing.

“But what about you?” He said quietly not being able to come up with something else. Her statement had thrown him off guard.

“You needed it more than I did,” She threw back casually. She then looked back down at the screen, “The armor should come out that window over there on the wall.”

He let the matter drop for now, not wanting to ignite another argument. She shouldn’t do things like that for him, she shouldn’t feel the need to. He was her senior officer, he was supposed to look out for her, not the other way around.

But wasn’t that what friend do? He wondered. He had always looked out for Cutler like that. Always made sure the two of them never got too drunk. Was there when he needed him. But Cutler and him had been the same rank, not like Emery and himself. He was her commanding officer, there had to be ground of professionalism.

He really needed to find a good balance of the two.

Emery moved snapping Danse out of his thoughts. She walked over to the small window and withdrew an armor chest plate. When she tried to lift it up however she struggled causing a a small chuckle to escape from his lips. “Allow me solider.” He smiled lifting it with ease.

She rolled her eyes, “What a gentlemen.” She said sarcastically, though her eyes lit up with amusement, “Now I know who to ask for when my bag gets to heavy to carry,”

“Either that or you could pick up less junk.”

“Hey!” She snapped, “My stuff is not junk!”

He let out a scoff and smirked, “Even when I was a junk collector I would pass at a lot of the things you pick up. “ He said, “ And what do you call that monkey automaton you found a while back?”

“Useful scrap.”

“Sure.” He grinned enjoying their banter. He could feel the rest of his anxiety over their previous altercation fade with each smile she gave him. He felt his cheeks burn suddenly and he quickly looked down at the chest piece. Focus on the mission at hand! He scolded himself. The Piezonucleic power armor piece looked like any other T-51 chest plate but had been rusted with age and disuse. Hopefully the gears and screws were in better condition, but they could be replaced if needed. They would also have to field test it, make sure it was at optimal proficiency before replicating it. All in all this was a successful mission, even if they had had no choice but to complete it.

“Since were gonna have to field test the thing, why don’t you do it?” Emery said looking up at him, “I know it wont match your T-60 model but who care about fashion around here?”

“It’s your find, and you’re the one that figured out how to finish it.” He said lifting his eyebrow up, “You should test it.”

She shook her head dismissively, her copper hair bouncing around her. “After all the unneeded stress o put you through to get it, I think you should have it.” She smiled, “And anyway, you’re the big power armor buff, you’ll be able to get the most use out of it.”

He couldn’t argue with that one, “Alright.” He smirked, “Why don’t we get out of here?”

She smiled, and her eyes lit up mischievously, “Affirmative sir?” She said in a mocking tone.

He only grinned back at her. A light and peaceful feeling enveloping him as he watched her head out. Things were good between them, more than good.

-Chapter End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna ed turned here since most of us know how the mission ends, and I don’t want to repeat what everyone already knows. And oh boy is this chapter freaking long! I didn’t intend for it to be this long so sorry parts might have been a bit boring. I do try to make chapters long, just cause books tend to give you 20 or 30 pages worth so thats what i try to do. If anyone feels like i might have gone a bit overboard, let me know and I'll try to break it up. I would have with this one but I i felt like i had to do this one mission in one go.
> 
> And on another note, I and still looking for a beta so if anyone is interested let me know please!
> 
> Also let me know how I did with Danse. He’s a confusing character to write about, and I’ve never had to write a character who has a military background or that suffers from PTSD. So please let me know. Feed back is great!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always welcomed!


	4. The Truth comes out Eventually

“It’s a shame these people have to live in fear, sheltering in this old stadium when all those perfectly good buildings are still standing outside.” Danse said as we walked into Diamond City.

“Do you want to start up a brotherhood task force to clear out the city of all those nasty badies and then keep it clear?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

He shot me a look, “ The Brotherhood cant possibly spare the men, not when were fighting the Institute.” He argued back, “I only meant-“

I put a hand out to stop him, “I know what you meant, I was only teasing. No need to get your Knickers in a twist.” Once the Minutemen grew some more and we had heavier artillery, I planned on taking back parts of Boston. Maybe some day…

Danse sniffed, “You certainly like your prewar lingo.”

“Call it a force of habit.” I sighed out.

I caught him smiling, but then it was smothered by a frown, “Cutler used to love prewar sayings. He would try to slip it into conversations with people. He was obsessed with anything prewar related, especially books.” He said his gaze transfixed ahead, unfocused.  “He would try to get his hands on any prewar book he could find. In just our bunker we had a small library, all  kept in a ‘organized mess,’ as he would phrase it. I remember being so frustrated with him when he would separate from the group on missions just to go loot a place he saw for books.”

Danse had kept most of Cutler’s collection at the Prydwen while adding a few of his own he found on missions. The others he had donated to the younger scribes, to read in their down time. “I couldn’t part with a few of the series he gathered. He had been so proud when he found the whole set. _The Lord of the Rings_ books had been his favorite.” He said softly his gaze still locked firmly ahead. “He would let me read some of them, and well I didn’t want to get rid of them..its just-“

“Danse,” I said gently, snapping him  from whatever memory he had been caught in. “I understand. Nate, he was a collector. But not a collector of books, more like junk I remember when I had went to clean out our closet a box full of his ‘collection’ had fallen on my head. Oh I was so angry with him I didn’t speak to him for a whole week. Pretty ironic if you think about it…”

“How so?”

I tossed him a lopsided grin, “Cause it was a box full of bottle caps.”

Danse narrowed his eyes, “Why would he collect those?” He said, “From your stories I didn’t gather that he was greedy…”

I instantly paled, shit… “oh…uh…Nate really like the pictures on the back of the caps…so he kept the ones that still had them and would use the ones that didn't…” A very half assed lie if I ever heard one.

“I didn’t know they used caps in the vaults.”

I don't think they did either…uhh. “Well…we had them, they just weren't used as currency down there.” What did vault dwellers use? Trade items? “But anyway… I had ignored him for a whole week when they fell and landed on me, looking back I was being pretty petty about it…” Hopefully he’d buy it.

After what seemed like a long silence Danse said, “No not at all.” He glanced down at his feet then looked back up to me, he opened his mouth to continue when-

“Hey, Blue!”

We both snapped our heads to see a women in a press cap who was jogging up the steps. Once she reached us, she threw her arms around me. The action-and force- startled me so much that we almost tumbled down the stairs. “Piper, hey!” I returned as we both stops tumbling. “Long time no see.”

Piper let out a snort and released me, “Not since you and, Nicky ditched me to go play detective.” She said crossing her arms. “I’m hurt that you didn’t even say goodbye before you left.”

I let out a chuckle, “Well next time I have to leave in a hurry to go track down a madman I’ll make sure to say goodbye to you.”

“You better!” She laughed, playfully hitting my arm. “Now onto more important matters.

“Oh and what's that?”

She leaned in close, “Whose the walking tin can?”

Oh….”Uh, Piper this is Dan-I mean, Paladin Danse of the Brotherhood of Steel.” I quickly changed when I saw his glare, “Paladin Danse, this is Piper, she owns the newspaper here in town.”

Piper gave him a slow one over, eyes trailing from his BOS covered hood, down to his power armor covered feet, her lips pressed into a firm line, while Danse narrowed his eyes. Finally Piper spoke up, “Brotherhood huh,” She said placing her hands on her hips, “We don’t see too many of your types here.”

“We hadn’t the resources to come this far before,” he said, “but now that Command is here I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of our operatives.”

“Great.” She said rolling her eyes, “Just what we need. Big goofs in tin cans telling us what to do and looting places of technology. As if only worrying about that Institute was bad enough-“

“Piper!” I said cutting in. I think iI finally understood that saying _‘the tension was so thick a knife could cut through it.’_ How about you meet me at the noodle stand in an hour, we can catch up then.”

She turned and narrowed her eyes at me then shrugged and walked down the steps. “Sure thing, Blue,” She said with a wave, “Just don’t bring the tin can.”

“Tin can?” Danse bit back, he turned his head towards me with with a glare, “ Your friend is rather… impertinent.”

“She wouldn’t be, Piper if she wasn’t.” I said with a grin. “Come on Big guy, let’s go to my place, we can crash there for the night.”

“You have a house here?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I uh kinda of bought it on impulse.” When I had gone to visit the mayor about the keys to Kellogg’s house, the secretary had told me about Home Plate. At the time I had thought I would have Shaun back (by now) so I bought the place so he would have a proper house to live in. One that wasn’t littered with holes in the ceilings, or was attacked constantly. Sanctuary was perfect for me, but not for a young boy. “I haven’t even unlocked the place yet.”

“How do you buy a house on impulse?”

I shook my head and started walking down the steps, “That my friend is a story for another time. “ I said.

He snorted but didn’t press the matter further. He probably thought I had been drunk when I bought it.

Joke’s on him though, I don’t need to be drunk to do stupid things.

Wait…

* * *

 

The place wasn’t much to look at, and it was filled with useless junk. And if I said it was junk than well…its junk. Thankfully there was a bed and a couch, so we wouldn’t have to sleep on the ground. I’d just have to do some cleaning first, mostly dusting before we sat anywhere.

But this place had potential.

Danse made a grunt of disapproval, as he walked in beside me. “I hope you didn’t pay too much for this place.”

“Not too much, “ I lied, two thousand caps were a lot and it had taken me some time to get that much. But like I said it has potential. “I’m sure I could spruce the place up. When I go out and meet Piper, I’ll see if I can find anything in the market.”

“Speaking of which, “ He said as he turned his focus back on me, “I thought we were here to see your friend, Nick, why are you going to see her?”

“We are, “I said slowly, “I just thought we should stock up before we do,” To give me some time to think over my stratagy for when we do. “And Piper wont leave us alone till I tell her what’s going on, sooo….”

“I get it.” He said dryly, “Just don’t bring her back here.”

I smirked, “I wont.” I said, “But I have some time before I go meet up with her. I think I’ll straighten up a bit so we have some place to sleep tonight. Why don't you dock your armor out fron-“ I stopped when I saw his glowering expression, “What?”

“You want me to leave my armor out there where anyone could just take it?” He asked incredulous.

"Well yeah, I mean your almost hitting your head on the ceiling, not to mention it’ll get dusty when I start cleaning.” I said rolling my eyes, “And you can’t sleep in the thing.”

He fixed one of his trademark scowls on me, “I’ll leave it in here.”

“Suit yourself.” I Shrugged, “If dust and other nasty things gets into the small places, don’t complain to me.”

An hour later the two of us found ourselves in a compatible silence. I had most of the dusting done, so we could now sit on the couch and the bed without sending a mushroom cloud of dust into the air. While I was distracted with that, Danse had busied himself with his armor, tweaking it where it needed it and tuning up the gears. I suspected he was just doing it to keep the dust out. Stubborn oaf.

I glanced down at my Pip-boy and decided it was time to meet Piper before she thought to come find me. “Danse.” I called over to the other room, “I’ll come grab you once I’m done, then we’ll head over to Nicks!”

“Affirmative.” He answered back distractibly. Probably still nose deep in his Armor.

I had no doubts that he’d still be working on it by the time I’d come back. He was so attached to that thing. Whenever he wasn’t in it, he was working on it. Maybe it was like a security blanket to him? He never leaves it, and when he has to, he fights tooth and nail to not to. Guess there was a question to add to the ever growing list of what to never ask Danse.

I found Piper at Power Noodles, sitting at the bench with a empty bowl in front of her. “Thank’s again for meeting me here Takahashi.” Piper said as she leaned forward.

“Nani Shimasu-Ka?”

I shook my head despite the grin that crept up to my face. Didn’t she know that robot only spoke one phrase. “No, “ She gasped, “But we’ve been traveling together for ages!”

Again the  robot only responded with his iconic catch phrase, I covered my mouth to stifle a chuckle. God, I missed Piper.

Finally Piper turned towards me, a frown on her face, and her arms crossed. “Alright, the jig is up, Takahashi told me everything. I bet your name isn’t even Blue.”

I let out the laugh I had been holding and raised my hands up, “You caught me, it’s actually Red.”

“Very funny, “ She scowled as I took a seat next to her. “Missed you there Blue.”

“Same here, “ I grinned. “The waste just isn’t the same without someone poking their nose into other’s business, then running away from their bullets.”

“Hey! I don’t do that!” She glared, “At least not all the time.”

“I didn’t say you do,” I said, “I’m just saying it’s not as interesting when there’s no one to get me into trouble.”

“You can do that just fine on your own.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

We botched grinned in silent agreement, “Soooo…” Piper grinned, “What’s up with the lug in Power armor?”

“He’s a friend, who wanted to accompany me back here.” I said cautiously. I knew Piper would disapprove of my affiliations with the Brotherhood. She’d voice her disapproval loudly too.

“A friend huh?” She said with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “That must be the guy Nicky told me about.”

I did not like that look in her eye, “And what did Nick say?”

Her grin widened, “ That you think he’s good looking.” She said, “He is easy on the eyes if your into that whole Macho military brute look.”

Gossipy old Synth… “Can we move on from his looks.” I said, my face felt on if it were on fire. I did I not want to have this discussion, but knowing Piper she wouldn’t drop a topic if she thought it was jusicy.

“Oh your blushing!” She teased, “You do like him! Oh what is it, his looks, his macho personality his thick velvety voice or his dominating attitude!” She said with an arched brow.

“Piper!” I glared, “I don’t want to talk about it….and dominating attitude? What you think I’m into that whole dominating/submissive stuff?”

“With his kind of personality….”

“No.” I cut in flatly. I did not need that kind of imagery in my head. “And he’s not like that, He’s actually a really great guy. He cares, unlike a lot of the Brotherhood soldiers. He’s dedicated and extremely loyal. He’s also one of the best Paladin’s the Brotherhood has” Events at the Polymer lab drifted to mind. I knew he was trying to drop his rank around me. It must be hard thought….he’s been Paladin Danse for so long that he might have forgotten how to be just Danse. “When it’s just the two of us, he’s a lot more comfortable, he doesn't act his rank, he’s just Danse, or at least he’s trying not to act his rank when it’s just us…”

“You really do like him,” Piper said with a nod, “Well I’m glad you were able to find someone after what happen-“

“Don't.” I cut in, “ I already feel guilty about having feelings for someone, I don’t need them voiced.”

“But Blue, its okay to move on.”

I felt my anger boil, “Nate hasn't even been dead a whole year yet!” I shot back.

Piper moved and placed an arm around my shoulder, “ I don’t think Nate would want you to be alone forever.” She said gently, “Wouldn’t he want you to be happy?”

“How would you know!” I barked, “You didn’t even know him!”

She didn’t back away, she only gave  me a squeeze, “Wouldn’t you want him to do the same?”

“I…” I didn’t know, the obvious answer was yes I would want him to move on and be happy. But my thoughts had drifted back towards my own past. My mother had died early in my life, and my father never moved on after that. He never voiced it, or showed it but I could tell he had been lonely. I wouldn't want that for Nate, and I knew he wouldn’t want that for me. But yet it was hard to not feel that trickle of guilt on my shoulders. It hasn't been that long since he was murdered, and I was falling for another guy no matter how hard I fought against that pull. “Yes. But it still hasn't even been a whole year yet and already I’m falling for another man.” I sighed and looked away, “And what about Shaun. My baby’s missing and here I am gushing over a man like a school girl?”

Piper’s arm fell from my shoulders, but was immediately replaced when she grabbed both my shoulders, and turned me to face her. She gave them both a firm squeeze before she said, “Blue, you are doing everything possible to find your son. “He voice was as stern on her facial expression. “I think it’s fine if you have a thing for a guy. It doesn't mean you've stopped searching for your son. And I know you havent.”

“Thanks Piper, “

She winked and released my shoulders, “And wouldn’t Nate want someone Shaun could look up to. A father figure of sorts.” She said, “And from what you gushed about Danse, he seems to be a decent role model?”

My father had been concerned about me not having a women in my life to look up to and ask things about. But it turned out alright in the end, even if I was a bit too boyish for most me. Nate never really cared…but still…“Maybe…”

“But seriously Blue, I’m here if you need it. I always got a good strong shoulder for you…though its not as strong and beefy as a certain tin can…but hey I bet I give better advice than he could.” She smiled, “Now whats’s up with him following you? And how’d you two meet anyway. It’s not like Brotherhood members fall out of the sky, at least they didn’t up until a few days ago…”

I gave Piper a brief recount of how I ran into Danse. By the time I finished, Piper’s face gad twisted into an unpleasant scowl. “You joined the Brotherhood?” She asked steely, “Seriously blue, don’t you know they’re a bunch of uptight bigots?”

“I do, I just thought I’d give them a chance.”

“And I bet that chance involves Paladin Bush brows.” She gleamed, “ I bet you enlisted the moment he opened his mouth. I bet that’s how they get all their female recruits.”

“Piper….” I hissed feeling a tug of embarrassment. “I thought I said to knock it off.”

“I’m just teasing.” She laughed, “But all joking aside, why are you two here? Nicky said you went to check in with him, so why’d you come back here?”

“Nick wanted me to come back here and talk with you about the case. Get a fresh pair of eyes.” I said. “Danse, well he didn’t want me traveling alone, and he uh….wanted to thank Nick.”

That caused Piper to burst into laughter. I had to pull her back to keep her from laughing herself off the chair. “Good one Blue,” She said wiping a tear form her eyes. “A Brotherhood Paladin thanking a synth. That’s rich!”

“I’m serious.” I said firmly. “I haven’t exactly told Danse what Nick is. I didn’t want him to come, but the man is as stubborn as a rock. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Piper leaned forward, her eyebrows knitted with concern. “You cant have them meet.” She pressed, “He’ll take one look at Nick and shoot him.”

“Which is why I need you there.”

Her eyes grew wide as she leaned back in her seat, “Me?” She asked incredulous, “You want me to defend Nick from a Paladin, are you nuts?”

I resisted the urge to groan, instead I leaned towards her, “No, I just need you there for support if shit hits the fan. If it does all I want you to do is get Nick out of there.”

“Shit hits the fan?”

I shook my head, “Pre war saying.” I grumbled, I really needed to stop saying pre war lingo. It just confused people. “It means, when something bad happens.”

“Right….but I don’t like this Blue.” She said skeptically. “And I don’t think the tin can will allow you to work with Nick anymore, especially if he guns him down.”

“He wont.” I said, “At least I wont let him.”

“Isn't he your commanding officer or something? Couldn’t he order you to step down?”

I snorted, “Right now were just comrades. He cant command me to do anything.”

“No, but could report your connections to someone,” she said judiciously,” or have you locked up and brainwashed..”

“No, he wouldn’t do that.” I said. I trusted Danse, but he was loyal to the Brotherhood first, everything else came second. _‘Brotherhood through and through.’_ Would he tell Maxon. I wanted to say no but could I really believe that? “At least I hope he wont.”

Piper was silent for a moment, regarding me with thoughtful eyes. She then sighed , “ I just hope you know what your doing.” She said with a shake of her head. “But I’m with you.”

I smiled, “Thanks Piper. But there’s two other things you ought to know before we go in.” She regarded me with suspicion but remained silent. “He doesn't know that I'm the general of the minutemen nor that I was born 200 years ago.”

“So you’ve neglected to tell him your age, big deal.” She said “And a little confessing never hurt anyone.”

“Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career…” I muttered.

She rolled her eyes, “you  plan on telling him soon?”

“I am…I just have to find the right words, and the right time to drop this bombshell on him.”

“So basically one big bombshell after another…you seem to be full of them.” She said cheekily. I only shot her a glare.

"He might not even believe me...” Before this whole thing, I wouldn’t have believe a thing if someone told me I would thrusted 200 years into the future. I’d have laughed in their face.

“Crazier stuff have happened in this fallout hell.” She said with a smile, “I think he probably will though, its not like you exactly blend in.”

“Yeah, I stick out like a sore thumb...”

She tilted her head to the side, “I’m guessing that's another of your prewar lingo…”

“You’d be right…”

“You know for someone who doesn't like to vocalize she’s prewar, you sure make it kind of obvious…” Piper said with a toss of her head.

“Gee thanks…” I grumbled, “I better get back to Danse. I’ll see you back at Nicks Place.”

Piper hopped off her stood, “Maybe you oughta butter him up first, to soften the blow.” She said.

“Good idea.” Arturo might have something I could buy in that department. I knew he only had the one laser pistol but he might have laser rifle mods for sale.

“Alright, I’ll meet you there.” She turned to leave but stopped, “Maybe you should tell him to leave his guns at hime.”

I shrugged, “He’d get suspicious. And he’s already a naturally suspicious person to begin with.”

“Point taken….well, I’m sure you’ll think if something.” She said as she walked away.

I wish I knew what to think of…

* * *

 

Arturo had a few really good laser rifle mods in stock. For which I was grateful for. A mod to improve sights and one to improve aiming. Hopefully these would help smooth things over

I paused before entering home base. I was a jumble of nerves and Danse would be able to see that immediately. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and took a few deep breaths in. I trusted Danse, I trusted him with my life. But could I trust him with Nicks? The short answer was no…

I also hadn’t put much thought into what this could do to our friendship. This could shatter that bond we had been building. He might not even trust me after this.

But it was too late to go back now…

Placing a hand over my beating heart, I pushed open the door to my home. Danse was still tinkering with his suit, his tools scattered neatly around him. I couldn’t suppress a smile that grew on my face. He could spend hours working on just one piece of his armor. I could hear him muttering to himself as he tightened a bolt. He was so engrossed with his work that he hadnt noticed me entering, nor when I walked up behind him. I smiled  as he leaned towards the armor to make sure the bolt was in there as tight as possible. _‘Your armor or is your first line of defense, take care of it!’_ He once told me.

He leaned back on his heels, a satisfied grin on his lips as he picked up a rag and wiped the oil off his hands. “Finished?” I asked.

He leapt to his feet, his eyes wide, causing me to burst into a fit of giggles. “Solider!” He glared, his tone sharp. “You should never sneak up on someone when they’re working on they’re armor!” His face was flushed which only caused more giggles to escape my lips.

He glared, his expression darkening. “I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry.” I tried to say, but was too breathless. He was still glaring with his arms folded over his chest. “It’s just you never get snuck up on, and your face was just priceless. I’m sorry.”

His expression soften as he looked away. His face was returning to normal color, but his cheeks still had a hint of pink staining them, “Don't do that again.” He scolded.

“Affirmative sir.” I smiled, “I got you something by the way.”

He turned back to me, his face lit up with curiosity, “You did?”

My smile grew, god he was just too cute sometimes. He’d probably hate it if I told him that. What guy-especially a macho man like Danse-liked to be called cute? “You bet.” I said as I drew out the mods. “Here I saw them and thought you might be able to use them. That and I saw crazy Myrna had her eyes on them.”

His eyes briskly scanned the two plans, shifting back and fourth, all while his grin grew. Devouring what information he would, he finally looked back at me, “Where did you get these?”

“There's a man who runs a weapon stand here, his names Arturo; really  great guy. He and I exchange weapon mods once in a while.” Arturo was the one who had helped me improve my sniper the last time I was in town. “He told me he got some new laser mods in and I thought you might be able to get some use out of them.”

He stared at me for a moment in contemplation, “I uh, thank you.” He then looked back down at them in his hands, “But why though, I mean not that I’m ungrateful, just…”

“Do I need a reason?” I said while I raised an eyebrow, “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Danse looked back up at me, his eyebrows quirked with bewilderment. He blinked a few times before a smile broke out. “Thank you.” He said with a bit more confidence.

I felt my throat thicken suddenly, and tried to clear it. I adverted my gaze from him, this wasn’t right, I thought. Getting him a gift and playing it up like its just me being nice. All these lies would catch up to me soon. One of them were already on my heels. I had to tell him.

But when I looked back over at him I felt my resolve to do so dwindle. Concern glazed over his features, he reached a hand out but promptly stopped it, letting it drop back down to his side. “Are you alright, Emery?”

His concern only added to the guilt that twisted my insides. “Yeah.” I said slowly, “Just a dry throat is all. Why don’t we go see, Nick now before he gets another case.”

Danse seemed hesitant, he gave me a weary glance before he nodded his head, “Lead the way.”

This was it, oh god I hope this wouldn’t blow up in my face.

* * *

 

We had walked at a slow pace, Danse didn’t seem to mind though. His eyes scanned over each vendor we past with curiosity gleaming in them. Hopefully if things went over alright with nick, I could take him around and show him the sights of Diamond City. That is if he didn’t kill, Nick or he still wanted me around. “So, Nick is a detective. I don’t think I told you that.” I said over my shoulder. Talk up how great Nick is, maybe he wont automatically want to shoot him.

“I gathered that when you said he helped you track down Kellogg.” He said with a nod, “Though I didn’t know people still called themselves detectives.”

“Surprised me too.” Though I suppose even the wastelands needed someone to do some smoothing every now and then. “But real nice guy, didn’t ask for anything when I needed help. He’s like that though, willing to help anyone, and wanting nothing in return. There’s not to many people that would do that.”

Nick was a rarity, I really needed to properly thank him for all that he did

That didn’t receive the reaction I had hoped. Danse frowned and looked away from me, more content with looking back out at the market place. “You think pretty highly of him huh?” He said frowning.

I squinted my eyes at him, was he jealous? No, I dismissed the thought. He wasn’t-couldn’t be jealous. Yet, his tense posture and pulled expression told me otherwise. I felt a strange mingle of delight and confusion swell within me.

He turned back to me, watching me speculatively, “Is something wrong?” He asked.

“Oh.” I realized I had stopped walking, and we were just standing there in the middle of the walkway. “Oh uh nothing sorry.” Now I really felt like an idiot, I thought as we rounded the corner. Rounding the corner in the alley, the Tacky neon lights coming into view.“That's Nick’s place.” I pointed out.

Danse made a noise of disapproval as he folded his metal arms over his chest. “Flashy isn’t it.” He leered.

I snickered, “I think it adds a bit of flare to the city.” It also reminded me of those old detective movies. “Danse, I need you to promise me something before we go in there.”

Danse looked down his nose at me, a frown tugging at his lips, “And what is that Knight?” He asked his tone curt.

“That you wont shoot him.”

“I wont-what?”

I could feel myself dancing on thin ice. Choose your words carefully Gilmore. Think before you open that big mouth of yours. “He’s not the type of person you normally associate with….” I said faintly, playing with my fingers. “He may have a few screws loose, but he’s nice and not a raider….” I said adverting his eyes, “you won't like him.”

His eyes narrowed down to me then he looked back at the detective agency. Before I realized it, he shoved past me and opened the door. “Danse wait!” I called out trying to pull him back but brute force was no match for power armor.

Danse stood there stock still watching Nick with a look of pure shell shocked. From over Danse’s metal arm, I could see Nick mirrored Danse’s expression, his cigarette falling from his lips.

I gulped, and moved past him. “Uh, Nick, this is uh, Paladin Danse Danse….this is my friend Nick Valentine…”

I saw Danse visibly tense, as Nick pushed himself from his chair, a guarded expression on his robotic face. I could see him place a hand under his desk slowly. If those old detective movies were anything to go by, then there was a gun under there, and I didn't fault him for reaching for it.

Looking up I noticed that Danse’s ears were burning and so was the rest of him from his neck up. Even his eyes which were already bloodshot seemed to be flaming. “A synth?!” He exclaimed, “Have you’ve taken leave of your sense Knight? Synth are the enemy-“

“Not Nick!” I hastily cut in, I could feel Nick and Piper gazes burn into my back.

“I don’t care!” He said darkly. “ He is still an enemy of the Brotherhood!”

“He’s done nothing against the Brotherhood!” I shot back. “He’s done nothing but help people. Including me I wouldn’t even be standing here if it wasn’t for him!”

A strange expression crossed his features, concern, regret? He masked his expression before I could read it better. “He is a synth.” He repeated, his voice strained with anger. “The institute built him!”

“Nick hates the Institute just as much as the next guy!”

Next to me I could hear Nick cheer, “Here,here.” He said dryly.

Danse gave a sharp glare towards Nick, then fixed his steely glare onto me. “He is a machine, not a person!” He snapped, “And it cant feel, a machine has no emotions.”

I heard a grumble from Nick, “And I think you just hurt my nonexistent feelings with that one bucko.”

I heard the click of a laser rifle whirl to life as Nick’s eyes widened. My heart leapt to my throat as I turned to see Danse, who held his laser rifle up, sights pointed to Nick. “Hands where I can see them synth.” He growled out.

Nicks hands flew up in the air, “Alright, alright.” He muttered. He then turned his yellow gaze back to me, “You sure know how to pick ‘em kid.”

“Blue!” I hear Piper hiss, “Do something…”

I didn’t answer her back, instead I took one step in front Danse. Placing myself between Danse’s rifle and Nick’s head. Danse’s eyes widened, and his gun twitched, but he didn’t lower his weapon. “Stand down, Solider.” He ordered, eyes dark with anger.

My knees trembled involuntarily , as I balled my first together to stop them from shaking. “No, “ I said firmly. I surprised myself at how strong my voice sounded. Would he gun me down just to get to Nick? I thought for one heart stopping moment. No. He wouldn’t, I have to trust him. “Danse please, lower your gun.”

“No,” He hissed, “Now move. That’s an order, Knight!”

I shook my head, “Nick is a good man! Please lower your weapon please, Danse!”

Danse stared at me, his features wrought with disbelief. He spoke with a low voice that was filled with fury, “That thing is not a man, it is a machine!”

I heard nick scoff, “And in that giddup, you look more like one than I do.”

“Not helping!” I said through my teeth.

I turned back to Danse whose eyes blazed with his anger, his hands had a death grip around his rifle. “Please, “I said, “I know that all the synths you’ve come across have been bad. But Nick isn’t one of those synths. He works to help the people of the Common wealth, just like he helped me, and without hesitation. And like I said, he hates the Institute, probably as much as you do! Maybe even more!”

A flicker of uncertainty flashed over his face as his grip loosened. Whatever I was saying was working. “I know I didn’t tell you who Nick is and I’m sorry for that, but you need to trust me. Nick is a good person, please, Danse.” I begged.

A loud silence drowned us as I watch Danse struggle with himself. I knew I was asking for a lot, knew that he was weighing the trust he felt for me against what he was taught, what he thought he knew was right. He remained silent, jaw clenched for the longest time, until he finally holstered his weapon on his shoulder.

With the rifle finally out of my face, I could calm the frantic beating of my heart. I didn’t like seeing him point his weapon at me, I hoped I never would see it again. “Thank you.” I breathed out slacking my shoulders.

He didn’t respond, and I feared that whatever bond we had might have been broken  after our hostile exchange. I squeezed my eyes shut, I couldn’t dwell on it now.

I turned my back to Danse, half expecting to hear his metal footstep stomping to leave. I was relieved when I didn’t.

Yet I shouldn’t take that as a good sign. He might want to discuss this more later.

“Not the kind of meeting I was expectin’.” Nick said as he lowered his arms. He fished out another cigarette and lit it. He took a long drag before he said, “You built up a pretty accurate description of you boyfriend there kid, you sure you weren't a profiler back in the day?”

I didn’t need to look to see Danse’s eyes on me. My cheeks burned and I cleared my throat, “Nick.” I hissed.

“Right, right.” He said as he took a seat, Piper and I followed suit while Danse's loomed behind me, arms folded over his chest and an icy glare plastered on his face. Nick casted a cautious eye towards Danse, then back to me, “I take it you got him caught up?”

I nodded, “He knows about Shaun.”

“Ah.” Nick said with a nod of his own. “Now onto business.”

Piper laughed as she drew out a cigarette of her own. Nick leaned over to light it for her. After two quick puffs she said, “So you two finally gonna let me in on this little case of yours?”

-Chapter End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was chapter four and five, until I cut it in half. Thought you guys would enjoy a shorter chapter after the monster that is chapter 3. Anywho, sorry for the late update, this chapter took forever and had to be rewritten a couple of times. I also wanted to give a fair warning, I'm taking a short break just to get three chapters ahead of you guys, so i can post chapters on a weekly basis. Work kind of stops that since I work forty hour work weeks, and blaha blah excuses. I am however one chapter ahead right now so thats the good news.
> 
> And sorry for all the canon crap, i wanted to include it since Danse was there. I thought it kind of bad that they didnt have him react to Nick being your friend, and his input in that conversations so this chapter was born. And dont worry action and fluff returns in the next chapter.
> 
> Still looking for a beta reader. 
> 
> And comments and Kudos are always a welcome, and I do enjoy seeing them. Brightens my boring boring day.


	5. Shadowed Delusions

_“Ah.” Nick said with a nod of his own. “Now onto business.”_

_Piper laughed as she drew out a cigarette of her own. Nick leaned over to light it for her. After two quick puffs she said, “So you two finally gonna let me in on this little case of yours?”_

"We found the man who kidnapped my-my baby.” I said my voice suddenly growing horse. “His name was Kellogg, and he had been working with the Institute…he-he gave them Shaun.”

My chest tightened and a burning sensation consumed my lungs. I placed a hand over my heart to try and control the breathing. It didn’t help. “He…also said that its been a few years and that-and that Shaun might be older than I think…”

Piper’s eyes widened as she brought a hand up to her mouth. “The Institute.” She breathed, “Oooh boy…”

A solem silence befell the room, I glanced between Piper and Nick, who both sat there gravely. I let out a sigh and clenched my hands into fist, my nails dug into the palms of my hand. “I have to get in there.” I said, my tone set in determination.

Piper glanced up, I could see her eyes swimming with sympathy, “Not even Nick knows how to get in.”

Nick had been about to speak when Danse cut in with a scoff. “I doubt that.” Danse grumbled folding his arms over his chest. I shot him a look, but he ignored it with a turn of his head.

I looked back to Nick who was giving Danse a glare. He noticed me and drew his attention back to us. “No synth does.” He said with a sneer. I had a feeling that it was directed towards Danse, who paid the comment no mind. “Security protocols strip those memories out.”

“I’d imagine they’d have to be.” I said, “They leave their synths lying everywhere.”

Nick chuckled, “Guess they’re mothers never taught them how to pick up their toys.”

I shifted my weight in the seat and looked back and forth between Piper and Nick, “I need to find a way in.” I urged, “It’s not like they don’t have a way in and out.”

“I’ve been investigating these creeps for over a year now.” Piper spat, drawing my focus to her, “They’re Commonwealth’s boogy man. Feared and hated by all.”

Nick nodded his head as he brought his cigarette up to his lips. “True enough.”

“Sometimes they snatch people in the middle of the night.” Piper said causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. My heart gave a painful lurch at the thought of my baby being anywhere near those monsters. “….but to this day, there’s one thing nobody really knows-“

Nick blew a puff of smoke into the air, “Where the Institute actually is, or how to get in.”

“Exactly.” Piper said as she leaned back in her chair.

I took a breath  and looked over my shoulder to Danse, who was perched in front of the door, arms still crossed his chest. I wondered if he even planned on joining in on the conversation, but I guess he might still be too angry. Stubborn oaf. “Danse.” I said cautiously. “Do you have any ideas?”

“If the Brotherhood knew how to get in, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.” He snapped.

I flinched in response, but before I turned away from him I caught a brief glimpse of regret momentarily cross his face. I bit my lip and tore my gaze away form him. I looked to Piper, who was giving Danse a nasty look. I jumped in before Piper could say something that would set Danse off. He was already furious enough. “But there has to be someone who knows.”

She turned back to me, her eyebrows knitted in concentration, “hmm..” She hummed as she took a breath of her cigarette. Then, as if a lightbulb had blinked to life above her head, her face lit up. “They guy who just handed them Shaun.”

“Kellogg huh,” Nick trailed off, scratching at his metallic chin.

Hope bubbled in my chest, maybe he had a record or accounts of the Insitute, a password or even a map. “He had to have a way in and out.”

Nick let out a sigh, “Yeah but we both know he’s not exactly available for a chat and coffee.” Nick said, snuffing his tobacco out in the ash tray.

I felt a flush of cold slither down my body as my heart thumped painfully against my chest. It hurt to breath, as if tiny needles grew in my throat. I tried to force a smile, but it felt like it came out as a grimaced, “We can talk to him, feel like holding a séance?”

Nick scoffed, “And risk being haunted by more ghosts, I’ll pass.” He said as he regarded me with a smile. I knew what he was doing. He was joining in with me to joke about the matter. Too bad it wasn’t helping…

I suddenly felt an arm slink around my shoulder, I looked up to see Piper who gave me a wide grin. I returned her smile with a smaller one of my own. She then looked back up at nick, “So murderer and kidnapper gets his brains blown out by an avenging parent.” She said cynically as her arm dropped from my shoulders. I felt the heat of her arm leave my shoulders and felt the loneliness sink in “-great ending if we didn’t still have the biggest mystery in the Commonwealth to solve….”

And I was the reason it was still a mystery.

Even though I was still sitting my knees felt weak and I slumped in the chair. I bent my head down and buried my face in my hands, feeling all the emotions I had tried to hide float to the surface.  “And now we cant get anything out of him…”I choked out, “I had been so blinded by anger….i just wanted him dead, now look what I’ve done.”

It was my fault that we’ll never get into the Institute, my fault that’ll never get Shaun back. Nate had always joked I had been too emotional. He was right, oh god. Tears prickle in my eyes and a sob choke me.

I heard metal boots shuffle behind me, but it was Piper who reached me first. She placed her hand on the small of back and rubbed it. “It’s okay, Blue.” She said gently.

Danse clearing his throat caused me to look up. I knew my hair was wild and my eyes puffy  but I didn’t care.He looked at me, his face was set firmly, his eyebrows knitted and a crease on his forehead. I thought he had been about to scold me but when he spoke I was surprised by how calm his voice sounded. “Don't blame yourself solider.” He said. Even thought he spoke calmly I could still detect a tone of annoyance in his voice. He was still angry with me. “I doubt any agent of the Institute would talk. Especially a hardened merc like he was.”

I gave him a slight nod, he maybe right, but I couldn’t see it that way. Even if he wouldn’t talk, I still killed probably the only person who knew how to get in.

“Gets his brains blown out…” Nicks mumbling brought me back to the conversation at hand. “His brains. You know, we may not need the man at all.”

Piper raised an eyebrow, and I sat up straight in my chair. Even Danse seemed to inch closer. “Your talking crazy here nick.” Piper said as she crossed her arms. “Got a fault in the ol’e subroutines?”

I heard Danse snort in disgust next to me as he took a step back. I heard him walk behind me, probably to stand back in front of the door.

Nick gave Piper a look before continuing. “Look, there’s a place in Goodneighbor  called the memory den.” He remarked. “Relive past moments in your mind as clear as the day they happened.”

Last time I had visited Goodneighbor, I had been horribly tempted to go in the place, but I had to see the mayor to clear the air after the fiasco with Bobbi no nose. Thankfully Hancock had a very open mind about situations like that.

Nick leaned forward in his chair, “If anyone could get a dead brain to sing it’ll be Doctor Amari, the mind behind the memories.”

Danse scoffed which received a nasty glare from Nick and a suspicious scowl from Piper. Danse returned both with an a icy stare of his own, “I’ve heard of the place.” Danse sneered, “How would she even get a brain that’s been dead for days to function. It’s not possible.”

Nicks gaze darkened, as his yellow mechanical eyes seemed to pierce right though Danse, who seemed unfazed by the menacing synth.

Nick must really think highly of this Doctor Amari if he was challenging Danse the way he was.

“She’d be able to do it.” He threw back lifting his chin up. “She’s one of the best, and knows her her stuff.”

“I doubt anyone in that filth ridden place knows what they’re doing.” Danse said sharply. “The place is filled with criminals and junkies.”

Sensing the oncoming signs of an argument, I quickly interjected, my gaze lingered on Nick but I still had Danse in my sights. “Whose Doctor Amari?” I asked drawing both of they’re focus back to me.

Nick gave me a tilt of his head. I took the gesture as a thank you, obviously he was in no mood to argue with the stubborn hard headed Paladin and neither was I. I knew that when it came down to a fight with words, they’d be easily matched. But that was something I didn’t want to witness. “I’ll let her give you her life story. “He said. “Now I guess were gonna need a piece of Kellogg’s brain. Enough grey matter to bring to Amari and find out if this is gonna work.”

Piper made a grunt of disgust as she shook herself, “Jesus Nick, “ She hissed, “Gross! Seriously?”

"I know its grisly, but what choice do we have?” Nick said as he took out his pack of cigarettes, he shook it a little before he took the last stick out. “We’re got no leads, nothing.” He said with a shake of his head. He brought the tobaccos up to his lips and lit it.  He turned his gaze back to Piper, “That old merc’s  brain just might have all the secrets we need to know.”

Merc’s brain, well I had something, though when I had picked it up I thought maybe I’d be able to bring it to someone to tell me what it was. I thought it could be a chip or tracking beacon. “Actually, “ I said hesitantly. This was gross either way. “I think I already have something.” I fished the wrapped piece of grey matter from my bag and showed it to Nick, “Kellogg had this, thing attached to his head.”

Piper gagged and shot me a look, “Ew, Blue, your worse than Nick.” She took a peak, shook herself and inched away from me. “Oh that's just sick.”

Danse leaned in to try to examine the piece himself. He turned a raised eyebrow onto me, “Why did you take that?” He eyed me dubiously, and I couldn’t help but wonder if everyone thought the same thing.

Suddenly feeling on the spot, my cheeks burned and I covered the chip up with the cloth. “I thought we could get a use of the thing. That and it just popped out at me.” I said looking down at my lap. “I mean it’s not every day a person has a chip in their brain…”

Nick moved and uncovered the chip, he have it a quick look over before his gaze flickered to my face. “Cybernetics huh.” He then grinned, “We may have just wont the lottery.”

“Put that away Blue, before I puke.” Piper said with a shake of her head. She was starling to look a little green around the eyes. She could shoot ferals point blank yet a little piece of brain matter made her squeamish. I shrugged my shoulders and wrapped the piece up, tucking it away in my bag gently. “Good, now we all can’t head to Goodneighbor, I think I’ll head back to Sanctuary and give Preston a heads up. You know how he likes to stay in the loop.”

“You sure it’s not for other reasons?” I grinned.

Pipers cheeks flushed and she gave me a stony expression, “No.” She said flatly.

I had introduced Piper and Preston a few months ago, they seemed to have hit it off nicely, in fact better than that. I could tell just by watching Piper, she had developed a small crush on the colonel of the Minutemen, and Preston, the oblivious, naïve, gentlemen that he was, couldn’t see it. “Sure, “ I Said as I rose from my chair.

“I have to head to Goodneighbor either way.” Nick said as he snuffed out his cigarette. “I need to introduce you to Amari.”

I gave a cautious look over my shoulder towards Danse. “Why don’t I meet you there Nick.” I said hesitantly. I need to talk with Danse. We had a lot of things to discuss and having Nick around wouldn’t be the best idea.

Nick tilted his hat, “I’ll see ya there, Kid,” He threw a glance at Danse then back towards Piper and I. “Stay safe out there you two. Don't let me hear you gotten yourselves into trouble.”

Piper made a noise of hurt, “Me? Nah never.” She smiled, “I’ll catch ya later Blue, and uh, you too tin can.”

Danse fixed a glare on Piper but remained silent.

“I’ll see ya later Piper.” I said, “Come on Danse.”

Again I received the cold shoulder as we left the detective agency.

The sky was overcast, yet no rain leaked from the clouds as we walked briskly through the market. Vendors were closing up for the night as a few last minute patrons scrambled around. Danse wasn’t looking around this time, instead his gaze was firmly locked ahead of him. His expression eerily unreadable.

As we passed by Arturo’s stand, I could feel the lump in my throat grow. I couldn’t ignore the rapid pounding of my heart, nor the violent twist my insides were making. I was on edge both with worry about Danse and after our discussion of the Institute. The mere thought of my baby being in the hands of those monsters was enough to send my emotions into a spiral. Increasingly anxious, I pushed open the door to home plate and flicked on the lights. A strained silence befell the room, only the hum of the lights filled my ears.  Danse walked past me to the couch to gather what items he had left here earlier. I watched him feeling my nervous jitter.

Would he join me to Goodneighbor.? Or would he go back to the Prydwen and inform Maxon of my associations with a synth?

I had to find out where I stood with him before my anxiety consumed me, “Danse-“

“Don't.” He said bluntly his back still facing me. “I am coming with you to Goodneighbor, but after that we are both returning to the Prydwen.”

I felt the color drain from my cheeks, he was shutting me out. “But Danse, pleas-“

“I don’t want to hear it, Knight!” He cut me off harshly. The tone of his voice felt like a sucker punch to the gut and I was left gaping at him. “Your actions today were down right insubordinate. Protecting the enemy of the Brotherhood and even associating with it. Have you lost your senses? Have I taught you nothing?”

His anger was like an ice storm. Piercing and cold. I felt the desire to back away and hide creep in. “He is my friend Danse,” I said gently. I had to remain calm, I knew I had a tendency to say the wrong thing when I was angry and that would do us no good. “He hasn't given me any reason to distrust him.”

“Yet.” He said coldly. “He is a synth, Gilmore. That abomination isn’t human, it can’t feel like one. It was programmed to think the way it does, to make it seem more human!”

“You don’t know that-“

“Don't I?” He challenged. “I think I know a great deal more about synths than you do!”

“But you don’t know Nick!” I threw back, I could slowly feel my own anger coming to a head. Remain calm, I tried to think, but my anger was getting the better of me, “And clearly you don’t

care that he had saved my life, otherwise you would have taken that into account.” I stiffened my spine, raised my chin and waited.

He narrowed his eyes, “Enough.” Danse said, a vein on the side of his forehand bulged. The skin around his eyes looked sharp and rigid. “I don’t want to hear any more about it Knight.” He said as he brought a hand up to his forehead. “Clearly I have taught you nothing of the dangers of synths and what they can do. When we get back to the Prydwen I will inform Maxon and-“

I felt my blood run cold and a shiver went down my spine, “Danse please you cant.” I croaked out, my voice suddenly weak, “Maxon would kill him. Please he hasn't done anything wrong! You cant kill him just because he is a synth!”

This couldn’t be happening. Please don’t make me chose! I cared about both of them way to much, I couldn’t lose either, yet if Danse really forced my hand, I would chose Nick. He was the innocent one after all.

Danse’s lip pressed into a firm line, “He hasn't done anything _yet_.” He said sharply. “That thing is an unknown and you cant trust it. I have no clue as to why these civilians do.”

“Danse.” I said my voice hoarded, “Please, I’m begging you, don’t tell Maxon.”

“Enough Knight!” He said his tone raised. His voice bounced off the walls of my empty house, echoing around me. “And another thing, I don’t want you speaking to me that way again. I am your Commanding Officer!”

I grounded my teeth together, pulling his damn rank on me again. Fine! If he wanted to play it that way than fine!

I turned his steely gaze with a burning glare of my own, “Understood, _Paladin._ ” I said curtly.

I saw a flash of panicked worry crossed his features before it was masked with a trained expression as I turned away to pack.

We packed in silence, all the while my thoughts chocked me with a panicked frenzy. What was I going to do? Should I warn Nick? Probably after our altercation in the detective agency, Nick might already be on guard. Before we left the city I’ll drop a message off with Piper’s little sister and warn them, just in case.

Hopefully by the time we got back to the Prydwen I could change Danse’s mind. Maybe I could convince him to overlook his strict ideas to see that not everything is as they appear. Sure Nick was an Institute synth, but that didn’t make him a threat. Danse needed to see past what he was taught. He needed to see that not everything in this world was black and white, and that the Brotherhood isn't always right. But for someone,  _‘Brotherhood through and through’_ how could I get him to see. It seemed down right impossible.

We left that evening with a strained silence looming over us like a storm cloud. I had managed to slip Nat the message without Danse noticing. He was too busy stewing in his anger.

Hopefully Nick would get the message and hopefully I could get Danse to see reason.

Otherwise, Nick and I were screwed.

* * *

 

We reached the Boston Public library well after dark. From the distance we were from the building I could still see it poking out amongst the other buildings. I had been tempted to go investigate the old library to see if I could find some of the books I had checked out were still there, but in the end I decided against that. Danse was furious enough, I didn’t want to anger him anymore than he already was. That and I highly doubted he would let me wander off.

We walked most of the way in silence.  Only when we thought an enemy was nearby did we speak to one another. To be perfectly honest, I was growing tired of his cold shoulder act.

I watched him walk ahead of me. His posture was rigid with alertness, on guard in case of an unforeseen attack. I knew now wouldn’t be a good time to speak, we were surrounded by cover, yet were too exposed all at the same time. But what choice did I have really?

“Danse,” I called out in a hushed tone. He paused in his walking but didn’t look at me. “We need to talk.”

He finally turned his head slightly, showing me his profile. His expression was set in stone and when he spoke, his tone was stern, “Not now, Knight.” He said.

“Yes now,” I growled out. “You cant ignore me forever, Danse.”

“I’m not-“

 “Don't even finish that sentence,  Paladin.” I snapped. “You and I both know that your are so don’t bother denying it.”

Danse frowned with disapproval but remained silent. I cleared my throat before continuing, “Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t give you any warning about Nick, but I knew you wouldn’t let me see him if I had told you.” Danse made a grunt of agreement. “But please trust me when I say that Nick is a good man. He saved my life, that has to mean something to you.”

His expression softened by a fraction, but he still glared. I couldn’t tell if his eyes were on me, or behind me. “It does mean something to me, Gilmore.” He said in a low tone, “But I fail to see why it would be so willing to help you.”

“Because he understands what I’m going through.” I said boldly. Danse gave me a sideways look to elaborate, but I ignored it. Now wasn’t the time to go into details about my past. Too many bombshells in one day. “That and he’s a good man.” I repeated, hoping it would finally sink in.

I groaned when he said, “He is not a man. How many times do I need to tell you that?”

I glared, “Until your blue in the face.” I said, “It doesn't matter if Nick is metal on the outside, he is still a person to me. He’s-he’s-“ The only one I can truly relate too. The only person I had that I could talk to about prewar things without getting that dee in headlights look. There was also something else about Nick… “He reminds me of my father…and that…well..it familiar.” I said quietly. It was strange how similar the two were. My father had been a cop before I had been born, but retired soon after. It made me wonder though, maybe they knew each other. I’d have to ask Nick later. “I trust Nick. I trust him with my life.”

He stared at me without speaking. A vein pulsed in his muscular neck, but he still didn’t say anything. Finally after a few moments he said in a low voice, “Clearly you trust that Synth more than you do me.” His voice held an accusatory tone that pierced my chest. “Since it’s obvious you confide in it more than you do with me.”

I felt my heart plummet as I reached out to him, “No Danse, that's not it at all. I trust you!”

He recoiled away from my hand and gave me a scowl. “If you trusted me, than you would have told me what it was from the moment you mentioned it’s name.”

“That's not fair and you know it!” I threw back, “Danse, look, I trust you. I trust you with my life and more. But I can’t trust you with Nick’s and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

He opened his mouth to speak when a loud mutated howl broke through our conversation. Danse’s skin greyed while I felt a lump form in my throat. He whirled around on his heels and crept along side the nearest building. I silently followed, standing behind him.

He peered behind our cover, his expression steely. “Super mutants. “ He said through clenched teeth, eyes on them. “I see eight, including a suicider, a hound and possibly an overlord.”

“Shit,” I breathed. Even though Danse was a seasoned Supermutant exterminator, that was way to many to engage, especially since it was just the two of us. “What's the plan sir?”

“Not to engage, were heavily outnumbered, “He said still watching them, “We’ll go around-“

Danse suddenly froze, “Danse?” I called out. When I received no answer, I caustiously peered to get a look at his face.  I looked up at his face, it was absolutely blank with shock. Danse was unmoving wide eyed and staring as though he had just been transfixed by a bullet through his heart. His eyes were glazed over, and he had that look about him that scream he was elsewhere. I had been about to reach out to him when he dashed out of cover, and ran straight toward the group of supermutants.

I called out to him, again my voice failed to reach him. He pushed forward. The mutants turned towards us now, “Get humans!” Cried one wearing a spiked helmet. I assumed that must be the Overlord.

The suicider was the first to charge. It ran slow and hulking towards danse who didn’t even flinch. He just pushed forward, showering the mutant with a cascade of bullets. Normally Danse’s aim was spot on with deadly accuracy. Now though his bullets whizzed past their target.

I quickly upholstered my sniper rifle and adjusted the sights. I only had moments till the two collided, one shot was hopefully all I needed

The blinking red light was in my sights. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight and a cool calm blow through me. My muscles slacked and I sucked in a deep breath as I pulled the trigger, silently pleading that my bullet would find its mark.

After three poor shots my bullet found its mark and the result was an enormous explosion which caused smoke and debris to rise into a small mushroom shaped cloud. The explosion had taken the suicider and the hound in its wake. The others stared slack jaw with amazement on their misshapen features, until their leader barked out more orders.

Danse had completely ignored the explosion in front of him. Instead he rushed into the cloud, disappearing from my sights. I could still see the glow from his laser bullets through the debris, so I knew he wasn’t hurt.

Why th hell did he engage? My mind screamed as I pushed closer. Normally he was the one chiding me for doing reckless stupid things, now here he was doing just that.

Danse’s charge drew the attention of the mutants which gave me the advantage I needed to pick them off from a distance. I couldn’t get up high, but I could find a place that would give me an advantage point.

Something was definitely wrong though. Danse never lost his cool. He was the very definition of steely composure. He also wasn’t reckless. And the way he froze up like that wasn’t normal. His eyes were unfocused and his breathing had been off.

Once Nate had returned from the front lines, he would forget where he was. He would suddenly lose himself to his flashbacks and memories.  It wouldn’t even take much to trigger them, a certain smell, something that looked familiar, even a sound had been enough to plung him back into his nightmares.

Was that what was happening to Danse?

The smoke and dust had settled, giving me a clearer view. Danse had taken down the majority of the horde now and was engaged with the Overlord. Even from this distance I could see his eyes were  glazed over, unfocused. He was pale and rigid, barely ducking for cover but he didn’t seemed to care as the mutant’s bullets rebounded off his armor. I needed to end this quickly. One shot to his exposed head would be enough to take Danse down.

I bent down and looked through my scope. I had a clear shot of the mutant overlords head, if I didn’t get a head shot I could at least drag the focus away from Danse-

“Puny human, DIE!!”

I looked behind too late as a pair of meaty hands shot out and grabbed me. I let out a scream and struggled, but each time I shifted the grip would tightened around me. “Stupid human.” The mutant laughed.

He squeezed harder and I felt all the air in my lung blow out of me. Think! My mind screamed as I pinched my eyes shut. It’s laughter filled my thoughts as it’s death grip tightened around me, making it harder to think.

Dark spots floated in my vision as I grasped for air. Red-black pain bloomed suddenly from my stomach and was sure it had broken a rib or two. I panted in short gasps, trying to breath. Kicking my feet at its large stomach, the force of it doing nothing, but it helped me feel a little better. My vision blurred from the tears that stung my eyes. The black spot grew each time I tried to blink away the tears.

Then it stopped.

I felt my body being thrown. I crashed into something hard and more spots danced in my vision.

I lay inert, trying to disappear into the darkness that enveloped me. I knew the mutant was drawing near, knowing it was planning on stomping on my head. I trembled with the thought. The pain in my side was intense, so much so that I wish I had taken some med-x before jumping into battle. I twisted, curling bringing up my shoulders and trying to shield my face against the cement. This was it, he raised his foot and gave a wet laugh. Would I even hear my own head shatter, or would it just end in a instant?

It didn’t come.. There was another sound, fast, clanking and loud. A meaty sound of steel on flesh in a soft smacking rhythm filled the air. Then the sound of a rifle unloading its magazine.

I heard and felt a loud thud not to far off from where I laid.

Hands were around me, soft gentle and hesitant. My eyes searched unfocused until I saw him. Danse was blurred, obscured by the dark spots that littered my vision. He was still rigid but his eyes were focused and  filled to the brim with worry and concern. I blinked to clear my vision. His face was a bit clear to me now, so marred with concern that even in my unfocused state I could feel my heart beat painfully against my chest. I tried to grasp words to form but lacked the oxygen.

His words were incoherent to me, but there was a panic in his voice that I could still make out.

He called out to me, repeating my name with increasing urgency. I tried to respond, but my mind felt sluggish as the dark spots overtook my vision and I lost sense of all around me and within.

* * *

 

I came out of innocuousness sometime later. Groggy and sluggish I slowly slipped back into my own skin. I began to take notice of things as my mind rose to clarity. The dull ache in my side, the sharp pain in my lungs with each breath and a nerve that began to twitch near one eye.

I realized I also had a jacket on me, it smelled of power amor grease and pine.

I moved to sit up when gentle hands grabbed my shoulders. “You have a bruised rib.” Danse said as he ushered me down. “Try not to get up,” His voice was dripping with apprehension, while his posture was drawn up in silent agony. “I wanted to wait until you woke up. To give you a stimpack. I uh didn’t want it to jolt you awake.” 

He was avoiding my eyes, his own were casted downward staring at the grooming. “Thank you.” I said.

With a nod of his head he took out the stimpack and administered it gently to my side. Instantly I could feel the miracle drug take effect. The pounding in my head eased while the pain in my side dulled to the point where I could easily ignore it. I rose slowly into a sitting position and looked at him.

We fell into a silence after that. Danse remained by my side, his hands folded in his lap. I could tell words were dancing on his lip, but nothing came out. His shoulders hunched and his face was scrunched up. “I’m sorry.” He said after some time. His head bowed, hiding his facial features from me. “This was-I don’t-it was my fault you were injured.”

“Danse, it’s okay.” I said gently to him, “These things can happen….”

He looked up, the clash of emotion in his eyes wavered suddenly, like the glass of a window being blown against a strong breeze. He shut his eyes, swallowed once and opened them again. “Emery.” He said so quietly that I barely heard him., “if I hadn’t lost it like that. No…this was my fault, don’t try and play it off as if it wasn’t.”

I reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. The muscle tensed but slowly its tension eased under my palm, “Danse.” I said quietly, unsure of what to say. I knew it wasn’t his fault but…. “What happened back there?”

The air seemed to have shifted around us as a grave silence fell down upon us. He pulled away, my hand falling down to my lap. “I don’t know…” His voice was horses with emotion. “I just saw…I saw these around one of their necks.” He raised an old rusty chain up. My eyes widened They were worn from age and damage but I could clearly see them,  Brotherhood of steel holotags dangled at the end of the chain.”I don’t know why, but I snapped, and my recklessness placed you in danger. I should have been there to cover you.”

My thoughts drifted towards Cutler and what Danse had told me. Of how he had been forced to mutate. When Danse saw those tags, it must have been enough to send him back to his past.

It never occurred to me that Danse could be vulnerable like that. He was such a strong person, stronger and stubborn that anyone I knew. The very idea that he could be struggling with something as serious as these feelings, these flashbacks was jarring.

Nate had had similar experiences when he returned from the front lines. The sounds of a helicopter had been enough to draw him back to his memories. Or even fireworks. His PTSD could be so severe at night, he would dream and the’d be so vivid that he would lash out at anything or anyone.

And Danse might be suffering from the same thing.

How could I over look it. The signs had been everywhere. His lack of sleep, the way he couldn’t talk about things that bothered him…and now this. Like dirt being swept away during a rain storm, our pervious altercation washed away to the back of my mind. Right now, making sure he was alright was my main concern. Everything else could wait. “I don’t blame you, so there's nothing to feel guilty over.” I said as I placed my hand on his knee. I needed to cement the fact that this couldn’t possibly his fault. “What happened is not your fault-“

“I am your commanding officer, a Paladin of the Brotherhood.”He cut in with a edge to his tone. I knew his harsh tone of voice wasn’t directed towards me, but rather projected onto himself. “I cannot let my weakness get the better of me. My actions today were inexcusable, and it almost costed you your-your life.”

"I guess were even then.”

His head snapped up at me, eyes wide with confusion. I offered him a smile, “Were even.” I repeated. “For the time I almost blew us up at Archjet with my reckless behavior.”

“That's not-“ He had started to say but stopped when I grabbed his hand. He stared down shocked, then looked up at me, pink staining his cheeks.

His hands were rough and calloused, but just holding his hands was enough to make me jittery with excitement. “It’s the same Paladin.” I said firmly, while giving his hand a squeeze. “We’ll not quite the same…my stunt was when I had complete control over my actions, and just threw a grenade like some stupid idiot. Yours was different, and you don’t have to feel guilty about anything. Since it wasn’t your fault.”

“But-“

“No buts Paladin.” I scolded, “It’s not like you did this on purpose, it just happened…so I don’t want you thinking that it was your fault.”

He looked away from me, his lips pressed in a firm thin line. He still kept his hand in mine I noticed. Whether he didn’t mind holding it, or he just forgot, I didn’t know. I hoped the former though. He stared silent for a time, battling with himself. Every time he opened his mouth to say something he would shut it and shake his head. “I still feel responsible.” He said his voice barely above a whisper. “I should have had your back for what happened with the mutants…and with, the synth.”

I gaped at him, “What?”

“I had time to think on it, and while I disapprove of your connections with a synth.” He said his tone rough like sandpaper. “I’’ trust your judgment on the matter, and I wont inform Maxon. At least not until the synth does something that I don’t like.”

“I…I,_ I paused. “Thank you, Danse I’m sorry I might have caused you to think I didn't trust you…”

He smiled, “Let’s put this behind us.”

I had been about to agree with him when I quite suddenly realized he had changed the subject-albeit subtly-away from his episode. “Danse.” I said firmly as I let out of his hand. A look of disappointment flashed over his face, “We can’t just ignore what happened today. Has this-has this ever happened before?”

I knew I was trending on thin ice, but we couldn’t over look this. A look of panic flashed in his eyes before it was smothered with a frown. “Its fine.” He said bluntly. “It was just a last in judgment. I let my anger get the better of me.”’

“Its not fine.” I shot back. “And that wasn’t your anger, that was something else entirely Danse. You-you didn’t notice things around you. It was as if you weren't even here…”

He gave me a hard look, “I’m fine.” He repeated. “It wont ever happen again.”

That's what Nate had said before he had a relapse. I reached back out to grab both of his hands in mine. He flinched at the touch, physical contact never came naturally to him.

I hadn’t wanted to voice it out loud, but he terrified me when he froze up like that. Hell it still scared the living daylights out of me. “You cant ignore something like this. Please talk to me.”  I pressed. Nate had tried to open up to me about it, but some things had been to difficult for him to tell me about. He ended up talking to a psychiatrist. It had taken some convincing, I even had my father talk to him, until he finally relented. “Or Cade, I bet he would kno-“

“No!” Danse’s voice echoed off the walls around us and I found myself shrinking away from him, pulling my hands out of his. He paused, took a death breath. “No, I’m fine.” He said calmly, but with a tired tone to it. He brought his hand to his forehead. “I don't want to start another argument, so let's drop it and head out, if your up to it.”

I wanted to say, only if you were, but held my tongue. I didn’t want to fight again either. “I-yes I’m up to it.” I bit my lip, watching him stand up, he walked over to his armor. The suit opened up with a hiss as he stood before it. He still held himself as if he was drowning in guilt. I couldn’t see his face, but knew he had his brows furrowed. What could I say, what could I do to help? From what little I’ve seen, Danse’s PTSD symptoms were worse than I feared, and if he blocked me out there was little I could do to help.I still had to try though.

Jokes had always helped Nate, even on his worst days he would crack a smile at something stupid I told or did.

We picked up camp quickly and quietly, trying to get a better distance away from the library and the groups of super mutants that hung around it. We kept to the alley ways as much as possible. I figured now was a good time as any to help lighten the mood, “So, you ever hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?” I said with a smirk.

Danse looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a frown on his face, “ I think he would be dead solider.”

“It's a joke Danse.”

“Oh,” he said, “well, what happened?”

I shook my head with a laugh, but regretted it. The motion gave me such a sense of vertigo and a round of stars floated in my vision that I almost lost my balance. I braced myself against the wall to keep from falling over.

“Emery?” Danse said. It only took him a few strides to reach me. “ Are you alright?”

I placed a hand to my forehead, “yeah, just shook my head too fast.” I said closing my eyes. “I think…”

I felt a hesitant hand on my shoulder. My eyes flew open which only caused another rush of vertigo. “ I think you might have hit your head harder than I thought.” He said concern ebbed in his voice. “ I think I see a bruise forming.”

“ I think I can confirm that…” I winced as I rubbed the now bulging bruise on the side of my head. I felt myself sway. Fearing I was about to fall over, I reached out, but instead of grabbing the walls, I grabbed onto something smooth and cool.  My eyes widened as I realized what I feel into.

Danse had his arms around me steadying me. Even though he was in his armor, it was, intoxicating just to be held by him, even if we had been fighting so much lately, it didn't change the way I felt for him.  

My heart stopped beating for a moment, then resumed with a force that I was sure was audible to him. I dared not look up at his face, he would clearly see the blush that covered my whole face.

We stayed silent for a time, both shocked at the closeness of the other until I broke the stillness, “I’m…fine…” I said slowly feeling a queer mix of excitement and hesitance that made my breath come up short . “ I think I can stand now…”

“Right, right.” He breathed out releasing his arms around me. He didn’t move them too far, just enough to catch me if I did loose my balance. He too must have felt the constraint of mingled shyness and intimacy. I couldn’t imagine what he must be thinking. Just simple hand holding was enough to make him freeze, I couldn’t imagine what holding a person could do to him. “ are you sure your well enough to continue.”

“ I should be.” I said as I resisted the urge to nod my head. “I think it's passed now.” Maybe a round of med-x might help.

No, I shouldn't use it again. I already used it too much last week. I didn’t want to get addicted to the stuff…but I was sorely tempted.

“Good.” He said with a nod as he stepped away from him. A deep flush staining his ears. “ let me know if you get dizzy again.”

“I will.”

He turned to walk ahead, when he stopped. For a split second I thought he might go into a flashback again, until he turned his head to look at him, he had a small smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes that caused my heart to flutter, “I’m glad your alright Emery.” Without another word, he started walking ahead.

I was left gaping before I too followed after. Though under my breath I said, “ I wish you were.”

-Chapter End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post. I could not for the life of me figure out what to write in chapter 6 so that took a while. Then mass effect andromeda came out and well disctraction. I wil try and type up chapter 6 as soon as possible, but i make no guarantees. It'l be a bit slower at work so i might be able to get more done.


	6. Reliving Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter turned out to be a big one. I hadnt planned on it, but it just kind of happened. So i hope you all enjoy long chapters! I know i do.

**Chapter Six**

It was a cold grey morning when we neared park street station that day. We had walked most of the night, only stopping for a quick break every now and then. Danse had wanted to put as much distance between us and the Boston Public Library as we could. I couldn’t blame him, the place was crawling with Super Mutants and neither of us wanted to engage another small horde of them.

I could feel the fatigue settling in as we picked our way through an alley. Park Street Station wasn’t far now, which meant Goodneighbor was close. “We’re almost there.” I said to Danse who had taken point and this time I had no objections. After our run in with the Mutants last night I didn’t want to overdo it. The stimpack could only heal so much. That and I wanted to avoid getting into another argument. Danse still felt guilty over what happened last night, I didn’t want the stress of another argument to add to that.

I shook my head, the man soaked up guilt like a sponge. No matter how many times I told him it wasn’t his fault, he wouldn’t believe it. Time would be the only cure for his guilt. Though in the meantime it couldn’t hurt to drill it into his thick skull every once in a while.

I could tell by his posture alone that he was still replaying the events of last night in his head. It was on my mind too, but I doubt it weighted as heavily on mine as it was on Danse’s. I needed to distract him, keep his mind off the negative and on something else. “So…” I trailed off stepping over a pile of rubble. “Have you’ve even been to Goodneighbor before?”

He only turned his head slightly in my direction, but I noted how his eyes looked above me instead of at me. Was he still flustered over what happened last night? Well it made sense, he flinched and tensed at just hands touching, holding someone must be too much for his nerves. I’d hate to see what a kiss on the cheek could do… “I’ve never been there.” He said as he turned his head forward. “Though I’ve read Knight Rhys’s reports on the place. Filled to the brim with criminals and junkies, not to mention it’s a nesting ground for ferals with half the population being ghouls.”

And his racist side rears its ugly head once more. Hopefully I could keep him away from Hancock. Doubtful yet one could hope. Hancock wouldn’t be too happy with the idea of a Brotherhood Paladin staying under his roof. Nick probably gave him a heads up and I didn’t doubt they’d both be waiting for us at the front gate. After Danse met Nick I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of Danse meeting Hancock, Nick knew when to shut up, Hancock has yet to grasp that concept. “It’s not that bad.” I defended, “the people there are charming from the ones I’ve met. And what place doesn't have a few unsavory characters?”

Even though I was staring at his back I knew he rolled his eyes. “For every ten junkies there are twice as many criminals.” He grumbled, “I highly doubt there's one decent person in that whole cesspool.”

I held back the temptation to groan, his judgmental side could really get old, real fast. I knew that it was really just the Brotherhood’s years of influence talking. “And how would you know that? You’ve never been there before.”

“I don’t need to have visited the place in order to know.”

Must resist urge to groan. “It’s honestly not that bad of a place. It’s a safe zone, especially since it’s in the heart of one of the most chaotic place in Boston. “I said evenly, despite my frustration towards him. “And the mayor is a great guy, and he happens to be a good friend.”

He scoffed at that, “If he’s the mayor of that place, you really need to find better friends.”

“You’re my friend aren't you?”

“Ah-well more friends like me then.” He grumbled his shoulders of his armor pulled up to his ears.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out, which only caused Danse to grumble some more. “Come one Big Guy.” I said as I jogged up to him. “Rhys hates anything that isn’t Brotherhood, so try not to be so judgmental about a place you’ve never been just because of one person’s opinion. If I had listened to others opinions than I wouldn’t be here with you.”

Danse came to a sudden halt, his eyebrows arched so high they were almost touching his hood, “What?”

Maybe I should have left that part out. “Well it’s a very common opinion that most people hate the Brotherhood and that they don't trust you guys. A few people I had come across had warn me to stir clear of anyone wearing a Brotherhood insignia.” I said slowly feeling his eyes narrow at me.” They had said how the Brotherhood didn’t care about anyone who wasn’t Brotherhood, and that they would shoot anyone who got in their way. I only meant that if I had listened to what others said, than I wouldn’t have joined the Brotherhood. I gave the Brotherhood a shot, can’t you give Goodneighbor one?”

I looked back up at him, his eyes were still narrowed but when his gaze met mine, he closed his eyes and let out a breath. “Fine, I won’t judge it immediately.” He said as he turned his head away and began to walk forward. “But that does remind me of something I wanted to ask you.”

“Oh?” I said as I walked beside him. My pace quick to match his large stride. Damn Power armor legs, he could walk a hell of a lot faster than I could in those things. “What's that?”

“What made you join the brotherhood?”

I blinked, taken aback by the question. I knew it was coming, but he asking had caught me off guard. He must have seen my surprised look for a crease of concern formed on his brow, “If it’s personal, you don’t need to tell me.” He said, “We all have our reason to enlist.”

I looked up at him and smiled, “its okay, I joined because they have some of the best technology around, well one of the only places with advance technology.”

“Is that the only reason?”

I paused. I hadn’t expected him of all people to wonder if there was more to it. Was he fishing for something? “Uh well…”He wanted honesty, “That and because of you…”

He suddenly tripped over a loose piece of cement, and almost crashed to the ground. He caught himself, stood up while a blush crept up his neck to his stubble. “Because of me?” He repeated slowly, a furrow formed on his brow. “Why?”

I could feel my own cheeks burn, “I thought that if all Brotherhood members had your dedication and loyalty that they couldn’t be that bad of an organization.” I mumbled as I turned my blazing face away from him, “At first I only helped because it was the right thing to do, but when we fought off all those ferals I saw how determine you were to keep your people safe…and well it kind of inspired me…not to mention watching you in action at archjet. “ And let’s end it there before I blab to him how I truly feel about him.

“Oh.” I didn’t need to look to know his face was as scarlet as mind. I could hear it in the tone of his voice, “I see…well I’m glad I helped you join.”

We continued our hike after that, a silence loomed over us as we picked our way through the ruined alley ways. At least he wasn’t feeling guilty anymore. Just embarrassed…

The weather was mild for late March, I observed trying to distract my mind from the awkward air that surrounded us. I remember how cold it had been before the war during this time of year. We would still get snow storms, and occasionally the temperature would drop down below zero. Now though it felt more like spring weather and less like winter. It was still cold though, cold enough for a jacket but not as cold as it had been in the past. “So,” I said as I placed my hands behind my back and looked back up at him, “Got any good stories about your time before becoming a Paladin?”

I saw him arch an eyebrow, “Fishing for embarrassing stories?” He said the corner of his lip raised in amusement.

Letting out a snort I gave him a cheeky grin, “I have this nefarious plot to get all the juicy gossip I can about you and spread it all around the Commonwealth.” I said as he gave me an exasperated sigh. “Now come on, you have to an embarrassing story or two.”

“And what makes you so sure I do?”

“Because everyone has to have a least one!” Unless you’re me who has a lifetime of them, “I promise I won’t tell anyone! I’ll even tell you one of mine.”

 “Only one?” He teased.

“Hey don’t get cheeky. I don’t want all my embarrassing stories out on the table at one time.” I said crossing my arms and giving him a nasty glare, “my dumb stories are like fancy lad snacks, eat too much and they’ll make you sick.”

“Sure, “he said while rolling his eyes. “I’ll tell you one of mine, only if you do.”

I shook my head, which caused him to arch his brow, “Seeing how you already asked me a question, I believe it’s only fair that you answer mine first.” And it’ll give me some time to figure out how to tell him one of mine without saying I’m prewar…. “Then I’ll tell you one of mine.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, “Let me think…there was this one instance when Cutler and I were both Initiates.”

“Oh?” I said as we turned down an alley way, “You were younger?”

He rubbed at his chin as he slung his rifle over his shoulder, “I think we were both twenty at the time. Though I assumed I was that age, I don’t really know when my birthday actually is.”

I felt my heart sink a little at the thought. He must have seen the expression on my face for he added, “It doesn't bother me, and in fact I chose my own birthday.”

Smirking I uncrossed my arms and looked back up at him, “Let me guess, the day you enlisted with the Brotherhood?”

“Ah!” His face flushed a little as he rubbed at the back of his neck, “How’d you know?”

I let out a laugh, “Because you’re Brotherhood through and through.” I said as I kicked up my pace to get ahead of him. “But were getting off topic. You were saying.”

“I was hoping you’d forget.” He muttered.

I turned and shot him a look.

“Fine, it was back when were we in our second year in the Brotherhood, expecting to be promoted to Knights any day.” He said as he caught up with my pace. “We had just finished a particularly difficult mission. One of our recon teams had been exploring an old Vault, a Vault Dweller had informed us about. Said it had been used for cloning purposes. She neglected to mention that the vault was still inhabited.

“I’m guessing they weren't the friendly sort.”

“They were as friendly as they were intelligent.” He said indignantly. “They attacked on sight, and they’re only language was saying one name, Gary.” 

“Weird…but I guess that's what they effects are when you clone a clone. But that can’t be the story.” I said as I looked over at him.

Danse shook his head, “Right, our recon team hadn’t reported back so Krieg, Cutler and I along with another initiate who had befriended Culter, her name was Samantha, were sent to find out what happened. Unfortunately the recon team didn’t make it.” He finished with a sigh and shook his head once more. “They had been overwhelmed by the ‘Gary’s’ as Cutler had called them, they’re bodies having been eaten by the cloned vault dwellers-“

“I thought this was an embarrassing story!” I cut in feeling my skin turn green and a rolling motion in my stomach. “Not a grotesque horror story!”

He gave me a pointed look, “There are far more horrors out there than cannibalism.” He said sternly, “you need to not get so squeamish about things.”

“I didn’t know a lecture was going to be included into your backstory…” I muttered as I walked ahead.

The only reply to that was a snort, “Anyway, we cleared the vault and looted some of its technology. None of it was operational, but our scribes had found some uses.” He said, “When we got back Krieg had announced that since we had done an outstanding job in the field that he was placing our names forward to become knights. You can imagine our delectation. We had a toast and uh, then some.”

Wait, did he say and then some? Paladin Danse got wasted? “So you over indulged yourself, “I said trying to stop the grin on my face, “How drunk were you-“

The sound of gunfire off in the distance drew our attention and caused us to take cover besides a building. I took out my sniper and removed the safety as Danse did the same with his rifle. “It’s off in the distance.” Danse said relaxing his stance while he pushed off from the wall. “Nothing to concern ourselves with.”

“Good.” I said as we began our march again. “Now as you were saying.”

Danse slung his rifle back over his shoulders “I believe you asked how drunk I was…” He said then instantly blushed tilting his neck so he hid his face away from me. “Very… I don’t remember anything only from what others told me, and from what Cutler had vaguely remembered.”

“You got shit faced?”

“Solider! Language!”

Shaking my head I couldn’t reign in the grin on my face, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just that's so hard to believe. You the man of discipline, decorum, rules and regulations got drunk, I uh find it hard to believe.”

He gave me a stern look before he turned forward, “Well it did, and I had regretted it.”

I croak my head to the side, trying to get a better read on his otherwise stony expression. “What, bad hang over?”

His expression tensed, “Worse.” He said gravely, “Both Cutler and I awoke on the top of Rivet City stark naked with no clue as to how we got up there, or how to get down.”

I blinked, trying to fully process and absorb the new information. Naked? Drunk? And somewhere they shouldn’t be, and did I mention Naked? What the hell happened to the fun loving Danse? Mind momentarily shut down I stammered out, “How-how’d you get down?”

His blushed deepened as he rolled his shoulder, “We jumped.” He said. “Thankfully it wasn’t a long walk back to the base. At the time we had set up at the old Jefferson Memorial after the defeat of the Enclave so it hadn’t been too far of a jog, just an embarrassing one.”

Enclave? Jefferson memorial? Guess more questions I had to ask about later, there were other more pressing ones at hand. “What were you told you did?” The wait was killing me!

“I’d rather not, it’s highly embarrassing.” He said sheepishly as he rubbed at his neck.

“You can’t just say you did a whole bunch of stupid shit-I mean stuff, and not tell me.”

Danse let out a groan and pinched the bridge of his nose, his blush darkening. “Fine, “he sighed. “I was told that we had been thrown out of the bar because of our…well because we were being very disorderly. Yelling, cheering and singing. Cutler had apparently tried to pick a fight with one of the patrons, I’m unsure if a fight broke out or not.”

I snickered, “So you might have got into a bar fight. That's not that bad. My husband-Nate, he had been so drunk once he stripped completely naked and danced on top of the bar. I don’t think we ever went back after that…”

I caught Danse cringe, “That's what we had done in the market place,” Danse remembered gruffly, “I don’t remember ever taking my clothes off.”

I merely shrugged, “At least you didn’t wake up in a stranger’s bed with its owner next to you completely naked.”

He turned to me, shock completely washed over his features, “That happened to you?” He asked.

“It’s how I met my husband.” I had joked, but when his appalled expression melted into horror I quickly added, “No no that didn’t happen to me, but it had happened to a friend of mine. It’s how she met _her_ husband. Amelia could never hold her alcohol and neither could her husband Joey, so I guess they were made for one another.”  Amelia had been older than me and had been legal age, while I at the time had been both underage and pregnant.

“After that I hadn’t had another drop of alcohol.” He said. His flush had faded as quickly as it had appeared. But his expression changed just as drastically. His brows drew together and a pained look drifted over his face. “Well when Cutler-died, I took up drinking again. It had taken me a bit, but I sobered up after that.”

I got the feeling that there was more to that than what he said, but I held my tongue. Just by his tone I could tell it wasn’t that time to ask. He’d tell me later if he wanted, for now it was time to get off the topic. “My turn.” I said, “I got a million of them so it’s hard to pick just one.”

He let out a light chuckle, the pain still buried beneath his expression. “Oh, well how about the most recent then.” He said, “And I think it goes without saying that anything that happened at archjet doesn’t count.”

I rolled my eyes, “The most recent you say, “I repeated as I rubbed at my chin, “Well how about the time when Hancock-he’s the mayor of Goodneighbor-and I had explored an old warehouse in downtown. We had gotten separated when we were rushed by a suicide raider. I had been searching the top floor of the building when the floor had given way and I came crashing down.”

His eyes widened slightly, “Were you badly injured?”

I shook my head, “Sprained my ankle, and got a bad knock to the head. I must have lost consciousness because I woke up with all my gear gone, and my armor stripped.”

He gave me a look of sheer horror, but was then masked completely with a stern look. Uh oh, he was slipping into his Paladin mode, lecture imminent. “You’re lucky who ever stole your equipment hadn’t slit your throat solider! Or something equally horrifying.” He said with a sneer. Yup, he slipped into his rank again. “You should have been more careful.”

I gave my shoulders a shrug and squinted ahead of us. I watched a group of wild dogs pass. Too far to catch our scent, “I’ll remember that for next time.” I said dryly as I looked back up at him. “I had been very inexperienced back then, well you remember.”

Danse grimaced, “All too well.” He said his lips drawn downward. “But that's no excused.”

Rolling my eyes I turned forward, the pack had moved onward, hopefully further away. “Anyway, I had my armor stolen and was only in my undergarments, the scavy didn’t even leave me my shirt.” I glared recalling the anger I had felt at the time. The scavenger had made off with all my weapons, bottle caps and rations too. “So I had to sneak my way through the building practically naked. I found Hancock not too long after, who had howled with laughter at the sight of me. I had almost strangled him when he presented me with my stolen gear. Apparently he ran into the scavy and recognized the armor he had been carrying. He hasn't let me live it down since, every time I see him he always brings it up.”

Danse made a snort and lifted his chin up, “It’s a good reminder.” He said indignantly, “You got very lucky.”

“I suppose I did, though at the time I thought I was the most unlucky son of bitch there was…” I said shaking my head, “and now that I think about it, maybe that wasn’t the best embarrassing story I could have told…well I laughed but-“

“No it wasn’t” Danse said curtly giving me a stern glare,” It was a reckless one.”

Great I’m sensing another one of his lectures coming on. I glanced away from him, waiting.

I was surprised when he let out a sigh. I looked up to find him shaking his head and rubbing his neck. “I really need to remember you’re not as reckless as you used to be.” He said with a grin. “Though your still fool hearty and hot tempered.”

I grinned back at him, “Guess I’ll owe you a story then.” I said as we turned the corner, “I don’t think there's time for another one.”

“Why?” He asked, squinting off ahead of us, “Were not almost there are we?”

My grin turned into a smirk as the flashy neon lights came into view, “No, were here.”

Sure enough the neon illuminated sign for Goodneighbor came into view. I silently prayed as we neared the entrance that Hancock wasn’t there waiting for us. I knew him and Danse would not get along. Things might have blown up when Danse met Nick, but things would get Nuclear if Hancock met Danse.

* * *

 

Goodneighbor hadn’t changed since I last left. It still had that underworld feel to it that he gave me the sense to keep my guard up. Danse too seemed to be on high alert.

I heard a click of his rifle before he said, “Safeties off. I don’t like the look of this place one bit.” He said with a sneer.”

Well there goes not judging the place right off the bat. “And I don’t think the locals like the look of you either.” I muttered taking in the glares from the residence of Goodneighbor. The Brotherhood of steel insignia was like waving a red flag in front of a bull to these people. Though I did understand why. “How about we try to not piss off the populace.”

Danse scoffed, “as long as they don’t attack, or go feral.” He growled out. “Now let’s find this Dr. Amari quickly. I would like to check back in with the Brotherhood as soon as possible.”

I had forgotten about that. We would have to, I wasn’t sure if Danse had informed Maxon of our plans, I know damn well I didn’t. But knowing Danse and his irresponsibleness he probably did. “Fine, but after Amari, and a decent nights rest.” I said with a stretch of my limbs. We hadn’t rested since the skirmish with the mutants, and it had been a long time since I got to sleep in a bed. So I rather not miss the chance. “My back misses sleeping in a bed, and we did pull an all-nighter last night.”

Danse gave a frown, “Fine, but we leave first thing in the morning.”

I felt myself frown as I watched him walk ahead of me. Was that his loyalty to the Brotherhood talking or his desire to avoid sleep? It made me wonder how bad his nightmares were if he wanted to avoid sleeping as much as he did. Maybe I could get him to tell me.

But would he? He didn’t want to tell Cade, so why would he tell me? Well I could at least try, but I’d have to wait until we were somewhere he deemed safe, like on the Prydwen. In the meantime, maybe I should get him out of his armor. By the looks of the residents of Goodneighbor it seemed like they were about ready to form a lynch mob. “Danse.” I said cautiously, “Why don’t we check into the hotel and lock your armor up. I really don’t like the looks everyone keeps giving.”

Danse froze instantly in his tracks. “Absolutely not!” He said his eyes narrowed. “Are you nuts, these ghouls could turn feral any minute?”

Even though he spoke in low tones, I bet some of the ghouls around us heard him. “Danse.” I hissed, “Just for now. You can keep your weapons but I’d rather not rile up the locals if we don’t have too.”

He looked away from me and glanced uneasily around him. His whole body was tense underneath his armor, and a vein pulsed in his neck. “Please, these people don’t like Brotherhood, and they obviously feel threatened with you in your armor.” I urged. He looked back down at me with a scowl. “The only reason they probably haven’t done anything is because they know I’m friends with Hancock, now please let’s just go to the hotel and-“

“No!” He growled, “I am not leaving my armor locked up without me.”

* * *

 

Walking back from the hotel I noticed some of the ghouls still glaring at Danse, but otherwise most ignored him. Danse was fuming behind me but remained quiet. He really needed to get used to being away from his armor.

We had just past the Third rail when I spotted red outside the mayors building. Standing out front lighting a cigarette was none other than the mayor himself. Nick stood beside him, they both seemed to be in deep conversation with one another.

I called out to Hancock, which caused both heads to pop up. I noticed when Hancock saw me a mischievous spark gleamed in his eyes. His lips curled into a grin as he quickly closed the distance between us in a few quick strides. I saw Danse visibly tense next to me before I felt Hancock’s arms around me and I was hauled up in the air and spun. The motion surprised me as I felt my stomach flip.

Once back safely on the ground I smacked Hancock on the arm and have him a nasty glare. “What the hell was that?” I said, “Just how high are you right now?”

“Missed ya Sunshine.” Hancock beamed, “If I’m honest, very.” He said with a grin. He then leaned in close to my ear, “But I just wanted to see if it would piss off crew cut over there, and I think it worked.”

I looked through the corner of my eye at Danse, who sure enough was red in the face with a firm grip on his holstered rifle. “Tough her again freak and I’ll put you down.” Danse hissed out.

Hancock chuckled as he back away and placed his hands behind his head, “Aww jealous there crew cut?” He said with a mischievous grin, “You only need to ask if you want a hug too.”

Danse gave him a dark glare, and the grip on his rifle tightened. “Thanks Hancock.” I muttered, as if Danse wasn’t pissed enough.

Hancock merely grinned wider before he turned to the scowling Danse. “So you’re the Brotherhood guy I’ve heard so much about.” He said as he moved the arm that was around my shoulder out to Danse. I narrowed my eyes at the motion. This wasn’t Hancock being polite, this was Hancock trying to bait Danse. Before I could intervene, Hancock continued, “You don’t look like much without your armor.”

Danse’s lip twitched, he was trying to control his temper I could tell, and he was failing miserably at it. He gave Hancock a sneer and glanced down at me, ignoring Hancock’s outstretched hand. “Where you do keep finding these people?”

“Oh here and there.” I shrugged.

Hancock lowered his arm and placed his cigarette back in his mouth. “Guess the Brotherhood doesn’t teach you guys on how to be a gentlemen.” He said with a shake of his hand.

I wanted to face palm, Hancock don’t…

Danse’s glare grew dark as I saw his hand clamped down into a fist. “And how would you know how to be a gentlemen freak!” Danse spat. Oh no, Danse don’t fall for it…

Hancock dropped his tobacco to the floor and snuffed it out with his foot. He lifted his chin up and said, “Because my momma taught me how.”

That riled Danse up. His face grew a deep shade of crimson and his eyes narrowed into slits. I had to end this before it got ugly, I quickly forced my way between the escalating tempers. “Okay boys!” I said sternly, placing both my hands on their chest pushing them apart. “Calm your testosterone. And put your adult pants back on.”

Danse stared at me his eyes wide and his eyebrows narrowed. While both Hancock and Nick lifted their heads up with laughter, which only caused Danse to glare at the two harder. The laughter died down and I felt Hancock’s arm slip over my shoulders. “Don't worry yourself sunshine.” He grinned, “I was only havin’ some fun.”

I gave him another glare, “You and I have a very different definition of fun.” Did he like poking a stick at a snake? He was certainly asking for it picking a fight with an already pissed off Danse. I’d have to have a chat with him about it.

I had been about to chide him for his behavior when Danse spoke above me. His voice dripping with disdain. “What did I say about touching her, feral?” Without even looking at Danse I could tell just by his tone alone how angry he must look right now. “Take your hands off her.”

Hancock scoffed, “What do you thinks gonna happen crew cut?” He said, “Think I’ll turn feral and bite her face off?”

Not waiting for Danse’s answer I shrugged Hancock's arm off “Enough.” I said I was growing tired of their arguments and I didn’t want Danse to explode with anger. Then I never would hear the end of it. I walked over to Nick who nodded his head when I stood beside him, “We have more important matters than your macho manly war.”

Nick crossed his arms, “Like finding a missing child.” Nick agreed. At least someone could keep a level head around here. "So start acting your ages.”

Danse shot Nick a menacing glare and for a moment I feared Danse would take out his rifle and shoot him. Instead he took a step back. Hancock on the other hand laughed and walked towards us, “Yeah yeah I get it Valentine,” He said, “Now let’s head into my office and you can bring me up to speed.”

Before I could follow after I heard Nick whisper briefly in my ear, low enough so only I could hear it, “I’d suggest the tin can stayed behind.”

I watched Nick follow after Hancock with weary eyes. Did Nick have something to say that he couldn’t divulge with if Danse was around, or did it simply have to do with trust. Either way I had to side with Nick.

I turned back towards Danse who returned my look with a glare. I wouldn’t put it past him to still be angry about what had just happened. I also knew another lecture was waiting for me when we were alone. His steely expression soon shifted into one of suspicion as he searched my face. “What is it?” He ask gruffly as he glanced at the door behind me.

“Why don’t I meet you back at the hotel. “I offered slowly, watching his face scrunch up. “I can fill you in later.”

Danse made a low growling noise in his throat. “Whatever they want to talk to you about I want to hear it.”

“We’ll be talking about things you already know about.” I said, then hastily added, “And they don’t trust you. If it was the other way around would you want to discuss private matters with them?”

He battled with himself before he answered, “No, but I don’t trust them. Especially that Ghoul.”

I rolled my eyes, “I trust both of them though.” I said flippantly. “And don’t worry about Hancock, he’s just doing those things to get under your skin, and clearly its working.”

His eyebrows knitted together and his lips pressed into a firm line. He was trying to contain his anger, I noted. But he was doing a piss poor job at it. Before he said anything-probably racist or offensive-I said, “And anyway do you really want to be cooped up in a room with two people you obviously don’t like, discussing information you already know?” I said crossing my arms and placing more weight on one leg. “Not when you could either work on your armor or check out the decent weapon mods you can buy here? Goodneighbor maybe not be the cleanest place but they do have a decent weapons and mods that are worth checking out.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. He glanced then at the door to the mayors building then towards K-L-E-O’s shop. “Fine, but you got one hour to meet me back at the hotel. “He said begrudgingly. “If you’re not back by then I’ll come looking for you.”

“Alright.” I agreed, “I’ll see you back at the hotel.”

Danse nodded his head before I ducked into the building. That had gone a lot smoother than I thought. I would have guessed we would have argued some more before he would give in. Whatever the case is I’m glad we didn’t argue.

I spotted Fahrenheit who looked to be in mid conversation with two ghouls. She nodded her head at me as I walked up the staircase.

I walked into Hancock’s office and was immediately greeted by the thick musky scent of tobacco smoke and whiskey. Once the overwhelming scent dulled I glanced around the room. Hancock was known for his excessive drug use, but the amount of empty jet canisters that littered the room was too much. It also made me wonder how the hell he got his hands on that much. That and if his mother had taught him how to clean up after himself alongside of how to be a gentlemen,

I spotted Nick and Hancock at the big desk at the other side of the room, Hancock lounging in a beat up old leather desk chair with his feet propped up on the desk. While Nick sat across from him. “Took your sweet ass time ditching crew cut.” Hancock said as he blew smoke out of his mouth, “And I leave you for four minutes and you up and join the Brotherhood.”

I gave a half shrug and took a seat next to Nick. “I thought they’d be able to help me find my son.” I said as I leaned forward in the chair clasping my hands together. “I thought they might be able to help, though they don’t seem very willing.”

Hancock let out a snort and leaned back in his chair. He took a long drag of his cigarette before he said, “you sure it’s not because of Paladin tight ass?”

I sent him a nasty look, “No.” I said as I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, “Why does everyone keep assuming that.” Even if it is partially true…

Nick chuckled to my right as he took his tobacco away from his lips, “Probably cause it true kid.” He said with a smirk, “May not be the only reason you enlisted, but it’s one of em’”

I felt the heat rush to my face, as well as agitation swell in my chest. “Is it that freaking obvious to everyone?”

Nick let out a laugh as he placed his tobacco back to his lips, “Like I sad kid, it’s obvious to everyone save for him.”

“And probably Preston,” Hancock added with a grin. “The guys oblivious to everything except for settlements.”

“Anyway.” I said trying to bring the conversation back to focus. “Why didn’t you want Danse here Nick?”

Nick leaned forward and snuffed his cigarette out in the ash tray. “I wanted to tell ya to not bring him when you go see Amari.” He said. “I thought he might have gotten suspicious if I said that to you with him around.”

“Might not be the best idea.” Hancock chimed in. “Amari might not even associate with you if he’s around.”

I raised an eyebrow, “But why? Is it because Danse is Brotherhood?”

“Bingo.” Nick said with a nod of his head, “That and he’s high up there on the Brotherhood food chain. Amari helps synths, but not only that she works with the railroad to do just that.”

“Railroad?” I thought that was only a rumor, “I thought they didn’t exist.”

“Well there real alright.” Nick said as he fished his carton of cigarettes out. “And she's connected with them, so she might not help you with him around.”

“Gotcha, he won’t like it but I’ll sort that part out later.” He wouldn’t like being excluded but I wouldn’t put it past Danse to not tell Maxon about a someone who supports helping synths and has connections with the railroad. That and the less Danse knew the better. If Maxon ever found out that I helped synths I’d be in some serious trouble and I didn’t want to bring Danse down with me.

“Good luck with that.” Hancock laughed, “What's the story on the tin can? You two partners or something?”

“In a way.” I shrugged, “he’s my sponsor and though were not on any Brotherhood mission he wanted to come.”

“So it shouldn’t be too hard to ditch metal butt then,” Hancock said as he blew smoke out of his mouth.

I scoffed, “Just because were not on a Brotherhood mission doesn’t mean he’ll let me boss him around. “ I said as I crossed my arms. “He’s as stubborn as a rock.”

It would be hard to convince him, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Amari wouldn’t work with me if she knew I was affiliated with the Brotherhood, and if Danse knew she was in league with the Railroad than he might take her back to the Prydwen for questioning. I’d have to figure a way to phrase it without making it seem suspicious.

I stood up from my chair and out of habit straightened my jacket and jeans, “I’ll meet you two at Amari’s in a half an hour, Nick can fill you in on the way Hancock.”

Hancock rose from his seat and gave me a curious look, “You sure you don’t want to just go to Amari’s without telling old metal butt?”

I shook my head, I was sorely tempted, “No.” I said as I turned to the door. “I want to avoid another argument and I have a suspicion if I did it just cause another one. That and I’m getting tired of hiding things from him.”

I saw in the corner of my vision that Nick nodded his head and stood up, “I see you’re taking my advice on the matter.”

“Yeah…but I’m still not totally sure how to tell him about the part about me being a human Popsicle for the last two hundred years.”

“Wait.” Hancock said stepping closer to me, “you haven’t told crew cut you’re prewar yet?”

“No…it’s uh been the one of many things I’ve neglected to tell him.” I said rubbing at the back of my neck, “He also doesn’t know I’m the General of the Minutemen.”

A smile slithered up Hancock's face as he placed a hand over his heart. “I’m honored there sunshine.” He said, “That would trust me over your eye candy.”

I gave him a dark glare and slapped him on the shoulder. His reply was a laugh which only deepen my scowl. “I plan on telling him, but I might just wait until I can bring him to Sanctuary where there's actual proof.”

Nick nodded, “Just don’t take too long to get him there.” He said as he lit his cigarette. “The longer you wait, the angrier he’ll probably be.”

I shrugged I couldn’t help it at this point. We’d probably wouldn’t get a chance to go to Sanctuary for a while. “And I’ll have to accept that.” I said as I opened the door to leave. “For now I want to avoid any argument I can with him.”

Hancock scoffed, “Good luck with that Sunshine.”

* * *

 

I took my time walking back to the hotel. I needed the time to figure out what to say to him without igniting another argument. That was something I thought we both wanted. We had been arguing so much lately that it should be about time we agreed on something.

I paused before I entered the Rexford Hotel. I had been surprised when I saw the hotel was still standing and in decent condition. I had only ever visited the hotel once in my time. I had been stunned at how classy the place looked. Even now it still had that old world charm to it that made a combination of longing and loneliness pang in my chest.

In this world things had changed so drastically than what I was used too. Yet some things were still hauntingly familiar. When I made my way through Concord the first time after I left the Vault I had been so disoriented by the change in surroundings. It was completely different and I had struggled to find my way through, some of the building I had thought were familiar until I had explored them.

Things had changed, people had changed and I had barely anything I could hold onto that could feel familiar to me. Everything I thought felt familiar weren't, and with each passing day I felt more and more like an outsider.

I stared back up at the ancient building and let out a sigh. Cheer up, I told myself. Danse has enough on his mind, he doesn’t need my depressing ass dragging him down. I’ll feel like I’ll belong soon, just have to give it time.

I knew that was a lie, but it helped a little.

I pulled myself together and forced a smile as I pushed open the doors to the hotel. Different scents hit me at once, the smell of old musty building, jet, tobacco and booze. Not the best combination but that was the common scent around Goodneighbor, so one could either live with it or get out.

I glanced around, the foray was almost empty except for an elderly woman at the front counter and an elderly man pushing a broom back and forth in one spot. I walked slowly over to the counter. Clair was friendly enough and gave me the spare key to the room Danse and I were staying in. She had also given me some insight about a few of the other residents in the hotel. The ghoul who had worked for Vault Tech stood out to me. I wonder if he knew anything about the Vault I had been in that he would be willing to divulge.

I made my way up to our room slowly and paused just before entering the room. My plan was to calmly convince him to not come without igniting another argument. Easy enough in theory, but with my temper well who knows.

When I opened the door I had been surprised to see his empty power standing in the middle of the room. I had been certain he would have either been tuning it or in it. Instead though he was hunched over his desk, his back facing me so I was unsure of what he was working on.

Resisting my mischievous side I decided to not sneak up on him this time, “Knock, knock.” I said as I stepped into the room.

He twisted in the chair to look at me, “Your back.” He said, “I take it that means you’re ready to go see Amari?” He then rose from the chair.

“Yes but, “Here it comes. “But I’m going and you’re staying here. “Not as eloquently put as I had wanted it to be, but maybe being blunt was better.

But one look at his face told me otherwise. “And why do you want me to stay here?” He said with a surprising calm voice.

I expected his anger, I had even prepared for it. His sudden change in tactics had thrown me for a loop and I felt myself squirm a little. “Because.” I said slowly. “There are a lot of people in Goodneighbor that don’t trust Brotherhood-“

“And this Doctor Amari is one of them.” He said sternly as he crossed his arms and leaned against the desk. He narrowed his eyes at me, his body posture screamed authority. Again I noted how suited he really was to his rank. In my time he’d probably would have been a General or something, maybe I could get him to work for the Minutemen.

Hah! Now that's a laugh. I knew Danse’s opinion on them, a rag tag group of untrained, unprofessional farmers playing military. I shook my head slightly and looked back up at his face, “Yes.” I said with a grin. “You sure catch on quick Big Guy,”

He rolled his shoulders, “I try.” He said, “So you think she’ll cooperate with you if I’m not there.” His tone still sounded stern, it was relaxing slightly. Good, he understood then, maybe an argument wouldn’t break out.

I nodded my head and sat down on the bed which made a loud creaking sound that echoed off the walls. It was lumpy and I could feel a few springs out of place, but it would be better than sleeping on the floor. “Most people don’t know I’m Brotherhood around here, so I might be able to convince her, especially if Nick’s there.”

At the mention of Nick’s name, Danse’s face twisted into a sneer, “I’d rather you not go alone.” He spat. “I don’t trust that Synth.”

“I’ll be with Hancock too.”

“And I especially don’t trust that ghoul!”

I snickered a bit and crossed my arms, “But I do.” I said with a grin. “And with Hancock there it’ll double my chances.”

Danse made an inaudible grumbled as he turned back to the desk. He placed his hands down on it and leaned over it. Even hunching the way he was he still loomed over the desk, and still was taller than me.

It took me a few strides to reach him. I hesitantly held my hand above his shoulder, unsure if the physical touch might make him draw back in and keep him from opening up to me. In the end though I placed my hand on his shoulder, the muscle tensed, but he did not flinch or back away. I would have smiled, but I was concerned. “Danse,” I said in a hushed voice, “What’s up?”

He shook his head and stood up straighter causing my hand to drop from his shoulder. “Nothing it’s just-“he paused, looking away then turning back down to the desk where his tools and a weapon lay. “I don’t like dealing with the unknown, and this Doctor Amari is an unknown. I would much rather the both of us go together than you going alone.”

“Danse.” I said gently as I stood closer to him. His head turned slightly towards me, but he still wasn’t facing me. ”It’s not like I’m about to walk into a deathclaw den. Amari isn’t a threat and nick clearly trust her and don’t. I already know you don’t trust Nick.” I said with a slight growl when he opened his mouth to say something. “It’ll be fine, and I won’t be reckless and stupid if something should happen-which it won’t.” I was honestly touched that he care about my wellbeing, but he should know by now that I can handle myself, even if I am a little bit reckless.

He let out a deep sigh as his eyes closed. “Alright.” He said reluctantly. “But I expect a briefing once you are finished.”

I smiled and nodded, “Sir, yes sir,” I saw his eyes roll in freighted agitation with a slight smirk on his face. “I’ll head out now then. Hancock and nick are waiting for me.”

He straighten his posture and turned back towards me, “alright.” He agreed, “I won’t be far from the memory den if something should happen.” He said as started to walk towards his armor.

“What are you doing?” I asked as I folded my arms over my chest.

He paused and turned back towards me with a raised eyebrow. “Getting back in my armor.”

I shook my head, he really couldn’t be away from his armor for more than five minutes, and “You remember what we talked about right?” I said, “The locals don’t like Brotherhood.”

“But if something should happen-“

“And if something does, you can fight perfectly well without it.” I said as I turned towards the door to leave. Suddenly though I felt a rise of boldness swell from somewhere within me. “And…I like seeing you out of it once in a while.” Without waiting for his reply I quickly shuffled out of the room, my face ablaze with embarrassment. I had no clue where that bravery had boiled from but it was gone now.

What the hell, how, why? Why did I say that? Did I want to make everything an uncomfortable mess? I really needed to think things through before I opened my big mouth. Maybe if luck was on my side-for once-he’d forget and I wouldn’t have to explain myself. But when was Lady Luck ever on my side?

I walked through the darken streets of Goodneighbor briskly. The sun had set and streets were lit up with neon party lights. I saw Hancock waiting for me outside the Memory Den. “Ole ‘Valentines already in there.” Hancock said as I approached him. “You ready to head in there?”

I glanced up at the building, hopefully this Doctor Amari could give me the answered I needed, if not I’d be that much further away than I was now from finding my son. And that was not something that sat well with me. “Yeah let’s go.”

* * *

 

Nick had been waiting for us in the center of the main room of the Memory Den. He had been in mid conversation with an older woman lounging in a long chair. As we approached I was suddenly struck with nostalgia at the sight of her. She reminded me of the classy pin ups my eldest brother used to hang on his bedroom walls. Lionel used to love anything classy and old fashion.

I felt my eyes sting at the thought of Lionel. It made me wonder what had happened to my family when the bombs fell. They lived near the shore line so they should had been away from where the bombs had landed. I knew my father had been offered a place in their local vault for his years of service on the police force, and by extension my three older brothers were offered a spot as well. But did they make it there in time? And if they did was it a psycho crazy fault like the other vaults?

It was something I desperately wanted to look into but I knew-or at least the more rational side of me knew-that it would be a fool’s errand. They were long since dead, and two hundred years and a nuclear bomb would destroy any signs of their life before the bombing. And did I even want to know? Would it be better to know or would it just add to the heartbreak of losing everything already?

I had been tangled up in my spider web of thoughts that I had barely registered Nick saying my name, “Hey kid, you awake?”

Broken from my reverie I realized that everyone's eyes were on me, “oh, uh yeah…” I said glancing hastily down at my feet to hide my red face. “Sorry, Nick, I uh got a little lost in the past.”

Nick let out a chuckle and placed a hand on my shoulder, the physical contact dissolved any lingering thoughts of the past from my mind and brought me back to the present. “This place is like a blast from the past, huh?” He said as his eyes scanned the room and a soft expression flittered on his face. “Anyway kid, I’d like you to meet Irma, the proprietor and heart of the Memory den.”

Irma grinned as she waved her fan in front of her as if struck by a sudden heat wave. “And here I thought you forgot about little ole’ me.” Her manner of speech reminded me of the old detective movies: the women who would always seek out the detectives help and ended up being the love interest. I smiled, I really had watched too many movies back in the day.

Nick dropped his hand from my shoulder and tipped his hat, “May have walked out of the den, Irma, but I’d never walk out on you.”

Irma quickened her speed on her fan as she made a sound that was almost a laugh but more like a huff, “Amari’s downstairs you big flirt.” She said with a wink, she then turned towards me and added, “And it was nice meeting you, I don’t believe I ever caught your name, honey.”

“Emery,” I said, “Emery Gilmore.”

Irma clasped her fan and rested the tip on her chin, “What an unusual name.” She said as if thinking it over, “Well, Emery don’t let Nick spend too much time with Amari down in that lab of hers. I’ll start to get jealous.”

I smirked. Nick was certainly smooth with the ladies. Probably that old world charm of his, “I won’t.”

“Good, oh and Mister Mayor.” Irma called out to Hancock who had been following after Nick downstairs. “If memory serves, you still own me a drink,”

I looked at Hancock who had paused and flashed Irma a grin. “Of course not.” He said, “how could I ever forget you, doll?”

Irma gave him a look over while tapping her fan against her chin, “See that you don’t. “ She said as she snapped her fan open and continued to fan herself. “I do so enjoy our little evenings out.”

“Me too, Irma.” He said with a nod, “But it’ll have to wait a while, I gotta help Sunshine here with a few things.”

“Just don’t keep me waiting too long, you big lug.” She said as she leaned back in her chair, “I’ll start to get lonely without you and Mister Valentine.”

Hancock gave her a wink, “I promise, doll.”

Hancock and I turned towards the staircase that led down to the lab. I snickered and knocked my shoulder into Hancock’s and said with a grin, “moving in on Nick’s woman there Hancock?”

Hancock replied with a shrug of his shoulder and a small grin on his face, “Irma and I are just old friends.” He said as he placed his elbow on my head, “And my jet supplier.”

“Oh?” I said as I pushed his arm off and straightened my hair, “I had wondered where you got all of it.”

Hancock fished out his lighter and cigarettes from his coat pocket, “I have tons of supplier.” He explained as we went. He then took out a stick and lit it. “She’s the one I work with the most. Let’s just say she’s the most pleasant out of the lot.”

“Just how many suppliers do you got?”

He placed his fingers up to his lips and said, “That’s a trade secret.”

“Sure it is.” I said as I rolled my eyes, “you probably lost count.”

He shrugged as he blew out a puff of smoke, “got me there, sunshine.”

I had been about to laugh when I caught sight of Nick standing in front of a woman. He placed a hand up signaling for them to shut up, “Dr. Amari?” Nick said to the woman,

Clearly she had been lost in her work that she hadn’t noticed us enter, until Nick spoke her name, breaking her trance. Amari turned around, I couldn’t tell whether concern or astonishment was more pronounced on her face as she looked between the three of us. “I take it this isn’t a social call?” She said as she turned to Nick.

Nick shook his head, “Afraid not, Doctor.” He said. “You see my Friend, Ms. Gilmore, here needs your help. But I’ll uh, let her explain the details.”

I nodded my head towards Nick and turned towards Amari, silently begging she’d be able to help me. I didn’t have any other leads, she was my last hope. “We need your help doctor. I need the memories from a man named Kellogg.” I said before biting my lip. Asking for help was the easy part, this net one however… “The only problem is well…the guys dead and rotting.”

I heard Hancock snicker, “probably not the best way to phrase it there, Sunshine.” He said before he leaned against the wall. He had replaced his cigarette with a jet inhaler and was silently puffing away at it.

I turned back towards Amari who was watching me with wary eyes. “Normally we only allow our clients to experience their own memories.” She said before she turned to Nick and added, “now what's this all really about?”

I was feeling a budding sense of anxiousness bloom in my chest. I looked to Nick who glanced at me from the corner of his vision. I took a breath in. I had to trust that Nick could get this to work. “I know it’s asking for a lot Amari, but you’ve pulled off the impossible before.” Nick said to her.

“That and it’s for a damn good cause.” Hancock added still puffing at his jet.

Amari’s face underwent an astonishing transformation. From an expression of frowning disapproval to horror. “Are you three mad?” She said, “Putting aside the fact that you’re asking me to defile a corpse, you do realize that the memory simulators require intact LIVING brains to function.”

We were losing her, “please.” I added gently. No jokes, be sincere and honest for once. “Nick told me you’re the only one who could make this work. If you don’t help us than-than well I’m screwed.”

“This dead brain had inside knowledge of the Institute, Amari.” Nick added in a pressing tone, “The biggest scientific secret of the Commonwealth. You need this and so do we.”

Amaris eyes narrowed as she seemed to recede into her thoughts. One more push. “Please.” I repeated, ‘the Institute has my son, and this brain is the only link we have in order to find a way in there.”

Amari closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. I felt nervousness grip my chest that caused my breath to catch in my throat. Please, please help us, I repeated in my mind as if this doctor could read thoughts. Amari shook her head and sighed, “Fine.” She said opening her eyes, “I’ll take a look, but no guarantees. Do you…have it with you?”

I let out the breath I had been holding. Carefully I dug into my pack and fished out the piece that was still wrapped with a spare handkerchief. I slowly unwrapped the strange piece of brain and handed it to Amari, “Here’s what I have.”

She examined it slowly with a furrow between her brows as she turned it over in her palm, “what is this? This isn’t a brain! This is…wait”-she hesitated, looking down at it-“That's the hippocampus! And this thing attached to it. A neural interface.”

Hancock turned to me with a raised eyebrow, “she lost me at hippocampus.”

I dimly nodded my head, I had had a feeling that the thing was no ordinary piece of brain. Now whether it could help us was another matter entirely.

Nick leaned forward to examine the piece of brain closely, his face had gone completely blank then resolved itself into an expression of revelation. “Hrm, you know now that I look at it again, those circuits look awfully familiar.”

Amari shook her head and held the brain piece up to the light, “I’m not surprised,” she said as she squinted her eyes examine it. “From what I’ve seen, all Institute technology has a similar architecture.”

I could tell she was leading up to say that Nick was compatible, but I had hoped she wouldn’t. I didn’t want to hook Kellogg's brain up to Nick’s it sounded way to dangerous, and Nick had already helped me enough. I bit my lip when Amari continued, “Mister Valentine is an older generation synth. But Institute technology being what it is…” She trailed off casting a glance between Nick and myself. “The brain implant could fit him. But that's…and incredible risk to take. We’re talking about wiring something to his brain.”

The room suddenly fell quiet, even Hancock who had been breathing in his jet inhaler seemed to pause. “What kind of risk us talking here, doc?” Hancock asked before I could. He then pushed off the wall and stood beside me. “We talking brain dead or worse?”

“I am unsure. There could be many negative outcomes.” She said as she covered the neural interface hippocampus thing. “He could lose all cognitive functions, or the memories in the device could mend with Mister Valentines. There are too many to know for sure what could happen.”

There had to be another way, “maybe we could find another synth to use.” I said looking at Nick and Amari. “There are tons of synths out there shooting people.”

“The problem with that plan is that most Institute synths shut off and erase their minds before they are terminated. It is a failsafe to ensure that their memories won’t be used against the Institute. “Amari said frowning. “We would need a live functioning synth in order for me hook up the neuro interface. And the odds of you capturing one operational are…slim”

“But,” I began. But whatever words I had been about to say were held in when Nick placed a firm grip on my shoulder. I looked up searching his face with troubled eyes. I wanted to find Shaun. I’d do anything, but I wouldn’t sacrifice friend.

He gave me a smile, “Don't worry about me, kid,” he said with a nod, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “I’m well past the warranty date anyway.”

I laughed though it came out more of a nervous sound that a mirthful one. “Don’t you know warranties can be extended?”

That caused him to chuckle, “Pretty sure mines the exemption.” He then dropped his hand from my shoulder. “But in all seriousness kid, we gotta do this. It’s the only lead we have to find your boy.”

I bit my bottom lip and glanced down at the floor. “But Nick…I-“ I began feeling the uneasiness rise. Nick was a good friend and the thought of him taking this huge risk was too much. I wanted to desperately find Shaun, but I didn’t want to lose Nick in the process, or any of my friends for that matter. “I don’t want you risking yourself for me.”

Nicks mechanical eyes widened then he blinked taken aback by my comment. Was he really that surprised? His face sure showed it. “Kid I-“He began to say but stopped. Nick hen shook his head with a small grin on his face. “That’s why I gotta do it. That and for your son. We can’t let those Institute bastards get away with kidnapping him and countless of other people. It’s definitely worth the risk.”

“If you’re sure Nick.” I said hesitantly. “Then I appreciate it, more than you can imagined.”

Nick chuckled his lips twisting into a smirk, “You can thank me when we’ve found your son.” He said as he took a seat in the chair by Amari. “Alright let’s get this show on the road.”

I glanced towards Hancock who had replaced his jet with a cigarette once again. It seemed every time I looked over at him he had a new drug in his hands. He gave me a nod in acknowledgement. “But if I start cackling like an old grizzled mercenary pull me out will ya.” Nick said to us.

Hancock snickered, “You betcha Valentine.” He said with a grin. “Though it might be a sight to see-“

I cut him off with an elbow to his side, “I was only joking.” Hancock said as he winched and rubbed his rib. “Geese you got bonier elbows that I do.”

Amari shot us both a glare that screamed shut up before she bent down to Nick’s head and began to unscrew bolts. “Let’s see here.” She mumbled as she worked.

I felt the uneasiness bubble in my gut like water on a boiler. Watching Amari unscrew parts of Nick reminded me all too well of what Nick really was, and how easy it would be to dismantle him. My heart twisted in my chest at the thought. Nick was tough though. In my fight with Kellogg it had been Nick covering my ass. I needed to remember that. “I need you to keep talking Mister Valentine.” Amari said waking me from my thoughts. “Any slight change in your cognitive functions could be dire. Are you…feeling any different?”

“There's a lot of flashes…static…” He said, I hadn’t realized I had been holding my breath until Nick spoke.” I can’t make sense of any of it doc.”

Amari let out a sigh, “that's what I was afraid of.” She said as she screwed everything back into place. She then turned towards Hancock and me and said, “The mnemonic impressions are encoded, it appears the Institute had one last fail safe. There's a lock on the memories in the implant.”

“How do you lock memories?” I asked.

“Can't you just hack it like a terminal?” Hancock said.

Amari gave Hancock a nasty look before she turned back to me and said, “The implant is encoding all the mnemonic activity in the hippocampus. Think of it like…computer encryption. And we don’t have the password.”

“So you could hack it like a terminal then.” Hancock said but was ignored by Amari. He then glanced over at me and said, “What? Was it something I said?”

I shook my head and looked back at Amari to continue. “Let’s see…a single mind would be able to crack it, but…what if we used two?” She questioned as she turned towards me. She must have seen the confused look because she added, “We could load both you and Mister Valentine into the memory loungers. Run your cognitive functions in parallel. He’ll act as a host, while your consciousness drive though whatever memories we can find.”

It was a risk, but if Nick was willing to do it without a second thought than so was I. But what exactly was gonna happen when I step into the pod? “Any ideas what I’m gonna see in there doc?” I asked as I approached the pod.

Amari walked over to a terminal and began clicking away at it. “I have no clue.” She said without looking at me, “but considering we only have single piece of the medial temporal lobe and not the whole brain, I doubt it will be…cohesive.”

That didn’t sound too promising, but we didn’t have any other option. By now the rest of Kellogg's brain was either decayed or being digested by a wasteland creature. I had been about to open the Memory lounger when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Hancock smiled, but looked a trifle uneasy, quite unusual from his normal sideways grins and devious looks. “You sure you want to do this, sunshine?” He asked.

I flashed him a grin, “as sure as I can be.” When he didn’t return my smile I added, “and I’ve done way worse stuff than getting thrown into a ruthless merc’s head.”

That got a chuckle out of him, “yeah like running around half naked in a warehouse full of raiders.”

I shrugged, “What can I say, I’m quirky like that.”

He smirked before he stepped back, lighting up another cigarette. “So what do I tell crew cut if this thing backfires and you go brain dead.”

“Tell him to pull the plug.” I said shaking my head. I turned towards Amari who was giving me an impatient stare. I wanted to tell her that since I’m getting my mind messed with I can take all the damn time I wanted. But against better judgment I said, “Alright let’s get started.”

She nodded her head as I climbed into the lounger, “just get into the lounger and …keep your fingers crossed.”

Nick who had already entered the lounger called to me, “see you on the other side kid.”

Too anxious to answer, I nodded my head. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest as the dome closed down around me. I ignored the crawling feeling that reminded me this was what it had felt like when I had stepped into the cryo pod those years ago. I didn’t need those thoughts, I had to focus on the task at hand.

The last physical thing I saw was the TV screen that whirled to life with static and a message like the ones when the bombs had fallen. It was an imagine that had been burned into my mind since that day;

_Please Stand By…_

-Chapter 6 End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note- And a heads up, you guys are caught up to me… so much for staying three chapter ahead…And sorry this chapter was huge. It just worked out that way. I am currently in the process of writing chapter 7, I will try and finish it as soon as possible.


	7. Those that Drown in Grief

** Chapter Seven **

The rain of mid-May pattered down on the broken cement in Goodneighbor; few patrons huddled under the roofs of the two shops while others dashed from cover to cover in hope of trying to stay somewhat dry before reaching their destinations. The junkies who sat out on the streets didn’t seem to mind the rain as they puffed away on whatever drug they were taking.

Paladin Danse stood under the overhang of K-L-E-O’S shop, browsing the Assault-Tron’s stock. He was indeed surprised at the selection the robot had, though he wished he could have found these items at a less, unsavory store. The robot, while not being a ghoul, nor a junkie was still something he didn’t want to deal with.

He purchased his items quickly in hopes to avoid another conversation with it. But as luck would have it, the abhorrent machine spoke, “Come back anytime handsome,” It said as if it was winking -which would be absurd since robots can't wink, “I’ll give you a _special_ discount.” Danse felt a shutter pass through his body. It was revolting that the robot tried to flirt with him, even more so when it used that voice. As if a machine could feel. It probably only said those things as a way to catch him off guard or confuse him. Well the machine would be sadly disappointed because that was not going to happen. There was no way he would lower his guard in a dive like this one, especially without his armor.

Being out of it make him feel too exposed, too naked, too vulnerable. He didn’t like it. Why Emery insisted he leave his armor he wouldn’t understand. Why did it matter that the populace feared him. They’d be foolish to attack a Brotherhood operative.

And speaking of Emery it was about time for her to be back, hopefully with good news. He didn’t want their efforts to be in vain, especially after the events of the previous night.

He didn’t know what had come over him, one minute he had seen those Holotags digging into that abominations neck, then the next h saw a pungent mutant looming over the crumpled form of Emery. He couldn’t explain what had washed over him. Things like that happened to green initiates and Minutemen Privates, but not to him. He was a Paladin of the Brotherhood, he was more in control than that.

If he hadn't snapped out of it when he did-

Danse’s heart gave a painful lurch at the thought. If he hadn’t snapped out of it when he did-no. He couldn’t finish that.  He felt helpless at the thought of not being there to protect her. Though Emery had only been in his life a short while, he couldn’t think of his life without her in it. And that confused the hell out of him. He knew friends could be close to one another, he had been that close to Culter. But with Emery, it felt different, and he wasn’t sure why.

It couldn’t be because of her attitude. She reminded him of Cutler in a way-albeit more reckless than Culter-with each passing day. Their curiousness, quick wit and the fierce drive to help people. So if it wasn’t that than what could this feeling be? She was close, but not like friend close, something more and unfamiliar.

He wondered if she felt this way too, but then he thought she was more in tuned to her emotions than he was. She probably knew exactly what she was feeling. He dimly thought to ask her, but then a crawling awkward feeling buried itself in his gut with the thought. He for some reason didn’t like the idea of telling her and it caused him that much more confusion. He would much rather figure it out on his own first, instead of bothering her. She had too much on her mind anyway. Even though he didn’t think this Doctor Amari was anything great-if she was, the Brotherhood might have already recruited her-he hoped she at least had been able to help Emery.

As he walked towards the Memory Den, his thoughts had drifted towards Emery’s discussing with Piper and the Synth. He felt the ghost of his irritation spike with the Memory of Emery jumping in-between him and the synth; the barrel of his gun pointed right at her chest. When she had jumped in the way like that he had been filled with unbridled terror of staring down at her from the barrel of his gun. She would really protect that synth, that _machine?_ How could she come to care about a pile of walking bolts and scrap? Did she know how dangerous and unpredictable machines were? Obviously this synth Detective was only fooling her. Sent by the Institute to keep an eye on her. But why her? Did she had some other connections to the Institute other than the kidnapping of her son? And why did they steal an infant anyway? What's the point of replacing a baby? So what were their intentions for the child?

The drizzle now had become a downpour. Thick droplets of water fell and Danse found himself wishing he had his armor instead of his bomber jacket.

His clothes were soaked through when the Memory Den came into view. He had been about to sprint there when he saw Emery emerge from the building. She didn’t hold the look of someone who had received good news. Quite the opposite. She held herself in a strange manner, her shoulders sagged unlike her usual laid back casual one. It reminded him of when she had cremated those ferals, but much worse. She looked defeated; tired and empty.

He took a tentative step forward, but stopped when the freak rushed to her. He felt a spike of irritation when the Ghoul placed a hand on her Shoulder, “Slow down there, Sunshine.” The freak said, “you outta take it easy.”

The synth had then joined the two and moved to stand beside Emery. “You alright there kid?” Danse narrowed his eyes at the façade the synth was using. As if a machine could show empathy, or concern. But why did the old synth even ask that, did something happen? Danse had begun to walk over as the synth continued, “You saw some pretty heavy stuff in there, if you need to talk-“

“I’m fine!” Emery bit back, surprising not only Danse, but the other two as well. “I’m fine,” she repeated a bit calmer this time, turning her face away while shrugging off the Ghouls hand. She had then taken a step away from the freak and synth.

“You sure don’t seem fine to me.” The Ghoul threw back, folding his arms over his chest. “Come on there Sunshine, you don’t have to put on a brave face for us.”

Danse had had enough of eavesdropping. He needed to find out exactly what had transpired in there. It wasn’t like Emery to act like this, and clearly the Ghoul and Synth picked up on that. “What’s going on?” He asked surprising the three of them.

“Oh great it’s crew cut,” the Ghoul grumbled with what Danse thought was a roll of his eyes. The freak had the darkest eyes he had ever seen on a Ghoul. It unsettled him, but he wouldn’t show it. “Just who we didn’t need.”

He shot the Ghoul a look and turned his focus back to Emery, who's focus had turned away from the group. Instead she was gazing down the street with a distant look in her eyes that unnerve him. He opened his mouth to speak but she had cut in, “I’ll meet you at the hotel.”And without another word, she turned on her heels and walked towards the hotel. Not bothered by the heavy downpour around her.

“Now look what you’ve gone a done!” Th freak said with a sneer. “We were just about to get her to open up when you came and ruined it.  


His brow crease with agitation towards the Ghoul. How dare he accuse him ruining it. Clearly Emery didn’t want to talk with the Freak any longer. He didn’t give the Ghoul a reply, instead he brushed past the pair and began to follow after Emery.

That was until the synth called out to him. The use of his name from that mechanical voice box caused a wave of disgust to rush over Danse. “Listen Paladin,” the synth said in a calm tone. “I ain't gonna go into detail here, the Miss call tell you that herself. But I am gonna say she saw something she shouldn’t have had to witness again.”

Danse felt his eyes narrow at the synth, “and what exactly happened in there.” He said darkly. He was going to give the two the benefit of doubt-against his better judgment-and say that they didn’t do anything to harm Emery-intentionally-.

The old synth brushed off Danse’s look with a shrug. “I’ll let her tell you in her own words.” He said as he lit his cigarette. “So be gentle with her…she went through a lot.” The mechanical man said, his expression softening a bit as he stared at the direction Emery left in.

Danse scoffed, he knew what he had to do. He didn’t need a synth telling him how to cheer someone up. Danse then turned away, but right before he was about to leave he heard the Ghoul scoff behind him. “Are we really gonna let crew cut be the one to cheer up Em?” He said with a sneer towards Danse. “Have you forgotten that he’s emotionally constipated, Valentine? Or did the good doctor get your wires crossed back there?”

Danse turned his back, he knew the old synth had made some sort of reply, but paid it no mind. His  jaw tightened. It was clear that Emery wanted to get away from those two, so obviously they had made it worse.

Walking back to the hotel he couldn’t push aside the sense of dread billowing in his chest. Emery was normally overflowing with emotions, whether it stemmed from happiness or anger; she would always express what she was feeling. It was unlike her to suppress her emotions the way she had.

In their time together he had grown quite proficient at reading her. He could tell when she was happy, sad or even lying-and she was a pretty good liar. When she had walked out of the memory den, it was as if she came out wearing a mask, or had emerged a different person. So closed off, so distant. He didn’t like it. Maybe the presence of the Ghoul and Synth had caused her to close herself off, to not show her weakness in front of them.

He shook his head, they were her friends why wouldn’t she tell them. Hopefully-no he knew she wouldn’t do that with him. They were partners after all, and he had told her she could trust him with anything. And he wanted to help her, after all she had helped him many a time when he was battling with his emotions. What could she had seen in there that caused this emotional switch? It might have been caused by this Doctor Amari, maybe she hadn’t been able to help after all.

Danse felt a sense of foreboding as he entered the wing where their shared hotel room was. Whatever caused her sudden change in disposition couldn’t be good, and he hoped he would be able to help her. He knew he wasn’t the best at these sort of things, emotions never came easy to him. But by steel he wasn’t as bad as that Freak made him out to be.

But what could he do to? He wondered, what would help?

Well for starters, finding out what caused this might help. Then maybe he could form a plan. He pushed open the door to their hotel room half expecting Emery to be pacing with anger, shouting and breaking things. Instead she was quietly sitting at the window sill, her hands folded in her lap. She was staring out the window with unfocused eyes, as if her mind had wandered to another place. Her face was blank and even her eyes-which tended to reveal her emotions, held nothing in them as she just sat there, staring.

He felt his heart clench in his chest at the sight. This wasn’t like her, this silent unfeeling attitude.

She hadn’t even notice him walk in, she just remained where she was. He had began to walk towards her when she shifted, as if a key had been unlocked on her emotions, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She didn’t make a sound, nor did she move to wipe them away. She just cried in silent grief. “Oh Nate…” She whispered closing her eyes, and causing more tears to fall.

Nate. That was her husband. Was he somehow involved with this? Was there new information on his murder? But how would she even find out, unless the Doctor had been able to get the device working. He wouldn’t know until he asked. But should he disturb her now? He felt like an intruder, barging in on a delicate private moment. But he needed to find out what happened, “Emery?” He called out softly as he hesitantly took a step closer to her.

She turned her head slowly toward him, her eyes held tears in them but they did not fall. She quickly swatted at her eyes and said, “Danse…” She trailed off, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

His eyebrows knitted together. If this had been another time he would have scolded her about paying attention to her soundings, but now was not the time for that. “Emery, do you want to inform me on what happened at the Memory Den?” This had to be handled delicately, he knew. Hopefully instincts would work because he had no experience with comforting people, well there was that time with Scribe Hayden, but he doubted he helped all that much. After all what could holding someone do?

“Oh,” she said with no real emotion. “We have a lead.”

He felt this mood lighten, “Really?” He questioned as if not believing her. It was hard to, given her current mood. “What did you find?”

She turned her gaze back towards the window and stared out at it with unfocused, unblinking eyes. “There's an ex-Institute scientist who escaped and is potentially hiding out in the Glowing Sea.”She deadpanned. “He might be able to tell us how we can teleport into the Institute.”

Teleport into the Institute? Was teleportation even possible? He was inclined to believe so. The Brotherhood, nor anyone for that matter had yet to find a way into the Institute. It made sense. Just one more reason to take them down. They shouldn’t be allowed to use that kind of technology, since they clearly were misusing. If they truly did have the ability and the machinery necessary to teleport, it only made him wonder what else the Institute was hiding. “How did you find all that out??” He asked taking another step closer. “Was it that chip you had found? Did the Doctor really get it to work?”

Emery leaned forward in her chair and rested her chin on her hands while still staring out the window, “Yes, we were able to see Kellogg's memories.” She said casually. “I saw a synth teleport with my son back to the Institute.”

She saw Kellogg’s memories? Maybe this Amari had known what she was doing after all, yet why wasn’t she happy? She just figured out how to get into the Institute, granted they didn’t have a way in, but they now knew how they did it. He looked at her hunched form and let out a sigh, she didn’t even seem to notice when he slid down into the seat next to her. “This is outstanding news!” He said with a smile, “not only did you discover a way into the Institute but you got to see your son alive and well.” He then hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. He felt uneasiness and a wash of awkwardness creep down his spine. But underneath all that he couldn’t help but feel a jolt of excitement being this close to her. He didn’t know what that meant, it was all new to him, but what he did know was that Emery wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to someone. So if she could reach out to him, he could do the same for her. He had been surprised-albeit a trifle disappointed when she didn’t respond to his gesture. She just raised her head and looked from his hand to his face blankly.

“Why aren't you celebrating?”

“I just don’t think I have it in me.” She said, her voice lacking her usual strength and vitality. She then stood up, his arm dropping from her shoulder. Emery walked over to her pack which had been placed neatly on the bed-another out of character thing for her to do. She kept her back to him when she added, “He’s ten now. I’ve lost ten years of his life that I’ll never get back.” Her shoulders sagged as she loosely gripped the fabric of her backpack.

So this was about her son Shaun, not her husband. He couldn’t imagine the pain she must feel. Loosing those years with her son… He stood up and had walked over to her before he even realized it. “Emery.” He said gently as he once again reached out to her. Though this time he reached for her hand, which he held in his. Her hand was much smaller then his. He also noticed how soft and delicate her hands were, though he could feel callouses underneath his own. “I promise you, well get Shaun back, and you won’t have to miss out on the other years.”

She looked up to his eyes, her own were still hallow as she searched his face. She then closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “I know. “ She said with a tiredness to her tone. “But enough about me…we should be getting back to the Brotherhood.”

He didn’t want it to be ‘enough about her’, he wanted to get to the source of her troubles. He wanted to know exactly what had happened when she saw Kellogg's memories, what she could have seen that caused her to bottle her emotions and put on this mask of unfeeling.  And why was she so ready to return to the brotherhood when earlier she had been so adamant against it. He wanted to return to the Prydwen but not now. Emery had been right earlier when she said they both needed the rest, and by the look of her now she really needed it. “We’ll leave in the morning.” He said giving her hand a squeeze.”We both haven’t slept that much in the last few days.”

Se pulled her hand from his grasp and stepped away from him. He couldn’t explain why this action had caused him so much disappointment in him. “We’ve pulled all nighters before.” She said with a shrug and looking away from him. “What’s one more?”

Danse pressed his lips into a firm line. If she wasn’t responding to his gentle pushes, maybe she’d listen to his rank. That normally got her angry, but he would take that over this. “You’re getting sleep tonight solider.” He said sternly, folding his arms over his chest, “well leave first thing in the morning, that's an order.”

He waited for her to shout back at him, calling him out on the use of his rank. It never came.

Instead she hung her head in silent defeat, “alright.” She said as she placed her pack down on the ground and turned for the washroom. “I’ll just…clean up before bed then.”

He said nothing, lost for words he just stared at her retreating back as she closed the door behind her. He felt a rise of different emotions that he couldn’t quite place. Alarm, concern, worry? Fear? Was it even possible to feel all those at once.

This wasn’t like her, she wouldn’t brush him aside the way she had. She would have shouted back at him for pulling his rank, she might have even possibly…blushed, when he held her hand. But she did nothing. Not only her attitude had taken a turn but her physical appearance as well, she looked like hell, haggard, with eyes that were deeply haunted. He hadn’t the faintest idea how to comfort someone in so much pain. He ignored the voice that called out saying the Ghoul had been right but Danse shook that off. Even if he hadn’t been able to help _yet_ , didn’t mean that the Ghoul was any better at this.  


It was clear to him now that she would continue close up into herself and he couldn’t let that happen. He needed to get her to open up to him, but how? His first attempt did nothing, what could he possible do next? He wasn’t the best, hell he was probably the worse-besides the ghoul and the synth-at trying to help people with emotions. Maybe he could get advice from Hayley, or convince Emery to visit Cade when they got back to the Prydwen.

What would Emery do if the situation was reversed? She would be stubborn about it, and keep pushing until the other person pushed back.

So thats what he had to do.

* * *

 

The air was thick with moisture as he watched the ceiling fan twirl like the blades of a Vertibird. Slowly the ceiling blades speed increased until the room around him melted into a beach and he was no longer laying down in a bed, but rather standing with the roar of Vertibird propellers overhead.

Danse then found himself running ahead and the beach morphed into a hallway thick with the pungent smell of mold and decay. The sides littered with mutilated corpses and bones.

A scream echoed around him and he felt a sense of urgency swell within him. He ran faster. Faster. His footfalls vibrated in his ears.

The darkness around him faded and he then realized he was standing in a room filled with dead mangled bodies, rotting corpses and piles of gnawed on bones. He stood with his rifled held out in front of a large half human mutant. One side larger, greyer and more grotesque. Holotapes dug into the neck of the malformed creature, “where were you?” The monster screamed in agony, its voice thick with it.

Frozen, Danse found himself unable to answer, the words on the tip of his tongue, yet nothing came out. “You were too late!!” The beast roared as it charged.

Danse panicked.

Gunfire and a monster’s scream of pain.

“Culter-“

“Danse!” Called out a soft voice, echoing around him.

* * *

 

“Danse…”

Danse’s eyes snapped open, alertness flooded his senses as a clouded panic gripped him mind. Someone was holding him down, but he couldn’t see, all around him was blurry figures. He lashed out and gripped whoever was holding him, the figure let out a small squeak.

“Danse.” The figure spoke with a hauntingly familiar voice. “I need you to wake up, you w-were dreaming, it wasn’t real.” The voice struggled with pain. “P-please Danse, your hurting me.”

Clarity washed through him like the opening of a dam. His vision returned as he gasped in belated horror as he released his grip on Emery’s upper arms. “I…I…” He stuttered out, he had no words. But his mind raced with them. How, why? He had never lashed out at someone before, never tried to attack when he came out of one of his nightmares. Granted no one had been witness to him having one before but... “You shouldn’t have woken me up…I could have-“

“You were tossing and turning so much.” She cut in. “I was worried…”

He stared at her as she sat there on the edge of his bed, her eyes casted downward. “I’m fine.” He said in hopes of her believing it. She clearly had a lot on her mind, he didn’t want to worry her.

She looked up at him with troubled knowing eyes, he knew just by looking at her face, she didn’t believe him. He thought for sure she had been about to approach the topic-he even prepared for it. But instead she stood up, “Alright.” She said softly. She then crawled back into her bed, and turned her back to him, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He said slowly, while easing himself down on the bed. While he was glad she didn’t push him to tell her, he was also troubled that she didn’t. His own troubles aside he needed to figure out how to help her before she completely shut him out.

He missed the old Emery, even if she was hotheaded and reckless. He was even beginning to miss her pushiness. It proved that she cared. Now it seemed she was trying to suppress her emotions.

He glanced over at her back. Her breathing was shallow which meant she was still awake, was she having trouble sleeping as well? If only he could get her to open up.

It was then that he had came up with a plan. If talking about it didn’t help, maybe distracting her would.

* * *

 

“So what type of music do you like?” Danse asked as they walked down the beat up old road that led out of the city. Just as planned the two had left early that morning and they had made good time. It was near sundown and the Prydwen was already in sight. Not long now till they’d be on a Vertibird up there.

They had left quietly without running into the old synth and the Freak. If Emery had been disappointed with that she didn’t show it. She had remained silent for most of the trip, though on occasion she would reply with a few short words when asked a direct question. Normally by now she’d try and strike up a conversation. So if she wasn’t going to it, than it was up to him. “I only ask because you hum to yourself a lot.”

She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. That had probably been the most emotion she had shown in the last day. Maybe this distraction plan would work. She then turned to face forward, her expression slowly faded into a blank distant stare. “A little of everything.”

Danse’s forehead creased. He would just have to push it. Think like how she would. “What about a personal preference?” He said, “you listen to that radio of yours a lot so I thought you liked music.”

She didn’t turn her head to him, but looked through the corner of her eye, “why the sudden curiousity?”

Danse cleared his throat, “Just making conversation.” He said slowly. “I pegged you as a sort of person who likes that really catchy upbeat music, where they have a group of men dancing and singing together.”

That seemed to have gotten a reaction out of her. She turned towards him with her lip twisted into a sort of disgusted sneer. “What, a boy band?” She said with a snort, “hardly. I’m more of a rock, classical type.” She finished crossing her arms and giving him a hard look.

He smiles, keep it up. “Classical and rock?” He said with a hum to his tone. “Seems like a contradiction to me.

She blew air out of her nose and shot him a look, “I’m a contradicting person.”

He wanted to agree out loud, but something told him she might slip back into herself again. “Which song do you like the most?” He asked trying to keep the conversation going. It was clear to him that she was passionate about music.

She shook her head turning back ahead of her. “You wouldn’t have heard any of the songs I like.” She said half-heartily.

“Try me.” He said quickly. “You said you like classical, well Cutler used to listen to a some so I might know of a few.”

She looked back up at him quizzically. “Well, I used to listen to a lot of Johann Strauss II and some waltzes.” She said with a shrug of her shoulders, “I have a few more, but, those aren't really classical, so you probably haven’t heard any. I do like other types of music, but it really depends on the mood I’m in.”

“What about Country and Blue Grass?”

She pulled a face, “Sorry Danse. Not a big fan of either.” She said with a shake of her head.  “But my father was. He used to play a lot of it in his shop. Used to drive my brothers and me crazy.”

“Well you father sounds like a sensible man. “Danse said puffing his chest out a bit. He knew his taste in music wasn’t common, but he had been surprised that she didn’t like it. “Was your father a merchant in the Vault?” He knew little of the inner workings of the Vaults, but he did know that each Vault Dweller were assigned to different task based on test they took.

That distant far off look returned, but a slight smile accompanied it. “A mechanic.” She said closing her eyes, “he taught me everything I know about fixing, building and tuning things. He was one of the best.”

Was? Did she have any family left? Maybe her Brothers. “What about your brothers?” He said. “You had mentioned them earlier.

She let out a solemn chuckle as she opened her eyes. “I had three older brothers. Triplets in fact.” She said as she looked away from him. “Lionel, Lance and Lawrence. All wise asses. You would have liked Lionel. He was always by the books kind of person, and he loved to tinker. Him and Nate-“Her voice suddenly caught in her throat and he caught a glimpse of her eyes misting up before she promptly closed them. “Nate used to tinker at gun mods for hours when they were together.”

She tried to fake a strong voice, but Danse could still hear the sorrow in her tone. He felt his brow furrow, why wasn’t she allowing him in? Didn’t she know she could trust him, that that was what he was there for? As her sponsor and her friend he was there to support her, to look out for her and to just be there for her.

But at last she had been sharing some of her past with him. He wondered dimply if he could asked what happened to her father and brothers, but decided against it.She choked up when she had mentioned Nate. “So music.” He said deciding to change the topic back. “I’ve caught you humming a lot, got a reason for it?”

“I had liked to sing.” She said with a shrug, “I used to do a lot of singing a long time ago.”

“Why don’t you do it anymore?” Her voice was very pleasant when she spoke. Soft, gentle, and it could switch to fierce and harsh when she wanted to. He had been growing a little curious at the thought of her singing.

“I haven’t felt like it.” She said her eyes narrowing as she looked ahead. “That and there’s not much use singing can do for me out here.”

Danse paused in his walking as Emery continued on, without noticing his sudden halt.. He had realized that while she was still being distant, she was also subtly telling him-or at least he assumed-what was wrong. He continued walking, but walked at a slower pace so he stood behind her. If she had intended to do that, he wasn’t sure. Whatever she had seen in Kellogg’s mind had triggered other emotions, maybe caused emotions she had suppressed to resurface. And if that was the case, she clearly was proficient at hiding her emotions. Unless of course he just hadn’t noticed.

That thought made Danse freeze instantly overcome with shame. He should have noticed something before this point. Maybe there had been signs, and if there was he had neglected them. Focusing instead on the mission or task at hand. While those were both extremely important, Emery’s well being was too. He should have been paying more attention.

He caught up to her with ease. In his power armor, his strides were that much wider. She didn’t so much as look at him as he rejoined her pace. Maybe she didn’t notice him falling behind, he thought crescent fallen. He had to find some way to get her to open up to him. They were nearing the Prydwen now, and when they got there it would be a while before they could get a private moment to talk. It had to be now. “Emery.” He said gently. “I uh, wanted to ask you something.”

“Hm?” She hummed looking ahead. “What’s that?”

“Will you tell me the cause to your sudden depression?”

She paused briefly in her footing, but picked up the pace. “Will you tell me why you try to avoid sleeping?” She asked abrasively, her eyes glared ahead of her.

“Ah.” He had been thrown off by her question. Even though she was clearly depressed, she still wanted to find out what troubled him. But this wasn’t about him-and he wasn’t planning on making it about him either. This was about her. “I don’t try to avoid sleep.” He lied.

She looked up at him, her face blank, but her eyes had a certain knowing in them that made him feel a little uneasy. “Is it because of the night terrors?” She asked blatantly.

By steel, when did this discussion turn on him? “No.” He said flatly. “And we are not discussing me. This is about you.” He needed to be careful, she was catching on.

She shrugged and turned her head away from him. “I’m fine, so there isn’t anything to discuss.”

She was being stubborn, extremely stubborn. He could feel himself wanting to slip into his rank. He wanted to command her to tell him, order her to confess what she was holding back, but he knew that wouldn’t work... She would just bottle it all in and never let him back in again. They’d just be Paladin and Knight again. Not friends, not what they were now.

He never fully realized how afraid he was at the thought of loosing her companionship. Be her friend not her commanding officer, that's what she wanted, and that's what she needed right now. “Emery, please talk to me.” He urged gently. “Your recent behavior-it isn’t like you.”

She turned her head sharply toward him with wide troubled eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but then she bit down on her lip and turned her face away from him. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She said as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Please, just drop it.”

He didn’t want to drop it, but one look at her guarded expression told him any further attempts would only push her that much further away. He would do as she asked for now. But he wouldn’t stop trying, because he knew she’d do the same to him.

The air base was just around the corner now, it wouldn’t be long until he was back up in the skies. Maybe she would be ready to talk after a good nights rest on the Prydwen and a warm meal and hot shower.

Those all sounded outstanding to him.

* * *

 

There was nothing like flying. Feeling the wind around you, being high up in the air felt like all your problems were left on the ground. That was one of the many reason why Danse enjoyed being stationed aboard the Prydwen so much. That and the view was outstanding. From up on the flight deck, one had a spectacular view of the Commonwealth below. Even though it was a hollow shell of its former glory, it was still a sight to behold. He wondered vaguely what it had looked like before the greed of those that lived there destroyed it.

He looked to Emery in hopes that being up here had the same effect on her that it did on him. Unfortunately she still had that same far off look. She moved as if she were in a fog, like she walked the earth as if she were a ghost. There but not really there. He wanted to reach out to her and try to engage in a topic but that wouldn't be appropriate. They were on Brotherhood soil-figuratively speaking-they were back to being Paladin and Knight.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t engage in Brotherhood related topics. It would keep her mind off whatever plaqued her. “We’ll go see Elder Maxon and report in.” He instructed with his usual military tone.He was still trying to be gentle while still retaining his rank. Couldn’t show favoritism, especially in front of Captain Kells. “After why don’t you get settled in?”

Emery gave a half shrug before turning the hatch to the Prydwen. “Sure.” She said as she opened the door and walked through.

Danse watched her for a moment wondering if their conversation from earlier had only made things worse for her. She seemed more closed off and distant than she had before. Would leaving her alone for a while help? Or would that make it worse. Maybe-and he really didn’t like the idea-he could ask Haylen for advice. She and Emery were friends after all. Haylen could have some insight that might be beneficial to him. He would seek her out after reporting in with Elder Maxon, and dropping off his Power Armor.

Elder Maxon greeted the two as they entered the meeting room. He gave them a nod and folded his hands behind his back. Though he was young in age, the Elder just by his mere stance alone could strike admiration in Danse. He was proud that the young boy he had befriended in the Citadel had grown into the Elder that stood before him today. “I see you both have returned.” The young elder said with distinction. “Report.”

Danse took a step forward, he was eager to tell their Elder their results. “We have news on an ex-operative that had worked for the Institute. We believe he is hiding out in the Glowing Sea.”  From what Emery had told him it had seemed like the Ex-operative, this Virgil had escaped there because he had known the Institute couldn’t follow after him. But how Virgil had managed to get there and not get sick from radiation exposure was a mystery to them. He had informed the Elder as such.

The Elder arched his brow as he shifted his standing position and unfolded his arms, “That is interesting news.” He said evenly. “May I asked how you received this information?”

Danse had opened his mouth to answer when Emery, who had been silent for the debriefing jumped in. “From a mercenary Named Kellogg.” She said flatly. “He was a top operative for the Institute.”

Danse realized she had intentionally omitted how exactly they got the information from Kellogg. He turned back to the young Elder fully ready to inform him on what she had left out when Elder Maxon spoke up, “I’m fully aware on who this Kellogg was.” He said with a nod. “I assume you would like to be the one that finds this Virgil, am I correct Knight Gilmore?”

“Yes.” She said monotone. “If possible I would like to depart as soon as I am allowed.”

Danse did a double take. She was being so professional so out of character. He didn’t know she had it in her.

It also increased his concern for her.

“You may after a quick mission I have for both you and Paladin Danse.” Maxon said as he glanced between the two of them. “I will brief Paladin Danse in the morning. Rest up because I want you to go to the Glowing Sea as soon as you complete the mission I have in store for you. You are dismissed.”

Danse issued the Brotherhood Salute and he glanced through the corner of his vision at Emery who merely nodded her head in acknowledgment at the Elder. If Maxon was insulted by her action he didn’t express it. Instead he returned it with a nod of his own. Normally it was customary for a Brotherhood operative to salute their commanding officer if dismissed. If they failed to show their respect a reprimand was in order.

Maybe he wasn’t the only one who was lenient with her. Danse vaguely wondered while he and Emery made their way to the living quarters. It made sense for himself, they were friends-close friends as Danse was inclined to believe. He pushed the thought from his mind, he was more than likely reading to much into it. Emery was still a new recruit, she didn’t know the inner workings of the Brotherhood yet. Maxon was probably giving her a grace period.

He glanced at her, he wanted to try again to find out what had happened at the Memory Den. Some time had passed since he last tried, maybe she would be more inclined now that they were safety aboard the Prydwen. They were approaching his quarters, it would be the best spot to discuss sensitive private matters. “Knight Gilmore.” He said formally. The use of her last name felt foreign to him after saying her first name for so long. “Might I have a word with you somewhere private?”

Emery paused and turned around to face him. She had the look of someone who was trying to be patient. “Paladin.” She said plainly. Surprising him with the use of his rank. “If you don’t mind I would like to get cleaned up and rest for a while. Can we talk later?”

He deflated. She didn’t want to talk with him. “I uh… understand.” He said slowly. He really didn’t understand why she wouldn’t talk with him. Had he said something that made her distrust him? Was she still angry that he had tried to kill and threaten the synth? He had thought they had made up. Unless she just didn’t want to burden him with her problems. Danse had hoped that was the case and not the former. He didn’t trust the synth and he’d shoot it if it did anything he didn’t like, but he wouldn’t lose his friendship with Emery over it. “I’ll be here if you need me Emer-I mean Gilmore. I just want you to know that.”

She bit the bottom of her lip and turned away. “Thank you Danse.” She said barely above a whisper. Danse might not have heard it if they weren't standing as close as they were. “Goodnight.” She said walking towards the sleeping quarters.

Lost in a sea of doubt and drowning concern, Danse stood still watching her retreating form until she was gone. That was when he decided he needed backup.

Time to find Haylen.

* * *

 

When the Prydwen had first arrived in the Commonwealth only a few operatives had been called back to be reassigned. Danse had been chosen from his recon squad, while Haylen and Rhys had been told to wait for orders.

In Danse’s absence though-while he was off with Emery-both Haylen and Rhys had been reassigned to different post. Rhys had been issued a small squad of his own and had been deployed on a recon op, while Haylen reported back to the Prydwen. He was grateful for that. He hadn’t thought of what he would do if she wasn’t stationed aboard the Prydwen.

He found Haylen working with a few other scribes in the mess hall, which given that the hour was late, had very few people in it. They seemed to be working on a piece of circuit board. He approached the group who hadn’t seemed to notice his presence, too caught up in their tinkering. Clearing his throat he startled the group of scribes who had jumped out of their seats. All except for Haylen who rolled her eyes and gave him an amused smile. “Paladin Danse.” She greeted rising from her seat and issuing him a salute. “It’s been a while. Good to see your well.”

Danse returned her salute and gave her a smile, “like wise scribe.” He said formally. “I was hoping to get a word with you, in private.”

Haylen gave him a nod, “Of course sir.” She then turned back to the other scribes, “nobody touch my tools.”

They had walked in silence down below the sleeping quarters. It was when they reached the lower level storage that Danse realized he hadn’t the faintest idea on how to ask for help. He didn't want to seem like he was showing favoritism towards Emery, and he didn’t want to reveal anything Emery might want private. But he was out of options at this point.

He became aware that they stopped and Haylen was watching him. He cleared his throat, “Haylen I need your help with something.” He paused, “off the record.”

Haylen raised an eyebrow, “Off the record?” She repeated. Her expression soon drifted into realization, “this had to do with Knight Gilmore, am I correct?”

By steel was it that obvious he was concerned? “Uh, yes.” He said as she rubbed at the back of his neck. “How did you know?”

Haylen smirked and crossed her arms, “because she’s been acting very strange since the two of you returned. “ She said. “And you’ve been watching her like she’s about to make a run for it. So wanna tell me what’s going on?”

He wasn’t used to speaking with Haylen so informally. They were speaking off the record to one another, he had to remember that. “I uh well.” He was at a loss for words. How does one ask for help, in order to help someone else?

Haylen grinned with a spark in her eyes, as if she knew what he wanted to ask. “Have you’ve tried to distract her?” She asked, “Keep her mind off whatever is troubling her?”

It would seem Haylen knew him better than he thought. “Yes but it didn’t seem to help.” He said, “Well it had, until I mentioned her family.”

Haylen nodded her head and hummed, “What about doing something fun with her?”

“Something fun?”

“Yeah like playing those Holotape games she likes. Maybe read a book, listen to music or maybe swap stories?” She said uncrossing her arms, she stepped towards him. .”It’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about it, since if you knew what was troubling her, I think you’d know how to cheer her up. So just show her your there for her, and just distract her without pushing her to tell you her problems. She’ll tell you when she's ready.”

Danse mutely nodded his head. He’d have to have patience then. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known that. “Thank you Haylen.”

“Your welcome sir.” She said with a smile “Now I better get back there before they cross the wrong wires on that motherboard we were working on.” She gave him a parting salute before she climbed up the stairs.

Something fun. Well the two of them had the night off. If she didn’t feel like talking hopefully she felt like being distracted.

* * *

 

I stirred in bed as I tried to get some sleep. Even though the pillow was lumpy with age and years of use it still felt cool against my cheek and relaxed me slightly. The sheets bristled against my skin as I turned onto my side a fifth time. I sighed and opened my eyes. The others slept peacefully around me, blissfully unaware of the bout of insomnia that plagued me.

Every time I closed my eyes, images flashed in my mind; Kellogg's sneer, Nate being shot, his blood spraying around him, and Shaun being ripped from his arms, screaming. Over and over the scene played on loop, haunting me with its daunting repetition. Even awake the memory still tormented me, threatening to drown me with the despair that followed in its wake.

The sheets felt constricting and a cold burn rushed through me. Suddenly I had that itch to run, to keep running until I outran those memories. I scrambled out of bed quietly, all the while resisting that urge to just bolt out of the room. I grabbed my jacket and silently made my way to the upstairs. I had no idea what my plan was exactly, but I knew I couldn’t just lie in bed. Moving was the only thing that helped, the only way I knew how to keep those problems and images at bay.

I peered out into the corridor. Deserted. No noises either, I wondered whether everyone in the entire ship was asleep, but I knew that couldn’t be true. As I walked down the corridor and through the workshop I began to take notice of a few signs of life. The workshops were vacant but a few of the Power Armor stations had work lamps still on, and scattered tools among them.Whoever had been working must have darted out of the room.

I had been tempted to find an odd piece of armor or weapon I could work on. Back before the war I used to tinker with engines or circuits in the house when I had been stressed. I had learned that from my father who, whenever he was depressed or had a lot of his mind, would go into his shop to work on cars. It was how our family project came to be. Before I married Nate and moved out, my father and my brothers had started working on an old junker my father had Found at Hub City Auto Wreckers. It was an old 1961 Jaguar E-Type that ran without the use of nuclear energy. It had taken us years just to get the wiring correct. We had just started working on the engine when I had gotten a lead roll in a musical. We hadn’t gone back to working on it since Nate had been deployed the year after.

I wondered if its still there?

I pinched my eyes closed feeling them sting with tears at the mention of my father. I knew I couldn’t tinker, it would just serve as another painful reminder that everyone I ever knew, everyone that I ever loved was dead. Killed by the actions of others that had no right to chose whether we went to war or not. Whose selfish deeds condemned the people who were just trying to live their life.

I darted out of the room while gaining control of my frantic pulse. Even in this floating fortress with unfamiliar people, I could still find some semblance of my former world. Before the torture of that memory of the day my life changed, I grasped at the familiarity, now I dreaded it. I had to find something…

Faces passed through my mind, friends, family, Nate…I felt my heart constrict and my breath caught in my throat. I would never see anyone I knew ever again. I would never see Nate, never hear his laugh. Oh god, he had a beautiful laugh. We’d never dance together again, I would never see him smile.

I gripped the bars of the stairs up to the command dec, to keep from falling over. My knees buckled but I remained upright with belated breaths. The walls felt suddenly closer and everything was spinning.

Get a grip Gilmore! My singing coach used to tell me. Get a grip! I tried to tell myself now. I had to reel my emotions in, I had to put that mask of ‘I’m okay’ back on before anyone saw.

God I wish I was anywhere but here. The Prydwen wasn’t on my list of favorite places to be, and being here felt like I had to prove myself to everyone one. To keep up the façade that I was a solider, that I was strong and could face anything that crossed my path. Danse felt safe and at home here, while I on the other hand felt more alone and isolated. These people hated the misuse of technology and those who committed the act, while I was born into an era where that was all too common.

I glanced to my left towards Danse’s quarters. My eyebrows knitted together as I swallowed my breaths. I knew I hadn’t been treating him the best lately, but I knew if I had forced a smile or tried to act happy he would see right though me like he always did. I just hadn’t the energy to keep up a mask for him if he’d just see though it. It warmed my heart that Danse was trying to reach out, yet it made me feel that much guilt. How could I be happy that Danse was trying to reach out to me when in my mind Nate had-had just died again.

He was concerned, and trying his best to cheer me up, yet I pushed him away. God I was being such a damn hypocrite! I knew I  would have to tell him the cause of my misery, but that would also reveal the truth about me. That I was out of date, out of time pre war relic that didn’t belong in this world. I wonder which he’ll hate more, me being from a time where the misuse of technology caused his world to happen, or me hiding it from him for so long.

 Turning  my gaze from his door  I somberly climbed up the ladder to the main level of the ship. I had to find something to keep my mind from my thoughts, I needed a distraction.

The upper level was as abandoned as the living quarters. No soul in sight. It was strange to see the Prydwen so quiet. But then again it was late, and even Brotherhood soldiers had to sleep. As I glanced around I noticed that there were sounds coming from the communications deck. It would seem that I wasn’t the only one that was restless.

I peeked down into the room to see a lone scribe leaning against his mop. The gentle rise and fall of his chest told me he was sleeping. And if I hadn’t noticed that, I would have certainly noticed his snoring. One would have to be bone tired to fall asleep standing up. As I approached the young scribe I noticed his facial expression was one of exhaustion. He had a deep purplish-blue hue to his eyes and he looked ragged. Poor boy, I thought. Not wanting to spook him, I gently gave his shoulder a shake.

His eyes sluggishly opened and he let out a wide yawn. Alertness seemed to have awaken him and he quickly scanned the room in a panic. His gaze fell onto me and he dropped his broom and gave me a shaky Brotherhood Salute. “Ma’am. “ He said his tone uneven and musky with sleep.

I placed a hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh, “Uh, at ease.” I told him, and the young boy relaxed slightly, his eye lids drooping a little. “What are you doing awake at this hour?”

“It was my turn to sweep the Prydwen.” The young scribe said with a nod.

“This late though.” I would have thought there’d be a curfew in place for all the junior members of the the Brotherhood.

The boy blushed, “well you see...” He began to fidget with the seams of his shirt. “I had forgotten and I only just remembered that I hadn’t done it yet.”

It was a good thing I had found him and not Captain-stick up his ass- Kells. The boy probably would have gotten a harsh reprimand. I bent down picked up the broom and gave the scribe a smile. “Why don’t you head off to bed?” I said, “I’ll take it from here.”

The boy shook his head, his curls bouncing back and forth with the motion. “Oh no ma’am I couldn’t let you do that.” He said nervously, “It’s my respo-“

“It’s also your responsibility to get a good nights rest so you can properly do the things you need to do.” I scolded, “Your falling asleep as you work and it clearly shows.” I didn’t wasn’t to be harsh with the kid, but he needed to know that he had to sleep. What was with Brotherhood soldiers and not sleeping?

The young scribe looked down to his toes, “but Captain Kells…”He whispered.

“Won't hear of it.” I grinned when the boy snapped his head back up at me, eyes wide with surprise. “I won’t tell him if you won’t.”

A wide grin slithered up the boy’s face, “I won’t ma'am!” He said with an enthusiastic nod, “and thank you!”

I smiled, “your welcome, now head off to bed.”

The boy didn’t waste another second, he scrambled his way hastily and clumsily up the stairs and was out of my sight within seconds.

My smile didn’t fade, thinking back the young scribe was about Shaun's age, if Kellogg's memory was anything to go by. It got me thinking that when I did get Shaun back, I definitely was not bringing him here. While military life was just dandy for Nate and I, I didn’t quite care for the idea of Shaun being around all this.

I felt a stab of pain in my chest at the thought of my boys, and images soon floated in my mind.

I shook my head, I then tied my hair back into a high ponytail. If I was cleaning I didn’t want my unruly mop getting in the way. As I was tying it back my gaze caught my pipboy and I remember that I had found an old mixed Holotapes while looting through some junk the other day. I had put it in my pipboy, but I hadn’t a chance to play it. Hopefully whatever was on the tap could give me a break from the same songs that played on the Diamond City radio.

*I pulled out the small beat up pair of headphones plugged them into the pipboy and hit the play button. Static crinkled in my ears then slowly a tune floated, drums and synthesizers formed into an upbeat tune. The tempo quicken and familiarity floated into my senses. I felt my foot tap with the rhythm.

_‘We are young...heartache to heartache we stand…’_

I felt myself grin as I began to sweep the floor, in tune to the beat of the song. 80’s music, I missed the sound. It had been too long since I heard anything other than classical or 50’s music. While the two styles were perfectly fine and enjoyable, I had grown tired of hearing them and longed for a new tune.

_‘We are strong, no one can tell us were wrong…’_

I could slowly feel myself fall under the familiar trance music had over me. The world around me melted away as I became absorbed in the music and the simple task of cleaning. This felt right. I thought to myself, this is what I need.

Sweeping the floor I felt my feet and body move with the beat. I hadn’t danced in forever, not since Shaun's birth.

I lost track of time as I continued up the stairs to start on the upper floor, enjoying each song that played. Each cord drifted into my ears, causing me to drift that much farther from my mind. I felt my muscle slacked as I twisted with familiar motions.

It brought me back to a time before I had to learn how to fire a gun, scavenged and fight to survive. A time that was peaceful carefree. A time where I could be myself, a time I could sing or act on stage. It was a life that was familiar, it was a life that was mine.

_‘Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night, looking for the fight of her life of her life....’_

I could feel my voice singing along as I swayed my hips to the rhythm. I just let the music take over, drowning out everything physical around me and focused on the beat.

I soon forgot I was sweeping and instead of using the broom as its intended purpose I found myself using it as a prop. Spinning it over my head, dancing with it.

_‘She’s maniac, maniac on the floor and she’s dancing like she never dance before…’_

I swung my head back and forth. My ponytail had came loose somewhere between the second and forth head swing. My hair was now flowing madly around but I didn’t care. For the first time in forever I felt like I had no problems, no troubles. I can’t remember a time when I felt this free.

_‘Struggling stretching for the peek, never stopping with her head against the wind.’_

I missed music like this, I missed dancing and singing and all of _this_! This just felt right.

“What are you doing?

And I instantly froze.

* * *

 

The hour was late when Danse had begun his search for Emery. After his discussion with Haylen and a shower he felt like he was ready to tackle the situation with distracting Emery. He had grabbed a few books from his own library, a Holotape game he had confiscated from a curly haired scribe who had played it too much and had been neglecting his assignments. He had also managed to grab a few snacks from the mess hall before it closed up for the night. He had an assortment of fancy lad snacks, potato crisp, and gum drops and to wash it all down with, some Nuka-Cola. He knew Emery had a sweet tooth and would enjoy all of them. While he didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, he did enjoy the fancy Lad Snacks. He didn’t know why the confectionary good never hurt his teeth like all other types of sugary treats did.

He had hoped this would be enough to take her mind off whatever plagued her, and maybe open up to him. He had to prove to her that she could trust him.

He quietly made his way into the sleeping quarters to find Emery’s bed vacant with the sheets sprawled out on the floor as if thrown off in a hurry. A muted sense of panic nudged its way into his stomach. In her depression she was unpredictable, what if she decided to go AWOL?

He briskly began searching, he checked the workshop, the mess hall, even Cade’s office with no sign of her. Maybe she went out onto the flight deck. He thought feeling a sliver of hope.

As he made his way his thoughts drifted towards the idea of her going AWOL. Would she? He thought she wouldn’t especially not after why she had joined. But given her current disposition he didn’t know for sure.

He reached the command deck when he heard singing towards the entrance of the Prydwen. The mysterious voice was singing a song he had never heard, not to mention it was an entirely different beat that anything he had ever heard. And in tuned with the song he could hear movement, like dancing?

The singer had an _outstanding_ voice. Smooth, silky and in tune. Curious he peeked and was stunned to see Emery Dancing and swinging while she waved a broom around her. He watch with astonishment as she swayed with grace he hadn’t seen her use. And her voice, he knew she like music and had quite frequently hummed to herself but he had no idea she could sing.

He watched as she twirled her head, her copper hair flying around her that it reminded him of a fire. He watched in awe as she moved, swaying her hips in a slow yet upbeat fashion. It was memorizing to watch. It was almost as if he was watching a different person.

“Struggling stretching for the peek, never stopping with her head against the wind...” She sang as she twirled around, pushing her hair from her face. He blinked to break the trance he was caught in and found his cheeks burning. So fluid, unlike any dancer he had ever seen. He had never seen such confident bold moves before. It was as if she had danced her entire life.And her voice sounded like she was one of those singers on the radio.

He watched her turn towards him, eyes closed with an expression he had never seen on her face. Peace. The woman before him looked like a stranger to him.

Emery twirled to face towards the door still absorbed into her music. Danse wondered if it would be alright if he interrupted her. Clearly the music was helping her, but he wanted the chance to talk with her before it was too late. Well he would have to control the blush that overcame his face first.

But right as he took a step forward the hatch opened and Elder Maxon stepped in, surprise was evident on his hardened expression and Danse felt a seed of worry bloom in his chest. The way Emery was behaving-even though the dancing helped-was not Brotherhood appropriate. And Danse worried she would be reprimanded. Why didn’t he stop her sooner! “What are you doing?” The younger Elder asked his voice booming with authority.

Emery froze and turned towards the elder while pulling her headphones off. Danse could hear the beat of the tune before she switched her pipboy off. “Cleaning.” She said sheepishly.

Elder Maxon crossed his arms over his chest, “what a strange method you have there.” He said with his brow raised ever so slightly. If one didn’t know the elder, one would think his expression stern. But not Danse, the expression the Elder wore was a mocking, teasing one. Danse felt his own brow narrow, it had been a while since Danse had seen that kind of expression on the young elder’s face. “And with your method, does it actually involve using the broom as it should, or is it merely for show?”

Emery looked just as surprised as Danse. She hesitated before answering, clearly still shocked. “Ah well, I was but uh, then I just.” She glanced down and around before her eyes settled on the Elder. “Lost myself to the music.”

Maxon smirked, “I can clearly tell.” His tone was light. A contrast to his otherwise stern tone. “You have a pleasant voice, and I don’t think I have ever hear that song before. What is it?”

The tips of Emery’s ears turned red, and Danse was sure her face was probably just as red, “Ah thank you.” She said slowly. “It’s called Maniac. It’s from the 80’s. Great time period for upbeat dance music.”

Maxon unfolded his arms and took a step closer. The elder had the look of someone who was curious and for some reason unknown to Danse, it stirred something within him. He didn't have a name for the emotion, it was something he had never felt before. He knew he didn’t like it though. “And I take it you like music?” The elder asked.

Emery nodded her head, “yeah I uh used to be really into it.” She said and by her tone it sounded like she was smiling. Danse felt that same emotion cement in his chest again. “I used to do a lot more singing and dancing in the past.”

Maxon was getting her to open up to him. But how? When Danse had approached the topic of music she had shut him down. Yet here she was freely engaging in conversation. He didn’t know why he felt a sudden surge of anger. He should feel relieved that she seemed to be cheering up. “It shows.” Maxon said, “You seem to be someone of hidden talents.”

Emery let out an airy laugh, “I wouldn’t say that.” She said rubbing at her neck, “what about you Maxon?”

The elder didn’t seem to be bothered by the missing use of his title. In fact his posture even relaxed slightly when she said his last name. “And what about me?” He asked inquisitively.

“Do you have a type of music you like to listen to?” She asked leaning against her broom.

Elder Maxon leaned against the wall, surprising Danse with his relaxed position. Even when it was just Danse and Maxon speaking alone about non-mission related topics, the Elder would still retain his authoritative disposition. But as he watched the two, the Elder didn’t look like he was a man who held Power of Command, but instead he appeared to be an average man talking comfortable with a friend. “I myself enjoy a bit of classical music every now and again.” Elder Maxon said prideful.

Emery let out a laugh which caused both Danse and Maxon to narrow their eyes at her. “You would.” She grinned. “I can just picture you lounging in a beat up old arm chair with a cigar in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other.”

Elder Maxon lifted his chin indignantly, “you make me sound like an old man.” He said crossing his arms. “I happen to have refined taste.”

Emery grinned and leaned against the wall, placing her broom next to her. “Well you certainly don’t act your age.” She said, “I was surprised to find out that your my age.”

 _‘My age?’_ Emery was Maxon’s age? Danse thought. He had assumed she looked young for her age. But her behavior and hot headed attitude did reflect her youth. Danse made a mental note to ask her age later. He never heard Maxon’s response, he had been too absorbed in his own thoughts. “So Maxon, which songs do you like?”

The Elder paused and thought it over for a moment before he answered “I would say the Flight of the Valkyries by Wilhelm Richard Wagner.” He said with a nod.

“You would…”

The rest of their conversation fell onto deaf ears. Danse wasn’t sure why he continued his vigil, but he found himself unable to pull away. They were chatting so casually to one another as if they were two old friends reuniting. Danse didn’t know why it bothered him so much, he also wasn’t sure why he didn’t like the fact that Emery allowed Maxon in, when Danse himself had tried and failed. Weren't Emery and himself close?

He felt another pang of that unfamiliar emotion strike his chest like a bolt of lightening. What was this feeling? And why did he feel it? He shouldn’t, he should feel relieved that Emery was cheering up, even if he wasn’t the one that caused her to smile and laugh again.

“And what of the music of Swan Lake?” Maxon said breaking Danse from his inner monologue like a crowbar to a door.

Emery snorted. “Of course I like Tchaikovsky’s work.” She said indignantly. “One of these days I plan on going down to Swan Pond and blasting that song while I fight Swan. That mutant’s been plaguing too many settlers...”

Maxon did something next that surprised Danse. He let out a chuckle, something he hadn’t done since he was a boy, before he had ever stepped into his role as elder. “You must have a death wish.”

She most certainly did. Danse thought with a start. He wouldn’t allow it to happen though. While he had full confidence that she could handle raiders, ghouls and to some extent Super Mutants. Swan was out of the question. She wasn’t ready for a fight like that. It would over power her within seconds like it had when Maxon had sent a group of Brotherhood soliders down to deal with the abominations. If they had failed then he wasn’t about to let her try.

Emery shrugged, “Just living up to my title as impulsive reckless hothead I suppose.” She said with a smirk. “So since you’re into classical, do you read anything while listening to it?”

“Yes in fact I do. While my collection is limited I have found that Shakespeare was quite talented-“

Danse had heard enough at his point. He pushed himself off the wall he had been camped behind and silently made his way back to his quarters. As he pushed open the door to his room he dropped the bag of goods he had been carrying on his workbench. The Nuka-Colas clanking against the bench. He was too distracted to sort through the contents and return them to their proper places. He also couldn’t shake the faint burning feeling of anger that boiled within him. Why should it matter who cheered her up? What was important was that she was feeling better.

Right?

* * *

 

The sun was out, a rare event for mid-May and Danse was planning to make the most of it. They needed to get to their destination quickly so they could move onto more important matters. The Glowing Sea and what awaited them in it. They also had to acquire a protective shielding for Emery, who had ignored his demands that she should use the Power Armor the Brotherhood assigned her. Her response was ‘We can make a quick pit stop at my home base. I have something there I can use.” Whatever that meant.

He regarded Emery though the corner of his vision. She had been very quiet since they had departed the Prydwen that morning. He had also taken note she had developed dark blue circles under her eyes. Danse felt a gnawing suspicion bite at his shoulder. Elder Maxon couldn’t have kept her up all night talking. And she should have been more responsible and had gone to bed when she should have. Well if Maxon wasn’t going to drill in how irresponsible that was, well Danse would have too.

Just when he opened his mouth, Emery turned to him and said, “Did you sleep well?”

Danse spluttered and quickly covered it up with a cough in his hand. “Yes.” He lied. He had ended up laying awake thinking back on Maxon and Emery’s conversation and when he had been able to fall asleep he had another one of his nightmares.

Maybe he should stop lecturing her about staying awake and take his own advice.

Emery gave him a look, “Sure doesn’t look it to me,”

Danse felt slightly relieved to see bits of the old Emery peeking out. Even though it hurt a little that he couldn’t be the one to help her. He was glad she was cheering up. Maybe if he continued with the light banter maybe that would help. “Same could be said about you.” He quipped feeling a tug on the corners of his lips.

She blinked at him and then rubbed at her eye, “do I really look that bad?” She muttered.

His smirk quickly faded into concern. Why was it so hard for him to keep the conversation light? “You look exhausted.” He said gently, “did you get any sleep last night?” He was beginning to feel as if their roles had reversed.

She glanced away from him briefly, “Some.” She said in a whisper. She was closing up again. Have to change topic and fast, he thought to himself, but right when he opened his mouth, Emery like before turned to him stopping in his tracks. Though this time he didn’t sputter. “I took over the cleaning job a young squire had been assigned too. The poor boy was practically sleeping while standing.”

So that explained why she had a broom. “You should have been sleeping yourself.” He hadn’t meant it to come out as harsh as it sounded. He then added in a much softer tone, “We both haven’t gotten that much sleep in the last few days.”

Emery shrugged, “well it’s not for a lack of trying.” She said casually. “I did and when I couldn’t I roamed around, saw the boy and took over. I needed the distraction anyway.”

Did she mean cleaning or talking with the Elder. He didn’t want to reveal he had been listening in, but for some reason he wanted to hear her opinion on her conversation with Elder Maxon. “You couldn’t have been cleaning the entire night.”

“No.” She said with a shake of her head. “Maxon had interrupted me half way through.”

Danse felt his eyes narrow. She still wasn’t using his title. He told her as much.

She gave him a shrug, “He said I could call him Arthur if I wanted to.” She said. “But that would feel weird so I’ll stick with calling him Maxon. He’s not that bad of a guy, you know once you look past all his anti-ghoul anti-nonhuman bigotry-“

Maxon had given her permission to call him by his first name? Even Danse himself didn’t call the Elder by his first name. He hadn’t since the young Elder was granted his title. Just how close had the two become?

“And what did Maxon want?” He asked. His tone slightly tense. He could feel the ghost of the anger he had felt last night build in his stomach. Though now that he thought about it, he couldn’t say it was necessarily anger he had felt. But it was the only emotion he could use that felt like what he was feeling.

“We just talked about music and books.” She said. If she noticed his tense behavior she didn’t voice it. “I was surprised to find that he liked to read. I would think that a guy like him would be all work and no play. But it’s nice that he does non-Brotherhood related things.”

Danse felt his eyebrow twitch and suddenly he wanted very much to be off the topic of Elder Maxon. It was strange that Danse felt irritation towards the man he looked up to. The man who he respected and felt such overwhelming pride towards. It made him wonder why. It should be a good thing that Emery and Maxon were getting along. But still, Danse wanted to find another topic. “How are you feeling today?” He said cautiously. “I know the last couple of days you uh, haven’t been yourself.”

Emery physically flinched and Danse feared that he had done something stupid, again. “About that.” She glanced down at her feet, her bangs obscuring whatever expression she was making. “I’m sorry for the way I had treated you these last couple of days. I wasn’t myself.” She finished and turned towards him. She had a smile on her face, but Danse knew that it wasn’t a real one. When she smiled her whole face lit up and she had a certain spark in her eye. This smile however, looked as though she were wearing a mask. “But I’m better now.”

Her nose crinkled, she was lying. “Will you tell me what happened?”

The smile faded and she turned her head, “I will. I’m just not ready yet.” She said somberly. “But I will. I promise.”

Danse felt himself relax slightly, it wasn’t what he wanted her to say, but it wasn’t a refusal. For now it would do. He could be patient and hopefully it would show her he was there for her. He smiled, feeling some of his anxiousness flow out of him. They were fine, he hadn’t jeopardized their friendship by being inadequate at social connections. He have to continue what Haylen said though. Emery wasn’t quite up to her normal behavior yet, so he would still need to keep her mind off of it. “So did Elder Maxon brief you on the mission?

“No he said you would prep me on the way. Said that it wasn’t too major of a mission, just a quick recon.”

He was surprised that the Elder wouldn’t tell her. Well maybe it was the nature of the mission might hit close to home for her. “Well, we’ll be investigating a Vault that had become a curious issue recently.”

“Oh?” She said her tone inquiring. “Well be Vault diving? That sounds interesting. Much better than Ghoul exterminating.”

Danse chuckled slightly. He knew all about the task that Knight Rhys had assigned her during her time as an Initiate. She had disliked the task greatly. But they had been good training exercises for her so Danse hadn’t put a stop to them. “The Vault is located to the northwest of here, near a small Settlement called Sanctuary. Its Minutemen territory, but we shouldn’t be bothered by them-Emery?” Danse stopped when he realized Emery was no longer walking beside him. She froze completely with an expression of almost horror, maybe even fear on her face. “Emery, is everything alright?”

“Vault 111?” She asked quietly, her voice wavering.

“Yes but how did you know?”

Her expression twisted, guarding whatever feeling she felt. “Why are we going there?” She demanded. “Theres nothing there that the Brotherhood would want or could use!” She still didn’t move, but she was getting angry.

He was thrown off by her sudden shift in attitude. Did she have knowledge about this Vault that the Brotherhood wasn’t aware of? “And how would you know that? Did you come across it during your wandering?”

“No” She said as she started walking ahead, once past him she said in a tone so grim, concern gripped him. “It’s my Vault.”

** -Chapter Seven- **

** -End- **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I thought I add in the fact that she used headphopnes because it never made much sense to me that when your sneaking, you can you pipboy blare music and no one catches you. So I thought it would be a neat idea if the sole had a pair of heaphones.
> 
> Also sorry for the late update, work got the better of me. I also wanted to get a head start on chapter eight and while i was writing it, i realized i never made a decent time line for the actual story, so to save myself some confusion i made one.
> 
> I will try to get the chapter done as soon as possible. My friend who reads the story and helps me out is moving to Japan in July so i would like to get up to Blind Betrayal before she leaves....


	8. The Impossible is Possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter would not have been possible, if it werent for my beta reader; death-titan!

** The Impossible is possible **

The road to Sanctuary stretched out before me. Familiar vacant buildings loomed, the shadows they casted threatened to engulf me whole. With each heavy step, my pulse galloped, and my heart jumped. It wouldn’t be long now till we reached Sanctuary; until we reached Vault 111, and Nate…

My breath caught painfully in my throat as I coughed to clear it. Don’t break down, I warned myself. We weren’t even in the Vault and already I wanted to turn tail and run. How much of a coward was I that I couldn’t even keep my composure before even reaching the Vault? I had to remain calm.

Easier said than done obviously. How could I do that when, with each step I took, my heart felt like it was being crushed by a semi-truck.

Damnit! I hadn’t planned on coming back here, not anytime soon. So much for that plan…

Damn Maxon to hell! He has to be playing me! I could feel myself fuming and knew it had to be showing on my face. He had to know I came from there, why else would he withhold that info and just have Danse inform me of the mission? God damn that little prat.

Gazing up, my eyes caught sight of the Red Rocket Station followed but the familiar yet ominous mountain top that hovered menacingly over the landscape. My breath caught in my throat once more as my eyes stared transfixed on the mountain and what it contained deep within. My eyebrows knitted, I couldn’t do this, I can’t go down there…

“…mery.”

…but I had to. Not because of the mission, but because I needed proof. Physical proof of what I was. To show Danse.

“Emery?”

Oh god, would he even believe that? What if he did? What then? Would he cast me aside? Hate me for being a part of the generation that destroyed the world? My throat constricted forcefully, and my breath came up short as my heart thundered against my chest.

“Soldier!”

Danse’s calls broke me out of my reverie as a rock through a window. Jostled and suddenly out of place I looked around surprised that I hadn’t moved. I glanced up at Danse whose face was awash of unmasked concern. “Danse?” I asked blinking, trying to train the emotion out of my face. It hadn’t seemed to work, Danse’s brows etched deeper with concern. “I’m sorry…I wasn’t paying attention.”

His brow raised ever so slightly as he glanced off to where I was staring. “Is everything alright?”  He asked as he turned back to me.

“No-I mean yes,-I” I let out a sigh as I pulled on my hair, “No, not really.”

“Is this because of your vault?”

“Bingo.” I said as I walked to sit down on the guard rail. “Of all the places Maxon could have sent us, it had to be that Vault.”

I watched his face scrunch up at the informal way I called his Elder. I could just see him try and hold back his thoughts on how I wasn’t showing proper respect. But he held his tongue-surprisingly enough. “How long has it been since you left?”

I looked back up at the mountain, my heart feeling like lead as my eyes landed at the top. “Eight months.” I said turning back to him. “Though I’ve been back to Sanctuary from time to time during those months.”

Danse walked over to where I was sitting. “Sanctuary, that’s the main settlement for the Minutemen.” He said, “I forget sometimes that you had dealings with them.”

Oh, I’ve had more than that. I would have to tell Danse about me being the General sooner or later; and especially before we reach the settlement. But now wouldn’t be the best time for it. “Yeah, I’ve helped them before.” I said turning my face away from him, “mostly helping to either restore or build settlements.”

I could see him crane his neck to try and look at my face. “Does that make you a Minuteman?” He said, “I’ve always meant to ask, yet never found the right time.”

Or the right words. “I guess you could say that.” I said using my hair to conceal my features. He had once said my nose crinkle when I lie, I wouldn’t give him the chance to see it. 

“What can you tell me about them?”

I looked up at him brow raised. Since when did Danse care about the Minutemen? “That you don’t like them?”

He let out a huff, but gave a slight grin, “besides that.” He said with a shake of his head. “Have you’ve ever met their leader? I’ve heard some talk about her.”

That sparked my curiosity. I wasn’t surprised that there were rumors about me, especially with Piper and Hancock around. But I didn’t think Danse had heard them. “Oh? What have you’ve heard.”

Danse gave a roll of his shoulders before he gently leaned against the guard rail. I felt it shift with the weight of his armor.  “I’ve never heard her name mentioned, nor had Rhys or Haylen.” He said. “But I did hear about how she helped the Minutemen recruit new settlements and how their numbers have bolstered since the Quincy Massacre.”

“You heard about that? I thought that happened before you got here.” I only ever heard what Preston had told me. Maybe Danse had a bit of outside knowledge about what happened. I doubted it, since he disapproved of my group.

He squinted off in the distance and crossed his arms. “I arrived just after it had happened. I had limited intelligence over the matter since it wasn’t vital to our operation at the time.” He said as he unslung his rifle and began to inspect it. “But since we needed basic information on the different Raider groups and Gunner Factions in the area we came across Quincy. I hope you weren’t apart of that.”

I could see the concern on his features and a warmth bloomed in my chest. He was getting better at that look. “No, it was way before my time. “ I said, “I joined the Minutemen right after I left the Vault. My-I mean the Colonel had told me about Quincy. It’s a shame that it happened.”

Danse blew out of his nose, “that’s what happened when civilians play military.”

Something in me snapped and I was standing in front of him before I realized it. “They are a truly dedicated bunch and they work their asses off to protect the people of the Commonwealth!” I snarled, feeling my temper boil. “And they have made this hell on Earth a little bit safer each day!”

Surprised crossed his features before it was squashed by his narrowing brow. He stood up straight, squaring his shoulders and towering over me. “Rein in your anger Knight!” He said sternly.

I blinked taken aback by the use of his rank. Why did he always slip back into it whenever we had a disagreement? “Yes sir…” I mumbled. While I know I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that, he shouldn’t have pulled his rank. I let out a sigh, “I’m sorry I just think the Minutemen deserve a bit more credit that what a lot of people give.”

His posture relaxed slightly, “we both have different opinions on that front.” He said as he rubbed at his neck. “But I should have chosen my words better.”

“Yeah you should.”

“Knight…” He warned but I could see the corners of his mouth twitch. I gave him a grin that caused him to smirk back. He then glanced up towards the hill. “I think we’ve rested long enough. I would like to make it to your vault before it gets dark.”

I flinched at the possession he used. I hated regarding the Vault that way. I wanted no association with that dreaded place. Danse must have noticed my discomfort for he subtly squirmed in his armor. “So uh, you never did answer my question earlier. Have you’ve met their leader?”

Now it was my turn to squirm. Unconsciously I blurted out, “Yeah shes a real piece of work.” Before I bit down hard on my lip. I mentally groaned. Now would have been the perfect time to tell him, yet I couldn’t control my big mouth. But did I really want to tell him? A small part of me wondered. His aversion towards the Minutemen was deep, would he in turn feel that way towards me for being their leader?

I felt something cold past through me and I lost the nerve to confess. I glanced away, watching my feet as I walked. “She’, uh is a real hot head. Very impulsive and reckless.”

I heard him snicker, “sounds like someone else I know.” He said, “I take it, it rubbed off on you?”

“You could say that…” I mumbled stuffing my hands in my pocket. Lying again caused another knot in my stomach. How many more lies could I fill his head with until it burst. “She uh, she too was a Vault Dweller.”

His reply was a head nod, obviously keeping his opinion on the matter to himself. I could practically hear his mind think, ‘typical Minutemen, appointing a soft vault dweller as their leader.’ Or something to that effect.

We walked for a short while in silence after that. Sounds drifted in the wind filled the air, that was until Danse asked. “I know it might be a hard question, but I have been wondering if you could give me some insight on what your life was like inside the Vault-?”

I froze, feeling all the heat rush out of me like a whirlwind. The Vault floated in my mind; I could picture it all clearly and with it came the memories of living in that icy hell. Like a horror movie, the guns barrel pointed at Nate’s head, Shaun’s cries as he was ripped from his fathers arms. The thick, frozen glass that wouldn’t break, Kellogg’s laugh…

Suddenly everything spun, and I felt strong arms around me. Within minutes I became aware as eyes pierced into mine. My breath came out in heaves as my brain tried to make sense of reality. I blinked a few times to realized that Danse was holding ,me, The chill from his armor cooling down my burning skin. His face was askew with a strange mixture of both concern and anger, as if he were planning on giving me one of his lectures.  “Emery?” He spoke softly. “Are you alright?”

Surprised by the tone, my mouth hung open for a moment, unsure of whether I had heard his tone correctly. He repeated himself again and words flew out of my mouth. “I’m fine!” I said as I moved to stand up.

Danse slowed down my movements and ushered me to stand up gently. Once to my feet I glanced up at his face, the concern was now buried under a scowl. “What was that?” He demanded. “Are you ill, and didn’t inform me sooner?”

I shrunk under his look, “I-I don’t know.” I mumbled avoiding his steely eyes, “I just-well the it just bringing up my vault-its hard. It uh, well-its where my husband and my neighbors were murdered.”

\---

Her comment had been so shocking he just stared at her open mouthed. His brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that he was shocked. He closed his mouth and looked out at the landscape. He knew Kellogg had murdered her husband, but he had no idea that he killed an entire vault full of people.

But then why let Emery, the mother live?

The more Danse thought it over, the more her story seemed like pieces were missing. An agent of the Institute gets access into a sealed vault, murders the residents, kills Emery’s husband, kidnaps her infant son and leaves only Emery alive? Why spare her? Surely the Institute wouldn’t leave a witness?

Possibilities ran through his mind, but none seemed to cement themselves. Could she have sustained injuries where the agent thought she would die with them, no too sloppy. Surely this Kellogg knew she would hunt him down to rescue her son. And why kidnap an infant-

Wait. Danse’s eyes narrowed. Hadn’t Emery mentioned how she had lost ten years of her son’s life?

He glanced down at her, whose gaze had been locked firmly ahead, her expression strange and unreadable. He searched her face for an impression that she was older than she looked. But found nothing, no wrinkles, no age lines no frown lines, nothing. There was no way this woman-this ‘ _young’_ woman was a mother of a ten-year-old.

Clearing his throat, he drew closer to Emery, “Emery, I uh was wondering if you could answer a question for me.” He felt his neck burn.

“Yeah?”

“I know it uh, might seem rude to ask this, but ah, “He said as he hastily glanced away from her piercing gaze. By steel when did she develop that kind of look. “How old are you? You had mention that Maxon was your age?”

Her eyes widened momentarily before they slowly narrowed and Danse realized his error. She had never said it to ‘him’ but to Maxon. “I did?” She said more to herself than to him. She shook her head and said, “I’m twenty, but I’ll be twenty-one in June, why do you ask?”

Twenty-one? If she really had lost ten years of her son’s life than that would mean she had to have Shaun when she was-eleven? While not impossible, Danse highly doubted that was the case. “You said you had your son at nineteen, am I correct?” He could hear his tone grow more skeptical with each question.

Her eyebrow raised, “yeah, but what brought all this up?”

Then how was it possible for her to lose ten years of her son’s life when her son had to be only two years of age. There was something-well a lot of things she was holding back-again. He knew she hadn’t been ready to share some things with him, yet why did she feel the need to lie to him. Hadn’t, she promised him honesty? So why the secrecy?

He could feel his frustration bubble with the thought. Pinching the pressure point on the bridge of his nose he let out a sigh. “I’m trying to make sense of something you had told me.” He said slowly, lowering his hand. “Back at the hotel you had mentioned how your lost ten years of your son’s life.”

He heard Emery take in a sharp breath and when he turned to look at her, her composure was tense, shoulders drawn back as if bracing for physical impact. Danse tried to get a read on her expression, but she hastily glanced away, her bangs obstructing her eyes. “Remember, all I had asked for was honesty from you.” Some part of him told him that was an unfair comment, but he pushed it aside. It was unfair of her to hide things from him. They were partners-friends.

She sent him a glare, just as he thought she would. But instead of lashing out, her expression drifted. She glanced down at her feet. “I know…” She said pushing her hair out of her face. “And I will, I will explain everything once we get to the vault.”

He felt his brow furrow, “why can’t you just tell me now, instead of putting it off further?” He said, “You don’t need to hide things from me, you know that. And as your commanding officer I need to know so I can help you work through the things that are bothering you.”

He realized his error the moment Emery’s expression shifted into a burning glare. “That is one reason.” She said harshly as she pushed past him. “Because you can’t ever seem to drop your rank when its just us. How do I know when I’m talking to Paladin Danse, or my friend Danse!”

“Now that’s unfair!” He called out turning to face her. He hadn’t meant for his words to come out that way. He wanted her to trust his rank, as well as himself. As an initiate he had always felt warmth when Keig had said he could come to him if he had problems. He had only wanted Emery to feel the same. “I maybe your commanding officer, but you can trust me.”

She whirled around, her hair flowing madly around her, the light from the setting sun catching it making it seem as if it was a inferno. “So then why do you always slip into your rank when we argue or when you want something done your way!” She was beginning to ramble, he could clearly see the frustration play out on her face. “Even when its just us you slip into it. And how do I know you don’t just tell Maxon about the things I say!”

There was a brief silence around them, only broken by the sound of wind rustling through the dead branches. He felt his own irritation spike with the accusation. How could she possibly think that he would break her trust like that. While he was her Commanding officer, he was also her friend. Hadn’t he proved that when he promised he wouldn’t inform the Elder about her misguided trust in a Synth?

But, he did have to admit, he did slip into his rank a little too often when they argued. Yet she needed to realize that there had to be a line between them. They weren’t just friends and they weren’t just Superior officer and subordinate. There had to be a clear line between them. Especially when they were on a mission. “After this mission.” He said slowly, “I expect honesty from you. When something is bothering you, I want you to know you can trust me. And not as your commanding officer, but as your friend.”

She looked at him, an expression of both calm and calamity battled their way for dominance on her features. “I am sorry I pushed-or have been pushing.” He added. “Clearly these past few days since Good Neighbor have been trying for you. I just wanted to know, so I could effectively help you better.” And not make it worse…

She remained silent, clutching her hands to her side. He turned away, allowing his words to sink in. He had begun to walk when he felt her hands pull him back. If he wanted to, he could easily pull his arm out of her grasp. But he didn’t. Even through his armor he could feel her touch, sending a foreign burning sensation through him. Physical contact of any kind always caused him a crawling unpleasant sensation, as if his body had been covered in wet sand. Yet the more Emery reached out to him and broke the shield he had grown, the more he came to find her touch soothing, comforting. “Danse I-“She said uncertainly. “Your right, it hasn’t been an easy couple of days, and I’ve been taking all that out on you-and I’m sorry.” She took in a shaky breath. “I want to tell you and I will, but I need to show you-its something I can’t tell you unless you see physical evidence.”

He found himself at a loss for words. Whatever she had been holding back had to be a heavy burden, that much was evident from the shadows behind her eyes. He glanced down at her hands, still clutching onto him. A small part of him urged him to take her hand in his. If this has been months ago, he’d have brushed her off for breaking decorum. But now he found himself listening to that small voice as he placed his hand over hers. Hadn’t he just say there needed to be a line between them?

His voice thickened with the gesture, “alright.” He said meeting her eyes, “I’ll wait till then, but I expect my questions answered.”

She bit her bottom lip and he could practically see her squirm in her skin as she nodded her head in agreement. “Alright.”

He didn’t fully believe her tone, but it was enough. Clearly she was uncomfortable going back to her vault. And she had every right to be. He had had his suspicions about where her husbands murder had taken place, but he had no idea it had been in her vault.

She dropped her hands and took a breath. “Come on.” She said side stepping around him. Folding her arms behind her she said, “we better get there before nightfall, the hills a bitch to climb in the dark.”

“Language soldier!”

She let out a light chuckle, though her eyes showed no mirth. His brow creased. She was putting on a front.  He didn’t say anything, she clearly was trying to cheer herself up.

He hoped that whatever awaited them down in that Vault, wouldn’t take it’s toll on her.

And if it did, he’d have her back this time.

\-----

They had reached the broken bridge to the settlement just as the sun began to dip behind the landscape. They only had a few more minutes of sunlight left, and from what he could see of the hill, he agreed with Emery’s earlier statement.

They had bypassed the entrance of the settlement and opted to cross through the river and climb up the hill next to it instead. Emery hadn’t enlightened him on why she wanted to do that, the only reasoning had been “I don’t want to draw too much attention to us yet and walking into the front gates of the settlement will do just that.”

So now Danse found himself struggling to climb up a hill, in the near dark, in bulky power armor.

Climbing up a steep hill in Power Armor was tricky, but after years of moving and adapting to it Danse felt as if it were a second skin. Yet that didn’t mean a loose rock here or there couldn’t make him lose his footing. Luckily Emery was leading the way and Danse could quickly regain it before she could look back.

The sun was just ducking behind the landscape when they reached the elevator. This entrance was different than the others. Instead of it being carved into the side of a mountain it lowered into it. He didn’t quite care for the idea of being lowered down to who knows how deep on a two-hundred-year-old-rusted-elevator. Even if Vault-Tec could build something that could last centuries it didn’t make him feel any better.

He felt the drop-in temperature as the elevator descended and with it came a chill that prickled its way through his body. Something wasn’t right.

He saw a violent shudder pass through Emery as the elevator landed with a deafening clank. She was ghostly pale with a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead. She sucked in a shaky breath as the gates opened, allowing them passage in. “Are you alright soldier?” He asked taking a tentative step closer to her. When she didn’t reply he called out to her.

She jumped at the sound of her name, her eyes wild with anxiety. “Fine!” Her voice rasped in a frenzy. She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, “I just… need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need,” He nodded and took a step out of the elevator to her give her some space.

Much like other vaults, the entrance layout was familiar. It had a ramp that connected to the vault door and a welcoming sign over head. The room itself looked as though it had seen its fair share of violence. Danse squinted at the walls and noticed bullet holes. From looking alone, it seemed none of the machinery-save for the Vault Door controls were no longer in proper working order. Rust tinged nearly all the metal in the entrance while a few ceiling fixtures hung low or had completely fallen off.

It wasn’t in nearly as bad condition as other vaults in the Commonwealth, but it showed signs of being vacant a lot longer than a few years. But for how long?

His eyes caught sight on a discarded lab coat but when he looked closer at it a chill raced down his spine. The coat was still being worn by a skeleton. “This couldn’t have been your Vault.” He said incredulous. “This place looks as run down as the rest of the wasteland.” He turned to look at her and froze.

She had become paler now, her skin taking on a grayish tinge, while her whole body was racked with shudders. Her eyes were pinched, and her breathing became haggard. She had a hand tightly gripped on the side of the elevator and it seemed it was the only thing keeping her upright. Concern flooded him, while a dim sense of guilt knotted itself in his stomach. He shouldn’t have forced her to go down here. “Emery?” He said taking a careful step towards her. “If its too hard I can go on without- “

“No!” She half rasped, half yelled. She took quick breaths and added, “no, I have to go. I have to face him and everything in here.”

His brow furrowed, what did that mean? But before he could question her, she began walking but with shaky movements. “Come on, the longer we take, the longer were down here for.”

He watched her for a time before following after. He had seen this behavior before. Both in other members of the Brotherhood, and in himself. She was on the brink of having a panic attack. He knew the signs all too well. It seemed foreign to him, that Emery could suffer from them. She was such an emotionally strong person. It just seemed wrong for her to be plagued by something like that.

If it got any worse he’d have to get her to leave, whether she went by choice or not.

“Vault-Tec designed Vault 111 to observe the effects of long-term cryogenic suspended animation on unwilling test subjects.” Emery spoke breaking him from his thoughts. “I found that out the hard way.”

He felt the growing sense of trepidation take root in his stomach like a seed. And long-term cryogenic suspension? That couldn’t be possible.

“People from Sanctuary Hills and Concord flocked to this Vault when the bombs fell, so Vault-Tec had plenty of test subjects.” She spat as she paused in front of a window and gazed out into it. “A little more than a hundred people rushed into the safety of this Vault, unaware of what they got themselves into. “

He followed her eyes out of the window and saw a chamber of sorts. It wasn’t run down like the other sections they had past in the Vault, instead it looked clean and pristine, untouched by the scarred hands of the wasteland. Strange looking pods lined the room. “Those are the cryo pods.” She said, her eyes narrowing. “Vault-Tec scientist said they were decontamination pods to lure people to get in.”

“How do you know all this? Did your Overseer or someone teach it to you?”

She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head, “no.” She said blatantly, “Come on.”

None of this made any sense. Last he knew prewar minds didn’t have the knowledge nor the means needed to make cryogenic suspension possible. At least not on a living breathing person. “Emery.” He said gently as they passed more rooms fill with those pods. “I don’t understand, this can’t be your Vault this-“

“Danse.” She said quietly as they paused in front of one room. She turned and opened the door. “Please just wait till the end.” Her eyes were glazed over, unfocused as she stared into the last room. The room was like the others, age and neglect tinged its contents. Papers and objects haphazardly scattered on the floor, and a few cryo pods lined the walls, looming over the isle menacingly.

She let out a breath and leaned against the door frame. Her posture was ridged, and she had sweat trickling down the side of her face. “This was-this where my son was kidnapped, and my husband murdered. “ She said with a shaky breath. “If-if you go to the last pod and read the terminal* next to it, it’ll show you. I-I need a minute.”

He didn’t argue, from just a glance alone he could tell she wasn’t in the mindset to argue. It was clear that sheer stubbornness was the only thing keeping her upright. A sense of helplessness swirled around him like a fog. He reached out to her, but she shook her head, freezing him. “Danse please. I-I don’t want to be here longer than I have to.” She breathed out. “And you won’t believe me without proof.”

His brows drew together. What could she mean by that? “Alright.” He said hesitantly and turned to walk towards the pod. He paused when he walked past the first cryo pod. Was there a person inside of it? He peered inside it and was startled to realize there was. A man stared back at him, his features forever frozen in shock.  He was unmoving as if he were-

“Dead.” Emery said through clenched teeth. “I found out-when I had watched Kellogg’s memories-that when he had entered the Vault to kidnap Shaun, he had been directed to turn off the life support, except for my pod. Said I was the _spare_. So all these people died, frozen in time and unaware of what happened to them.”

“Your pod?” He thought out loud. Perhaps the people in these pods weren't from prewar, but their descendants. And that these pods weren't used to cryogenic suspension for another purpose.

Emery let out a chuckle, but it was cynical not a mirthful one. “You might not believe me but-“ Emery paused, moving a hand to brush back her hair. “But these people-my family and I had thought this Vault meant protection. That we would be safe. But it wasn’t, and I sometimes wish we had taken our chances with the bombs, we could have stayed together. “

“What are you talking about Soldier?” She wasn’t being coherent. His concern for her mounting. It was impossible, there was no way she could be prewar. There were only a few ghouls he knew of that claimed to be pre-war and even then it was a long shot. “Emery, your not well, why don’t we-“

“I’m not crazy!” She hissed shooting him a seething glare. “I entered this Vault with my family and neighbors on the morning of October 23rd, 2077 at 9:42am.”

He stared at her, her words chasing themselves in his mind, piercing his thoughts like hot needles. It couldn’t be possible. It wasn’t possible. She let out an airy laugh, “’It’s not possible.’ Is what your thinking.” She said turning her gaze away from him. “It’s what I thought to when I found out what year it was when I left the Vault.”

He heard Emery let out a shaky breath. “It might be easier if I start from the beginning. I was born June 15th, 2057. Nate fought in the war for Anchorage and they sent him home in 2074, we married a year later. We had no idea that when we entered this vault our lives would be ruined. We didn’t know we’d be frozen in cryo pods or that someone would break in to try and steal my baby and kill my husband, all while I was trapped in that damn-“ her face had gone red with anger and her eyes were blazing. “-cryo pod and all I could do was fucking watch as Nate struggled to hold onto Shaun and Kellogg just shoots him point blank! With no fucking remorse! And then the fucking bastard laughs in my face!”

Danse turned down to the terminal, a frost settling into his veins. He clicked it on and it whirled to life with a low-pitched hum. He dimly heard Emery’s footstep drawing closer, but his thoughts drowned out his other sense.

Cryo wasn’t possible, especially not pre-war. The Brotherhood hadn’t possessed that kind of knowledge, how could prewar minds? But yet, he had seen other Vault-other experiments that the Vault dwellers had been forced through. It could have been possible for them to freeze humans, but not keep them alive for long. What Emery had said couldn’t possibly be true. No one could survive two hundred years being frozen in time.

But Emery sounded like she believed it; that it really happened to her. He didn’t think she was crazy, maybe just confused. She had gone through so much stress in the last few months alone, and he knew what stress did to the mind. Warped it, layered a thick blanket of confusion over it. She could have found this Vault after her family had died and morphed it into her past…but that didn’t sound like Emery. But he couldn’t believe she was pre-war, it was too far fetched.

He stole a glanced behind him, while the terminal powered on. Emery was behind him, yet her focus was solely on the man frozen in the pod n front of her. He couldn’t see her face, there seemed to be a certain reserved hesitance in her manner.

“This was Nate, my-my husband.” Her voice was even but with an undertone of despair as she reached a hand out and touched the glass window of the pod. It was then that he noticed the gold band on her finger. He knew prewar couples would get rings to exchange to one another; it was a tradition that died when the bombs fell. He had never noticed her wearing them before and felt a small pang of shame. She had been morning her husband and he had never noticed.

He followed her line of sight and stared at the frozen man before him. He had strong features, with chiseled cheek bones and a pointed chin. His stature was on the smaller side, but he had a medium shape build. He had thick hair like his own, but he kept it longer and wore it down instead of slicked upwards. This man before him had no grime or dirt on him. No whether on his face from being exposed by the wasteland. “His father moved from Okinawa to the states to try and start fresh and met Nate’s mother here in Boston.” She said somberly. “They weren’t to thrill with the idea of Nate joining the army when he was eighteen, but they were proud of him anyway. “ He could tell she was smiling, but her tone wavered slightly, “I met Nate when he was recruiting at my college. I guess you could say it was love at first sight…but I think it was because I was pushy and annoying. I had left him my number and was so shocked when he called me the next day.” The tension in her showed in the lines of her body. She was strung up taut as an industrial belt. She didn’t remove her eyes from Nate but said, “He was always a man who believed in justice, and he fought so hard for it…I think you would have like him…well everyone liked him. He was fun loving and easy to get along with. He could talk his way out of a fight with only a few words…and god, he was strong, so strong. He was my rock…”

The way she was gazing at him caused Danse to briskly look back down to the terminal. He felt as if he were intruding. The admiration in her voice caused something to stir within him. He felt angry with himself for feeling that way.

And could that really be her husband? The man behind the glass looked so pristine so clean, that he couldn’t have possibly been out in the waste. Could what she have said really be true? “You don’t believe me…” He heard Emery say behind him, “Read the terminal, the proofs there. And if that’s not enough, I’m sure the Vault still have working security cameras we could access.”

He scrolled through the files, each labeled classified, until he reached one labeled; Subject 0103. He felt his brow crease as he scanned over the information, a cool steel like grip his veins.

                                                                     Emery (Gilmore) Ishida

                           Age: 20

                           Hair: Cooper

                           Eyes: Green

                           Height: 5’8

                           Weight: 135

                           DOB: 6/15/2057

                           Blood Type: AB

SUBJECT IS SPOUSE TO SUBJECT 0104 AND MOTHER TO THE INFANT IN POD 0104. HEALTH CONDITION NORMAL PRIOR TO ENTERING VAULT. ANXIETY LEVEL HIGH. MONITOR HEART RATE FOR ANY CHANGES AFTER FREEZING PROCESS. OVERSEERER WANTS THE FAMILY WATCHED CLOSELY. MONITOR INFANT DAILY AND REPORT ANY CHANGES IMMEDIATELY.

He felt his blood run cold when he clicked through the pages until he found one that stood out to him. Staring back at him was a younger woman, with bright burning red hair, a vibrancy to her face that shown in the picture. A woman untouched by the scarred hands on the wasteland.

It couldn’t be a relative, nor an ancestor. There were too many similarities. It was inconceivable, yet the image showed the truth.

It was Emery.

“But how?” Was all he could grasp out. His mind searching every corner for an explanation but came up with nothing. Only what she had told him.

He turned to look at her; hoping this had all been some elaborate prank, but she had already walked away. He glanced to the entrance to find her passing through the doors; her pace unsteady as if she were sleep walking.

He called out to her as he followed, she didn’t stop. Picking up his pace he caught up to her with ease. He had been about to reach out to her when his eyes caught sight of her face. Emery was staring transfixed ahead of her, wearing a wide eyed panic expression. Every muscle in her body was strung taunt like a belt. “I need…I need to get out of here.” She breathed out heavily, her cheeks drained of all color.

She tried to take a step forward, but Danse’s hand shot out and grabbed a hold of her. “Emery hold on a minute!”

Whether it was his voice or the physical action, it seemed to have broken whatever trance she had been under. She turned slowly, blinking. “I need to get out of this place.” She repeated in a much steadier tone, yet her expression still looked panicked. “Please Danse…I have to get out of here.”

Danse stood there, his hand still grasping her forearm. “Affirmative.”

They walked with a brisk pace, silence deafened them as they road the elevator to the surface. Thoughts chased themselves in his mind; she had been frozen for decades? How was it even possible? She was born over two hundred years ago and wasn’t a ghoul. That would explain her sensitivity to radiation.

The prewar knowledge that she possessed would be indispensable to the Brotherhood.

He had so many questions, but now was not the time. Emery needed to get out of here, one glanced at her was enough. She was barely able to stand on her own.

His concern for her outweighed his curiosity. He may not be an expert at reading others emotions but even he could sense she was on the verge of a break down. And having that here, would not be a good thing.

Though it had only been a few minutes the ride to the surface seemed to have stretched longer. They reached the top level with an echoing thud. Silence filled the air until Emery’s deep breaths took their place. She stared out at the path ahead with a strange expression. She wasn’t shaking as badly now, but her face was still pale. “You know the last time I left this vault I had been so disgusted and terrified at the sight of the wasteland. “ She said her voice thick with emotion. “But now…its almost a welcoming sight.  


She took a step off the elevator and looked around. “This area used to be a great picnic and hiking area.” She said then turned to him. He hesitated at the hallowed look in her eyes. She gave him a small-forced smile. “I bet you have a lot of questions, but think they could wait till later? I-I don’t think I could answer any of them now.”

She turned around, “we can stay at Sanctuary.” She said quietly. “But before we go there, I need to tell you something else.”

He felt his brow crease, “whatever it is, it can wait, you need rest-“

“No, it can’t.” She said with a finality to her tone, that he didn’t argue with. “And its something I should have told you the first time I met you.” She took in a deep breath. “I’m the General of the Minutemen.”

** Chapter Eight **

** End **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * It would make sense for there to be a terminal with everyone's information on it like birthdays and stuff. So wanted to throw that in.
> 
> And I am soooooooooo sorry for the late update. A lot of stuff has happened and i couldnt find time to write. Plus one of my best friends who was also my editor moved to Japan. And job promotions have kept me crazy. but i have found time to write. Plus i have more good news. (Well two) I have a beta reader now and she is AMAZING! So lets give a huge shout out to death-titan who has helped me get back on track and back into writing again! You were the help i so desperately needed! This chapter wouldnt be posted without her help! And two, i have two more chapter written, one is being edited as we speak and the other needs to be typed up.
> 
> I also plan on posting a new chapter once every month and i will notify if i have to take a hiatus to keep up with it as well. I plan to try and stay 3 chapters ahead of what i post. Again i really am sorry for the late update. I have been working on the story, it just needed to be rewritten a few times. Also Chapter 10 is twice as long as this chapter.


	9. Fallout

** Chapter Nine **

** Fallout **

“What did you say?”

I didn’t need to turn to face Danse in order to know he was glaring. I could feel his icy stare piercing my back, as a shiver passed down my spine. “I’m the General of the Minutemen. “I continued my pace downhill.

I didn’t hear Danse’s footfalls till I reached the rusted fence. “You’re the General?” He repeated, his voice strained with barely contained anger. “But how, when?”

 “A week after I left the vault.”

“A week?”

“I did tell you the General was green, didn’t I?”

“Yes but you didn’t tell me it was _you.”_

“I didn’t say it wasn’t though.”

He let out a half groan half sigh of frustration. “Omission is the same as lying Emery.” He said through clenched teeth. “You hid the truth.”

My shoulders braced with his words. While true, his tone of voice unsettled something within me. “I …” I said quietly, looking down at anything that wasn’t him.

“What happened to honesty?” he said his tone rising. “You had promised no more lies. “

I remained quiet as his anger flared. He was pissed, and rightfully so. His anger had always been like an icy storm. Slow to set in but piercing with intensity. Now though, his anger was burning, and his cheeks were flushed with it.  “Why did you hide it from me in the first place?”

I chewed on the bottom of my lip, I didn’t want to have this conversation now. “I don’t know…” I said glancing away, “Could we have this conversation later?”

“I’m tired of you holding things back from me!” I Could clearly hear the frustration in his tone, “The topic has come up and you have deliberately avoided it, and worse you lied to me! You could have told me earlier, yet you lied about it.”

“I’m sorry I lied about it, but could we just drop it for now? I will tell you everything, just please can we wait till later?” My knees felt like they were about to buckle any minute. I looked up at him, my eyes silently pleading with him.

Danse shook his head, and turned away, breaking eye contact. “We’ll let the matter drop for now.” He said gruffly. “But I expect the truth in the morning-and I mean all of it.”

I watched him for a moment, carefully walking down hill, avoiding loose rocks on the path. Letting out a sigh I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t know what was worse, his anger, his silence or the barrier of his rank that he hid behind. I couldn’t blame him. After all I had concealed, I deserved it.

Guilted ebbed my shoulders as I watched him walk ahead of me, while the silence gnawed at me. “Danse…”

He paused but didn’t look back. His posture stiff. “What is it Knight?”

I flinched at the use of my title. “I’m sorry…”

He didn’t say a word, and for a moment I thought he would walk ahead as if I hadn’t said anything. Until he turned his head slightly and looked at me through the corner of his eye, his shoulders relaxed slightly. “We’ll discuss it further in the morning, Knight.” And he continued.

I pinched my eyes tight and took a deep breath.

We had reached the small old footbridge as I gazed out towards Sanctuary. It had been months since I was last here.

Against the dark night sky, all I could see was the crumbling walls that were nothing more than ghostly silhouettes of some previous existence. The wind whistled through the trees bringing with it the sound of laughing children and the hustle and bustle of a small community.

Vividly I could picture my life before the bombs. Plants green and filled with so much vibrant energy. Houses colored with splendor, while a gentle breeze blew the scent of flowers with an undertone of cooking food. Familiar faces lined the streets like ghost, passing greetings to one another. I saw children playing catch, husbands tending to their lawns while their wives busied themselves with their prized gardens.

How was it that just a thought could conjure up such images to the surface? I blinked once then twice, and the world melted back to my harsh reality of today. Dust and rust littered the ground. Collapsed walls and broken roofs filled my vision.

Preston was at the back of the entrance to Sanctuary, I noticed when reality came back to me. He glanced up and pushed his hat back on his head. “General.” He greeted, and he pushed himself off the wall. He casted a cautious look towards Danse, then fixed his eyes on me with a warm smile on his face.  
“Am I glad to see you.”

Smiling I gave him a nod. “It’s good to see you again Preston.” I said returning his firm shake of my hand. “Sorry I haven’t been back in a while, its just-“

Preston held up his hand and smiled. “You don’t need to explain General.” He said, “Miss. Wright filled me in about tracking down Kellogg.”

“Does that mean she’s still here?”

“Arrived a day before yesterday, had a scoop that distracted her after you left Diamond city.” He said with a nod. “Mr. Valentine and Hancock just showed up too. The three of them are catching MacCreedy up.”

The memory of how I treated Nick and Hancock rose to the surface of my mind, and molded another lump of guilt in my stomach. “I’ll have to check in with them later.”  I felt Danse’s growing impatience beside me and noticed Preston’s quick glances towards Danse. I folded my arms over my chest as my lips pressed into a firm line. I didn’t want to deal with another my friends meet Danse situation. “Preston, this is Paladin Danse of the Brotherhood and my sponsor. And um, Danse this is Colonel Preston of the Minutemen, and a close friend of mine.”

A brief unrecognizable expression crossed Preston’s face before he extended his hand to Danse. “Pleasure to meet you Sir.”

I felt myself physically relax when Danse grasped his hand. Thankfully Preston could keep a level head and not take a stab at poking the grizzly bear, or I guess it would Yaoi Gui. I knew from previous conversations, that Preston did not hold the Brotherhood in good lighting. But at least he could be civilized about it, and not handle it like Hancock had. “We’ll be staying here for a few days.” I said drawing both men’s attention. “But then were off to the Glowing Sea.”

Preston’s face went completely blank with shock and then resolved itself into an expression of horror. “You aren’t seriously considering going down there?” He said, “You gotta be pulling my head or something.”

Despite myself I let out a snicker, “it’s ‘pulling my leg,’ and yeah, I got no choice.” I said as I pushed open the door to the settlement. “We have a lead about an ex-institute scientist hiding down there.”

“If you’re sure General I know I can’t stop you once you made up your mind.” He said as he adjusted his hat. “And if I can’t stop you, I can help. What provisions do you need?”

“Radaway, but for now…” I said as I trailed off, taking in the sights of the new settlers that had arrived since I was last here. “could you give me an update on Minutemen business?”

Preston opened his mouth the speak but then clamped it closed, his eyes trailing over to Danse. I could understand Preston’s hesitance, he didn’t trust Brotherhood. I was slowly coming to terms that not a whole lot did. “Go ahead Preston.” I said gently, “I trust Danse.”

Danse blew air out of his nose and stared off towards the main gate with a guarded expression. Even if he claimed he wasn’t bothered by the negative opinions the Commonwealth held for the Brotherhood, I could tell it bothered him slightly.

Preston returned his focus back towards me. I hadn’t missed much based on his rundown. Just a few farmers had been threatened by a group of roaming raiders. Preston had handled it for me. With Radio Freedom up and running again it was a hell of a lot easier to stay connected with our settlements.

“Where do you broadcast this signal?” Danse asked looking genuinely curious. “There aren’t any long-range broadcasting towers up and running in the Commonwealth.”

“Back in 2240 the Minutemen of old had established a broadcast tower at the Castle, or the old military base by the airport.” Preston said, adjusting his rifle on his shoulder. “With the help of our General we took back the Castle from a colony of Mirlurks and their Queen.”

Danse turned to me with a face of wild bewilderment. “You fought a Mirklurk Queen?”

I flinched, guess there was a lot more things I had been hiding from him. He wouldn’t approve of most of the fights I had gotten myself ensnared in, or the solutions I took to get myself unsnarled.  Sometimes hiding the truth was better than hearing it. But I wasn’t about to tell him that. I opened my mouth, but Preston jumped in, “You should have seen her! She had run the whole perimeter of the fort to lure out all the Mirlurks while I and some other Minutemen had set up a firing range.” I groaned and tried to hide from the looks Danse was sending me. If looks could kill. Preston please for the love of all that it good, stop talking… “We had made quick work of the smaller ones, until the queen had surfaced.  That thing was massive and boy was she angry. The fight last ages, but the General was relentless. Drew all the focus on herself to make sure none of us got hurt. I don’t know what we would have done without her!”

By now Danse’s looks of appalment turned into a look of disapproval. More than likely Preston’s story would be added to the growing list of things I hid from him. I turned away unable to look at his expression any longer.

The fight had been one of the hardest ones I had fought-excluding Kelloggs. We had gone in thinking we’d only be taking on regular Mirlurks and their spawns but had been overwhelmed instantly. We were fortunate that no one had been seriously injured, just the occasional burns from the acid, and my sliced side when a Mirlurk got to close.

“Oh I just remembered.” Preston said, “One of the generators blew out. I’d have Sturges take a look, but he busy with that damn purifier again. Think you could take a look? It’s on the other end of the settlement.”

“Sure, but uh, “I mumbled slowly, taking a cautionary glance towards Danse. “think you could give the Paladin a tour of Sanctuary and set him up with a place for the night?”

I thought distantly that he could bunk with me but had dismissed the notion. One look at the scowl on his face told me he wasn’t in the mood to be around me at the moment. I couldn’t blame him after the bomb I dropped on him.

Well two bombs really…

I turned towards Danse who gave me a pointed look, “I’ll meet up with you later.”

He didn’t utter a word as I left him with Preston.

\----

Danse watched Emery until she disappeared behind a building. He was furious with her. She had promised him honesty! That she would let him in, and she does what? Hide and lie to him! What could she possibly have been thinking? Didn’t she trust him?

But yet the more he thought about it, the more it made some sense as to why she would conceal what she did. It wasn’t every day that someone walked out of a Vault and say they had been frozen since the bombs had fallen.

He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of her being prewar; being frozen for decades while the world moved on. She came from such a peaceful era, which explained a lot. When he had first met her, she was so defenseless, could barely hold a gun let alone shoot one. Sure she was nimble and quick, but she couldn’t defend herself. Hell she still couldn’t, not like him. Not like a Wastelander.

And he just had written that all off as Vault upbringing.

She had gone into that Vault putting her life and her family lives in Vault-tech; trusting them to keep her safe, and they failed her. Instead of living a peaceful life, she was thrown into a world she didn’t know, yet recognized all the same. She lost her family her friends, all she had ever known.

Her statements from earlier made a lot more sense now. Kellogg hadn’t killed the Vault Dwellers, Time had. And her family-her father and Brothers had been lost to the bombs, not the merc.

And in a way, she hadn’t truly lied to him, but then again white lies were still just lies.

He couldn’t imagine what she must have gone through, she had lost everything for trusting Vault-Tec. Yet instead of casting suspicion to everyone after such an event she was still ready and willing to help others. Putting herself in between to protect some stranger she had met.  She did it with the Minutemen and she had done it for him when she helped fend off the police station from ghouls. That was the reason he had recruited her, because she had that desire to help.

She had put others first, and here she had been suffering the whole time and he never knew.

Knowing what he knew now, it painted Emery in a whole new light, and he found a warmth flooding through him. She was unlike anyone he had ever met. She was explosive, acted before thinking, yet she always worried about others. She had a quick temper but was energetic and cheerful. Not to mention incredibly reckless, always putting herself in harms way instead of others.

The warmth in his chest thundered and gave a painful lurch. He could have done more. When he first met her, he could have briefed her more about the world she had walked into, instead of giving her harsh reprimands and telling himself that a Vault dweller had to learn to live in this world or die.

He smiled to himself, she had come a long way since she stumbled upon him, but she could have been better if he had only given her time, if he had just been patient from the start.

The sound of barking drew his focus as a large dog rushed past Preston and himself. Following in the direction Emery went in, barking the entire way.

“That’s Dogmeat.” Preston said with a nod towards the retreating canine. “He’s practically glued to the hip with Emery. Been that way since I met her in Concord.”

“I didn’t know she had a dog.” He said more to himself. There was a lot he apparently didn’t know about Emery. He didn’t like it.

Preston nodded with a grin, “Damn good dog too.” He said, “back when I was holed up in the Museum of Freedom, surrounded by a group of raiders, swear I thought for sure they were gonna get us. When out of nowhere this Vault dweller shows up with her dog and starts fending them off. Well she tried and got lucky-Em was a damn poor shot back then. But her and Dogmeat managed to get to us.”

“Had she just left her Vault?”

“Hmm.” Garvey hummed and turned towards the main gate. “Come on, I’ll give you the details while I give you the grand tour. Not much to look at now, but it’s gonna be.”

“Affirmative.” Danse said as he followed after the Colonel. He wasn’t entirely up to the prospect of a tour or being shown Minutemen territory-there not being anything to it. But he wanted to hear the rest.

“So Em and Dogmeat somehow take down the raiders that had gotten into the museum.” He said as they walked. “Once there we formed a solid plan that we would gett he old Power armor that was up on the roof working again and take down the rest of the raiders.”

There was an abandoned suit of power armor and a mini gun? Still operational? What were the odds, slim?

“Well except it was missing the fusion core, but there was one in the museum, oh-“Garvey paused and pointed off, “that’s our market plaza-as the General puts it. You can buy weapons and armor as well as other trade goods. Its also where our supply line headquarters are.

Danse raised an eyebrow, supply line? How did the Minutemen get operating supply lines? Even the Brotherhood had tried to establish supply lines, yet had been attacked multiple times and had to put the operation on hold. “I wasn’t aware that the Minutemen had a supply line going?”

Garvey rolled his shoulders, “we didn’t till the General got it up and running. She had gotten a few more settlements to join up and convinced a few of the settlers here in Sanctuary to bring them trade good and vice versa. It had also been a way for us to stay connected with them before we took back the Castle.” Garvey shook his head, a smile forming on his face, “That Emery though, she’s got a way with words-well when she wants to.”

Danse nodded, still surprised by her actions. It was certainly impressive.  “Okay so where was I-ah yeah, so she gets the Power core and gets in the thing. The plan goes off without a hitch until we hear this monstrous roar.” Garvey continued as they walked on ahead. “The fighting stops completely, all frozen and waiting. Couple of the raiders just book it on outta there, while some stay. Then all of a sudden the ground starts shaking-which causes Em to lose her footing and she falls off the roof. Good thing she was in that armor.”  


Danse felt his stomach clench at the very thought. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear anymore, but it was too late into the story now. A roar could mean anything, from a super mutant, a behemoth, yaoi gui or a deathclaw. And the thought of Emery facing down any one of them sent a chill through his body.

“She picked herself up and then all of a sudden the angriest deathclaw I ever seen pops up outta the ground and starts tearing the raiders to shreds.” Garvey said as he shook his head. “Em just stands there. I don’t know if she froze from shock or terror, but she just locks up until the deathclaw zoned in on her.”

Emery fought a deathclaw? And lived? His heart gave a violent lurch at the thought. Just leaving the Vault too. She must have been terrified. Even battle-hardened Brotherhood soldiers wouldn’t willingly go toe-to-toe with one. He wouldn’t himself, not if he could help it. “What happened?” Obviously she survived it, maybe she had ran?

“The craziest shit I’ve ever seen! She stood her ground raised the mini gun and started blasting the thing!” Garvey explained, his face a washed with pride and amazement. “It didn’t back down and at some point, had pinned Em down! I thought for sure it would shred right through her armor, but she killed it before it could.”

He just couldn’t picture Emery fighting in a full suit of Power Armor and take down a deathclaw. She hated Power Armor-she wouldn’t even use the one the Elder had given her. And yet she fought a deathclaw single handedly in one. That seemed more hard to believe than her being prewar.

 “That Emery though.” Garvey said, gaining Danse’s attention. “We were-I was lucky she showed up when she did. I don’t think I could have kept those Raiders off us for long. And just look at what she’s done for the Minutemen. There wouldn’t be any Minutemen without her!”

Danse let out a snort, at the prideful tone the younger man used. The Minutemen were not much by Brotherhood standards. They would never reach the level the Brotherhood was at. Even if they got more members, they would still be a bunch of untrained civilians playing at military.

Garvey studied him from under his militia hat, Danse noticed. “We may not seem like much to a Brotherhood officer.” He said with a certain reserve to his tone. “But were getting there. Especially with Em leading us.”

A silent tension hung in the air after the words were spoken. Neither men moved as the words sunk in. They seemed to have unsettle something within Danse. The words themselves weren’t a threat, it was the tone he used. As if challenging him to question where Emery’s loyalties lied. The Brotherhood, or the Minutemen.

He wanted to say with the Brotherhood, but when his gaze met Garvey’s something in them made him question his answer. Garvey seemed almost certain of his own answer. And it made Danse question his own. Would she choose the Minutemen over the Brotherhood-over himself?

He felt his heart sink. No, she wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t if she didn’t have to. At least he hoped.

Garvey broke eye contact with a tilt of his hat, his expression soft, “now why don’t I show you our barracks and armory.”

“I would have thought everyone had their own place.”

Garvey’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he retained his friendly expression. “We are a military after all.” He simply said. “Even if you Brotherhood types tend to think otherwise.”

Danse had been about to retort-something about how they weren’t organized enough to be called a Military when a woman marched up to them. Her eyes were ablaze with anger and her whole appearance showed how tired she was.

Garvey grimaced as she approached, but quickly smiled and said, “Good evening Mrs Long-“

“Don’t give me that crap Garvey!” She hissed poking him in the chest with her finger like a dagger. “What is the Brotherhood doing here!?” She demanded sending a sneer towards Danse.

Garvey took a step back and pushed his hat up, “he’s here with the General.”

“And you think that’s any better! Now all the Brotherhood will know about this location!” She growled out with clenched teeth. “I knew we couldn’t trust that useless wanderer! She’s been nothing but trouble since she crossed our path!”

Danse’s eyebrows knitted together, he knew that the Commonwealth didn’t have the highest opinions of the Brotherhood, yet he would have thought that the settlers trusted Emery. He drew his back straight and lifted his chin up. “I wouldn’t worry Ma’am, the Brotherhood has known about this settlement for a while now. You have nothing to fear from us.”

Mrs. Long’s fists clenched at her sides, as her chest puffed up. She turned her sharp gaze back towards Garvey. “Did you hear that!” She lashed out. “They’ve known about us, and you wanna know who told them! It was your General and her big mouth! I knew-I just knew she wouldn’t keep her big mouth shut!”

 “We wouldn’t even have this settlement if it weren’t for Emery. And I don’t think the Brotherhood are our eneimes.” Danse noticed briefly the hesitantion underneath Garvey’s tone. “Else they would have already attacked.”

Mrs. Longs expression didn’t fade as she glared the two of them down. “We’ll see about that.” She huffed and stalked off.

Once out of earshot, Garvey’s shoulders slackened as he let out a breath. “She could give a deathclaw a run for their caps.” He said shaking his head. “Don’t hold her attitude against her though. The Longs lost their son a few days before we reach Concord-they’ve-we’ll they haven’t cooped. But it seems like their getting better. Jun-that’s Mrs. Longs husband is talking and opening up a bit more and Marcy-well she was like that even before they lost their son. Em’s tried to help but Marcy just bites her head off every time and now I think even Em’s had enough.”

Danse let out a snort, “That doesn’t sound like the Gilmore I know.” He said thinking back on all the times Emery lost her cool. “She has the patience of a deathclaw, and the temper of one.”

Garvey smirked, “True that.” He then turned towards the direction Marcy stormed off in. “I think Em can relate.”

Garvey hadn’t needed to elaborate. He knew Emery would have tried to be patient with a woman who also lost a child. Emery may have a short temper, but she had a kind heart.

They had continued on the tour for a good solid hour as Garvey showed him the main gate, along with the defense systems, equipped with two look out towers, a spot light and a pair of turrets. They had a junk fence along the perimeter of the settlement, allowing optimal protection against sneaky raiders or anything else that lurked in the waste.

Two large water purifiers lined part of the river. Much like the ones he had helped installed in the Capital Waste lands years ago. Danse was certainly impressed. Emery certainly knew how to organize a settlement. They had been about to double back when a familiar and unsavory voice called out to Garvey. Danse felt a shudder of displeasure snake throught him, he had almost forgotten that Garvey said the Ghoul was here.

The ghoul had an odd stride. It was slightly lurching as he walked towards them, perhaps he was leaning too far forward. It had the effect of making him stand out, and not in a good way.

When he approached his eyebrow-or where one would have been-arched. “I thought that was you Crew cut.” The ghoul said nonchalantly. “What are you doing in Minutemen territory. Thought you Brotherhood types didn’t come out this far North?”

Danse chose to ignore the bait and shot the freak a glare. “I’m here with Gilmore.” Danse said abrasively. “To resupply before we leave on our mission.” Emery could tell the Freak what the details were.

“Gilmore-oh!” Realization dawned on him as his face lit up like a lightbulb. Danse scowled at the expression. “Sunshine’s here. Well I guess that explains your unwanted presences then.”

Danse opened his mouth to say something he knew Emery would chew him out about when he heard a grizzled voice approach. “The kids here?” The synth said walking towards the group, with the reporter in tow and another younger man who Danse didn’t recognize.

The new comer was young; had to be around Emery’s age. His face was gaunt with a weathered expression that left the impression that the younger man had seen and possibly done thing in his life. His clothes were ragged and torn in places, with the sleeve of his jacket torn completely off. The young man clearly had no consideration to keeping an orderly appearance and if the state of his clothes didn’t say it, than the layers of dirt and grim did. Garvey gave the man a nod. “MacCreedy.” He said with a grin. “I take it your all up to speed.”

“Yeah but I would have rather had heard it from the Boss.” He said with a sullen almost childish pout. “I haven’t seen her in ages.”

Piper let out a snort and elbowed him in the ribs, “you sure its not cause you think she’s pretty.”

“No!-“

“Or that you love the way her hips swing when she walks?”

“Hancock you stay outta this!” MacCreedy growled, “she’s the boss, that’s all.”

“Suuuree.” Piper said placing her hands on her hips. “And that’s why you watch her like a, well whats that bird that’s supposed to haveghood eyes?”

“I think it was a sparrow.” Garvey said rubbing his chin.

Danse heard the synth let out a laugh, “It’s a hawk.”

Danse watched the friendly banter between Emery’s friends, they all seemed to get along with one another. Why these people would willingly associate with a ghoul and a synth was beyond him. He couldn’t fathom why Emery placed her trust in abominations like the likes of them.  

“So whose the walking tin can?” He heard the newcomer-MacCreedy whispered. Danse’s lip curled at the nickname.

“That’s Danse.” The reported said, lighting a cigarette. “The Danse.”

Danse didn’t miss the scowl that briefly passed this MacCreedy’s face. “That guy.” He said with a nod, as he turned to look at Danse. “I didn’t think he’d be so…big.”

The ghoul howled with laughter. “Thats cause of that armor.” He said, fixing his hat. “He’s not much without it.”

The synth snorted, “think you need yer eyes checked there Hancock.” It said before drawing out a puff of smoke from his cigarette. Danse eyed he tobacco as it lit when the synth inhaled, feeling the crawling sensation as the smoke hit his senses. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a cigarette, let alone wanting one. The synth spoke up, “So now that yer here Paladin, mind filling us in?”

Danse’s eyebrow rose, as he gave the synth a calculating look, “What do you mean.”

The ghoul jumped in, his voice sounding raspier than normal, “You know what he means crew cut.” He said as he shot him a glare, “what the hell happened between now and when we last saw you guys in Goodneighbor.”

Danse scowled at the Ghoul, but before he could say anything Garvey had jumped in, “Now that you mention it, she doesn’t look herself, “ He added tilting his hat back, “I’ve never seen her so-“

“Depressed,” The Ghoul cut in as he turned to sneer at Danse. “So that gives me the impression that you did something. So what did you do Crew cut? Give her some military lecture on how showing your saddness is against decorum or some other bullshit excuse to hide your emotions?”

“And you think I had something to do with that?”

“Well you were the only person she’s been with.” He sneered, “So yeah I think you had everything to do with it!”

“Listen Freak!” Danse growled his patience at there limits. The ghoul may be Emery’s friend, but he wasn’t about to let the freak accuse him of something false. “You have no idea what the situation is, so you cant stand there and falsely accuse me of something I didn’t commit.”

The ghouls inhuman black eyes narrowed and crossed his arms over his chest, “resulting in name calling there crew cut?” He snapped, “well if you claim you have nothing to do with it, why don’t you shed some light on us oblivious folk. Cause from where I’m standing you sure look like the guilty party.”

He felt all eyes zero in on him. Did they all suspect he had something to do with her mood? He had caused her a great deal of stress with his constant pushing. He let out a half growl, half sigh and glared off towards the stream. He was furious she had hid things from him, and share that hidden knowledge to others. Why had he been the one that was kept in the dark? He didn’t try and hide his feelings of frustration and anger towards her, she knew he was angry. Could that be the cause, her guilt at not telling him. No, this whole mess started with the Memory Den and escalated when they went into the Vault. “We had orders to investigate a Vault.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling them, it just came out. “Not until this morning did I know that the vault was hers.”

A collective gasp passed over the group a a strained slice befell over them. Even the ghoul seemed to be at a loss for words. “When I told her she didn’t need to go back down there, she told me she had to show me evidence of the truth.” He said still feeling confused about the matter. It was still hard to wrap his mind around it. “That she was frozen from before the bombs.”

“And you couldn’t just believe her without it?” The words snapping from the ghouls mouth. “ I knew you had to have something to do with it-“

“So your saying you believed her story immediately, no questions asked?” Danse threw back. His temper, which rarely flared was screaming to grab the ghoul and shake him. He was already angry enough, the ghoul was only added fuel to the fire. How dare he try and blame him for forcing Emery down there. “It’s not possible, not with the technology they had back then.”

The freak snorted and rolled his eyes, “Just cause your precious Brotherhood doesn’t have that kind of technology doesn’t mean its not there!”

“Don’t you dare bring the Brotherhood into this you filthy degenerate!”

“Ooh back to name calling.” The ghoul snickered. “Did I hit a nerve with that last one-“

“Enough!” A mechanical voice shouted.

Both paused and turned, equallly surprised when everyone was glaring at the two. “Your both acting like bickering children who broke the cookie jar!” The snyth barked out. “So shut it and act your damn ages. It doesn’t matter who or what caused the problem, what matters is fixing it. And your bickering wont help.”

The synth paused before speaking up again, “if you two wanna tear each other limbs off than do it when Emery’s herself again. Then she can put you two in yer damn places, cause god knows I’m to old for this crap!”

The synths robotic gaze was so sharp and jarring that it caused Danse to back down. It appeared to have the same effect on the ghoul. “Good, now I’m gonna go see if I can find the kid.”It said while its gaze moved from himself and freak, then to the others. “Lets try and keep it peaceful around her.”

Danse watched it leave, feeling irritation spike. He had a point, and it only made Danse feel worse to even admit it. He shouldn’t have lost his temper like that. They could play the blame game all night and it wouldn’t help. He was a part of the problem, he would admit. But Emery had to hold some of the responiblity too. If she had only told him from the beginning they could have avoided most of this.

Garvey cleared his throat causing Danse to look back. The group had all dispurst, except for himself an Garvey. “I’ll show you to one of the vacant houses you can crash in.” The colonel said shifting his weight.

They walked in silence, the only noise around them were the distant voices of the settlers, and Danse’s metal boots. They stopped in front of a run down home. Most of the roof was still intact, but its walls lacked pieces of it. Drapes had been hung over the holes, as well as the windows and doors to keep the air out. “This is th one you can use.” Garvey said, “that one to our right was Emery’s old home, though she wont use it.”

“Where does she stay?”

“She built herself a small home down near the water. Its not big but she says she likes it down there.” Garvey said turning towards the direction. “It’s a little past where the generators are. If you follow the power lines you cant miss it.”

Danse nodded his head, “thank you uh, “ He wasn’t sure what to call him. Colonel didn’t sound right to him since they weren’t an offical military. “Garvey.”

“You can call me Preston.” He said casually as he unslung his rifle. “Now if you need me, I’ll be out patrolling. I’ll catch you later Paladin.”

Danse watched him leave with mixed feelings. Garvey-Preston, clearly had reservations about the Brotherhood that made it so he held Danse with suspicion, yet was polite. Out of all of the friends Emery had, Preston was the easiest to get a long with. Even if he was just a civilian pretending to be military. His heart was in the right place though. Helping the Commonwealth, so even if the Minutemen werent an organized group they still tried. Danse only hoped they wouldn’t be crushed again like they had in Quincy.

With a wrench Danse tore his mind away from the Minutemen and walked towards the entrance of the house. He didn’t feel at all comfortable leaving his suit outside in the open, but it couldn’t be helped. The door was too narrow and too low to be able to fit through it. He let out a sigh and cracked open his armor. The pistons and gears letting out a hiss as it opened up. Before he unpacked and settled in, he would have to give it a tune up.

Which would give him plenty of time to think over what he should say to Emery after he gave her some time. He might have said he would talk with her in the morning, but if she was up he would talk with her then. He needed answers, and an explaination. Especially after his little confrontation with the ghoul.

—

It was late-perhaps three am. The moon was low in the sky, seen only now and then through the morning clouds. The clouds themselves were moving faster; the wind shifting and the morning mist breaking up in the turning hours between night and day.

I had filled most of the evening hour doing menial task; pulling weeds fixing generators, cleaning guns. Just distracting work that kept my mind busy. I had ran out of task to do and now found myself on my makeshift porch gazing out at the fog that swam around the creek. Listening to that mixed tape I had found those months ago. I couldn’t sleep, nor did I even try. I had too much on my mind.

I knew I needed to confront my problems, but I wasn’t ready yet. I needed more time to figure out what to say. To find the magic words that might fix things.

 I felt Dogmeat shift a little on my lap before he let out a grunt in his sleep.His tongue rolled out when I began to stroke his head. I smiled, since my return to Sanctuary, Dogmeat hadnt left my side and I found his presence relaxing. I felt a little better when he was around. I guess he knew it to, since he hadnt left my side.  

 

I closed my eyes and melted into my surroundings and enjoying the stillness around me. Times like these it hardly felt as if the world had changed. I could pretend I was back in my time, enjoying a nice moment to myself.

A slight cough brought me back to my harsh reality. Turning I saw Danse, who by my surprise was out of his armor, standing at the edge of my porch. I hesitantly pulled my headphones out as Dogmeat’s head perked up to the sound of a visitor. “Can’t sleep?” Was all he said.

“I could say the same to you.” By the look of his eyes, there was a concealed panic beneath them. “Had another night terror.”

His brow creased and I realized I shouldn’t have brought it up. “No.” He said abrasively. “I thought we should talk, that is if your up to it”

I wasn’t, but I had to learn to face my problems and run away from them, like always. “Wanna join me?” I said scooting over, which caused Dogmeat to jump down.

He shifted his weight to his other foot, then walked over and sat down. He seemed calmer than he had before, but I knew better than to trust what I saw on the outside. Danse was always good at keeping a lid on his emotions, a trick I had not learned.

He let out a sight and rubbed at the back of his neck, “So you were born two hundred and thirty-one years ago.” He said with a somber chuckle. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

I let out my own sigh and leaned forward. “Would you have believed me if I had told you?” I said. He gave me a narrowed look but remained silent. “ I didn’t want to hide it from you, its just hard to fit those kind of topics into a conversation.”

“Yet you told everyone else.”

I pursed my lips and looked out at the wasteland. My gripped tightened in my lap, he wanted honesty. “I was afraid.” I breathed out, closing my eyes, “I thought that well, I thought that you would bunch me in with the assholes who ruined the world. And I already knew you opinion on the minutemen. I didn’t want my actions to reflect poorly on them.”

He paused, “maybe if you had told me when we had first met, but now,” He said slowly trailing off. “But now, I know you. Your not greedy, nor selfish, maybe too reckless for you own good. I just wish you had trusted me and told me the truth”

 “But you don’t approve-“

“ I don’t approve of you lying.” He cut in harshly. I could feel his sharp gaze on me, which caused my shoulders to brace. “What you did before you met me isnt my business. I don’t care that your prewar, or that you’re the General of this rag tag group.”

I held his gaze for a moment, all sorts of thoughts buzzing in my head like a bee’s nest. “Were not that rag tagged.” Was all that came out.

He peered down his nose, closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “I do, to some extent, understand why you didn’t tell me.” He rubbed his hand through his hair. “But I still would like to hear it from you.”

There was a brief silence around us, only broken by the sound of Dogmeats snores. I tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear and stared out at the fading night sky. The stars were disappearing as a light glow peeked out over the horizon. “Every time I told someone I was prewar they would treat me differently. Like I was made of glass, or they had to protect me like I would break if I stayed out in the sun for too long.  Even the others to some extent treated me like that, well except for Nick.” I hated being cuddled, even before the bombs. “I felt that if I had told you what I was, you would treat me the same; keep me back from the fighting, try to shield me from everything around me.”

And he had to some extent, “That’s why I had lost my temper at the Polymer lab. I understand that you wanted to protect me, but by that point I was sick of the cuddling everyone was doing.” I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees. “I already felt like an outsider with everyone else, I didn’t want to feel that way with you.”

He let out a sigh and leaned back on the bench. “I wish you did tell me sooner.” He said gently. “I could have helped you more-prepared you more about what you face out in the wasteland. Instead though I reprimanded you for not knowing.”

I could hear the guilt in his tone, and felt my flare with it. I shook my head, “It was because you didn’t cuddle me that I’m a better fighter today.” I said, “because you pushed me.”

“Its because I see the potential you have.” He said as he leaned forward, “its just really deep down there.”

We both gave a light chuckle at that. A comfortable silence hung in the air as the mist began to disparate, from the light breeze that came from the north. I could tell he was still angry with me, but not as much as before. Maybe with time I could make it up to him.

Or I could just tell him the truth and not hid things. That would be the best way.

I ran a hand through my hair and let out a sigh, it was time I told him the truth about the Memory Den, about what I saw. Even now the images danced in my head. “Danse, “ I breathed out. “I think I’m ready to tell you what happened back at the Memory Den.”

“If you need more time,” his voice was apologetic, “I know I shouldn’t have pushed you earlier, and I can wait.”

“No, “ I said as I leaned back on the bench, the wood making a loud creaking sound with the movement. “If I don’t tell you now, I wont tell you at all.”

He knitted his brow and watched me intently. I squirmed slightly under his gaze. Chewing on my lip I played with my hands. My pulse quickened as the words danced on the time of my tongue. “Nick and I connected out minds in order to view Kellogg’s memories.” I said saying the words very slowly as if it could calm my frantic heartbeat. “I saw Kelloggs memories; saw them through his eyes, moved as if I was him. I live parts of his messed up life, feeling as if it had happened to me. I lived through those memories as if I was Kellogg…”

God it was so messed up. I left that pod so disoriented so confused. It had felt so strange trying to pick apart what memory belonged to me, and what was Kelloggs. “All those memories; those images burned into my brain like a brander.” My fist clenched and I felt bile rise in my chest. I hated that. I had to live his life through his eyes, experience it as Kellogg. “I felt so sorry for him. He had his whole life taken from him, just as mine had. And I hate that I feel sympathy for killing him!”

He stared as if I had just pulled a deathclaw from my pocket. I could imagine the gears in his head desperately trying to connect the dots and instead just getting jammed.

I continued, taking his silence as a que. Taking a deep breath, I clasped my hands together to hide the shaking. “But that’s not the worst part. As revenge for killing him, he had me live through my husbands death once again. “ My throat felt as though someone had a vice grip around my neck and my eyes burned. I could feel my shoulders quake which caused my breath to come up short, “he made me live through killing him. I watched through Kelloggs eyes as he raised his gun and shot him! It-it was as if I pulled that damn trigger and not him!” I let out the tears I had been holding back. I hadnt allowed myself to feel that pain of seeing that again. Emotional pain flowed out from every inch of my body as it shook with the sobbing, “he-he made me believe I had killed him, and now I feel sympathy for the bastard? How?”

I gripped my knuckles until they turned white. Tears poured out of my eyes in thick waves. Al I could think was staring down at my loaded pistol, pointing it towards my husband and I felt nothing; not an inch of remorse as the trigger was pulled. As if living it was worse enough, the bastard forced me to live through it again; through his fucking eyes! How could I possibly feel sympathy for the bastard!

I clenched my fist to stop from shaking, but it did nothing. Tears poured out of my eyes in thick wave. All I could think was seeing my hand raised at my husbands head and feel nothing.

As if living it once was enough, the bastard had one more way to torment me.

We sat there, the world turning into a blur, as did all the sounds and smells. Everything was gone. I tried to hold back the feelings rumbling inside me, but I couldn’t. I My chest constricted as the tears and cried flowed out of me without a filter. I was tired, I couldn’t hold them back any longer. Burying my face in my knees I futilely tried to quell the rage of despair that wracked my body. “A-and now,” I tried to say, my voice hiccupping. “Everything time I close my eyes I can see my husband face before he died…I cant! I cant…”

My sobs became violent as my shoulders quaked with their rampage. I had no control of my mouth anymore, words just flowed freely without a care. Thoughts I had long since burried battled their way to the surface. Thoughts I had never voice, suddenly found their chance. “Why did it have to be Nate!” My voice was horse and broken, but I continued, as if on autopilot. “He would have found Shaun by now. He was the fighter! He could have taken this whole world head on and not have flinched! Y-yet it was me who crawled out of that Vault like some rad roach! Barely surviving!”

I felt a pressure grasp my hand and was pulled out of my cocoon of limbs. Shocked I stared up at him, my mind blank. His eyes bore into mine with a look I’ve never seen.  Stern, cold, yet a burning in them that sent a shiver down my spine, “don’t.” He said with a semblance of calmness. “Don’t give yourself such little credit. You have helped so many people, Garvey, all these settlers. Myself included…but what you’ve done out here despite what happened, its, well nothing short than outstanding. I don’t think many would be able to stand in your shoe and accomplish what you have done. “ His grip on my hand felt like they were clamped in forceps. “Despite what my feelings are towards the Minutemen, what you’ve done for them, and what your doing for the Commonwealth, is more than just surviving. So I don’t want you thinking that way, not when you do so much good, and you will get your son back, and I will do anything it takes to help you.”

As if my body had been turned onto autopilot, I reached out to him amd wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. A sob broke out, but was muffled by his shoulder. He stood still, being this close I could hear his heart galloping, like a race horse.

But slowly, I felt the tension flow out of him as he wrapped an arm around me.

For the first time in the last few days I felt myself relax slightly, even with all that hap happened, it was a relief to know I hadn’t screwed up my friendship with Danse, well not that badly.

But voicing what had gripped my mind left me unsettled and weak. It felt that much more real now. Before I could forget and push it down. But now, they were brought back to the surface, to be remembered. I closed my eyes, the images floated to the back of my mind as I felt the force of Danse’s embrace keep them at bay; his words sinking in. It would be hard, and I would need to mussel up that courage I had been faking to push forward. I had to, if not for my own sake than for Shaun’s. He was still out there, and wallowing in self pity wouldn’t bring him back. “Thank you Danse,” I breathed out, feeling a little silly. Somehow the words, ‘thank you’ didn’t seem to fit.

“Your welcome,” He said with a smile as he pulled away, “I’ll always have your back, you just need to let me.”

I rubbed at my eye, letting out a chuckle, “is that your way of telling me I should listen to you more?”

His chest puffed up just a bit, “you’d get injured far less if you did.” He said sternly. He relaxed slightly and looked down at his hands. Suddenly he looked less like the commanding military persona I had grown accustomed to seeing, and more of unsure, self-conscious man, “I had only been trying to figure out how to help. And well-I made a mess of things by pushing you the way I had.”

He looked vulnerable; defenses down. He was letting me in again. He was getting better at opening up, and I was getting worse about it. “Danse,” I whispered. I was touched by his words. I had no idea he had felt that strongly. Or I had been too blinded by my own pain to see that he had only been trying to help. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the lying, I didn’t want to hurt you, or keep anything from you. “

He glanced up at me, then let out a sigh. I watched him stand up and extend his hand out to me. “then let’s agree to move on and from now on lets keep things open between us.” He said. “Like how a real partnership should be.”

I smiled and stood up to shake his hand, “agreed, but I think your turning this partnership into a business transaction.”

“Oh. “He blinked, pink staining his ears. “I didn’t realize I-“

I let out a laugh, the first real one in a while. “It suits you though.” I smiled, “you wouldn’t be you without those quirks of yours.”

His face scrunched up as he dropped my hand. “I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or not.”

“Whichever you prefer big guy-“

The rest of what I had been about to say had been drowned out by the sound of gunfire.

Startled, both Danse and I glanced around, and found nothing, other than a few lights whirling on in the settlement. For a moment I thought, maybe a nearby settlement had fire a warning shot. I had been about to voice that to Danse when I noticed his focus was zoned in on something off towards Concords direction. His shoulder taunt and his neck straight, as if he were waiting to spring into action at any second.

I waited and watched, though nothing happened. No other sounds accompanied the shot; no shouting just stillness.

And that was the unsettling part.

I glanced up at Danse as his gaze met mine. Something wasn’t right and he knew it too.

At that moment Dogmeat let out a low growl and took off towards the main gate, Danse and I followed suite. I wasn’t surprised that not only Preston was there, but MacCready and Nick. “Whats going on?” I said as Danse and I joined them.

Preston nodded towards me, while I caught MacCready giving a shifty look towards Danse. Had the two met already? Danse was in civilians clothes, so he didn’t look Brotherhood. So why the mistrust? Unless Hancock got to him first…oh well now wasn’t the time to make nice.

“Raider.” Preston said, his mouth forming a thing line. “Mac here spotted them ten clicks away.”

Danse turned towards the direction, obviously understanding what ‘ten clicks’ meant. Too bad no one enlightened me. “Are we certain they are coming here?”

“They haven’t shifted their path so far.” Mac answered quickly; abrasively. “I doubt they’re heading to a base. So what other reason would they have for coming this far North? Turning themselves in?”

“Mac.” I said casting him a glare. Last thing we needed was another argument-between anyone.

“We were just about to come get you.” Nick said turning to me, “that is if you up to taking out some raiders?”

He held my gaze, I knew that look of his. He was studying my face for a weak point in my mask. Putting on a smirk I said, “I’m always willing. We gonna go out and meet them halfway or…” I said trailing off and glancing towards MacCreedy, “are we gonna finally find out whose a better shot between us?”

MacCreedy let out a deep laugh, his chest puffing up, “if you really wanna deflate your ego boss, “ he said with a wide grin. “Who am I to say no!”

I rolled my shoulders to reduced the stiffness in my body. “Good MacCreedy and I will take them down here while Danse and Preston take a group to meet them, and take down the ones we miss.”

“Don’t you mean the ones _you_ miss?” Mac laughed.

“Hah-hah so clever!” I said with a playful sneer and pulled his hat down. “Practiced that one all night?”

His only reply to that was a scoff as he pulled his hat down.  With a shake of my head I added, “Now get your Kester in geer Mac, some of us gotta sleep tonight.”

MacCready pushed his hat down and walked away, silently grumbling to himself.

Nick scoffed, “that kids got the ego the size of a super mutant.” He said with a shake of his head. “Mind if I stick with you kid. I can be your spotter, while the Paladin can do what he does best.”

“And whats that? Being a tin can?” Hancock called out as he approached. Just what I didntt need, two hot heats teaming up against the already tense grizzly bear. “Whats the plan dool.” He said with a grin.

Danse gave Hancock his trademark scowl, which had been effective on anyone he used it on-including me. But Hancock remaind unphased and continued to smirk at Danse.

I shot Hancock a look, “Raiders closing in.” I said gaining his attention. “I need you to be Mac’s spotter.” Keep him and the other dunderhead far far away from Danse. “While Preston, Danse take a small group down to meet the Raider before they get close.” I wasn’t sure Danse would like me giving him orders, but we weren’t on a Brotherhood mission, and he was in my settlement.

Danse gave me a look, his shoulders drawn back, “Are you sure about this Knight maybe you should-“

“Don’t you mean ‘General’?” Hancock scoffed, fixing a smug look onto Danse. “Afterall, you are in Minutemen territory. Wouldn’t want to disrespect her in front of her own men.”

Danse’s head snapped up and opened his mouth but Preston-bless his soul-jumped in. “Good plan General. I’ll go round up some men. Paladin, I’ll meet you back here.”

I didn’t fail to notice the tone in which Preston used to say ‘General’; and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by Danse, whose eyebrows knitted with the tone. I could feel the budding hostility of the three men around me. I quickly jumped in before it could escalate further. “Alright everyone, gear up. I want everyone in position in ten minutes!” I said glaring at the lot. I didn’t need this right now, not after my conversation with Danse. “Hancock make sure Mac doesn’t overestimate his kills.”

Hancock gave me a mocked salute. “Sure thing General Sunshine!” He grinned and turned. “And who knows, maybe I’ll distract him while I’m at it.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled despite myself. “I want a clean match Hancock!” I called out, then turned back to the others and said, “alright Nick I’ll meet you up at the crows nest. Preston radio me when your in position.”

I could feel Danse’s eyes piecing me like icicles. I let out a sigh as Preston left to gather the men, and Nick went to the look out tower.

“Should you be doing this.” He asked shifting his weight. “You need your rest.”

At least he’s asking and not ordering me… “Well as the saying goes ‘no rest for the wicked’” I said as squinted past him towards the gate. “If we don’t take the Raiders down now, they’ll be knocking on our doorstep, and I’ll never hear the end of it from Marcy…”

Danse flashed me a look that could only mean disapproval. “I understand that, but you don’t need to fight.” He said. “Let myself and the others handle the situation, while you rest.”

I turned my back towards him. Didn’t anything I say before sink in? I didn’t need to be cuddled. “I’ll be fine Danse, and anyway its not like I’ll be face to face with any Raiders. I’ll be here shooting from a distance, if that matters…”

“Emery, I’m worried about you.” He said in a tone that gave me pause, “You need to rest.”

I turned back towards him, his eyebrows knitted with emotion. He was looking directly at me and I could clearly see exactly what he was feeling. The way he was watching me made me feel guilty, yet at the same time I wanted to wrap my arms around him again.

Instead of grabbing hold of him again, I walked up to him slowly. I knew he had a lot more personal bubble popping today that he was used to, but what was one more. I reached out and grabbed his hand.

He was surprised by the action, yet he didn’t tense with the touch. “I will” I said in a hushed tone. “But right now we have Raiders to deal with.”

He gripped my hand back, which surprised me. In equally hushed tone he said, “Why are you so stubborn.”

I couldn’t help but snicker, “Because I learned from the best.”

“I’m not-“

“Stubborn,” I finished, “And yes you are Paladin Hard-headed. We both are.”

He made an attempt at a annoyed expression, but concern was still etched in the lines of his face, “another nickname.”

I shrugged, “would you rather it be Paladin tin can?” I said as I released my hold on his hand and stepped back. “Now go and get your armor, I know you cant fight without it.”

He gave me a scowl, “that is not true!” He defended. “I am fully capable of fighting outside of it. It only optimizing my chances of deflect-“

“Than fight without it.” I cut in teasingly.

He opened his mouth, “I’m kidding Danse.” I cut in, “Now go get your gear Paladin.”

He blew air out of his nose, his brow creased, “Affirmative.” He said gruffly. “But once this is settle, I want you to rest.”

“And if I need rest, then so do you.” I said equally gruff. If he was pulling rank, I could do. And in Minutemen territory, I out rank him! Oh! I should use that on him next time he pulls his rank. “And lets not argue, I’ll agree if you do.”

He glared but agreed. Before he took off he glanced towards the crow’s nest then jogged off.

I ran a hand through my hair and headed off towards the Crows nest. Nick was there waiting at the end of the latter for me. “It’ll be a miracle if those two kill the raiders and not each other.” He chucked flicking his cigarette off. “Ready?”

I nodded and climbed up the ladder. Once up there I scanned the landscape. The night blanketed the Commonwealth with blue hues and fuzzy mist. Without streetlights to light the way, it made the night that much darker.

My heart pounded in my chest. Maybe this little Raider group was exactly what the doctor ordered. Something I could take my pent up frustration on.

It didn’t take long for the others to get into position. Soon Danse and Preston, along with three other Minutemen that I knew by face alone left through the front gates, the fog wrapping around them like a thick blanket.

Ahead I could see the group of Raiders-fifteen in total. Armed eith an array of modded Pipe Pistols and scaveneged Assault Rifles. Nothing too out of the ordinary for a group of Raiders.

What made this group stand out thought was not their weapons, but that one Raider had a pair of Power Armor on.

** Chapter Nine **

** End **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so a little background about this chapter. First off, I had always thought that you wouldnt come out of the memory pod completely unfazed. And even though you saw Kellogg's memories in third person, i believe you really should have experienced them through him; through his eyes, while feeling his emotions. I thought that was a neat idea to through in. And who wouldnt be scared after that. 
> 
> So as long as I continue with the momentum i have, you can expect a new chapter each month. I'm also going to generally post the chapters towards the end of the month/beginning of the new month since i know for me personally the end of the month is always the worst. That and it gives me a whole month to write the new chapter....and speaking of which.... chapter 12 is a callin'. Since this chapter had been a whooping 20 pages and over 10,000 words I decided to split the next chapter into two. Chapter 11 had been 25 pages and almost 15,000 words. So I thought i would slip it up. Save the really really long chapters for later. ;)
> 
> Again thanks to the ever amazing Death-Titan for the amazing beta and editing help! You are a life saver!! :)


	10. Fool's Come a'knockin'

** Chapter Ten **

** Fools Come A’knockin’ **

 

The raiders were some distance away. Two or three armed with common raider armor and weapons, running like fools in the small clearing before the stream. There was a far-off banging noise that could only mean they were blindly shooting at the settlement’s walls.

I glanced towards the bridge just as Danse’s group walked out of the gates. Chewing on my lip I briefly wondered whether or not I should warn them about the Raider in power armor but decided against it. I didn’t want to reveal my position, nor Danse’s team’s position.

With the heavy fog it gave both Macready and I the perfect cover, as well as the others on the ground. I would just have to keep my sights set on the jackass in Power Armor.

His group moved swiftly and deftly with Danse at Center point. Most likely to keep the focus on him and not the others. Hopefully Danse would work with them, instead of over them. I knew that wouldn’t sit well with Preston.

I could feel Nick’s gaze on me as I adjusted my scope’s sights. He had been quiet the entire time and I knew he was waiting for me. “I’m guessing there’s a reason you wanted to be my buddy?”

I heard him light up a cigarette, “I’m just concerned about yah kid.” He said before inhaling. “You saw some pretty heavy stuff back at the Memory den, thought you might wanna chat?”

“I’m fine.” I said almost automatically. I could feel Nick’s eyes piercing my back, but I brushed it off as I watched the Raider’s group closing in on Danse’s group. They were on a collision course, with the Raider group having no clue what awaited them in the fog.

“Bullshit.” He said bluntly, his tone coming across harder with his grizzled accent. “I saw what you saw back there, so ya can’t pull the wool over my eyes-not like you do with the others.”

My grip tightened on the stock of my rifle. Nick knew me better than anyone I know today. I knew I couldn’t keep pretending, at least not with him. He probably knew me better than I did myself. But then again, he should know I don’t want to talk about it.

“Kid,” He said gruffly,” don’t block me out. I’ve got the patience of a saint.”

 I let out a breath and glanced over at him. His arms were folded over his chest; looking down at me as if I were a child who had been caught sneaking cookies out of the cookie jar. “Nick I- “

My ears picked up on gun fire, rounds of fire broke the stillness of the night. I recognized Macready’s rifle fire striking two raiders. Damn, he got a head start-literally. Raiders zigzagged in my line of vision. Adjusting my scope quickly, sucked in a breath and aimed. I hit one in the shoulder, staggering him enough so Preston’s Laser fire finished him off.

Nicks grizzled voice reminded me I wasn’t alone. “I know you can talk and aim kid; you’ve done it before.” He said. “I’m worried about you. We all are. You haven’t been yourself.”

“You sound like Danse.” Muttering I lined up another shot, this time I had my sights set on the lug in Power Armor. Danse had successfully drawn one of the Raider’s attention, keeping him preoccupied.

Nick snorted, “At least there’s a heart beating under all that metal.” My shot bounded off the armor…

...and then another. “I finally told Danse the truth about everything,” I said, trying to change the topic. “So, he’s caught up to speed…”

“And?”

Following the Raider’s movements with my scope I saw him fire a few rounds towards Danse, whose armor deflected it. “He took the me being Pre-war better than I thought he would. The me being General not so much.”

“What happened? You two did seem a little tense.”

I didn’t answer him right away. Only after two more unsuccessful shots did I admit, “It wasn’t really me being the General that angered him,” I mulled while reloading. “It was the fact that I deliberately hid it from him.”

Nick gave a mechanical scoff, “I can imagine.”

I shook my head remembering Danse’s scrunched up face. “I think he’s still frustrated but he’s not shouting anymore.”

The tobacco from Nick’s cigarette reach my nose when he exhaled. “Truth had to come out eventually kid.” He said. “It’s good that you let the cat out of the bag now before someone like Hancock did. Now that wouldn’t end well.”

I mumbled,  “Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.” I turned my sights back on the battle. The raiders’ numbers had dwindled down to a handful, including the one in Power Armor I noted with a bit of annoyance. The raider in armor quickly ducked behind a car avoiding Danse’s shots and mine.  “I hadn’t seen him mad like that, let alone mad to the point of shouting.” I paused, “then again Danse has frustratingly good control over his emotions. In a lot of ways, he reminds me a lot of Na-”A sudden ripped through me as the words died in my throat.

Nick was just as silent. I couldn’t see his face but I knew he was watching me. I bit my lip at the silence, unnerved by it.

I redirected my attention back to the fight just in time to see Danse shower the armored raider with a flurry of laser bullets. Aiming one perfectly at the rusted old car he caused it to spark and burst into flames. The raider jumped out of the way, barely dodging the mass of exploding metal. “Anything you want to talk about?” He said, his voice level with concern. “Or vent about? Pretty sure the Raiders are too distracted down there to notice us.”

I watched Nick, studying the way his eyes seemed to be piercing through me. I knew Nick wouldn’t judge me, he had always had my back. “I try not to think about it because then all I can see is Nate’s face before-”, my breath caught in my throat, “before he died… And then it-it takes a moment to realize it’s not me looking down at him from the barrel of the gun, but Kellogg.” The cold chill turned into a hail storm that left my legs numb beneath me. “I can’t sort through what memories belong to him or what ones are mine. It’s got my whole head muddled.”

One of the raiders had taken a grenade, pulled the pin and did a suicide rush towards the group. I lined up the shot, but Mac was faster. “It’s a lot to have gone through a second time.” Nick’s face was set with ridged lines as if he was recalling the memory too.

There was a brief silence around us, only broken by the shouts and gunfire of the battle below. I felt Nick settle into a spot next to me, I held his gaze for a moment, there was an certain knowing in them.

I tried to blink away the stinging in my eyes but felt a gentle pressure on my shoulder.. I blinked then steeled my expression but as I did I felt a gentle pressure on my shoulder. “It’ll take time, kid, to sort through it all. Trust me on that one.” I could hear the concern in his mechanical tone. “And I’m right here for yah kid, whatever you need.”

My shoulders sagged as I let out a deep-rooted sigh, the exhaustion pouring through me like a dam. “Nick, I don’t know if I’m cut out for this-any of this.” I muttered burying my sights back into my scope. “Danse says I am but, I don’t know. Everything is wrong, this world is wrong! And I’m just wandering in it.”

Nick sighed, “No, it’ll stick with you for a while.” He said, “But it will get better-as cliché as that sounds, it will. ‘Time heals all wounds.’ Or so the saying goes.”

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind as much I could. Slowly, methodically I pressed the trigger. It met its target through the raider’s ear.

The clearing grew deathly still, only broken by Mac’s outburst, “How in the hell-heck did she do that?!”

I heard Nick chuckle, and shook his head, the gears in his neck creaked with the movement. “Hot headed merc.”

Danse’s group did one final sweep of the areas but from my vantage point it was all clear. After switching the safeties on, I let it rest against the frame of the lookout tower while leaning my back against it.

Nick was right, he was always right. I needed to stop dwelling on those negative emotions and push past it. I needed to move on, but I needed to cope and not ignore it. I turned back to Nick, “thank you, Nick.” I smiled, “somehow you always know the words to say.”

His face went completely blank with surprise, then resolved itself into an expression of warmth. “That’s what I’m here for kid,” He grinned, “I’m the bot with the age old wisdom and full of loose bolts.”

He grinned down at me but his eyes held an uncertain expression that rather touched me, despite everything, I smiled. I was still feeling drained, but somehow there was a lightness to my chest that hadn’t been there before.

I stood up and stretched rackingly. Slinging my rifle over my shoulder, I said, “doesn’t look like I beat Mac. I’ll never hear the end of it now.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too worried about it,” he said snuffing his cigarette, “you did get the one shot he couldn’t.”

—

Nick and I had just descended of the watch tower when Hancock and Macready walked over. Hancock flashed me a toothy grin, crinkling the skin around his eyes. “Nice shot their sister.” He said. “Got ol’ Mac here really fired up.”

Macready, with his hands stuffed into his pockets pouted, “Yeah, well I still had the most kills.”

Hancock laughed and wrapped an arm around Mac’s shoulders, slightly knocking him off balance. “Awe, your’e just jealous ‘cause you couldn’t hit the bastard.”

Red in the face, Macready shoved Hancock’s arm off and fixed the collar of his jacket. “Knock it off, Hancock.” He growled.

Nick chuckled walking over to the two. “Alright, calm down, boys.”

I glanced through the gate. In the distance I could see Danse’s group slowly making their way back. I turned back towards Hancock who was still teasing Macready; his face beat red with the jest. “Welp, boys, I think I’ll call it a night.” I said faking a yawn. I caught Nick giving me a suspicious look but he didn’t utter a word.

After saying our goodnights, I quickly made my way back to my little house before Danse got back. I had more than enough conversations for one night.

Thoughts busied my mind as I dressed for bed. Dogmeat settled into his corner of the mattress as I pulled open the covers. I had my reservations about sleep, but I still had hope that just maybe I could go one night without a nightmare.

 

The idea of a good night’s rest had completely vanished from my mind.

I woke in a cold panic flying up and flinging the blankets away. Despite the mugginess of the air around me I was chilled; goosebumps littering my flesh like ant hills in a desert.

Bringing a hand over my eyes I flipped back down on the mattress, the springs groaning with the action. Most nights my dreams would be the same. It would start out as a wonderful Saturday morning. Shaun had slept through the night, Nate had shore leave and I had the day off from work. We would be just sitting down for breakfast when-

- **BAM-**

I would be running up hill, barely holding onto Nate’s hand. Helicopters roaring overhead, men in thick armored boots marched around us, their thuds echoing in my ears. Screams and cries of people around us.

The next, I was paralyzed, trapped behind thick icy glass, begging. Pleading. When suddenly, it would all stop. My vision blurred, and I’d find myself holding a pistol before me I was speaking – threatening; my own voice echoing in my ears. I stared down at Nate, his beautiful dark eyes glazed over with defiance. But I knew those eyes well. I could see the fear behind them.

But I didn’t care.

 I shot him.

And then I woke up. My entire body rattled, shaking like a child after a watching their first horror movie.

Every time, I would wake; my mind confused and feeling displaced. Where am I? Why aren’t I in the vault? Or…shouldn’t I be completing my mission? I had to return to the institute and bring the baby I retrieved, then I would remember. I was not Kellogg.

That nightmare was always the same, each night and it haunted me, mocked me again and again and again and again.

Or, that was what I wanted to call it; a nightmare because it was a wonderful, happy dream. It haunted we with the peace and love I once had. I wanted to say this dream had been a nightmare simply because it was a wonderful dream. It haunted me with the kindness it showed.

It had been when I was younger, much younger. It had been of the time my father and brothers took me camping in Bar Harbor. Memories of some of my favorite moments displayed like a movie. Just pleasant memories that brought such simple joy to my life. A joy I hadn’t felt since that broadcast about the bombs.

I awoke drenched in tears. Heart hammering in my chest. A chill that gripped me making my breath come up short.

The dream had left a swirling fog of anxiety in my gut that numbed my fingers and toes. It also left me with a dangerous question I had been too afraid to ask myself. What happened to my Father and Brothers? Had they made it to their Vault? Did they live on?

I didn’t know which dream was worse.

I rose from my mattress sluggishly. The dreams chill seeped out of me, slowly as the stifling heat rose to replace it. Even in May the Wasteland felt like a Nuclear oven. My hair clung to my damp cheeks, my clothes sticky with sweat. What I wouldn’t give for a shower…

That was one of the perks about the Brotherhood, working showers. One of these days Sturges and I would need to build working showers. We already had a good flow of water.

With a groan I stood up and was surprised when I didn’t see Dogmeat anywhere. It was rather late in the morning, early afternoon, from what I could tell anyway. He must have gone searching for breakfast elsewhere.

Moving around took great effort I realized. My body felt weak, whether from the nightmare or from lack of sleep I didn’t know. The fatigue was deeply rooted, stretching all the way throughout my body.

I think one full pot of coffee might do the trick.

I felt slightly more alive after washing up and getting into fresh clothes. The ewer I had scavenged wasn’t quite as good as a shower, but it’d have to do.

I had just put the kettle on my little stove when a knock came from my door. I could hear Dogmeat barking from behind it. I called out to give the okay to come in.

Preston greeted me as Dogmeat dashed in from underneath his feet and jumped up to give me a big slobbery kiss on the cheek. Welp, looks like I’ll need to wash up again.

Rubbing Dogmeats ear I glanced up at Preston who removed his hat. “Good morning General.”

Smiling I wiped my face with my sleeve, “you don’t have to always call me that Preston.” I said wiping my sleeve on my pants. “I take it Dogmeat came to you for his breakfast.”

“Nah, mama Murphy gave him some Brahmin meat. He was just curled up on your porch sleeping.

“I’ll have to thank her later.” I said as I killed the heat on the stove then mixed in the grounds. “Want some coffee, I uh kind of made a lot.”

I heard him scratch at the back of his head, “I’d uh love some.”

The smell of coffee drifted in the small makeshift kitchen of mine. It had been difficult brewing coffee without a coffee maker-and the taste it was so much stronger than I was used to. It almost killed my taste buds the first time I had coffee after I had woken up.

“So,” I said as I handed him a cup, “what brings you by?”

He gave me a word of thanks and took the cup. “Just wanted to check in. Give you a rundown of Minutemen activity.”

I sat down and raised an eyebrow. “You did that yesterday I thought?” I sipped some of my coffee and cringed. Too strong again. “Unless you had more you wanted to tell me?”

Preston straightened his back, “oh!” He grinned sheepishly at me. “I must have forgotten. Guess it was all the excitement from last night.”

“That’s alright.” I said stirring my cup. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about anyway.”

He gave me a nod and sipped his coffee; obviously not bothered with the strength of it. “What about Em?”

Setting my cup down-well if was more of a tin can really. I glanced out the window, “how have the settlers been around Danse? Any complaints yet?” I knew Danse wouldn’t start anything-unless provoked by a ghoul or a synth. But that didn’t mean that his presence wouldn’t affect the settlers. “And while we’re on the topic, I’m sorry I brought him here without warning you. I trust Danse, and he is a good man. He's just too blinded by what he believes is the ‘greater good'.”

Preston blinked, taken a back by the question. “Well to be honest at first I had my concerns. Hancock and Valentine had filled me in on you joining the Brotherhood.” He said glancing down at his own cup. “Are you sure about that? The Brotherhood-they have been known to be rough with civilians. They don’t care about anyone who isn’t Brotherhood.”

I took another drink from my cup. It was warm and strong with pieces of grounds floating on the surface. By now I was getting used to the questions ‘why’d you join the bigots’. “I don’t agree with a lot of what they preach, Danse can confirm that. We’ve had many arguments on the matter.” I placed the cup down. “But I don’t want to abandon Danse-and he would never leave the Brotherhood. He’s a good man, past all that jargon the Brotherhood forced fed him. But if it ever came down to it-if they ever forced my hand, I’ll leave.”

Preston’s shoulders sagged from what looked like relief, “I understand General. I was a bit, concerned.”

I gave him a smile, “But the Brotherhood isn’t as bad as everyone seems to make them out to be. “I said as I drank some more coffee. “There not all bigoted monsters.”

Preston gave a nod. “I get it,” He then stood up drained his coffee and said, “Em, I was wondering if you wanna do a perimeter check with me? You’ll get to see all the new renovations we’ve done since you’ve left.”

“Alright.”

\----

The sun was high in the sky by the time we had done two full circles around Sanctuary. It was strange, though pleasant, that not once did anyone come and interrupt us. On any normal day many settlers, Minutemen or even friends would come up to me with questions or concerns. But not today. I would have at least thought Marcy would have come up to bitch about having a Brotherhood operative here. But no. In fact, I barely saw anyone around.

The renovations on the settlement had gone over smoothly since last I was here. And by the looks of it: another corn field. I was even more surprised when Preston had filled me in on the newest Supply lines that reached all the way to Hangman Alley.

Once back at my shack I turned to Preston who was pushing dirt with his boot. “It’s been pretty quiet today, huh?”

“Oh yeah, well a lot of settlers have been working on the wall, so I gave them the day off.”

Since when did Preston give the settlers the day off? “Okay.” I said with a raised eyebrow. “Well, I better go find Danse: we should plan before we head down to the Glowing Sea- “

“Orrr we could take a look at these new comics I found, Boss!”

Preston and I turned to see a grinning Macready with a stack full of comic books. “I’ve been wantin’ to show you these for a while, Boss.” He said, “I’ve got _Silver Shroud Number Ten: The Phantom Instigator_.  _Grognack Issue Thirteen_ -“

“Alright, alright,” I said placing my hands up. “Come on, let’s head inside. Wanna join us Preston?”

Preston chuckled, “nah, that’s alright. I need to go check up on a few things anyway,” he said with a tip of his hat, “but I’ll leave you in good hands. Catch ya later!”

\---

“Oh, oh this is my favorite part! Where the Shroud figures out how to hack the Phantom’s stealth systems!” My weakness has always been a good comic after all.

Macready laughed and adjusted his sitting position. “That’s what you said when the shroud encountered the Phantoms alter-ego.”

I blew air out of my nose, “Yeah, well it’s my favorite issue, so I can like all the parts.” I stated as a matter-of-fact. “I haven’t read this issue since before Shaun was born.”

A small smiled appeared on Macready’s face; recalling a memory. “I haven’t been able to find another copy until now.” He spoke softly, the smile on his face blurred the lines of his gaunt features; giving him a more youthful appearance. “I almost had all the issues back in the Capital Wasteland, but I had to sell them for-” He broke off, the peaceful look disappearing.

I knew what he was thinking of-or rather who he was thinking of; Duncan his son. “Have you’ve heard anything since you sent the cure down?”

“No,” he said shortly, then sighed. “I mean no, not yet. It’s been almost a month. What if the courier had been killed by Gunners or Raiders, or-or-”

My heart went out to him, I knew the feeling all too well. “Don’t worry, Mac.” I said flicking the tip of his hat up. He gave me a dirty look and fixed it. “I’m sure they’re waiting for Duncan to make a full recovery before they send word.”

“But what if-”

“And if they don’t send word, then we’ll go down there ourselves and make them tell us!”

“But we gotta get Shaun back first,” he said sitting up. “We’ll get him and Duncan back. Then the two of them will have someone to watch each other’s backs.”

At the mentioning of Shaun my heart clenched. Despite the feeling, I smiled, “yeah, and maybe they’ll create their own little lamplight.”

“Ah man, don’t get my hopes up,” he laughed shaking his head. “I miss that place so much!”

Leaning back, I stretched before saying, “Danse had grown up in the Capital Waste as well. Tell me about it? I’ve only ever seen the Commonwealth, I’m curious what the Capital Wasteland is like.”

Macready snorted, “Well it ain’t too much different. Less water, more mountains. Little Lamplight-like I had said before was in a cave. And man, I gotta be honest, I feel a whole lot better with a rocky ceiling over my head than anything else.” He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling longingly. “We’d shoot at any mungo that dared to trespass. Well, except the Lone Wanderer.”

I scratched at my chin, “Danse had mentioned someone with that title before,” then leaned over, “but I thought she was with the Brotherhood?”

“With the Brotherhood? Nah, she only used those guys to take down the Enclave-or, so I heard,” he said wryly. “I had met her a few times, she and the creepiest Ghoul I had ever met wanted to get into the Vault at the back of Little Lamplight.” He began to idly flip the pages of the comic. “She was cool, always used to take some time to bring us things. She even brought her dog once…. now that I think about it, his name was Dogmeat too.”

“Hah, guess it’s a very common dog name.”

Mac glanced out the window and squinted. A minute passed before he turned back to me and said, “I hadn’t seen or heard from her since she took down the Enclave. I heard rumors she either died or had gone west. Who knows, I just hope she didn’t croak.  “

Snickering I poked him in the side, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you had a crush on this ‘Lone Wanderer’.”

“What-I-No! She was just a cool mungo that’s all!”

“Sure…. whatever you say Mac.”

Macready, bright red in the face folded his arms and glared at the wall. “Your one to talk! You like that beef headed Paladin.”

My eyes widened then drooped. “Drop it, Mac.” I said tensely. Despite my chat with Piper, I didn’t like the idea of having feelings for Danse, especially after having visited Nate’s final resting place. It didn’t feel right. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Mac blinked, surprised by my sudden change in disposition. “Hey, look, it’s okay to get feelings for someone else,” he said as he leaned forward. “Nate wouldn’t want you to wallow in loneliness and be a cooped up old widow forever.”

“And how would- “

“Because Lucy wouldn’t want me too,” he cut in, “and if Nate is as good of a guy as you claim he was, then he would want you to move on.”

I stared at him for a moment, fully grasping his words. I hadn’t truly believed what Piper had said before, but hearing those words from Mac too, seemed to solidify them.

Feeling an odd mix of anxiousness and kinship, I picked up one of the other issues Mac brought. “Come on, were wasting daylight.”

He gave me a hesitant look before he snatched the comic book from my hand. “Oh no, I’ll read. You can’t do Grognack’s voice right.”

\---

Macready and I had just finished reading _Grognack_ when Sturges  dropped by.

“Hey there, little lady, I wanted to go over some of these schematics I salvaged. Thought you might wanna take a looksee?” He said as he walked in, arms filled with rolled-up blue prints.

“Whatdya mean by that?” he paid me no mind as he placed rocks on the edges of the curling paper. “Sturges, what’s going on?” I asked walking over to him as he straightened out a diagram.

Glancing down at the paper I said, “Well, it just seems like everyone is trying to distract me, somehow…” I trailed off when I realized what type of blueprint it was. “Wait, is this for an actual working shower?”

“Mhmm, sure is.” He nodded. “Wanted to go over a few minor details, seeing as how you actually used one before.”

I could hardly contain my excitement when we went over the pipework.

\---

It was late by the time Sturges and I finished editing the schematics on a real working shower. We had to stop when we reached the hot water heater blueprints. That would be the complicated part; figuring out how to build it without the proper materials. We could-and would-have to scavenge the parts from dilapidated worn/crumbling/fallen-in/pre-era water heaters”

Letting out a sigh, I leaned back and rubbed at my weary eyes. “Next time I’m out I’ll take a look for the parts. Thankfully we already have a lot here,” I stood up, stretching, “so, it’ll mostly be a matter for fixing up what we have.”

Sturges gave his own stretch before he rolled up the diagram. “I’ll start working on those ones We got plenty o’ water, just no storage unit.”

I grinned and stood up, “How ‘bout some dinner?” I said walking over to my stove, “I’m no Codsworth, but I’m sure I can fry up some Mirelurk eggs.”

Sturges pulled on his suspenders and eyed out the window, a hesitant expression on his face. “Oh, I would Little Lady but I ah,” He squinted then hastily turned back to me with a grin.  “I gotta meet up with the o’l Colonel and give him an update on the uh, the uh- “

He was interrupted by a rhythmic-almost musical-knock on my door. “Blue, I’m coming in so you better be decent!”

Piper? Honestly, I’m surprised she hadn’t shown up sooner. “Come on in, Piper!”

Sturges headed to the door and opened it, “Evenin’ Ma’am,” he greeted then turned back to me, “I better be heading out! I’ll let you know when I start on the piping.”

After the door closed behind him I gave a suspicious look towards Piper, who in returned flashed me the most innocent smile that left me feeling even more suspicious. “Okay Piper, spill.” I said placing my hands on my hips. “What’s going on?”

“I just thought you might like a haircut?” She said while lifting a small beat up old black bag, “That and I got loads of Diamond City gossip to tell you!”

I narrowed my eyes and shifted my weight to the other leg. What the hell was she up to? “Not that,” I said dubiously, “Why does everyone seem hell bent on distracting me. And for that matter, why haven’t I seen-or heard Hancock, Danse, or Nick all day. I don’t know whether to be grateful for the peace or worried they killed each other.”

Piper let out a groan and rolled her eyes, “God, Blue, you’re so suspicious. We just missed you is all. You’ve been gone for a while.”

“And that’s all well and good, but one after another?  As if your taking shifts?”

She gave me a dirty look, “Blue, do you want a haircut or not?”

I gave her a groan, fine be that way. “Sure, just please tell me they haven’t killed one another?”

“I won’t say that Hancock and Paladin Tin Can have been getting along,” she trailed off digging through her bag and placing various hair trimming tools down on the table, “Nick has been doing a good job keeping them busy and away from one another.”

I eyed her shiftily before sitting down. She untied my hair from its high pony tail and began to comb through it. “Have you been brushing this nest you call hair?” She grumbled when she hit the third knot in just as many seconds.

I rolled my eyes but smiled, “I’ll be sure to comb my hair at least one hundred times a day from now on, how about that, Piper?”

“Don’t get cheeky.”

We fell into a compatible silence after that. The sound of scissors cutting through the silence every so often. “So, you had mentioned you have some gossip to tell me?”

“Oh yea, so it started off….”

\---

“And, and the best part about the whole thing is that Doc Crock had written an entire three-page love poem dedicated to Ellie and had read it aloud outside the agency.”

“He didn’t!”

“But he did!”

“Oh god, poor Ellie…What did it say?”

“Oh!” Piper exclaimed rolling onto her back into a fit of giggles. “Something about the anatomical structuring of her face so that it was as if it was arranged as a scientific marvel. He used too many doctor-y words that I couldn’t follow. But, Blue, you should have seen her face. I thought for sure she would burst before the city guard escorted him back to his house.”

“Man, I miss everything!” I shook my head.

“That’s why you’ve got me around! To deliver juicy gossip and give awesome haircuts! Like it?” She asked as she showed me my reflection in a small tarnished mirror.

I played with the ends of my hair. She had cut it just below my shoulders instead of where it used to hang on the middle of my back, “It feels so much lighter, thank you!”

She gave me a wink and brushed herself off, “I know you like to tie it back.” She paused and glanced at me, eyes lit up like a lightbulb and she smiled slyly, “Speaking of juicy gossip. How are things going with Soldier boy?”

I flashed her a warning look but then sighed, Mac’s words coming to mind. Still, I didn’t want to talk about it.

She held up her hands defensively, “What? All I asked was how things are,” she said innocently enough. “The last time I saw you he was pissed at you for ‘associating with the enemy’. Now he just seems to ignore Nick entirely-give or take a few scowls.”

The memory of our Super Mutant encounter came to mind and I physically felt myself cringe. That whole day had been one big mess after another. From the standoff with Nick, the argument I had with Danse and then the Mutant run in to top it all off. I told Piper as much, omitting the true reason why Danse rushed the group. Danse hadn’t wanted to share the details with me, I doubted he wanted Piper to know.

Danse could call what happened whatever he liked; lapse in judgment, blinded by anger, whatever. But to me, I knew he had a PTSD flashback. He had been lost to a memory of his past and couldn’t recognize his surroundings. I’d seen it before with Nate. I knew what it looked like. And it looked exactly that.

Piper pinched at the bridge of her nose, “damn, Blue.” She muttered shaking her head. “Glad the Paladin was there, else you could have been squashed like a tato. But why did he charge? He doesn’t seem like a reckless person.”

I couldn’t tell her the truth, even if I wanted too. I didn’t know the full truth myself, “Maybe I’m rubbing off on him.”

She eyed me, “Doubt that.”

I shrugged and glanced down at the floor boards. I noticed that one looked as though it was coming loose. I made a mental note to fix it later. “ I know he hates Super Mutants, from past experiences. Maybe that’s it.” I felt my nose crinkle. Stupid, Danse. Ever since he had pointed that out, I could feel my nose twitch when I lied.

Piper shook her head, “I hate Super Mutants as much as the next guy, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna rush them head first,” she rubbed at her chin, “there’s more to it than that.”

Playing with the fabric of my pant leg I said, “Who knows. He kept dodging me every time I asked about it.”

She squinted her eyes then shrugged, “oh well,” She sighed, “but that doesn’t answer my question-at least not to satisfy my curiosity. How are things between you two?”

I narrowed my eyes, but then relaxed them. If there was anyone who wouldn’t drop the matter until she got what she wanted, it was Piper. “We’ve been arguing a lot lately. We talked-about everything…he seemed less mad.” I muttered as I played with a loose string on my shirt. “We also hugged-which is a huge step for him I think.”

Piper practically jumped me after I said that, “Oooh you made a move! He didn’t push you away did he? Or did he return it and whisper sweet nothings-”

, but I don’t know if he hates it when I do that. Its uh, kind of a habit of mine.”

“So what you’re a hugger! And if he didn’t like it then tough! It’s who you are!” She said as a matter-of-fact. “Does the Brotherhood have rules about that? You know, fraternizing with your superior?”

I hadn’t thought of that. I know rules had been in place for Pre-war military but I wasn’t sure if the Brotherhood did. From what Danse had told me about the Brotherhood from back in the day, they didn’t allow anyone to join-you had to be born into it. So, getting together with another officer had been a must. But what about now? And what did fraternization mean? A hug, a drunken kiss? “I don’t know, and nor should I be thinking about it.” I said with a wave of my hand. “I don’t think he feels that way about me. Ignoring the fact that those kinds of emotions don’t come easily to him, I haven’t exactly kept his trust lately. I’ve lied to him; hid things from him when he asked for honesty; how can I think he might return my feelings when he might not even trust me?”

“At least you’re finally admitting you like him out loud.”

“Piper…”

She shook her head, “He forgave you, didn’t he?”

“Would you honestly forgive someone that quickly after lying to you for so long?”

“If that person had a good reason, then yeah,” Piper said honestly as she placed an arm around me. “Blue, you’re being too hard on yourself. You had good reasons not to tell him and I’m sure he understands that. If he’s as great of a guy as you describe, then I’m sure he’s forgiven you.”

“How do you know?”

She glanced out the window before she answered. “Well you two seem very close. And it’s obvious that he cares about you-you can't be that blind to see it.”

“We’re teammates,” I paused, “…Friends?” at least I hoped we still were.

She rolled her eyes but ignored what I said, “I mean he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did if he was holding that over you.” She said, straightening my hair. “He told us that you had to go back down to the Vault-he had this look on his face as he was telling us,. If remorse and guilt had a baby, that’s what it would look like.” She grinned, “If he was really angry; would he really feel guilty?”

“I can tell by your look you know I’m right,” Piper smiled.

“Don’t brag about it.”

She let out a laugh and stretched, fixing her hat, “Come on, Blue, there’s some place I wanna take you.”

My sense of suspicion returned in a flash. “Where? It’s not like I haven’t seen every inch of Sanctuary before.”

She gave me a pout, “Stop being so stubborn and just go with the flow.”

“Where’d you pick up that pre-war saying up, Nick?” I rolled my eyes, “Fine, let’s go.” Normally with Piper leading the way, trouble would be sure to follow.

** -Chapter Ten- **

** -End- **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you to my Beta reader Saige Smith! I am currently working on chapter 12-14! So look next month for chapter 11! This chapter had actually been chapter 10 and 11, but i split it because it ended up being 25000 words long....
> 
> Also i do plan on trying to make little comics for scenes and or previews of the chapters to come....its just Danse is a very hard person to draw, and so is Nick. But surprisingly Hancock isnt...


	11. Cut Loose

** Chapter Eleven **

** Cut loose  **

Twilight arrived by the time we reached the far back woods of the settlement. The forest was brushed with blue and purple hues from the approaching night sky. Only a thin line of reddish yellow tinged the horizon from the setting sun. It was cooler now, the humidity slowly dissipating.

I was growing interested in spite of my suspicion. “Piper, where the hell are you taking me?”

“You’ll see, so stop asking.”

“You better not get us lost in the woods. You don’t know those old pre-war horror stories about girls getting lost in the woods-but I do! And they don’t end well, trust me!”

She stopped for a moment, then withdrew a strip of fabric out of her jacket. “Oh no!” I said taking a step back. “I am not walking blind folded in the middle of the woods!”

Piper gave me a side long look, “come on, Blue, trust me. No harm will come to you!” She said, holding it out to me, “have I ever steered you wrong?”

I narrowed my eyes, “How ‘bout the time you dragged me to spy on the mayor and break into his office. I had to lie my way outta that one!”

“That was one-“

“Or the time you found that Raider cult where they worshipped a Glowing One? We got thrown into its pit when they caught us.”

“It was our civil duty to warn the people of the Commonwealth about that Cult!” She defended. “And anyway, you were the one shooting it from a distance! It chased me!”

“It chased me too when it saw me! I had to take two radaways after it bit me! Two!”

“Blue!”

“Fine!” I said taking the blindfold and tied it around my eyes, “but I swear if you lead us into a deathclaw den or something equally as bad there’ll be a big fat ‘I told you so’ waiting for you!”

“Sure, but that’s not gonna happen.” She grumbled as she took my hand to guide me.

I shuffled my feet unsure as we walked, occasionally tripping over rocks or roots. “You know-”, I tripped and caught myself, “you’re a terrible guide.”

“ If you weren’t shuffling your feet you wouldn’t trip,” she threw back. “And it’s not much further; I can see it.”

“At least one of us can…”

We came to a stop, with Piper holding my shoulders in place so I wouldn’t go any further. The smell of burning wood hit my senses as a wave of heat warmed my face. My first thought was something was on fire and I briefly panicked. Then logic set in, why would Piper bring me to something that was on fire. “Alright, you can take off the blindfold.”

Pulling down the cloth I stared wide eye, mouth agape. Words chased themselves in my mind as my heart skipped a beat. There was a fire burning in the middle of the clearing, with tattered blankets and chairs scattered around. Assortments of snacks lined a small table, from Nuka-Cola to Whisky, gum drops to Fancy Lad Snacks.

Preston, Sturges, Nick, Hancock, Macready-and was that Danse in the background?-were all standing near the fire. They turned when they noticed us. My mind went completely blank as I stared. “ What-how…what’s going on?”

Hancock slid over and passed a cola in my hand, “what’s it look like Sister?” he smirked and winked. “Were havin’ ourselves a good o’l fashion bonfire!”

Nick stepped forward and gave me a smile, “we just wanted to do something for ya kid,” he said tipping his hat. “You know, a night of fun, for your Birthday.”

“But its-my birthdays not for a few weeks…”

Nick gave a slight shrug, the smile still on his face. “We know, but with your next mission, it’ll keep you away for a while.” He gave a chuckle, “and we wanted to make sure you got a chance to celebrate it, old school style.”

Tears burned my vision, my chest flooded with warmth. In the time I had spent in the new world I had not had a chance to just goof off. “I don’t-“ I sniffed to try and hold back the tears. “Thank you.”

“Now look what you dolts did!” Macready exclaimed walking over and placing his arm around my shoulder. “Stop makin’ the boss cry and actually throw this party! I wanna see how they did it pre-war style!”

They laughed as I was lead over to the blanket closest to the fire. I glanced over to where Danse was standing awkwardly away from the others. I wanted to go and drag him over when I was planted down into a seat.

Piper must have caught me staring at Danse-or she had the same thought- for she marched over to Danse, they shared a brief exchange. In the end it looked like Danse lost as he had begrudgingly walked over to the spot next to me by Piper. I snickered as he sat down. “I take it they forced you to join ?” He wasn’t one for parties-especially with ghouls and synths.

“I, ah,” he mumbled rubbing at the back of his neck, “I wanted to make sure Piper got you here safely.” The tips of his ears turned pink.

My conversation from earlier came to mind. I gave him a smile and said, “I hope you plan on staying. I think I’m gonna need back up if things get outta hand.”

He nodded with a grin, “affirmative.” Grinning I elbowed him, which caused him to smile and elbow me back. The chump, no matter what way he said it, he wanted to be here I know it.  We all began to settle down on the blanket next to the fire, each grabbing a handful of snacks and drinks to keep close at hand. Danse settled close next to me, sitting away as far as he could from Nick. While the others sat around me.

Hancock grinned, a mischievous spark twinkled in his black eyes. “Alright then I’ve got one,” he said placing his jet canister down. “Did I ever tell you folks the time me and Miss Vault Dweller scavenged a warehouse downtown-“

“I changed my mind, it does matter,” I cut in before he could continue. When I had told Danse the story of when Hancock and I had searched a warehouse and I had all my stuff stolen I had left out a few details. Like how I almost got kidnapped afterword-and in my birthday suit none the less. Hancock had to play the ‘Dashing Knight in Shining Armor’-or in his case ‘in red robes’ and rescue me. Danse wouldn’t enjoy that one. “Everyone’s heard that story! Fahrenheit’s heard it five times now!”

Piper flung a gum drop at him, “Yeah Hancock, it’s staler than these potato crisps!”

Hancock fixed the collar of his jacket, “Alright fine, fine.” He then leaned back and began to puff away.

Preston raised an eyebrow, “What kind of story Em? Like the time we helped that one settlement-“

“How about a story where I’m not doing something stupid,” I cut in with a frown.

“So you mean all of them?” Macready jumped in, it earned him a laugh from the others, and a shower of gumdrops from me.

Sighing I turned to Nick, “How about you Nick? Got any good cases to share?”

Nick tapped at his chin, “let’s see…” He then tilted his hat back and snubbed his cigarette out on a rock. “Alright I got one. This case goes way back,” he pauses to look everyone in the eye. “The year is 2051.”

I noticed Danse’s eyebrow raise as he glanced down at me. “Nick has a prewar mind,” I whispered. “Hence, why he’s still called a detective.”

Danse responded by turning away, disinterested. But I knew he was curious. He had a passion for prewar history-even if he denied it.

“This was one of my earlier cases. A distraught woman enters my office; tears running all down her face. The classic damsel in distress. She says her husband’s gone missing, even claimed he might have been murdered. Wants me to look into it.” Nick paused, he gave a chuckle and shook his head. “I was a hotshot back then. Hadn’t really gotten my feet wet so to speak. I’d seen tons of those old fashion detective movies and this case seemed as though it had walked right outta one.”

Hancock snorted, “I got a hard time believing you were ever a rookie.”

“You’re the very definition of detective,” Sturges added before taking a sip of his whisky. “To be honest, I can’t picture you as anythin’ else.”

“Everyone starts off fresh, even me,” he chuckled. “Where was – oh, so the woman, a Mrs. Veronica Miles, tells me all the usual places her husband visited. Not many places. Local pub and his place of work. Even told me to look out for a woman who had been going around claiming to be the real wife. Now being the rookie that I was I didn’t think anything of it at the time.” He leaned back against a tree and folded his arms over his chest. “So I followed up on the leads. Steaked the places out for a few days, nothing unusual. So I go in and talk with a few people. Sure they seen the husband-Mathew-but they hadn’t for a few days. Apparently got into a fight with his lover-very heated about leaving his wife. So I go to the “lovers” house. When I went to see her, she claimed she was the real Veronica Miles. Thought it was a strange coincidence and ignored it.”

By this point everyone began to lean forward, all except Danse who seemed to be paying more attention to the roaring fire. “I blew off her claim of being the real wife. Anyone could fake a marriage document back then. I report back to Veronica with my finding. I tell her everything I find. Including how the other woman tried to get me to believe she was the real Veronica. The strangest part was she didn’t get angry-or upset. She sat there stoic.” Nick straightened his tie and pulled out a carton of cigarettes, which he offered to the group. Both Piper and Sturges too one, while Mac hesitated before declining. He lit his cigarette before continuing, “I tell her I’ll keep an eye out and watch the “lover” closely.”

Nick stared at his cigarette, watching the smoke dance in the air. “A few days later I hear that the “lover” went missing-coincidentally a day after I had quit my stake-out on her house. It was as if she had disappeared outta thin air.”

“Oooh!” Piper exclaimed leaning over and taking a bite of his fancy lad snack. “This is getting good!”

“Next time say it when your mouth ain’t full.” Macready complained brushing crumbs off his coat.

Nick took a long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke up in the air. He watched till it disappeared. “So I’m under the impression that whoever kidnapped the husband and the lover might come after the wife next.”

“You didn’t,” Mac groaned, “You went to her house to check on her?”

“Caught on a lot quicker than I did, kid,” Nick gave Macready a nod. “Guess I had been under Ms. Veronica’s spell. She was quite the looker-ahem-anyway, so I pay her a visit and she invites me in-“

Piper’s groan cut him off, “No Nick!”

Nick gave her a look and shook his head. “I warned her about the kidnapping. She had seemed shocked, but that’s when I get this gut feeling she might be faking it. I brush if off because I thought she was innocent-the victim. So I tell her I’ll escort her down to the station where we’ll set her up with a safe house till we catch the creep. She agrees and we begin to head out. Right when I’m about to open the door, I black out.”

All of us broke into a chorus of groans. While Danse shook his head.

“I wake up in a basement, my head splitting and my eyes seeing double. Once I could see straight I realized I wasn’t alone.  The “lover” who I had spoken to days earlier was lying in a corner, beaten to a pulp while the “wife” was walking over to me. “Veronica” claimed I believed the “lovers” story and I had only came to her house to arrest her. I kept Veronica talking, that’s when she let everything slip. The woman who hired me, the one who claimed to be the wife of Mathew, had really been the lover the entire time. She had stolen the real Veronica’s identity in hopes that the husband would leave his real wife for her. When he didn’t, she killed him and continued to play “Veronica.””

Nicks face grew dark.

“I asked her why didn’t she just get rid of the wife? Why kill the husband? Her answer: revenge. She tried to make it seem like the real Veronica was the killer and had chosen me specifically because I was new to the business. She wanted the real Veronica to suffer because the Mathew had chosen her over the lover. But then decided to get rid of the real Veronica because she had figured it out, and had threatened to get the cops involved. At this point I had broken the ropes on my wrist and was buying my time before I could make my move. I had my moment when she turned to the real Veronica, probably to finisher the poor girl off.”

Nick stared into the fire with a serious look on his face. “We wrestled for my gun, which she had taken from me while I was out. It had all happened in a second. One moment I was struggling with her, the next she was laying limp in my arms-I never even heard the gun go off. Blood was pouring out of her chest. Somehow she had shot herself in the struggle. I radioed for backup and an ambulance as I tried to stop the bleeding. Even though she tried to kill me, I didn’t want ‘er dead.”

Nick took a breath of his cigarette as we all waited for the conclusion.

“By the time second responders got there she was dead. Coroner said her lungs had filled up with blood and that she had drowned in it. The real Veronica had been rushed to the hospital and would make a full recovery-but she’d be bound to a wheelchair the rest of her life. I gave my statement to one of the cops that had responded to the call. A hardened cop with over thirty years on the force. Boy, did I get a tongue lashing,” He said with a grin. “That case had opened my eyes. Never ignore your gut.”

The group was still for a moment, the sounds of the crackling fire filled in the gaps of silence.

Hancock let out a laugh, “Valentine the rookie.” He shook his head, “You really were green back then.”

Nick smiled and threw his cigarette butt into the fire, “that case helped shaped me into the detective I am today,” he said fixing his hat. “Also reminded me real life ain’t the movies.”

I leaned back against the tree with a smile on my face. I always loved hearing old cop stories. My father used to tell my brothers and me his all the time. It left me with a warm feeling in my stomach. Glancing over at Danse I just briefly caught him smirking before he noticed me and covered it with a frown.

Snickering I turned back to the group, “Alright, whose next?”

* * *

 “-and then all the trees turned purple and the ground became a liquified goo and bubbled all around me. Last time I mix Buffjet and Daddy-o. Most fucked up trip of my life, but worth it all the same.” Hancock said with a smile as he leaned back contented.

His story earned him a shower of gumdrops, courtesy of Piper and myself, and a boo from Mac, “come on Hancock. We wanted a story, not your latest drug trip!”

Danse have Hancock a dark glare, and I knew he had been about to say something that would cause an argument. So I shoved a cola into Danse’s hand. He blinked then slowly took a sip glaring off towards the settlement. I smiled and turned back to the group. “I got one,” I said placing my empty bottle down. “It’s of the time when my brother, Nate and I all got into a prank war.”

Preston snickered while grabbing some potato crisps, “This I gotta hear.”

Piper laughed, “I bet it ends with Blue doing something stupid.”

“Hey! You wanna hear the story or not?” When no one said anything I continued, “It all started out when my brothers were bragging about how all three of them were these ‘master pranksters.’ And they really were. So, naturally, Nate challenged them. Thinking Nate didn’t stand a chance on his own I took his side. For a month we had gone back and forth. Nate had snuck into each of their apartments and put helium balloons in their toilets so when they opened the lid a balloon would float out and scare the living daylights outta them. In retaliation, one of my brothers, Lionel, had hid a long distance walkie talkie in our house. Now, Nate had been very superstitious and believed in ghosts. So, for a week, he thought our house was very haunted.”

Hancock and Mac both burst out laughing while Sturges shook his head. Danse shook his head but gave me a small grin. I heard Preston chuckle before he said, “So how did you retaliate Em?”

My smile only grew, “Well, after seventeen years or so growing up and enduring my older brothers pranks I learned a thing or two. It wasn’t a bright idea to prank them as one group, so I opted to hit them individually so they were left waiting for their turn,” I smiled “I went after my eldest brother first- he was only older than the other two by ten minutes. Lawrence had always been a heavy partier; out all night sometimes. Now, Lawrence’s apartment had been on the fifth floor. Apartments were ah…were like one building community where each person had their own living space. It’s kind of like a settlement, but only for people to live in.” I explained when I realized a few of them looked lost. Nick gave a chuckle at my explanation.

“Anyway, so in his apartment complex there was another apartment on the first floor that had exactly the same layout as Lawrence’s and it was empty. So one night while he was out at a party, Nate, myself and one a Nate’s army friends had moved all of my brother’s belongings down to the first floor apartment and arranged it to look like my brothers. Later, we picked up my very intoxicated brother from the party and brought him into his very fake apartment. We laid him on the couch so it would be easier to get to him the next morning,” I laughed slightly, remembering the next part with perfect clarity. “So morning arrives and I go to his apartment to wake him-and being the naturally talented actor I am, acted as though there was an emergency while doing so. He wakes up confused and that’s when Nate and his friend barge into the house, pick him up and throw him out the window. He screamed for his life thinking he would be falling fifty feet but only landed in the bushes outside the window. His face had been priceless when he realized what happened.” I could still picture his beat red face. “Oh he was sooo angry, took a while for him to laugh about it.“

Glancing up at Danse he was chuckling slightly while Nick gave a snicker while Hancock , Mac and Piper howled with laughter. “Oh, that’s a good one!” Mac said between breaths.

“Who knew Sunshine could throw a good prank.” Hancock added.

“That could have ended badly,” Preston said pulling a face. “He could have been seriously injured.”

Sturges slapped a hand on his back, “Relax there Preston, it’s all in good fun.” He said with a huge grin on his face. “Alright little lady, whatcha do next?”

I tapped at my chin, “Well for Lance, he had this older car, and I mean an old classic model, not sold anywhere. For this one I enlisted my father’s help-after a few days of convincing. The two of us, one night, took his car apart and rebuilt it on the roof of the school he worked at. So the next morning he went into full on panic mode because he thought his car was stolen. Called our dad to get his cop buddies to put of a APB for it. He wanted to look for it himself, but had to go to work, and in order for him to go to work, he needed a car-which he didn’t have. He called me up for a ride and I was more than willing. When we got there his jaw, had quite literally fell to the floor,” I finished grinning from ear to ear at the memory. “It’s was a classic prank back in the day, but very effective and hard to pull off if you didn’t know how to put a car back together.”

I had been watching Danse’s reaction through the corner of my vision. He seemed curious, which surprised me since I knew he hated pranks. He raised an eyebrow, “I wasn’t aware you knew how to deconstruct and reconstruct a prewar machine…er car.”

“Sure can!” Sturges said answering for me. “She’s even fixing one up as we speak. Got it in one o’ the workshops. You should see it; it’s a real beauty.”

Piper shook her head and blew smoke up into the air. “I can’t really say I understand what a greeting card is, but if every time I opened up something and it made a noise-I get annoyed pretty quickly,” She grinned. “Did they try and get you back?”

No, they never go the chance. My smile faded. “The bombs fell a week after that prank.”

I had expected pranks to be pulled for days; the occasional hair dye in the shampoo bottle; color changing toothpaste; Codsworth getting reprogramed on us. We had plans to have the whole family over that Saturday night-after Nate’s ceramony. Except that night never came.

Looking down my vision blurred. I pinched them shut and sucked in a breath. It was when I opened them I noticed Danse was staring. Briefly his eyes held concern as he started to reach out. He glanced down then bumped his knew against mine and gave me a small smile. Chuckling slightly I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and smiled.

That was when Hancock got to his feet, “How about we breathe some life into this party!” He beamed. “I know you prewar types like to dance, so how ‘bout it sister? Wanna swing?” He held his hand out to me.

I let out a laugh and took it, he pulled me up to my feet with one quick movement. “I think were gonna need some music though.” I clicked through the screens of my pipboy and soon music filled the small clearing.

Piper perked up and jumped to her feet. “I’ve never heard this on the radio before!”

Hancock gave me a twirl as I laughed, “That’s cause it’s not! I scavenged this mixed holotape a few weeks ago.”

Before I realized it everyone minus Nick and Danse had rose to join our off beat dancing. Piper had dragged both Macready and Preston up to join her, laughing at Mac’s awkward hip movements. When Hancock gave me another twirl I caught a glimpse of Danse. He was leaning back, but when he caught me staring he gave me a small smile.

Piper cut in after that and took over as my dance partner. The tempo of the song grew faster as did our movements. We both laughed as we tried to keep up. “Having fun, Blue?”

I gave her a toothy grin. “More fun than I’ve had in a long time,” I said twirling her. “Thank you Piper!”

She flashed me a sly grin, “I’d love to accept credit for this, but it wasn’t my idea.”

My dancing slowed, “Than whose? Nicks?”

“Nope, but I’ll give you a hint.” Her mischeviousness sparkled, “If you replace the ‘c’ in the word of what we’re doing right now with an ‘s’, you’ll get the name.”

I stopped, “Danse?”

“You got it!” She grinned as she grabbed my arms and started swinging them. “He was all awkward when he came to me about it. He thought you might like a get together of….of sorts so I went to Nick who knows prewar stuff and he thought of a bonfire. I had to drag Danse here, of course he was totally nervous about it though he probably wants people to think he hates the idea of a party. It was your Paladin’s idea after all, he should be here.”

“He’s not my Paladin!” I hissed, glancing over at Danse he was watching the settlement, his shoulders squared back. He looked like Nate when I used to drag him to my musical’s after parties; uncomfortable and out of place. “Sorry to cut our dance short Piper, but I-”

“Gotta go chat up Paladin Tin Can?”

I shot her a look but grinned, she smiled before she butt bumped Mac out of the way to dance with Preston. She blushed slightly when Preston tipped his hat at her. I shook my head with a smile before I walked over to Danse. “Mind if I sit here?”

He nodded and rubbed at his neck, “Affirmative.”

I sank into the seat next to him, the music filling the gaps of silence around us. “Sooo, having fun?” I asked after a few minutes.

He gave a shrug as he watched the others dance. “I’ve never been a party person.”

“I never would have guessed,” I drawled out rolling my eyes. “You pegged me as being the life of the party.”

He flashed me a mocked sour look, “Your sarcasm is noted and not appreciated.”

Laughing, I gave him a nudge, “Thank you Danse.” I said in all seriousness, “You have no idea how much I needed this.”

He looked at me staggered, then slowly his brows creased ever so slightly. “Who told you?”

“Who do you think?” I laughed motioning towards Piper with my thumb. “I’m glad she did though, so I can actually thank you.”

 “Looks like my friends can give pretty good advice, huh?”

Danse blew air out of his nose, “Hardly.” He crossed his arms. “They all bickered about it until the synth stepped in. The Ghoul’s idea had been to drug you. I put a stop to that ludicrous idea immediately.”  He said filling up his chest with air.

I rolled my eyes, I can only imagine how that conversation went down. “I don’t know, maybe Hancock had the right-“

He had a dark aurora of disapproval around him and I held my hands up in defense. “Kidding, kidding!” I laughed. Snickering at his look I scooted a little closer and watched the other dance.  Everyone seemed to be having fun, even Nick who was leaning against a tree, peacefully smoking his cigarette and watching everyone dance.

Taking a sip of my cola I let kept the drink in my mouth for a minute before I swallowed. I glanced up at Danse, this could be a time to get him more out of his shell, but would he go for the idea? I bit my lip before I said;

“So… wanna dance, Danse?” I said nudging him in the shoulder playfully.

He gave a huff before he shook his head. “Negative.” He said formally. “I don’t dance.”

“But it’s in your name.” I faked pouted.”

He rolled his eyes and adjusted his back against the tree. “Doesn’t mean anything.”

We sat together in compatible silence watching the others dance around the fire. Hancock’s moments slowed as he took out his jet. Danse have a scoff when he noticed. “Typical druggie, can’t go five minutes without his next hit.”

“To each their own I guess.” Hancock’s drug addiction never bothered me, so it hadn’t really mattered.

Danse muttered something I didn’t catch as he shook his head. “So you know how to fix cars?” He asked after a couple minutes. “There aren’t many who know how.”

I nodded my head, “I do, like Sturges said I’ve been working on one when I can. It wasn’t quite so uncommon back in the day.” I said leaning back on my hands. “It’s slow going. I can’t find a lot of the parts I need to fix the engine. A lot of the cars around here run on nuclear energy-so they kind of have the same wiring and tubbing as power armor. The one I’m working on isn’t like that, it runs on electricity so it uses different parts. I had to put it down for a while to work on some power armor suits, but next time I visit I plan on working on it again.”

“I thought you hated power armor.”

I eyed him dubiously. “I don’t hate them-I just don’t like using them. Way to clunky and I hated having my sight impaired when using the helmet.”  How Danse could effortlessly use one I would never know..”

He gave a nod, “so I take it you’ll be using that one to go down to the Glowing Sea then?”

It was the only one I had that I felt comfortable using. Though I wouldn’t use it if I didn’t have to. “Yeah, it’s all geared up and ready to go. I finished the routine maintenance right before the raider attack.” I had check everything, the gears pistons and winterized it to give it some protection for when we went into the Glowing Sea.

The Glowing Sea. I wondered why they called it that if it really was a Sea, or just a name. I wanted to ask Danse but refrained from asking. We were having a pleasant-non mission related conversation. It was nice and it was made even better since he hadn’t slipped into his rank. I didn’t want to ruin it-at least not now.

I could always ask him tomorrow.

** -Chapter Eleven- **

** -End- **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was late, I cant write during work anymore so its been a bit slow going. Lifes been busy and I also havent been feeling the greatest lately.
> 
> I really love everyone that has taken the time to review my story it means a lot and keeps me motivated! So thank you! I
> 
> I am still continuing this story, i only post chapters once a month and at the end of the month so look for it at the end of August for chapter 12! 
> 
> And thank once again thank you Death-Titan for your in disposable beta help! And for being patient with me! I swear I'll send chapter 12 soon! :D


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